by Michael | Nov 19, 2018 | Blog
Your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life. Indeed, it should be happy and care-free. But things do go wrong. How much will you let that fact play on your mind?
Suppose the car doesn’t come and collect you? What if you make a fool of yourself in front of all those people? Suppose the florist lets you down? What if something gets forgotten? Maybe the kitchens will have a fire. And so on ad infinitum …
It’s so difficult to avoid wedding day stress.
But can you be ready for it? Can you mitigate its effects?
One key step
You can make it far more bearable with good preparation. If you have organised things well in advance (or maybe you have employed a wedding planner to do this), then you should have no need to worry about last-minute details. You can actually enjoy the day.
Just to depress you, I’d like to point out that, of course, almost anything CAN go wrong. Your car may not collect you on time, it may break down, tremendous traffic – or weather – may hold you up. The venue may have a power cut …
And you know that’s merely the beginning of the list!
Attitude
You can fear the worst – or anticipate the best. Rather than become totally paranoid, accept that there are certain things you cannot legislate for – but that are highly unlikely to happen. There’s nothing whatever to be gained by spoiling the whole day by worrying about unforseeable events.
Preparation
That’s not to say that you should be casual or negligent. You are most likely to be safest, if you employ good professionals – whether caterers, celebrants, florists, photographers, event planners or others.
If you have to deliver a speech, there are things you can do to prevent this from becoming a ghastly experience. I really can’t do better than refer you to a couple of blogs I have written on this subject.
Checking
It’s worth checking with your suppliers a day or two in advance that everything you have stipulated is in hand and that they know when and where they are expected.
The venue should have a planner who will cover this, but if you have the chance to arrive early, make a visual check of the room(s) . Can you spot anything potentially dangerous, like trailing wires? Is anything missing? Is there enough of whatever you will need?
On the day
It is natural and almost goes without saying that you will be nervous. Whether bride, groom, parent, best man etc., you will have at least a moment in the spotlight as centre of attention. Chances are, you are unused to the limelight.
A bit of adrenalin won’t harm you. And you do know that everybody will be on your side, willing you on.
A good strategy
If you feel like you’re imploding, this may help. Practise this well in advance, just in case. and on the day this will be a great calming exercise: take a few moments out to sit and concentrate on your breathing. Aim to slow it down, but don’t breathe too deeply – after all, it’s not a great idea to pass out!
Simple as that!
A less good strategy
Alcohol is the answer to all problems. Well, no, it isn’t, although, for some, a small amount may settle a few nerves. Getting drunk (“to forget”) is a big mistake and may increase stress (often for other people too!).
Phobia
If, despite my suggestions, you fear that it will all prove too much for you, then I recommend EFT (or “tapping”), which can be remarkably effective in dealing with extreme cases. Isobel has many years of experience in helping to create confidence in any situation. Reach her at www.intherighthands.co.uk.
If you simply want a bit of reassurance and guidance, then please contact me. I take pride in putting people at their ease on their big day.
The best day of your life really can be just that.
by Michael | May 1, 2018 | Blog
If you decide to plan a wedding yourself, go into it with eyes wide open.
As with most things, you have to put in the work in order to ensure success. And it doesn’t make any real difference whichever end of the market you are aiming at.
If you’re willing to take advice and are prepared to work hard, then you can do it!
Here’s how you can get started.
Hiring professionals
You are likely to be hiring professionals, which could include all or some of the following: wedding planners, photographers, caterers, celebrants and florists. How do you know which to choose?
source: neliprahova.com
Don’t go with the first quote you receive, even if it seems reasonably-priced. Ask two or three suppliers. Better still, try and arrange a personal meeting. Skype or, at least, phoning are a good second best). That way you can ask questions directly and get a feel for the supplier’s personality and professionalism. If you take an instant dislike to your celebrant, say, you won’t want to work with them over the course of the year or so while the service is compiled. You certainly won’t be eager for them to conduct your actual ceremony!
Testimonials (especially first-hand) and web-sites can be very informative too.
Preparation
Obviously, don’t leave things till the last moment, but allow reasonable time. Success is in the planning.
To avoid disappointment, especially when looking at venues, get in as early as you can.
You need to be prepared (lists are good!) so that you do not spring last-minute surprises on your suppliers. Maybe you have specific dietary requirements for the caterer – don’t leave them till the day before!
You need to read Ts & Cs carefully and be sure of what you can expect from the supplier.
Venue
You will have to choose your venue carefully. Depending on budget and climate, the world is almost your oyster. You can save money by planning the wedding out of season or at an unusual venue (such as a beach or field). The time of day of the reception can also be significant for pricing.
Expenditure
If you are trying to reduce expenditure, take care not to stint on what really matters to you (be it clothing, the guest-list or whatever). You might be able to cut some corners elsewhere. It should go without saying, but don’t take unilateral decisions! Consult with your partner before you act!
Keep within budget!
Don’t forget to organise accommodation, both for yourself and for out-of-towners, if necessary.
If you leave yourself plenty of time (and make notes and ask questions), there’s no reason at all why your big day can’t go completely smoothly. As long as you have thought through what you want, your every desire can be fulfilled.
My gift to you
My “Wedding Countdown Checklist” details what needs to be done and by when. To receive it completely free of charge, please e-mail me at celebrant@vowsthatwow.co.uk.
Alternatively, for about £5 on Amazon, you can purchase my book “Your Wedding Guide” (https://amzn.to/2KaS6jv). You know, I can heartily recommend it!!
by Michael | Mar 12, 2018 | Blog
Wedding day stress is to be expected. Of course, it is. However much you may have prepared, you don’t know what might actually happen … Even if you’re using a wedding planner, you can’t quite be sure.
All you can do, when all is said and done, is to ensure you have prepared carefully. Have you covered most eventualities? If you have, the chances are that everything will go smoothly, and there’s no point you getting uptight.
If something does go wrong, there are people who will bust a gut to sort it out for you.
There’s certainly no point upsetting yourself (and others!) by worrying. It is supposed to be your big day, and you do want to enjoy it. Don’t let what might not even happen spoil it.
Be ready on the day
Assuming you have booked and confirmed your suppliers, there are only a limited number of jobs that need to be done on the day. Let’s assume the bride’s hair, nails, make-up and dressing are under control!
Bride
Final assumption: you will have done a rehearsal (or talked it through) and you (and your retinue) know what you have to do when you process in at the beginning of the ceremony.
Give your Maid of Honour a small emergency kit (needle and thread, paracetomol, cough sweet etc.) to look after.
If you are not staying at the venue, ensure you leave plenty of time to get there (even if you plan to arrive late!). (More on this subject presently.)
Groom
Apart from looking elegant, your sole duty, probably, is to bring the rings and hand them to your Best Man.
You need to arrive early – mainly to ensure (probably, in collaboration with your civil celebrant) that everything is ready for the ceremony, and (with the groom) for the reception.
I had booked a taxi a week before my wedding and reconfirmed the night before. It still never showed up, and I had to book another one with immediate effect. Because I had booked the original minicab for a rather ridiculous hour, it wasn’t an issue. However, that was stress I could have done without!
Best Man/Maid of Honour
Both need to arrive punctually for their respective functions.
The Maid of Honour normally has to reassure and organise the bride.
The Best Man may have the rings already, or may have to remember to get them! Once at the venue, he needs to check in with the venue’s wedding planner (if there is one). The groom may well be early too, and may need a smile and an arm round his shoulder. Of course, the groom may ask you for certain errands. Do them with good grace.
The civil celebrant (if used) should be arriving very early too, so he/she will check that everything is in place for the ceremony. You may be kept in the loop, or not. Likewise, with the reception arrangements.
Stress-free!
So the key to a successful ceremony is preparation, first of all. Then it’s usually a case of responding calmly and positively to a mishap.
Odds on, the mishap is not a disaster (although, I admit, one ceremony I conducted was rather interfered with by a [small] fire!). People rally round, and most of your guests accept that things do happen beyond our control.
So what seems awful to you, may be a passing inconvenience to your guests.
The good news is that the majority of mishaps are not even noticed. And actually, a mishap is the exception, certainly not the rule.
So, what are you worrying about?!
For more advice or suggestions, contact Michael.
by Michael | Mar 8, 2018 | Blog
Where do you begin, when planning your wedding?
If nothing else, consider these points:
- The budget
Obviously, this is the bottom line. You need to work together with anyone who is helping you here (probably your family?), and decide rationally what you will spend. It’s no good getting carried away with enthusiasm – you need self-discipline.
Big as the occasion may be, you do not want to bankrupt yourselves. And it’s worth pointing out that the amount spent does not guarantee the success of the marriage itself!
The event is (or should be) a ceremony; it should not be an attempt to show off how rich or extravagant you are. Should the reception mean more than the vows?
Good taste and sincerity are more important.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a few OTT touches (budget permitting), but these should be a bonus rather than what you are aiming at. There are probably certain elements that you will insist on, and it’s as well to discuss these at the outset, so that they aren’t overlooked later.
The budget will also dictate the ceremony, participants, reception and number of guests to invite, but that is something I cover elsewhere, notably in my book “Your Wedding Guide”.
- Date & location
Naturally, it will be more expensive to schedule your wedding at peak times (such as summer holidays, Christmas or around Valentine’s Day). You may want to avoid major events, such as World Cups and holiday season, when your potential guests may be otherwise engaged.
You’ll need to consider climate too, if you want an outdoor wedding. Or, at least, a Plan B.
The venue should, of course, be where you want it to be, but if it’s in an exotic location, your guests may have to go to a lot of expense and trouble to attend, so keep that in mind.
Make sure you visit the venue, ask questions and ensure that you really want to have your ceremony there.
- Other Suppliers
As soon as you have settled on your budget, start choosing other suppliers that you may need. Like the venue, which may want a year or more advance warning, you should allow plenty of time, in order to secure the supplier of your choice.
Among others, you will need to consider florists, caterers, musicians and, not least, celebrant. Where possible, you should meet with these first, so you can feel confident you have made the right choices. All that takes time, so allow for that.
- Choosing theme and colours
It’s easy to get excited and let your imagination run away with your wallet. Keep your budget in mind, use wedding books and planning guides and whatever resources are available to you.
Do not over-decorate. Make full use of flowers and candles.
Be creative with the colours. These may reflect the bride’s personality. Vivid colours (tastefully combined) can be most effective.
- Vows and music
The vows are one of the most important elements of a marriage. They should be well-planned – and audible. They are a public declaration of your mutual feelings, and should not be under-valued.
Equally, the music should be planned carefully and be clearly audible. Make sure you choose lyrics that you want your guests to hear!
Hopefully, the planning will be a team effort (maybe even the groom will be willing to participate!). If approached in the right way, it can be enjoyable and exciting, and the result will be so worthwhile.
For further advice, please contact Michael.
by Michael | Oct 2, 2017 | Blog
I’m sure I don’t need to point out that weddings these days can be extremely expensive! We can easily be talking £20,000 +. Cutting wedding costs sounds a wonderful idea, but how practical is it?
Of course, much depends on what your budget is. In addition to the sheer quantity of suppliers you may want to hire, be aware that some put their prices up as soon as they know it’s a wedding!
Are there any short cuts you can take (apart from, say, looking for a second-hand wedding dress on e-Bay?!)?
It’s not easy to be draconian. And you don’t want to spoil your wedding either for yourselves or for your guests.
Incidentally, cutting down on the guest list is a good way to cut costs!
Maybe you decide not to bother with a limo, but you do want to be sure of punctual and comfortable rides on the day.
Bargaining with suppliers is sometimes a possibility. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, here are some other suggestions.
Time of day
Even if you’re choosing the Dorchester or equivalent for your reception, you might be able to get a better deal, if you hold your ceremony at lunchtime, rather than in the evening.
Date
Another good way of saving money (not just with the venue) is to marry out of season. Suppliers want work year round, and they can be faced with yawning gaps between October and May. Therefore, they may look sympathetically at (or even spontaneously offer) a reduced rate. If you’re a good haggler, you may even manage to improve on these!
Note that reductions should not be expected at certain festivals, especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
Using flowers that are in season is another way to cut costs.
And consider weekdays (although that may have issues for employed guests). That’s normally cheaper.
Catering
There are ways of reducing this major cost. Although it would have to be well-organised, a buffet will be cheaper than a silver-service meal. Fewer staff are likely to be involved, so costs should be less.
You may well offer canapés and drinks. Prosecco is increasingly accepted in place of champagne, and this normally works out considerably cheaper.
You should provide a generous amount of wine and soft drinks to accompany the meal. Once that is over, I would suggest operating a cash bar. (It’s worth preparing guests for this when the invitation is sent out!)
Cup cakes, rather than a wedding cake, can be another acceptable way to save money.
Decor
Whether or not you have a theme, this is an important area. If you are holding a small affair, you may feel able to DIY. Be absolutely sure that you know what you’re doing, and get prepared well in advance!
Otherwise, discuss costs with your supplier at the outset, and ensure you are in control.
Entertainment
Of course, the scale and cost of this aspect will be down to you. It is worth getting referrals from people you know before you book anybody, and do ensure you understand their Ts & Cs.
Planners and Celebrants
If you decide to use a planner, it will obviously cost you more – but consider the peace of mind she will give you! Similarly, don’t cut corners with your celebrant. Ensure you see testimonials and speak to your supplier beforehand so that you have confidence in them on the day. You do want to feel at ease with the person who will marry you!
Your wedding is – or should be! – the most important day of your life. You want to get it right. Yes, you pay for what you get, but, as you can see, there are some ways to cut a few corners successfully, without compromising on quality.
