by Michael | Feb 19, 2018 | Blog
Weddings aren’t always easy. There can be obstacles, some unexpected, others predictable. It’s how you face and overcome them that matters.
I started thinking like this when on holiday for a few days. We were delving well within the Arctic Circle. The Swedish village we stayed in (Karesuando) had a lovely church (pictured here). So the locals have a viable venue for a wedding (as long as they want a religious ceremony).
But when would be a good time and how would you organise the reception? The main thing to consider would surely be the weather. In February, the time of our visit, the temperature would typically descend to minus 15, and, of course, there was sure to be a metre or more of snow on the ground.
If you choose the summer, there is plenty of daylight. However, we learned that mosquitoes are a major problem. (I mean ‘major’ – apparently, you can’t go out without full netting.)
So when would be the best season for your big day?
There are an issue or two to surmount in Lapland.
Most people, who dwell in less severe climes, have other obstacles to overcome. (Not to overlook the fact that for an outdoor wedding in, say, the UK, the weather issue remains very much to the fore).
For some, the obstacles may be a matter of convenience: can the ceremony and reception be held at the same venue? For others, the primary concern will be balancing the budget. For others again, it may be a question of “Whom do we invite – and whom do we leave out?”
Of course, there’s no definitive answer to any of these, as each will depend on the couple and particular circumstances. I would advise devoting plenty of time, once the budget has been set, to the guest list. (I genuinely forgot to include an elderly aunt at my own wedding, and the fall-out was not insignificant!)
Then there’s the ceremony itself. Will it be conventional or, maybe, unique? Who is going to make the final decision here – the couple or the families?
Is it going to be church?
Is it going to be part-religious – so you can have a civil celebrant conducting a personalised ceremony for you, once the registrars have done the legal bit?
Or perhaps you’ll marry legally at a Register Office, and then hold the ceremony of your dreams in the venue of your dreams. To all intents and purposes, this will be your actual wedding. Again, your civil celebrant will be able to offer you ideas and guidance.
Usually, wedding obstacles are not insurmountable. Often, advice and compromise are sufficient. I’ve helped out quite a number of couples now with mixed-faith issues.
Can I help you too?
by Michael | Feb 6, 2018 | Blog
Of course, wedding mishaps never happen … And just who am I trying to kid?!
Whether a professional wedding planner is employed, or whether you’re doing it ‘in-house’, there is plenty of scope for disaster. You simply cannot legislate for everything. Especially children, animals or the weather.
You can prepare all you like, but the one thing you haven’t prepared for will probably occur.
Of course, the key is how to deal with the circumstance. And ignoring it, throwing a tantrum or blaming other people really won’t cut it. It’s calm, decisive action that saves the day.
Should you work with children or animals?
A few mishaps
In my five years officiating weddings and the like, I have, fortunately, not had to deal with situations that were too desperate.
Brain melt-down
At my first wedding, the groom totally forgot the rings! (Inexperienced as I was, I assumed that he would never forget the only thing he needed to bring with him!) When I jokingly asked him about it half an hour before the ceremony started, he went very pale! It was back to the hotel for him (nearby, luckily), and he returned before the bride even came in. (Just!)
Fire
There was a fire in the kitchen of a venue that delayed the start of the ceremony for three quarters of an hour. No point in panicking – there was a nearby (scenic) lake, so I started discussing with the venue planner whether we could move a few chairs across and hold the ceremony there (especially as the weather was beautiful).
As it happened, the fire was extinguished in time for us to return to the interior peacefully.
Last minute change
I did not expect any hitches when I rocked up to conduct a wedding at the Savoy Hotel (photo above) in front of 200 guests. We had had a successful rehearsal a few days previously, and there was a highly competent wedding planner in charge.
What could possibly go wrong?
Apart from a delayed start due to a number of late arrivals, all seemed to be going very smoothly. Except for one thing. Nobody thought to tell me that they had made a change that morning. Instead of Omar, who, according to my script, I was to call up to bring the rings, it was to be Cyrus.
Cyrus was an eight years old, and he came up just before the ceremony started to ask when he should bring up the rings. As he didn’t actually have the rings, and it was too late to ask anybody, I assumed that he had got the wrong end of the stick and I should continue with Plan A.
Of course, when I summoned Omar, nobody showed up. So I saw Cyrus and asked if he were the ring-bearer. Someone had indeed passed him the rings, and he was able to come up and strut his stuff. All was well.
There wasn’t much I could have done or could do about this, but, in the scheme of things, that was quite a minor mishap.
The pits
I suppose the worst mishap in my experience was something that didn’t happen.
I e-mailed the bride a few days before the wedding to check everything was OK. She replied saying that she assumed the groom had let me know, but the wedding was cancelled! (He had been unfaithful – what a thing to do …!)
The worst mishap that did befall me was at a funeral. But I’ll save that for another day, though! Sorry!
If you’re looking for a perfect faultless ceremony, do give me a call! I can’t guarantee that everything will go without a hitch, but I’ll do my level best to make sure there are no mishaps or they are sorted smoothly!
by Michael | Dec 19, 2017 | Blog
It’s my last blog post before Christmas (yipee!). I therefore want to take the opportunity to wish all my readers happy holidays. (I apologise for the American terminology, but it covers a lot of ground, as Chanukah is still going (just), whilst Christmas is a week away.)
So I hope you have a restful time, and that you enjoy family time (if that’s on the agenda). At the very least, I hope you find some television that you’ll love and consume a festive feast without too much of a hangover to follow!
On a personal level, this looks set to be the quietest Christmas we have ever known, as family politics means that we will be celebrating on our own this year. We’ll eat and drink well, and I’m sure we’ll find some entertainment (Scrabble or Yahtzee, perhaps?). I’m not too worried, although I usually get thrashed at Scrabble!
As I have no celebrations booked before January and I don’t expect many funerals to happen in Christmas week, I am forced to take some time off, and that’s not entirely unwelcome.
I can do a little planning for my business, of course, and I have some (paid) writing to finish, which will probably take me till the end of December, so I don’t risk getting bored. I even think I may get dragged out for some shopping in the next few days, although I can’t say I relish that…
I wonder if you’ve got rather more ambitious plans than me? It wouldn’t be very hard! But whatever you end up doing, I hope it’s a joyous time for you.
I certainly hope and pray that we all enjoy a happier year. There have been some horrible atrocities in 2017 in the UK and elsewhere. Let’s hope that a little tolerance and understanding spreads across our globe next year. Maybe we can all play a part in achieving that.
Anyway, whatever your religion (if you have one at all), may I simply wish you “happy holidays”.
by Michael | Dec 12, 2017 | Blog
With the snow coming down unseasonably hard in Harrow as I write, my thoughts turn to wedding weather. Not unreasonably, I suppose.
The weather can make such a difference …
So what arrangements can you make, if inclement weather looks like ruining your big day?
Clearly, it will make a difference whether your ceremony will be held outdoors, or not. The amount of warning you may have about dodgy weather may also play a part. If it’s a freak storm, you may be taken completely by surprise.
One wedding I took was meant to have begun at 5.30 (when it was very sunny and warm). Unfortunately, it couldn’t actually begin till 7.00 p.m., and the rain bucketed down. Nobody could have foreseen that.
All we could do was to borrow a parasol, so that at least the couple were protected!
Eventualities
If you’re using the garden of a private venue, say, there may be the possibility of going inside. The owners will appreciate maximum warning, of course, and there may be problems of space etc. Your guests will accept a little discomfort in the circumstances!
Should you (or, rather, the venue) be providing chairs, it may be possible to get the venue staff to dry them off just before everyone arrives (although that doesn’t solve the problem of continuous rain!).
If there isn’t that option, you simply have to grin and bear it. It will help a little bit, if your celebrant can add a bit of humour to the proceedings, but it may not be as fun as you would hope. However, with sufficient warning, you may be able to prepare umbrellas for your guests (and for the couple!). And once you’re wet, you’re wet …!
Maybe you know that it’s likely to be really muddy. Then you might want to warn people by e-mail (or even do so in the original invitation, especially if it’s a winter wedding). High heels may not be a great idea. A venue might be able to lay down some matting, or whatever, for the ceremony area.
If it’s freezing, unless you can lay on some hot water bottles, you will have to rely on people being sensible enough to come prepared.
For an outdoor winter wedding, it makes sense that, when you prepare the service with your celebrant, you aim at a reasonably brief ceremony. Another factor is that wind may make it very hard to hear what is going on. I did a Vow Renewal at Stonehenge last year. It was wonderful, but I was glad that it was a only a small ceremony, as the incessant wind presented real challenges to my vocal cords!
Good weather!
I ought to mention fine weather weddings (even in this country!). Especially if it’s a hot spell, organise shade, if you can – and water – for guests at outdoor weddings. Parasols may be a possibility.
Attitudes
Every wedding has its professional moaners, however beautiful and faultless it may be. Accept it! But realise that the vast majority of people will NOT blame you for the rain, snow, wind or sun, and will actually take Acts of God in their stride. Do what you can to mitigate stormy weather, and enjoy what you can.
At the very least, it may be a day that you and your guests never forget!
by Michael | Dec 5, 2017 | Blog
Planning to write your own wedding vows? You might be OK with the prospect, but most people doubt they can do it. Worse still, how about delivering the finished product?
It’s very challenging to compose something that will be read publicly. Even more so, if it’s you who will be delivering it.
Cheer up! There are tips you can follow that will help you.
One simple option is to hire a professional to do it for you. Peace of mind in an instant!
The “how”
A civil celebrant is used to public speaking. He conducts weddings, funerals, vow renewals and other ceremonies on a regular basis. Sometimes, the guests number fewer than 10; often, there are more than 100 of them. A good civil celebrant will deliver the texts clearly, beautifully and movingly.
In order to put together the text, the civil celebrant will work with the relevant person(s), normally starting with a home visit. Asking questions and listening intently, the celebrant will draw up a picture of the person being honoured. Once he has sufficient information, he will go away and create a special ceremony.
This will be e-mailed to the client, who can request changes (normally, up till 24 hours before the ceremony). Once the order of service is settled, the client will have seen the final version, and approved every word.
Vows
If vows are to be written, it is lovely if they reflect the couple’s personalities and beliefs. The best people to do that are the couple themselves, of course! However, a celebrant can suggest ideas, offer guidance, so the couple can write something unique. If needs be, he can even do the job for the couple.
Vows can be traditional or modern. They want to be sincere and achievable. They can be solemn, but also funny. Moreover, don’t think that they have to go on too long! Half a minute each may well be all it takes.
Presentation
There are various choices available to you, when delivering your vows.
You can memorise what you want to say. If you’re an experienced public speaker, you might choose this option. Otherwise, I don’t recommend it. You will have nerves to contend with, and, indeed, you may not project your words loudly and clearly. If you are not heard, that would be a huge shame.
Secondly, you can read your words. In that case, in order not to lose the sincerity of the moment, use a 3 x 5 card with bullet points. Try not to read from it too much, though, so your eyes can meet your beloved’s! (That means plenty of practice beforehand, so you know what you’re wanting to say!) There’s also the question of keeping and holding the card, which may be an issue, particularly for the bride!
Thirdly, the celebrant can read your vows, ending by asking if you agree, and all you have to do is to say “yes” or “I do” (hopefully!).
Finally, the celebrant can read phrases out which you each repeat. That way, the guests can hear the vows, even if you’re mumbling them. Moreover, you and your beloved can say the words to each other with eye contact, and that is surely the way to go.
For examples of vows, or help and advice, feel free to ask me. I can be found at 07931 538487 or at celebrant@vowsthatwow.co.uk
