by Michael | Sep 26, 2017 | Blog
Attending your first wedding fair can be pretty daunting.
What do you want to find out? Who do you need to speak to? How are you going to avoid all those stall-holders vying for your attention? What are you expecting to get out of the visit?
National or local fair?
Each wedding fair is different. You may choose to go to a huge national event (such as the National Wedding Show), where everything is on a vast scale. It will be noisy, busy, pressurised and demanding; however, you can expect every sort of supplier there, so you may possibly be able to resolve all your concerns on the spot.
Alternatively, you can attend smaller wedding fairs. They are usually organised by a wedding planner or else by the venue, often a hotel licensed for weddings. Attendance will vary, but, unlike thousands for a national fair, hundreds – or just a hundred, or even fifty– visitors will typically pass through in the day.
There may – or may not – be a bridal fashion parade as part of the event. If you choose well, you may get offered a drink and canapés on the house, which is always nice. There’s normally a ‘goody bag’ too.
By the way, the same wedding fair will not be the same this time as it was last time around. Weather, different stall-holders, punters – anything – may affect the atmosphere.
A national show will offer a vast array of photographers, cake-makers, florists etc. to choose from; however, you can expect a (much smaller) choice of suppliers at the local wedding fairs. Sometimes, these are vetted by the host venue, but not necessarily.
At a national event, where they will be crowds, you may not be given the time to ask the questions you want addressed. (Of course, you can take a card and contact the supplier later.) At a local event, you should get the chance to have a reasonably undisturbed chat with the stall-holder.
How do I make the most of a fair?
Your expectations will depend on your reasons for attending a show. In other words, if you’ve just got engaged and this is your first fair, you’re probably looking for ideas only at this stage. A more seasoned visitor may be targeting certain suppliers, and can be pretty precise about what he/she needs to find out.
Either way, don’t be bamboozled, especially when you arrive. You may find that the room or rooms are large, animated, possibly with flashing lights etc. and music playing. The room is meant to be a feast for the senses – and the number and variety of stall-holders adds to it. Imagine a middle-eastern bazaar, and you’ll get the picture.
If you can come prepared (even with notes) as to what you want and need, you can make the most of the fair. Suppliers will try and entice you to stop at their stall (either by engaging you in conversation or by offering a freebie). Don’t do what some people do, which is refuse to make eye contact and sneak through without talking to anybody. You don’t know what you might be missing.
The supplier is not going to be nasty to you – or force you into parting with money. Moreover, you may learn something of potential significance to you. They are professionals, after all, and helping you is likely to be in their interests!
In my experience, people have rarely considered a civil celebrant like myself until we chat, and many will get excited about the unexpected extra dimension that is available to them.
Of course, you can come to a wedding fair to enjoy yourself – they’re usually a great show, with fabulous displays – but the best thing is to come with an open mind. Engage with the stall-holders. Have a cheery chat. Make notes or take photos, if you want to remember certain things. If you’re not interested, politely move on. You won’t upset the supplier: he/she does not expect every encounter to represent business!
The aftermath
You’ll receive a load of flyers and stuff in the goody bag. A good idea is to go through this when you get home (before you forget everything that was said to you!) and eliminate what you’re sure is irrelevant. (Do this at least before visiting your next fair!)
If there’s anything that stood out positively, don’t leave it long before contacting the supplier. They may get booked up, of course, but bear in mind that, as time goes by, you are likely to forget what attracted you in the first place.
So go to a fair in a positive mindset. Nobody will be expecting you to buy on the spot (although this may actually happen). Just go, enjoy, chat and listen. Have an open mind. You never know what pearls you may emerge with!
by Michael | Jan 3, 2017 | Blog
Let’s face it: who should have the final say about everything when planning a wedding? Is it the bride’s family, who may be bankrolling the affair? Or the professional (if you’re employing one), ie the wedding planner?
It pays to listen to advice – but it must be the bride who takes the ultimate decisions.
If that’s you, this is what you will need to consider.
Organisation
You must list what needs to be done – and by what time. You can buy a wedding book, or create one with a ring binder, say. Ensure you record names and contact details of suppliers.
You could do worse than download (forgive the plug!) my free “Wedding Countdown Checklist” (click here), and you’ll be well on the way.
Bridesmaids
You need to get on with this early in the process. Choose your maid (or matron) of honour; her main job will be to organise the bridesmaids and support you both emotionally and practically.
As for the bridesmaids themselves, you want people you can count on, so choose carefully.
Don’t forget you’ll later want to show your gratitude to them. It could be a gift presented at the reception or a lunch before the wedding.
Dress and Accessories
It’s also worth starting this process early (you ought to have placed your orders six or more months before the wedding). Your dress is the first priority. Then look for (if appropriate) veil, gloves, shoes, handbag, jewellery and undergarments. You may want to involve your maid of honour or a parent here.
You’ll need to decide on a hair and make-up stylist early. A good idea is to book a trial run a couple of months in advance of the wedding, as well as the ‘real thing’ on the day.
Other suppliers may book up quickly, so do your homework and act on your findings in good time.
You may want to have your engagement ring cleaned and even book a manicure.
Responsibility
Although, as I suggest, the final decisions will be down to you, there is no need to do everything yourself! Nor is there any sense in it, as burn-out would then be a real possibility.
So why not delegate (gently!)?
Your parents or in-laws may well appreciate being invited to participate. Drawing up the guest list is an obvious communal job. They might want to publish news of your engagement or your wedding in the newspaper. Maybe they can book a band for your reception.
Your bridesmaids may well enjoy being consulted about their dresses.
The groom can prove himself useful. (No, really!) Traditionally, he may take on buying the wedding rings, choosing the ushers and the best man (and their attire) and buying gifts for them. He may organise the registrars, the transport on the day, arrange to pay the celebrant and plan the honeymoon. So he needn’t get off that lightly!
In addition, at the start, you will surely visit the venue together. You may want to set the budget, discuss your ceremony, agree/write your vows, share thoughts on whom to invite and which gifts to put on the wedding list.
Your beloved may have contacts and might be able to help organise the catering, florist, photographer etc.
To sum up
The bottom line is: accept help and advice gracefully ; don’t try and do it all yourself; plan meticulously; be the final arbiter; and relish the whole process!
by Michael | Nov 1, 2016 | Blog
It’s never easy to predict the weather, especially in this country. So does it make any sense to opt for a winter wedding?
The idea of driving through floods and snowdrifts just to get to a wedding doesn’t appeal. Then the photographer wants everybody to assemble outside for half an hour (seemingly) in a freezing gale. It’s not most people’s idea of fun. So why not forget about a winter wedding and opt for another season?
Weather
Autumn appears reasonably reliable nowadays. Spring can be beautiful, but is very unpredictable. Early June seems to feature heavy downpours, so could be a dangerous choice. Summer – well, have the last few British summers been glorious? (I somehow don’t think I need to answer my question!)
So to choose a winter wedding is not as ridiculous as it first may appear. Although it’s likely to be colder, there’s a fair chance you’ll stumble upon a beautiful, fresh sunny day for your wedding. And our winters (at least, in London) seem to be getting milder by the year.
Finally, to look on the bright side of the weather, if you happen to get a proper white wedding, imagine what those photos will look like!
Availability
An advantage of winter weddings is that more of your invited guests are going to be free to attend. Of course, you can’t rule out the skiers and the odd ones who opt for the Antipodes at this time. However, a wedding during the summer holidays is inevitably going to clash with family holidays, and limit the take-up.
By booking out of season (avoiding Valentine’s Day), you are more likely to get the venue of your choice. If you haven’t booked a year or two in advance, your only hope for your ideal venue may to book for the winter.
You are certainly more likely to find a celebrant available out of season. That may well apply to other suppliers.
Price
If you opt for the winter and are canny, you may be able to negotiate a discount with the venue and some of your suppliers. They will be glad to get bookings at a quiet time.
If you want to save still more money, consider a morning wedding (although bear in mind that those coming from far afield might have to make a very early start).
Not all suppliers will offer reductions. A florist may have trouble sourcing the flowers you want out of season, so their prices could actually be higher.
You can always try a bit of bargaining, and you never know what pleasant surprises may be awaiting you!
So give some thought to breaking the mould a bit. A winter wedding is a gamble (but so is a summer one!), but it could really pay dividends.
by Michael | Oct 25, 2016 | Blog
Are same-sex ceremonies actually so different from heterosexual ones?
They share the same obstacles and challenges – and rewards.
You may relish the process of preparing for your big day – or you may struggle with it. With the right preparations – however you may be celebrating it – your big day should be a delight, bursting with love, benevolence and happiness.
Sure, there are a few differences of detail, but the principles are the same or similar.
So let’s talk about weddings.
Challenges
- There can be nothing more challenging than your family! If they oppose your marriage, you can be in deep water, especially if they try to pressurise you.
- Choosing and obtaining the right suppliers is important, but can be difficult.
- Sorting out the invitations and venue can also be an interesting task!
Solutions
Let’s take a look at these, and see how we can deal with them.
Family
It may be that your family refuse to accept or recognise your partner. If you are closely attached to your family (they may even be paying for your wedding!), you may not want to make waves.
However, it is not they who will be living with your partner, but you! The ceremony is about you, not them. The bottom line is that it is your wedding and your big day. It is unfair for them to impose their choices upon you. Especially, for such an important event.
Of course, you should invite them to meet and get to know your partner, preferably informally. If the charm offensive doesn’t work, then think about asking your officiant to have a word. If it’s a religious ceremony, and your priest is already well-known to the family, then he may well start from a position of respect and can help smooth over the problems.
The ceremony itself may prove a sticking-point. You may not be allowed a religious service in a church, say. However, all is not lost because a civil celebrant can conduct a religious service all the same. Or a part-religious one. Or, indeed, a non-religious one. And because a civil ceremony is not formally structured, you can have your choice of participants, as well as readings, rituals and music.
You may be able to explain to, or show, the disapproving relative(s) that the service will in fact be spiritual, memorable and delightful. Better still, you may be able to invite them to read something (even of their choice!) at the event. That way, you can show how much you value them.
Suppliers
There’s nothing out of the ordinary to be said here, as your sexual orientation shouldn’t enter into it. You are likely to need catering, photography, flowers, a celebrant, a cake, maybe a limousine, entertainment (a magician, a DJ, a photo-booth etc.). There have been some recent, notorious cases of suppliers refusing to serve same-sex couples, but you can only feel pity for such intolerant people. Move on. There are plenty of others who will serve you excellently.
You need to take your time and do your research. Recommendation, websites, personal visits are all better than taking pot luck with Google. I have more advice on this subject in a blog: https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/how-to-avoid-wedding-rip-offs/
Venue
I have also written on this topic (please see https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/the-venue-of-your-dreams/), but here too you need to get in early, do your research and ensure, if possible, that you visit. The visit will allow you to get a feel for the atmosphere of the place. Crucially, you’ll be able to ask the event co-ordinator questions.
The jury is out on this one, but it may be worth checking that the venue has no problems with gay ceremonies.
The guests
The guest-list and (potential) table-plan is almost always a sticky issue for any wedding. Your budget must be adhered to and, most importantly, you and your partner must be in harmony over this. Ideally, so will your families (especially if they are bankrolling the event!). You may need to be very diplomatic …
Conclusion
So, in general, a same-sex and a heterosexual ceremony will differ very little. The officiant will need to check with the couple about the terms he/she will be using. Will it be “bride and bride” or “groom and groom”, and will the couple at the end be announced as “Mr & Mr X” or “Mrs and Mrs Y”? The wording of some of the readings may have to be changed, but, otherwise, a same-sex ceremony is basically the same as a heterosexual one.
Absolutely nobody needs to be put off from arranging a same-sex ceremony!
by Michael | Oct 3, 2016 | Blog
Things do go wrong. Even at weddings. Even when you’ve done everything possible It’s just the nature of the thing. Everything may not run smoothly. S**t happens, as they say.
So what can you do about it?
When something goes wrong (through negligence), you may want to sue. I’m a civil celebrant, and not competent to comment in this area, so I’ll leave it to you to consult an expert, if you can’t resolve your issue amicably.
Of course, prevention is the best cure. If you start your planning early, and are diligent in your choices, you reduce the chances of catastrophe considerably.
The areas most likely to cause problems are:
Dresses; videos; photos; venues; flowers; rings; cars; make-up; catering; suits.
Suppliers
When choosing your suppliers, it pays to go by recommendation. However, this is not always available. You can look and see if there are complaints against your supplier. Search their name plus “complaints” on Google and see what comes up. It might be instructive.
Their fan page on Facebook may also tell you something. As may Twitter.
Otherwise, a meeting may help to reassure you (sometimes gut feelings are very helpful). Ask plenty of questions and watch out for any answers that don’t feel right.
Questions
When dealing with your suppliers, make sure you ask them:
- if they can guarantee delivery of your product on the desired day and time (or in a reasonable time-frame)
- if they can guarantee the product will be fit for its agreed use
- what back-up arrangements are there (and what are their terms for refunds?)
- what their full contact numbers are (e-mail, phone and emergency phone), especially for the big day
- what the payment and delivery terms actually are
It is wise to check terms and conditions before you pay the deposit. Go through these carefully (or get a well-disposed and intelligent friend to do this for you!).
Your Civil Celebrant
Although many UK Civil Celebrants may belong to an association that regulates their conduct (such as the Association of Independent Celebrants or the UK Society of Celebrants), there is currently no obligation to do so. In exceptional cases, they may not even have been trained (properly).
If you can’t get first-hand referrals or locate independent reviews, have a look at their website. There may be video evidence of their competence. Social media may help you get a picture of them. A face-to-face chat, a Skype conversation or, failing that, a phone call is a wonderful idea, because you will then get a feel for their personality. You need to trust your celebrant and have the sense that you will get on well with them.
As a civil celebrant, I believe in working professionally throughout (and with humour, when appropriate!).
Once I receive a deposit (usually £100) and your signed booking form, your date is secure and I start work shortly after. I always consult you, so that your needs are understood and met.
I aim to respond in reasonable time to enquiries etc., deal appropriately with any complaints – which I hope will never happen! – and work efficiently and effectively so that any ceremony I prepare meets (or exceeds) my client’s expectations. I aim to arrive on the day an hour before the scheduled start time, and promise to conduct any ceremony to the best of my ability.
Your side of the bargain
You have responsibilities to the supplier too.
- Make sure you pay your deposit and/or balance on time
- Respond to e-mails/calls in a timely manner
- Don’t leave it to the last minute to make demands or changes
- You have a share in ensuring that your relationship is a civil and pleasant one
If you are careful and start planning early, you can significantly reduce the risk of things going wrong – perhaps, not quite to zero, but very low. And you can also be pleased with yourself that you have done all that you can.
Good luck with it all!
