Weddings from Hell!

Mar 19, 2024
OCD bride

In my experience (10 years as a celebrant), I have been involved in a few weddings from hell. True, the vast majority of these events have been delightful, happy, beautiful occasions. But a few stick in the memory for entirely different reasons!

Sometimes, thoughtlessness or stress have been the main cause of bad behaviour, but not all cases deserve to be explained away so readily.

I was booked to conduct a mixed-faith wedding in a garden together with a priest ( a joint ceremony). When the groom’s mother realised that I was not a rabbi (I am a lay preacher), whereas the priest was ordained, she vetoed the arrangement. Of course, it had nothing to do with the fact that it was her estranged ex-husband who had booked me!

In another case, the mother of the bride seemed to take against me because I wasn’t expensive enough (and probably wouldn’t fit in with the class of people she wanted at the occasion).

A couple whose behaviour baffled me were having a big wedding in the Savoy. As is normal, they had chosen a Best Man, whose main job was to present the rings at the appropriate moment (when invited to do so by me). For whatever reason, although they had received and approved my script in advance, they neglected to tell me that they had made a last-minute change to the arrangement. So when I called up the gentleman to bring up the rings, nothing happened. Even though I repeeated my words, the couple remained silent, leaving me to pick up the pieces.

The only explanation I can think of is that the bride’s father had had such an input in arranging the ceremony that they must have left dealing with me to him. And he, presumably, didn’t think of informing me!

Then there was the (very wealthy and spoilt) Bridezilla. Mercifully, she was civil enough to me, but was dreadfully rude and demanding when it came to speaking to her intended. Suppliers, in front of whom she ranted readily, were highly embarrassed on his behalf! (He was lovely.)

Needless to say, Bridezilla showed a totally different side on the big day.!

To finish with two very unfortunate tales of – more than – rudeness.

In the first instance, the wedding didn’t actually take place, as, a week or so before the appointed day, the groom was caught in flagrante with another woman! (Makes you wonder why he was even meaning to marry in the first place.)

More tragic (in a different way) was the couple, seemingly very much in love, whom I married in a lovely, joyous event. I learned later that they had never gone on the booked honeymoon. Why not?

 It turns out that two ladies had (independently, apparently) made themselves known to the bride on her wedding day. (You couldn’t make this up!) . They warned her that the groom had been seeing them on alternate Wednesday nights for many years (an arrangement that had not stopped). Possibly worse than this, the poor bride discovered  spy cameras installed in her bedroom – and countless pornographic photos of intimate moments. Needless to say, the groom was arrested.

May I assure you that these are not typical examples of weddings I have been involved in! They are the exceptions over ten years of officiating, not the rule!

To talk about happy, successful weddings or other ceremonies, please have a word with me.