It would be nice, if I could offer a brief, succinct, clear update on the current situation as regards weddings. As with so many rulings currently, it’s just not as simple as that!
Legal Ceremonies
A Court very recently decided that humanists should be able to conduct legal weddings. It was felt that they had suffered discrimination and should now be free to proceed – but the decision would remain in the hands of the government.
A Law Commission review is due to be published next month. Part of that review is considering whether civil celebrants, in addition to humanists, can be allowed to conduct legal weddings.
This may seem relatively insignificant, but the proposed change should be for the better in the long run and offer couples greater choice.
Legal Weddings
There is a certain amount of confusion regarding the new announcement that weddings at venues are now allowed, but that there can be no reception.
It must be made clear that weddings conducted by civil celebrants are not currently classed as “legal”.
However, that doesn’t prevent you from holding a celebrant wedding ceremony! This needs to be part of the reception or party after the (legal!) wedding. How practical is this, I wonder, especially as it is unclear whether this is law or guidance?
My feeling is that it is probably best to wait until after 15th August to hold a gathering. The limit of 30 will still apply, but a service can then be held in an open space. This is dependent on there being only two family bubbles present. The civil celebrant counts as one bubble, and so would a photographer, say!
Could we have a situation where a photographer records the celebrant conducting a wedding for a couple who aren’t even allowed to be there?!
What a strange world we’re living in at the moment!
Anyway, I hope I’ve cleared all that up for you now …!
There’s a lack of clarity, as I write, about how ceremonies can be marked. No more than 30 attendees seems clear. Social distancing, more or less so. Who knows if we will ever be able to get back to those pre-Coronavirus days? Maybe some of those weddings weren’t perfect, but they were unrestricted, and we’d give a lot to have that again!
As pubs have recently been allowed to re-open, maybe my readers are in the mood for happier thoughts! So perhaps you’ll allow me to reminisce about highlights of a few of the ‘old style’ events I have conducted.
The venue can make quite a difference, and the weather certainly does. When the two combine, the results can be spectacular! I was lucky enough to marry Jo and Jimmy at Oxon Hoath, on a beautiful hilltop location near Tonbridge (below). The couple had booked the place for themselves and guests had a free run of the lovely house and grounds. The sun shone gloriously and, although we were a bit hot, cold drinks were plentiful.
A truly joyous occasion.
Probably the most stunning location was Brett and Yana’s wedding in Cyprus. They took over a 5-star hotel overlooking the sea, and absolutely decked the terrace where the wedding would take place with flowers. Unforgettable!
One of my most wacky ceremonies was a mixed-faith wedding on an Iron Age fort (Old Sarum) overlooking Salisbury. Considering that January was one of the wettest on record, we got away with it very lightly! As for the service, we combined pagan and Jewish elements, and it was a really special day!
Finally – and I am doing an injustice to many others by omitting them! – imagine sitting in formal gardens of Hedsor House in warm sunshine. You are facing the house, which is above you on a hill (see below).
It gets to the part of the service when the rings are to be exchanged. All of a sudden, the celebrant gives Sam, the bride, a leather glove to put on. Sam holds her arm out – and along flies a barn owl carrying the rings!
Fortunately, Dusk, the owl, knows her role and is happy to carry it out – especially with the reward of a piece of chicken awaiting her!
Well, I hope you enjoyed travelling back with me to another era! Who knows whether such memories will be possible again, but I’m sure there’ll be many other great ones still to come.
To start the process of creating new ceremony memories, please have a chat with me.
Off-putting as it may be – with regulations changing almost by the day and often ambiguous – people have not been deterred from arranging life-cycle events.
Although some have cancelled their wedding, most have been rearranging them.
The Latest Changes
You will probably have noted that weddings are now permissible again (obviously, subject to social distancing etc.). However, this good news is diluted by other realities.
Apparently, there is a serious shortage of registrars, so this is causing further delays. A number of people are therefore turning to civil celebrants so that they can at least have the service. They then book the legal ceremony at the register office whenever that is possible.
Another cause of delay is the venues. These have to consider risk assessments and may need to make major structural changes.
Assuming all is COVID-secure, here (based on the government’s guidelines this week) are some things you need to bear in mind for your wedding (in no particular order):
Important Considerations
The conditions I’m about to mention currently seem to extend only to full religious or register office services. There is no clarity about celebrant-led ceremonies. Probably, the same rstrictions apply.
Services should be kept as short as possible.
Religions may need to adapt traditional practice (eg avoiding processions).
Numbers attending receptions should not exceed 30 people. Social distancing should be observed between different households.
There can be no food or drink during a service, unless required for solemnisation.
If rings are to be exchanged, hands should be washed before and after. Rings are to be handled by as few people as possible.
If an infant is involved, it should be held by its parent/guardian or household member.
Noise (singing, shouting, playing music etc.) should be kept to a minimum. Spoken responses likewise.
Avoid instruments that are blown into. If singing/chanting is required, only one person should do this. Recordings should be used, not communal singing.
So there is – cautious – progress!
If you’d like to discuss working with a civil celebrant, then I’d love to have a chat with you.
Things can move very quickly – it is fair to say that this has so far been an unprecedented year globally. However, since lockdown, speed of change seems to have slowed considerably. Some business owners – notably, in the food and drink and the leisure industries – must feel that change can’t come soon enough.
There is no longer any obligation to have direct cremation, although the option remains. So there is at least the opportunity for a ceremony and a degree of closure for families. However, social distancing restrictions mean families cannot attend, if they number more than 30. Those that do often can’t sit together or share a hug for consolation.
There is still the option, of course, for memorial services, scattering of ashes ceremonies, or celebration of life events later – but who knows when these will be permissible?!
Weddings
As of 22nd June, in Wales weddings may take place once more. That means that registrars will conduct ceremonies, with two witnesses present. However, no big celebrations will be allowed. So marriages and receptions will presumably be separate as well as small. (At least, there is the possibility of live-streaming to a wider audience.)
Currently, similar developments will be happening in England from 4th July, so there is a little light at the end of the tunnel.
The 30-people (plus social distancing) limit will apply. There will probably be restrictions on locations too.
The same will apply to namings and vow renewals (which don’t need registrars).
Well, let’s hope things can soon progress and that it will become easier to plan life-cycle events.
I’m happy to chat things over with you, if you are considering such a ceremony.
As an avowed dinosaur, I have greeted the sudden rise of Zoom and live-streaming in 2020 with apprehension. You see, I’m not great with change.
However, I accepted that there’s not much I can do about techy developments, so I decided to make the best of it. Rather to my surprise, I found myself getting used to Zoom. I grudgingly admit that it’s not as bad as all that!
Moreover, I am enabled to pursue my work, even if not quite in the way I would have chosen. That applies both to networking events and marketing. Zoom breakout rooms allow private conversations with other businesses. And it’s always good to be able to see who you are talking to.
Conversations with (potential or actual) clients are better for me face-to-face, but I can still get a feel for their personalities and character online. The experience is probably mutual.
A few of my recent funerals have been live-streamed. As the celebrant, I still address most of my remarks and readings to the (few people) that are with me in the chapel. However, I am careful to glance up at the camera and thereby include onlookers as best I can. I always point out that they are contributing to the event and thank them for their time and trouble.
I’ve also been parked next to a couple in their car, with the windows down, who were watching a funeral through live-streaming. They didn’t appear to feel very involved at first, although they clearly perked up at the eulogy.
My feeling is that it may lack the inclusivity and atmosphere of a regular funeral, but a live-streamed service is a very decent substitute.
A number of weddings are still taking place. Of course, numbers are strictly limited, but Zoom comes into its own here. It also enables people (for example, in far-off countries, or who are unwell) to be part of a celebration they would otherwise have missed. So it can be an absolute bonus.
Well, although I still have a long way to go, I am one dinosaur who has been ever so slightly converted to technology! Where will it end?!
