by Michael | Jun 18, 2014 | Blog
The Summer Solstice is almost upon us (depending when you read this!). It’s a fantastic time for handfastings. “For what?” I hear some of you say.
Allow me to elaborate.
If you don’t know, I shall assume that you are not a Druid or pagan, and if you are, please understand that I am writing this for the uninitiated. There are, however, different kinds of handfastings, so there’s no single answer to the question.
Example of a handfasting
Remember when Kate and Prince William got married? Although it was a religious C of E ceremony, there was an element of handfasting in there when the couple took each other’s hands, and they were covered by a ribbon.
It was a lovely simple ritual.
Now if you take that one step further and bind the two hands together, you have a handfasting.
Incidentally, this gives rise to the expression “tying the knot” and also “bonds of holy matrimony”.
Origins
This ceremony probably originated in Celtic times; however, it flourished in Europe until the mid 1700s. Up till then, few unions were sanctified in a religious building like a church. Rather, they were celebrated by a simple handfasting ceremony in which the two partners joined hands over the village anvil, in the fields or in the groves of trees. Today, we build upon this tradition.
The basics
The couple link and cross hands (normally right hand to right, and left to left) to form an infinity circle, symbolising the entirety of the universe as represented in their relationship. Then, with a cord or ribbon (or ribbons), the wrists are tied and knotted, in a lovers’ knot, to the accompaniment of a suitable text, to symbolise the joining together of the two people in lives and spirits.
The cords are then removed, normally by the couple – occasionally, with difficulty! – with the knots still in place. They will take the cord away with them and, ideally, it will remind them of their vows, should they hit a rocky patch.
Where does this happen?
Again, it depends, but many people prefer a quiet, open-air historic site that may be considered to be spiritual and preferably pagan – such as standing stones.
What about Stonehenge?
A civil celebrant, such as myself, can conduct a handfasting wedding or vow renewal in the Inner Circle at Stonehenge (normally around dawn or dusk), but this needs to be booked months in advance (and the Druids will have priority at the solstice). However, places like Avebury, Old Sarum or the Rollright Stones might do very well.
it’s a little late for this Summer, but do have a chat (020 8866 4326) and see if we can sort something very special out for you!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony (including a handfasting) in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jun 3, 2014 | Blog
Before I became a Civil Celebrant, I had assumed that a civil ceremony was pretty much stress-free. It was arranged well in advance, so everybody knew what they were doing.
Experience has taught me that this is not always the case!
No panic, then
As I write this, I am awaiting a call telling me whether or not I am going to be creating and conducting a wedding ceremony. That’s par for the course, you will say, especially as 400 guests are expected, so the clients are likely to be picky!
I was originally contacted about this occasion some six weeks ago. The couple then decided they would make their own arrangements and would not be using me. Fair enough. It’s going to happen occasionally.
Last weekend, they asked if I was still available. With a bit of juggling, I said I could do it.
A couple more days have elapsed with no word from them.
The point is that that ceremony will be taking place in under five days!
Writing a memorable, beautiful wedding ceremony does not happen overnight. It can surely not be left to the last minute!
Well, we’’ll see what, if anything, transpires. (Perhaps there will be an interesting follow-up blog to look forward to!)
But that mentality is evidently not just a one-off.
Another last-minute job
Last summer, the family was all ready to go off for a week’s holiday. It was a Friday morning. The suitcases were literally on the doorstep and we were making our way out when the phone rang. I wanted to ignore it, but my wife took it anyway.
Would I be available to lead a ring blessing on Saturday evening (in 8 days)?
I explained my circumstances – I was sorry, but I wouldn’t be in a position to compile something suitable from abroad. I always e-mail out drafts for clients’ approval before I conduct ceremonies, and I am passionate about delivering a professional service. I could make no guarantees in this case.
I therefore gave them contact details of another civil celebrant who might be free, and told them that I’d try and access my e-mails on holiday. If they were still desperate, they could e-mail me and I’d see what I could do on the day itself.
Off we went, and I was able to see my e-mails. Nothing of note. We got back on Friday evening and I immediately checked e-mails again. Not a word.
So the following morning I was free to go out. Returning at lunchtime, there was a message for me. Could I please call them – after 2 p.m.?
It turned out that they did still want my services – with the ceremony due to start in the small matter of five hours!
I guess I wouldn’t be writing this, if there hadn’t been a happy ending!
Suffice it to say that that short phone call gave me an idea of what was required. I couldn’t send the draft for approval (as it was to be a surprise for the wife, and their e-mail address was shared), and had to take pot luck and write what I judged would be suitable. Fortunately, they loved it and all was well!
The moral
Plan your civil ceremony well in advance and don’t rely on goodwill or chance! There might not always be a happy ending.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | May 13, 2014 | Blog
Love them or hate them, social media are here to stay.
Couples will have very varying opinions about whether they want their vows to go viral. The fact is that social media are the new “plus one” at weddings, and cannot be ignored.
An ‘old school’ opinion
I’m noted for being only a very slowly evolving dinosaur, but I can appreciate the attraction of seeing photos online the day after the wedding. However, I also feel that the occasion should not be diminished by hosts of smartphone-users raising arms every few moments. (It’s not so bad at the reception, but I’m less happy with it during the ceremony.)
I also consider that people should be taking in the whole atmosphere of an unique occasion – an occasion which is often the fruit of immense thought and planning. Their arms may be distracting or blocking the view of other guests. And if they are worrying about what picture to take next, is that really what they’ve come for?
Additionally, the couple are often paying a professional good money to record their special day. Guests have no right to spoil his pictures.
Rules
In my experience, most couples feel that there should be rules about social media. These rules vary, of course, but many believe that it should be the couple who are the first to post wedding photos on a social media site. A lot also feel that bridesmaids should not be allowed to upload photos of brides before the ceremony.
Whatever you decide, you need to inform your guests clearly.
A note (at the top!) in the Order of Service booklet is a good idea. (My more socially aware contacts tell me that you need to call it an “Unplugged Ceremony”.) Alternatively, the celebrant can announce this at the beginning, instead. Or, if you prefer, put up a sign at the entrance to the hall.
Note that children may also need to be “unplugged” for the half hour or so that the ceremony lasts!
Social Media Ideas
In certain cases, friends of the pair may create a hashtag handle for tweeting and photo-sharing. This also ensures that each wedding is distinctive. Useful, if you happen to be invited to a whole lot of weddings in one season.
A bride can nowadays designate a “Tweeter of Honour”, if she has too much to occupy herself with.
Instagrams can show natural, unforced moments. Nonetheless, it’s very rare that such photos beat the professional photographer’s shots.
Advantages of photo-sharing are that guests can contribute to a designated wedding album and, of course, those unable to attend, may be able to see photos or even live streams.
A Step Too Far?
So I accept that these changes are here, and need to be welcomed or confronted by every couple. They are a matter of opinion, with their share of “pros” and “cons”. I just hope that the day does not come when a wedding ceremony is stopped for the bride or groom to change their Facebook status to “married”!
by Michael | Apr 22, 2014 | Blog
In my profession of civil celebrant, I sometimes find myself in “marriage counsellor mode”. But rather than look at putting right what may have gone wrong after marriage, in this blog I look at ways to prevent wedding foul-ups.
Prepare thoroughly
It’s always a difficult path to tread: do you hire a wedding planner or do it yourself? This is a subject I have discussed in my blogs already, but it is something only you can decide on. If it’s a large wedding, there is so much that may be overlooked, so a wedding planner is an obvious choice.
Wedding planners don’t always turn out to be exorbitant and, in the long run, they may even save you money. What they certainly offer, which is invaluable, is peace of mind.
If you’re arranging it all yourself, you have to make a check-list of suppliers you will need. Next comes sourcing them – (first, vet and evaluate them, then be prepared to chase them up.) You need to make plenty of lists (well in advance) and be very careful not to miss anything out.
Be thorough in your research. Are there any local laws or regulations you need to know about – possibly, regarding the marriage licence or the venue’s requirements?
How are you going to organise the reception – and will there be that dreaded seating plan to draw up?
Keep your guests in the loop
Whom to invite is a potential minefield, but, if you have special requirements for your guests (eg theme, wedding list, dress code, unplugged wedding, arrangements for destination wedding, children not wanted, etc.), make sure these are clearly communicated.
Prepare participants
Ensure the best man (if you have one) has the ring(s) and knows what is required. If you have a reader or singer, will they know their cue? Do you need to warn any speech-makers about keeping it brief, and not offending others? Do bridesmaids and ushers know their roles?
On the day
Always allow more time than you need – for applying make-up or getting dressed calmly, traffic hold-ups, co-ordinating with photographers/videographers, or checking room arrangements with the venue.
Quite a lot to bear in mind, I accept. But if you proceed calmly and bear all the above in mind, there should every reason why your wedding day will be a resounding success!
by Michael | Apr 15, 2014 | Blog
Avid readers of my weddings blog may recall that I have referred to a book, originally dating from 1904 and recently republished by A & C Black, called “Don’ts for Weddings”. Times change, of course, and I pointed out some advice contained in this volume that appears, at the very least, quaint to our eyes – although it should be said that much remains sound advice even over a century later.
I invite you to sample a few more nuggets.
The Engaged Couple
“Don’t … talk of your wedding-day as if it were your execution.”
“Women are always jealous of the girls their sons marry; take care to disarm this.”
“Don’t tyrannise your fiancé. If you order him about and take his submission as your due, rest assured that one day the worm will surely turn.” [I would observe that the tyrannising (?) comes after marriage nowadays!] [I also like the assumption that it is the woman only who will do the dominating.]
“Don’t risk criticism by urging a hasty marriage if you are a lady. Let that come from your fiancé.”
Preparing for the Big Day
“Once the groom’s finances are secure, and the bride is willing to renounce freedom for bonds that should be blessed, you may proceed to the marriage.”
“Don’t permit the choice of bridesmaids to become a source of family friction… they may be neither attractive nor young.”
The Invitations
“Don’t neglect to invite any friend who has sent a present before the invitations are sent out.”
Wedding Presents
“… Mustard-pots and salt-cellars are monotonous.”
“Don’t offer silver if the bride will have only one servant. She will have to rub up her own brushes and sweetmeat dishes.”
I wonder whether you have any comments or thoughts about the Edwardian mindset when it comes to marriage? Your input would be very welcome.
Whether you’re looking for a life-cycle event that is old-fashioned or bang up-to-date, Michael will be delighted to create and conduct a personalised ceremony for you.
