by Michael | Nov 25, 2014 | Blog
I’m not superstitious – touch wood.
Well, we’ve probably all heard that old chestnut – but there are a lot of intriguing wedding superstitions around, and I’d like to look at a few now.
Keeping bride and bridegroom apart
This custom goes back to the days of arranged marriages. The fear was that if the pair saw each other before the ceremony (which would often be the first time they met), they might have second thoughts and back out.
Nowadays, with fewer matchmakers around, it does seem to be less prevalent, although it certainly exists.
The bride’s veil
This originated in Ancient Rome, when a veil was considered necessary protection for the bride against potentially jealous evil spirits as she walked down the aisle.
Carrying the Bride over the Threshold
Originally a medieval superstition, it was believed that a bride was extremely vulnerable to evil spirits via the soles of her feet. By carrying her into their new home, the groom would ensure that the evil spirits had no access that way.
Something Old, New, Borrowed and Blue
These items loosely represent past, present and future. The “old” obviously symbolises the bride’s past; the “new” stands for the couple’s (happy) future. The “borrowed” item should come from someone who is happily married, so that the present good fortune rubs off on to the newly-weds. “Blue” represents fidelity and love.
Bells
Surprisingly, perhaps, the ringing of church bells is probably not of religious origin. It is considered to be another weapon to drive away evil spirits. And miniature bells are quite a common gift for newly-weds, especially in Ireland.
Source: www.steponitinc.com
Breaking Glass
I thought of this as merely a Jewish custom: the groom shatters a glass cup underfoot to symbolise that the new relationship will last for ever and is also a sobering reminder of the fall of the Jerusalem Temple. However, this action is also common in Italy, where the number of pieces of broken glass is said to represent the number of years the couple will spend together.
Crying
Crying on your wedding day is fine, as it is considered that you will get your lifetime’s crying over and done with at this one occasion.
Wedding Day
Unbeknown to many, English superstition has it that Saturday is the unluckiest day of the week to get married. Well, it can’t be too unlucky, as most people are still doing it!
Rain on your Wedding Day
Rain is considered to symbolise fertility. It’s also a blasted nuisance.
Watch who you Meet
It is supposedly bad luck to cross nuns, priests or funeral processions on the way to the ceremony; however, all will be well if you see a black cat, rainbow, policeman or frog (as one does). And chimney sweeps are good news too.
Well, whether you think there’s anything in these “old wives’ tales”, at least you can’t say you haven’t been warned.
Good luck!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Nov 11, 2014 | Blog
Many of us would consider marriage to be one of the most stressful things in life! So would you believe it, if I told you that, according to recent research, marriage may actually benefit your health?
[And that refers to men, as well as to women, by the way!]
A surprising fact
Studies have shown that people who are widowed, divorced/separated or unmarried are likely to die earlier than married people.
So why should this be?
Possible Explanations
There can be no single reason, and there may also be some very particular reasons – thus a rich couple may live longer simply because they are able to afford better health provision.
Wealth
Talking of wealth, you can justifiably claim that the acquisition of wealth may well entail great stress (depending on how you acquire it!), but the reverse is also true: if both of you are earning a reasonable income, you are likely to be more relaxed and at ease. After all, finances are a major cause of stress. There is evidence that suggests that married men are likely to earn 40% more money than single men and security is a great stress-reliever.
Employment
Job security is another factor – and the fact that you are married can indicate trustworthiness and security to your employer, which can improve your prospects – and put you ahead of otherwise comparable competition at a job interview.
Health and Safety
As far as health is concerned, being part of a committed married couple reduces your risk of contracing sexually-transmitted diseases.
Couples tend to watch out for each other’s health and can often identify potential problems before they become serious. They may also encourage (nag?!) the other to have a “minor” issue checked out.
Married couples also appear to be less likely to get involved in potentially violent disputes between others. Moreover, single/divorced women are far more likely to be victims of violence than married women. Likewise, unmarried men are also at greater risk of violent crime than married men.
Solitude and Intimacy
According to evidence that must surely be a little anecdotal (!), considerably more married couples engage in sex each week as opposed to single or cohabiting individuals. This has health benefits (not just because exercise is praiseworthy), as sex releases endorphins that improve mood and can reduce stress (and encourage more of the same).
Mental issues
Various studies indicate that married men or women are far less likely to commit suicide than their single counterparts, and the same goes for alcohol and illegal drugs. In fact, an international study has found that married people are likely to be significantly happier than unmarried ones. (I don’t know how they quantify happiness, but these studies appear to have been carried out scientifically.)
Conclusion
Of course, there are unsuccessful marriages (the divorce rate alone indicates that) and, as I have said, some of the so-called evidence seems hard to demonstrate as hard fact, but there is enough here to convince me that I am doing the right thing by helping people get married! There do seem to be some massive fringe benefits for my couples!
Michael Gordon can prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London, or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Sep 2, 2014 | Blog
Did you know the following six facts?
For centuries, marriage was considered a means for improving your wealth or status. A well-chosen marriage could preserve your power, gain you land and produce heirs for you. Love had nothing to do with it (until around the 17th century). In fact, love was often seen as an obstacle to an “advantageous” marriage. It only became at all common for people to marry for love from the late 18th century. That was because, after the Industrial Revolution, people could earn enough money to afford to go against their parents’ choice of spouse.
The first known marriages (as in documented events) date back to around 2,000 BC, in Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq).
Wearing a white dress on your wedding day only became popular in the West in the mid-1800s, after Queen Victoria wore white to marry Prince Albert. This tradition is not universal, however, as it is common for the bride to wear red in countries such as India and China, as that is considered to be a lucky colour.
Some 5,000 weddings a year take place in Gretna Green. This is a Scottish village, just over the border from England, which became popular for runaway weddings after a 1753 Act made marriage in England and Wales more regulated. Consequently, people started to go north, where the rules were much freer. Nowadays, Gretna Green is more of a romantic notion, but still highly popular.
The longest marriage on record is that between Daniel and Susan Bakeman, who were married in New York City in 1772, and stayed together over 91 years.
Apparently, more than a third of marriages these days begin online. Studies suggest that online couples tend to have longer, arguably happier, marriages.
Who’d have thought it?
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jul 22, 2014 | Blog
To be absolutely transparent: this article is really a mishmash of suggestions for the wedding day, rather than a “marriage miscellany”. I just couldn’t resist the alliteration – I hope you’ll forgive me!
Naturally, there are many factors that make up a successful wedding. As a civil celebrant, my specialism lies in the ceremony itself, but I get to see and experience other aspects too. So here are a few rather random – but no less valuable – thoughts that may help to make a difference to your big day.
The Bride’s appearance
As a middle-aged male, I don’t pretend to be an expert in this particular field. However, everybody seems to focus on the dress, make-up and hair. One area that tends to be overlooked is the skin. Without radiant skin, the cosmetics won’t be effective.
As for the dress, I’d only say that it should fit the occasion (ie stylish, if it’s a formal occasion).
Flowers
I would always advise hiring a professional. Go with their advice about seasonal displays. They will also look after the flowers – wilting flowers at a ceremony are so disappointing.
Photography
Whether you want the occasion recorded by video or still camera, you can save money by asking a friend to do the job. Just bear in mind that there are down sides to this. Firstly, your friend may well miss out on much of the celebrating and socialising. Then, if he is not a professional, he might stuff up, and there are no second chances at weddings! And, of course, if you don’t like his work, a long-standing friendship could be put at risk.
I think a professional is advisable, though a major added expense. Provided you choose wisely (and I have written several blogs about this – eg https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1468), the outlay will feel justified, once you see the results.
Celebrant
You need someone who knows what they are doing, that you can relate to and trust. Again, I have often written about choosing a good celebrant, but the importance of doing your homework can’t be overestimated. After all, you want the ceremony to be perfect. Some advice can be found at https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1572.
The Reception
Table plans can be the devil to draw up, but are actually very welcome for guests (unless you have a mischievous streak and some scores to settle!). A big do can be quite disorientating and a little direction will not go amiss. If you mix people up a bit (judiciously!), they can have a lovely time making new acquaintances.
Children
I have often written about children at weddings (eg https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1659) . If you invite them, make sure they are occupied as much as possible. If they can participate in the ceremony, so much the better. At the reception, give them their own table (in the same room), with appropriate food and activities.
A miscellany, maybe, but I hope this was helpful and gave you a few things to think about.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Sep 3, 2013 | Blog
I was just talking to a friend about her recent holiday. It turns out that she had gone on a cruise. While at sea, the captain performed a lovely vow renewal ceremony, for herself and her husband.
I had to forgive her for not using me to conduct the ceremony, as she didn’t realise I was a civil celebrant (how can that be?!!). And I don’t have the smart naval uniform, either.
I asked if there was any particular reason for the ceremony. It turns out that they were celebrating 13 years together, and renewing their vows “just seemed like a good idea at the time”. And why not?
So why bother renewing your vows?
- You may be, like my friend, in a secure relationship, and want to celebrate it publicly.
- Perhaps you want to celebrate an unorthodox number (such as a 13th anniversary), but it certainly makes sense to commemorate a significant milestone (ending in a 5 or 0).
- You may originally have eloped or had a small wedding, and would now like to share your delight with your friends/family.
- Maybe your wedding didn’t meet expectations for some reason (poor weather, an argument, disappointing service) and you want to make up for it.
- You’ve come through a rough time (infidelity, illness, financial difficulties) and want to affirm to the world that you are sticking by (and with) each other.
- You want to strengthen your relationship by a public reaffirmation.
What you won’t need
Because a vow renewal is not a wedding, you won’t have to worry about any of these:
- Rings
- Hen party/stag do
- Wedding list (no, come on, you don’t need any more presents!)
- Stuffy rituals (you can organise what you want, if you have a civil celebrant)
- Venue (you can do this almost anywhere)
- A reception (unless you choose to have one)
Organising a vow renewal is simple enough.All you have to do is fix a time, place and a date, invite some friends and choose an officiant – oh, and look forward to a wonderful, meaningful day!
