by Michael | Nov 29, 2016 | Blog
Why should anyone consider holding less traditional receptions?
Remember that, nowadays, you are free, if you wish, to book a celebrant who can create and conduct a bespoke wedding ceremony for you. It may still be traditional, or partially so, but you have the choice. And it’s your big day.
In the same way, you don’t have to follow tradition for the reception, if you prefer not to.
To repeat, it’s your big day. Even if someone else is financing the reception, you should be part of the organising. Your wedding should be your once-in-a-lifetime event (well, not if you’re Zsa Zsa Gabor or Elisabeth Taylor, I realise!).
You should have the guests you want, but, in order to keep them happy, you may have to re-organise the event a bit.
Flexibility
Bearing in mind, the age-range of your guests, some changes could work to your advantage.
There are certain things that normally go together, but don’t have to stay that way. You expect toasts and speeches to come with dinner, probably near the end. But do they have to?
The cake-cutting doesn’t need to come at the end of the night (when people are tired or may have already gone home).
Just a thought (or two)
What about this? As soon as your guests have come in from the ceremony, have the first dance then. People are full of love and joy, and may be particularly receptive to this.
You could follow this by tossing the bouquet (if not already done).
Why not have the toasts after each of these activities?
When you sit down, the bride’s father can deliver his speech. Welcoming everyone at the beginning is logical. Moreover, he may well be nervous. This way, he can get the speech out of the way early on, and actually enjoy his meal!
Having the groom’s and Best Man’s speeches after the main course, but before dessert, is wise. People are no longer ravenous (so may concentrate!), but probably not rolling drunk either. The cake-cutting can take place after the speeches. That way, all the necessities will have been covered while people are still in the mood for them.
If you are working with a photographer/videographer or, indeed, a wedding planner, discuss all this in advance. They will be fine with it, as long as you don’t spring it all on them at the last moment! (One consideration is that if the photographer doesn’t have to stay till the end, because the main activities have already taken place, he may cost you a little less.)
Once all these activities have been dealt with, you too can relax, as there won’t be a schedule to adhere to. You can just concentrate on dancing with your spouse and having a wonderful time!
Doesn’t that make sense?
by Michael | Nov 15, 2016 | Blog
A cautionary tale. It’s about a marriage that was not to be!
In September, I received an e-mail from Ukraine asking if I was available in January to celebrate a London wedding. They had a date, expected guest numbers and a start time – yet, no venue (something I immediately thought odd). Moreover, my correspondent claimed to be called Edward (although his address didn’t quite match this). Furthermore, even though the implication was that he was English-speaking, he clearly wasn’t.
The bride (called “Marry” – more than odd, I thought) was supposed to be his cousin and Edward claimed the couple were English. Anyway, Edward agreed my terms, so I e-mailed my contract for the couple to sign. This was returned with a printed “X” rather than any name. I sent it back and asked for an actual signature, but this was ignored.
I asked for the couple’s details, and I received some. I have not ascertained whether these were genuine. (The address was, as I happen to know, on Kiev’s main avenue. This was the equivalent of London’s Oxford Street, but I guess that people might just live there.)
I told Edward that the payment I received must be net of bank charges or commissions etc. He said he had an uncle over here, who would send me a Sterling cheque, so this would obviate that problem. Promise followed promise, but no cheque came.
Finally, after about a month had elapsed, another e-mail came through promising me a cheque for £1,850. (Rather more than I charge for a ceremony!) I wrote back at once, telling him I was expecting £300 only (for deposit plus a bit). However, the cheque for £1,850 arrived the next day, mailed from England. Edward e-mailed, saying there had been a mistake and the sum was for me AND the photographer. I should cash the cheque and, when it cleared, pay the photographer, whose details he would send me.
This might just have been plausible, but the cheque was a company one from BUPA (bona fide, I am sure), but signed with a stamp, not a hand-written name.
I suspected that the money had been taken illegally from BUPA. Presumably, the “photographer” I was to pay over £1200 to was actually Edward or an associate.
I shared my opinions with the police Fraud squad, and they told me to ignore all future communication with Edward, and they would share their findings with me in due course (in, at least a month, possibly). I had two dismayed e-mails from Edward, and then nothing since. (I have not heard from the Fraud squad, but am now sure that my suspicions were correct.)
A sad story, and I’m only relieved that things didn’t turn out worse than they did. I wasted time on, and was disappointed in, a potentially valuable order. But who knows what I might have found myself immersed in, had I cashed the cheque and paid the “photographer”!
by Michael | Jul 5, 2016 | Blog
It’s not unusual for couples to be entering a second marriage. As a celebrant, I delight in seeing more mature people so obviously in love and glowing with joy.
Being that bit older can often mean that the couple has freedom to choose how they want to mark their big occasion. They may be of independent means – and, of course, their parents may not have the influence on decisions that they once had – indeed, they may not even be around any more. So the couple can do it “their way”, and that’s brilliant!
However, a more challenging aspect may be how (or if) to involve any children that may be on the scene.
The children’s ages will be a deciding factor, as will personality, and personal choices.
If you want to involve them actively, I’d suggest any (or all) of the following – aimed primarily, but not exclusively, at teenage children:
- Involve them in the planning
Your children will probably appreciate being consulted and involved, particularly when it comes to the reception. They may have surprisingly good ideas about a children’s table, their menus, entertainment and music.
They might even emerge onto the dance floor at the reception, if a few of their favourite songs have been included.
- Involve them practically
More artistic children may be able to create décor either for the ceremony or for the reception (serviette folding, name cards, banners, etc.).
Musical ones – very musical children – may be able to sing or play something either at the ceremony or at the reception. (Just beware of being too self-indulgent : inviting little Johnny, who’s only had four hours’ lessons, to play Sibelius’s violin concerto is asking for a lot of restlessness among the guests [beyond the initial “aaah, bless”].)
Some may be able to read a text of some sort (although they may need instruction on reading in public).
Children may be part of the procession/recession, although again instruction from, say, the celebrant may be wise.
Do give each of the children a role, and, unless it is unavoidable, don’t leave anyone out.
- Invitations
If it fits in with your budget, maybe you can let your child invite a best friend. That way, they won’t feel isolated in an adult world, but can enjoy empathetic company.
- The Ceremony
Apart from processing, a child can be an usher (possibly, with a specific role, such as directing people to their places, or collecting and guarding the presents). A child can give away the mother, or can be the ring-bearer (but choose that child with care!).
Children can also be part of a ritual.
- Unity Rituals
Among possible rituals, one example is the Unity Candle ritual. Each child is provided with a taper and (health and safety permitting!) they all use these to light the Unity Candle together with the bride and groom. The symbolism is strong and affecting.
An alternative is for them to make vows to their new step-parents (who could reciprocate).
- Make the children feel special
Again, age will be a determinant, but an older child could propose a toast at the reception.
Dancing with the step-parents can be a lovely touch (but arrange this with both parties well in advance!).
Children can be a boon or a challenge at such an event. Make a positive out of their presence!
As the children (like it or not!) are joining a new family, it makes a lot of sense to include them wherever possible. If you start bonding with them in early days, that has got to make sense, hasn’t it?
by Michael | May 23, 2016 | Blog
The best that can usually be said about a death is that “it was a release” or “X had a wonderful death”. (One example of the latter in my experience was a nonagenarian who died on the beach in Tenerife by the side of his girl-friend!)
Be that as it may, a funeral is normally a time when you expect the family and friends to rally round. Mind you, as a civil celebrant, I’ve known some exceptions.
In one case, one sister decided not to forward my draft funeral to her brother (so that he would have no input)! In another instance, one brother simply vetoed whatever his siblings proposed. (We only got that funeral approved the afternoon before the ceremony!) And one son never even showed up to his mother’s funeral (as he had seen the will and knew he would be inheriting …!)
However, in the vast majority of cases, there is a sympathetic coming-together of folk. Sometimes people come from a very long way to show solidarity.
If it’s not to be a set religious ceremony, the closest kin of the deceased are normally invited to contribute to the planning of the service. The civil celebrant can explain what is required and offer guidance, especially as the family member(s) may be feeling very vulnerable and confused (although there is a wide range of emotions they may be experiencing).
A lot of people find discussing the eulogy surprisingly enjoyable. It’s certainly an outlet for releasing a few feelings, and not everything that is mentioned needs to be included in the final reckoning. However, trawling up those stories and memories can be very therapeutic.
The service itself is likely to be a difficult time for many people (and shows of emotion – or lack of it – can often take people by surprise). However, there is usually comfort to be found from being surrounded by sympathetic relatives and friends.
![DSCF0126[2]](https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/DSCF01262.jpg)
A reception (or even a wake) is common, and that can take various forms. It may just be some sandwiches and drinks (whether alcoholic or otherwise); however, there may be mementos of the deceased (often photo albums and the like). The deceased will be a good starting-point for conversation (so everybody has one thing in common, at least). Once the channels of communication are open, the reception can turn into a genuine social event.
Circumstances dictate that some deaths are far harder to accept than others, but those who attend a funeral often find that the whole occasion has been cathartic – and , in a way, even enjoyable.
So, much good frequently comes from what is a sad rite of passage.
by Michael | May 17, 2016 | Blog
I have to confess that April was a very quiet month for me. For whatever reason, I had to scratch around for celebrant work, and found myself twiddling my thumbs some of the time. Was I condemned to the simple life?
Mercifully, a switch was flipped this month. But iI didn’t just get a wedding and a funeral for one week, and a Vow Renewal and another funeral, say, for the next. No it all came at once!
Following a (long-planned) wedding last weekend, I had to conduct a funeral on Monday, and was given three days’ notice for another one (which isn’t long, believe me!).
At the same time, a couple from South Africa, coming to London in three weeks, were trying to arrange a Vow Renewal (to surprise the husband). Would I locate a venue urgently, please?
Now I’m turning into an Event Planner!
Just before all that, a Paris travel agent phoned me out of the “bleu” and asked me if I could lead a Vow Renewal for a couple from Quebec – next week! Despite the lack of time available to prepare, I agreed. But it didn’t turn out to be straightforward.
Somewhere between myself, the travel agent, his colleagues in Quebec and the end client, the wrong contact details were passed. I had no way of getting through directly to the client (especially at the weekend), and it was only when he and his wife arrived in London (on Monday evening) that we made contact.
So I had to work very fast to compile a ceremony of choice.
One reason why the client had not been keen to contact me directly was because he was ashamed of his spoken English!
It also turned out that the husband was planning to surprise his wife too, so I was only able to communicate with him by text. Eventually, we were ready (so I thought) for Wednesday’s ceremony.
On the day, he texted me: could I find a photographer for the ceremony? (Event Planner again!) Fortunately, I have quite a wide data-base of suppliers, and I was able to find a suitable professional who chanced to be free that afternoon.
One further complication was that, although the husband had said that his wife was bilingual and that he understood English well enough, it was clear during the ceremony that he was struggling with his English.
I felt I had no option but to try and translate the important bits into French as we went. Now I had to be a simultaneous translator!
So, all in all, a very interesting, exciting 10 days for me. Everything turned out well, thank goodness, and I’d love to do more of the same, in truth, despite the pressure.
I’ve seen how far I can be pushed and still emerge unscathed, that I can adapt and work well under pressure, and I’m very proud. However, there is also something to be said for the simple life!
