by Michael | Jun 16, 2015 | Blog
No two wedding ceremonies ought to be the same (hence, the existence of civil celebrants like me to advise and help create a unique personalised ceremony). Nor should receptions be the same – not for venue, food, entertainment or booze.
The drink side of things tends to be a bit of a worry to many people. I am not really going to focus on choice of wine/ beer etc., particularly as much may depend on budget and personal taste.
However, I do have a few suggestions, based on experience, that may prove helpful.
Source: www.telegraph.co.uk
How much?
As a general guide, I’d say that you should work on a couple of glasses per person of sparkling wine/champagne as an aperitif.
Assuming there’s a sit-down reception, go for half a bottle of wine per person. Of course, mineral water or soft drinks should also be available.
If it’s a morning or afternoon reception, you may find that people will consume less alcohol (and that may also prove to be a cheaper time to book the venue). Teas and coffees may become an option to consider additionally.
Restaurant
If you’re booking a restaurant as the venue, you may want to ensure they have more wine etc. in reserve. Just in case.
Bar
If you’re having a cash-bar at the venue, then quantity is not going to be such a problem.
Self-catering
Should you be holding the reception at your home, then it may be harder to judge the quantities. It is probably better to err on the side of generosity, although you won’t want masses left over. A good idea, therefore, is to buy from Majestic, as up to 10% can be returned – provided the bottle and labels are in good condition. (Be aware that if the bottle is put into a bucket of ice, the label will suffer.)
Choice of Wine
Don’t be pretentious. You want something that will be drinkable for the majority and that goes down easily. It doesn’t necessarily have to complement the food. Light whites and juicy reds would be ideal. After a heavy red, half the guests may drop off during the speeches!
You should be able to get very decent wines that meet your needs at Marks & Spencers or Waitrose for about £6 – £8 a bottle.
Cheers!
by Michael | Jun 9, 2015 | Blog
With times and trends moving so fast, it’s not always clear what wedding guests should and should not do nowadays. Here are a few rules to think about.
Invitations
Invitations may come by post or by e-mail these days, and it’s probably best to reply the same way. It is courtesy, to be frank, but it can also help the couple work out logistics, if all the replies come in the same form.
I don’t recommend giving an oral response (if you happen to meet the bride/groom out somewhere), as that can easily get overlooked.
It may be that only you are invited, but you have a plus-one. You may have to accept that the couple are limited for space/budget etc. And don’t assume your children are invited if they are not specifically mentioned. However, if you are engaged or married, then it’s fair enough to query it.
Social Media & photography
There will be differing views about photographing the wedding ceremony. (I have written on this subject before.) The first basic rule, in my view, is that unless you are actively encouraged by the couple (eg offering a hashtag to use on all wedding photos), don’t post anything. You certainly should not be posting before the couple themselves have done so.
There may well be a professional photographer present. He will have been paid specifically by the bride and groom to do a job, and it’s unfair if guests get in his way and even spoil shots for the couple.
Presents
There’s still a lot to be said about a John Lewis list or registry, for example. It makes perfect sense that the couple receive what they actually want – and not in multiple quantities. If the gifts on the list are too dear, then I’d say it’s acceptable to give a cheque or gift vouchers.
If you insist on giving an unasked-for present, then include the receipt so it can be changed, if necessary.
Dress
One thing that has become acceptable as a guest is to wear white to a wedding. But not all-white. Something with white in it is fine, but it’s really not the thing to steal the bride’s thunder. You can even wear black these days, but ensure it doesn’t look too funereal. (Jewellery and choice of shoes can lighten the effect.)
Ceremony and reception
Unless specifically stated otherwise, the invitation will be for the ceremony and reception (and not one or the other). You may not like church weddings, say, but that’s not an excuse to miss it. The couple will want you for the whole experience, so it would be rude to duck out. If it is important for the couple, it should be worth putting up with on your part.
Don’t think nobody will notice, either!
Participation
Whatever your views about wedding traditions, if the couple want to include some, respect this. It is their big day, after all, rather than yours. Excuse yourself quietly, if you really can’t stomach it.
Of course, if the wedding is civil celebrant-led, then don’t expect the orthodox, but have an open mind and enjoy!
There’s no reason why you can’t appreciate the wedding ceremony and reception as a guest. Most guests do so without the need to offend anybody. The key thing, whatever your feelings, is to remember whose day it really is.
by Michael | Jun 2, 2015 | Blog
In the majority of cases, the bride and her family are the driving force behind the wedding arrangements. In some cases, the groom is invited to share his opinion and, perhaps, rubber-stamp a few details. Many grooms prefer it that way too! But usually, the groom is a mere bystander, totally reliant on the ladies.
However, involving the groom in certain areas, as well as being psychologically tactful, can actually play to his strengths and bring real benefit.
I suggest that he can play a part in the following areas:
Source: www.polkadotbride.com
Clothing – this is a dangerous one, I confess, as a groom’s dress sense is not always impeccable, as my wife will tell anyone willing to listen. However, the groom should be allowed to choose what he (and the ushers) will wear (even if judicious guidance may possibly be volunteered!).
Drinks – probably safer ground here. The groom could be put in charge of the bar menu (as long as he doesn’t sample too enthusiastically – albeit in the interests of science, of course!).
Activities – the groom may have some useful input into activities that you might want to offer at the reception. It could be entertainers, magicians, photo-booths, or whatever.
Theme – you are presumably intending to spend the foreseeable future (and perhaps your whole life) with your partner. Why not see if you can’t work together and come up with a theme for the day? The groom may be surprisingly creative. (Or not.)
Music – this is a very important area at most weddings, both at the ceremony and at the reception. The groom is likely to have his thoughts and wishes about this, and should be part of the decision-making process.
Photography – the groom should be involved in planning discussions with the photographer/videographer. I’m not just talking about poses but also who is going to be snapped/filmed.
Transport – if you are splashing out on a special car to take you to and from the ceremony, perhaps it could be the car of the groom’s dreams?
Basics – Flowers, menus, decoration, dresses – all these are the domain of the bride’s side. However, I think the groom must have a say in the budget, the choice of venue, the guest list and the type of ceremony and celebrant. The areas mentioned above are up for discussion. Unless the groom really chooses to opt out altogether (surely not on the biggest day of his life?), he should be able to play a part in the big decisions. His opinion may not always coincide with the bride’s or her family’s, but it is his wedding too. That said, there may have to be some give and take and (polite) bargaining too!
Based on an idea by Mike Staff of Michigan Wedding Planning & Ideas.
by Michael | May 26, 2015 | Blog
Judging by the questions I get asked, a lot of people really don’t know what a handfasting is. I therefore hope it will be helpful if I say a few words about it. It forms a central part in pagan ceremonies, but is often chosen as a colourful “extra” in a traditional wedding.
It may be something you would like to consider.
History
Handfastings originated in Celtic times, but began as a marriage rite in the Middle Ages. When peasants married, they might have been unable to afford a clergyman’s fee to hear their vows or a ring to signify their love. The ritual of handfasting became a popular alternative.
A cord was wrapped round the wrists of the couple and left on them until their union was consummated. It would usually be kept afterwards as a tangible reminder and proof of their commitment and love.
This ceremony has, of course, given us the expression “tying the knot”.
Present-day Ceremony
Nowadays, the cord symbolises the pair’s mutual love. The way a handfasting can be slipped in to a traditional-type wedding is as follows, although this is only a suggestion, and it will be different for a full pagan ceremony.
- Walking down the aisle to be given away by the father
- Officiant welcome
- Address about the meaning of love (possibly from a religious slant, if that’s wanted)
- Optionally, the couple’s ‘story’
- Here, or after the Handfasting, or at both times, a song or a reading/poem
- Handfasting
- Possibly, a Unity Candle, Sand Ceremony or Chalice ritual
- Exchange of Rings/Vows
- Jumping the Broom (not actually pagan, but deriving from wedding ceremonies conducted by slaves in the American South), now used to symbolise sweeping in the new as the new home is created
- Concluding words
Thoughts
As a celebrant, my favourite handfasting was part-pagan, part-Jewish containing rituals from both sides. Of course, I explained the symbolism for those unfamiliar with the other’s practices, so everyone could understand, and this worked really well to create a warm atmosphere. For example, the bride walked round the groom seven times while the groom recited his wife’s virtues (Jewish tradition), before we did the pagan handfasting.
It was a totally unique occasion – absolutely perfect for the couple and – clearly – for the guests too.
It’s something your civil celebrant will be able to advise you about.
If you want to add extra sparkle and personality to your big day, you could do a lot worse than try a handfasting.
by Michael | May 19, 2015 | Blog
I don’t think you need me to tell you that weddings can be a bit of a drain on the pocket. You want to put on a good show and you’re probably prepared to go the extra mile. Mercifully, you can find ways to save money that won’t spoil the general effect. Here are six.
- Dresses: Expect that the wedding gown you buy will need alterations. Don’t necessarily buy your normal size, but ask to be measured according to the manufacturer’s specifications. Make sure you know what the alteration fees will be before you pay your deposit. If they’re excessive, you can always try seamstresses elsewhere.
- Venue hire: Be aware that venues may well offer discounts if your ceremony/reception is out of season. The low season tends to be winter (except round Christmas and Valentine’s Day). Weekday and morning ceremonies should come in cheaper too. Be prepared to negotiate a bit, as you might at least be able to get a longer booking slot on the day or extra desserts or maybe a special package. If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
- Mailings: When sending out invitations, use e-mails for save the dates, hen/stag parties, rehearsal dinners and the like. You can save on postage that way. You’ll need to send wedding invitations by post, though. To cut down on weight and size, try to include all the information you can about the ceremony and reception on the same invitation. Include postcards for the responses. This works just as well as cards and envelopes, but will save you a bit.
Source: www.thriftyfoods.com
- Dessert: If you’re serving a wedding cake, is there any need to offer a dessert too?
- Freebies: If you are providing little gadgets and so on, you may be able to get them much cheaper from a toy or novelty shop.
- Scaling down: Nobody will realise that you are not having personalised serviettes or even a colour theme – so, although these may be nice, don’t feel obliged to have them.
These tips will not slash your expenditure and finance your honeymoon to a tropical island. However, without interfering with the wonderful effect you want your wedding to offer, they will leave a little more money in your pocket than you might have been expecting. That’s always welcome, isn’t it?
by Michael | May 12, 2015 | Blog
Being on the other side of the fence at wedding fairs, I tend to note all sort of reactions from visitors. Of course, some are attending their very first show and are unsure what to expect; others may be attending for very specific purposes (it could be to see the venue or find a photographer, for example). I suppose some might be there for the freebies!
However, there is potentially a lot to take in and it can be a bit overpowering. I therefore offer a few tips that may help you get the most out of the experience.
Hints
- Arrive early. It tends to be less crowded then – and you are more likely to get freebies!
- Unless you’re focussed on finding just one particular supplier, such as a cake-maker, try and be methodical and cover all the aisles. You never know what you might otherwise miss.
- Don’t worry that stallholders will try and engage you. They won’t be offended if you’re not interested in their services; be curious, though. If you’re looking for ideas, they may have something to offer that you hadn’t expected. For example, quite a few people don’t know what a civil celebrant like myself offers, and are glad they stopped to chat.
- Make the experience as pleasant as possible. Do exchange smiles with others, even if you walk away with nothing from the stallholders. You may spend longer at the fair than you’re expecting; you may be on your feet a long time. You may also end up with quite a bit to carry (there are usually goody bags, in addition to flyers you may pick up along the way), so try not to encumber yourselves before you even arrive. Maybe avoid surplus clothing, depending on the weather outside. And do at least wear comfortable shoes. Bring some bottled water, so you don’t dehydrate.
- Be prepared to ask questions and to listen. This is an information-gathering exercise, so don’t feel inhibited. By all means, be prepared to make notes as you go through. You can also gain a useful snapshot of the enthusiasm and professionalism of your would-be supplier. You’re going to want to know you’ll feel a rapport with me, if I am to be creating your wedding ceremony and conducting it on the day!
- Collect cards and flyers from vendors. When you leave the show, you will probably feel overwhelmed and tired, and may not remember who told you what. This way you’ll be able to follow up with any supplier you want to. Incidentally, if you have a business card yourself (or prepare your own label), you can leave it with a supplier whom you want to contact you, and save time.
- There may be a fashion show. That can give you some good ideas, but if you’re already sorted with your dress, this might be a quiet and more relaxed time to visit the stalls instead.
- There will be things on sale you might not be expecting and opportunities to sign up with suppliers at special prices, so it may be as well to bring your wallet with you. And if you have a camera, you can take a snap to remind you at a later date what attracted you.
Meet the Celebrant!
My next wedding fair is on Sunday, 17th May at the prestigious Compleat Angler, Marlow. My book “Your Wedding Guide” will be available to purchase at my stand, and I’d be delighted to meet you and answer any questions you may have about conventional ceremonies or handfastings, say. (If you tell me you’ve come along as a result of this article, I’ll offer you 10% off any ceremony you may book with me!)
