by Michael | Jul 22, 2019 | Blog
Apparently, one
of the first concerns of a couple is when they can get married.
By that I mean what day of the week or season they can marry in this country. Not the legal age for marriage.
Full religious
And let’s leave full religious weddings out of the mix. Just to say that Christian weddings will usually not take place on Sundays or Jewish ones on Saturdays. They may be possible on certain festivals, and not on others. Better not to get into all that!
Suffice it to say that your best bet is to approach your minister individually!
Register Office
If you’re
solely marrying at a Register Office, you must make an appointment. The two of
you need to go down, along with two witnesses, for the ceremony. This will
normally be on a working day (except on a Bank Holiday).
By
arrangement, the registrars will come out to certain venues, provided certain
criteria are met and extra fees are paid. This will often include weekends.
Such weddings
have to take place between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Alternative Ceremonies
Any other ceremonies can be held at your discretion. If you are using a venue (such as a hotel, castle, stone circle), as long as you meet the venue’s conditions and you pay them (and any other suppliers, not least, the civil celebrant!), you have free choice.
You will
find that a public holiday will be a more expensive time for you, because staff
have to be paid extra. You may also find that certain holidays can cause
problems with guests. You could theoretically hold your wedding on Christmas
Day, but that would create a dilemma for many potential attendees, especially
families. It might also be difficult for venues to recruit staff then, or for
suppliers to come, as there would be no public transport. You might lose out
big time!
If booking
during the summer holidays, give guests plenty of notice (before they book
their holidays!).
Because
Summer is a popular time for weddings, prices can be higher than at
unfashionable times. Similarly, if you book your event for morning or
afternoon, you may be able to get your venue to budge on their price.
Avoid
Valentine’s Day too, if you want to cut costs.
Finally, returning
to the day of the wedding, Friday and, in particular, Saturday tend to be
dearest. Wednesdays, say, may be cheaper, but, if it was a destination wedding,
people would have to take a lot of time off work.
Summing up
There is considerable flexibility (if you do your homework). It is a fallacy that you have to marry at the weekend, although that remains the most popular time.
Take into consideration the issues mentioned above, but feel free to make your own decision. Your big day must be when you want it!
by Michael | Jul 15, 2019 | Blog
People often ask me if they can include something humorous in a ceremony. “What will people think?” they ask.
Of course,
the answer depends on what expectations and intentions they may have. What
effect are they looking for?
Initially, my response is “yes”. “Certainly”, if it’s a wedding and “with care”, if it’s a funeral.
The traditional response
How traditional do you want your ceremony to be? If that’s your chosen path, then don’t expect much hilarity from the full Church service.
I officiated at one (secular but traditional) high society wedding, where the family were very keen that all appearances were correct and that guests would have no grounds to find fault with any part of the service.
Actually, I wondered whether it would mean more to the guests to witness a moving, sincere ceremony, rather than a fabulous spectacle. And if it entertained a bit, thanks to a touch of humour, all the better!
An alternative approach
At my “usual” weddings, however, (often, part-religious or secular), there is scope for personalising the ceremony. Normally, I advocate including some “serious” elements but also a few lighter moments. The ring blessing and vows, say, could be earnest – but the vows might include some humorous promises (based on personal idiosyncrasies of one of the couple).
I like to put in the couple’s story, where possible. This frequently offers scope for humour.
Humour in funerals
As I have implied, humour is more likely to be expected – and accepted – at a celebratory event.
However, although funerals should offer the opportunity to grieve, I believe they should also be a celebration of life and therefore should not exclude well-placed and tasteful humour.
Ad-libbing requires great care. A funeral will almost never be the place to be controversial or crude.
The best place for humour is in the eulogy or personal tribute. If the deceased had a special saying, favourite joke or some unique characteristic, reference to that will be appreciated by most who knew them. I loved the lady, who would go ballistic whenever Philip Schofield appeared on TV. When I referred to this, everybody – especially, the family – recognised, appreciated and enjoyed it!
If that’s appropriate for the deceased, why not have it?!
There’s nothing – in theory – to stop you having a whale of a time at a funeral. Sometimes, everyone is encouraged to wear a particular football shirt, say, to mark the deceased’s passion. The tone of such a service is likely to be quite light!
I hope I’ve made it clear that the tone you desire for weddings or funerals is ultimately down to you. Discuss it with your celebrant, and you can have the ceremony that suits and keeps a smile on everybody’s face.
Photo: www.lyndseygoddard.com
by Michael | Jun 24, 2019 | Blog
Nobody
relishes being classed as a “bridezilla”, but there do seem to be a few around …!
As a civil celebrant of some seven years’ standing, I have experienced one or two in my time! However, I’m glad to say that they have been the exception, rather than the rule.
What is it?
A bridezilla
is basically somebody who is totally self-centred. They are only concerned with
their own aspirations and desires.
An example
I came across a fine one a few years ago.
I had received an enquiry about a wedding in Essex, which I was available to do. We needed a discovery conversation to see if we could work together.
The lady concerned chose a Skype call, and it was all set up. Unusually, she conducted it on her own. I wasn’t particularly enamoured of her, in truth, but brides are entitled to be demanding, and it looked like I would be able to offer what she wanted.
After a
while, I saw a man slinking around in the background, and I asked her if that
was her intended. Indeed, it was. So I asked her if she’d like to invite him to
be part of our conversation.
“Oh, no,” she responded, “He’ll do what I tell him. This is my wedding.”
I wasn’t impressed. Needless to say, there wasn’t any future in our collaboration!
A different example
One other
experience comes to mind. By contrast to the Essex wedding (if it ever took place!),
I was invited by the groom to come over to his office discuss how we might do the
wedding.
I seemingly ‘passed the interview’, as I was next invited to their home to meet the bride. Their home turned out to be in a close off London’s Bishop’s Avenue. (Some will now realise that we are talking serious money here.)
The groom was delightful; the bride rather unsmiling, although she was pleasant enough. It became clear that she had OCD tendencies! One thing that I did not expect was for her to record me reading aloud, and send the recording off to her parents for approval.
When I got the job, and I had written the final draft, I had to go over again for a rehearsal, where every detail was checked and refined. The bride was even more unsmiling this time!
I could understand that she wanted her society wedding to be perfect, but this was nothing compared with what I saw at the weekend of the wedding.
The day before, another rehearsal had been arranged, and we got through this, even though the bride was showing real signs of stress. She found fault with most things, and, when her groom was unwise enough to intervene in the interests of fairness, she turned on him quite viciously.
An hour or so before the ceremony, I was invited to their suite. The bride seemed to be at war with the world. Almost everybody was the recipient of her tongue (I got away with it quite lightly!), but the blame for everything was laid at the door of the groom.
She shouted at, and humiliated, him in front of make-up artists, florists, myself, and all and sundry. Certainly, had I been the groom, I would not have married her!
In the event, the day went smoothly and beautifully, and she was able to enjoy the event (and let others enjoy it too!).
Dealing with Bridezilla
Once again, I acknowledge that weddings are stressful for anybody. You want to make a great impression and have a fabulous day. You engage a team of people to collaborate, and depend on their skill and professionalism. Things can go wrong (although they may be resolved seamlessly), but don’t necessarily matter at all. (Except to a Bridezilla.)
I escaped the worst of the maelstrom by showing calmness and confidence. (Not to say I wasn’t nervous, though!) I didn’t interfere in what didn’t directly concern me, and had to let the bride blow her top as and when.
I do think it was a pity that the bridezilla probably spoiled the wedding for the groom (certainly, the run-up) by being so demanding and nasty. However, as far as I know, they are still married, so there is probably a happy ending to this story after all!
If you know
anybody who might like to work with a consummate professional for their big
ceremony, please send them my way. But think twice, if they’re a Bridezilla!
by Michael | Jun 3, 2019 | Blog
I am very grateful to my guest all the way from Australia, Bronte Price, who has contributed this very useful piece on planning your wedding. Enjoy!
Weddings are beautiful events; full of life, fun and frolic. Of course, you want only the best on your wedding day. There are a thousand other aspects that are part of a wedding, apart from just the dress or the food. A lot of strategic planning goes into having that picture-perfect image you have in mind. It becomes an arduous task without a stepwise guide and checklist. It’s easy to miss out on something in times like these, when a lot of tasks overlap with each other.
In today’s world, weddings can be a costly
and posh affair. Unlike what happened in the past, most weddings are brought
together by the couple getting married. They take help from celebrants and
event planners to plan their big day efficiently. Remember, with a wedding,
something as trivial as the flower girl or the entrées can make or break the
day.
It is wise to outsource specific tasks in
order to have some bandwidth left for crucial tasks that need your attention.
Additionally, having it, all planned out in advance will save you all the
stress that you don’t want to show on your face.
Here’s how to plan a wedding checklist to save you the
trouble.
1.
Sit down with your partner and
decide on your wedding priorities:
It could be the attire or the guests or
anything else for that matter. As soon as you engage in discussion with your
partner or with others close to you, you will get more ideas. You don’t want to
set the wrong priorities and regret them later. Check that your priorities are
in line with something that would matter to you in the long run. And now you
can move on your planning from this point.
2.
Having a wedding binder can be
a big help:
You can either choose to keep your notes
haphazardly or be wise and have them all in one place. There are several
binders that you can find online. These will help you organise things based on
the different tasks for the day. You can download them and print them later to
use these templates.
3.
Decide on your colour and a
possible theme:
You want your wedding to be memorable. You
want it to say things about you, your partner and the story you both share. A
wedding is an excellent occasion to tell the world about your creativity and
choices. You don’t want to go wrong here and regret it later. Decide on a
colour pallet, depending on your preference and the season that you are getting
married in. For example,
4.
Determine a comfortable budget:
It’s easy to plan the best possible things
for your wedding and go overboard. What is hard is to be able to pay for all of
that. Plan a strategic budget that allows you to have a decent wedding and not
go bankrupt after that. Once a budget is decided, you can choose to play around
how much you are willing to spend on what areas. You can also choose to
research online and find creative ways to save
money on your wedding while still having your dream-like wedding. It
will take some extra effort but will be absolutely worth it.
Most newlyweds complain that they go
overboard and deviate by about 45% after the actual wedding. This is why it’s
wise to have something in reserve and be mentally prepared for it.
5.
Assemble your team:
Nowadays, couples are taking complete
responsibility for planning their weddings. With the ease
of having a celebrant, it’s wise to outsource all the duties to an
expert in the field. You would still need to have a core team to help you with
the execution. Decide on your team based on your comfort level with them and
their expertise. It could be a family member, a colleague or a friend. See to
that, that they are happy to take up the task too.
6.
Start jotting down your guest
list:
This is a big task when it comes to most
weddings. Decide on a number, based on your budget and the kind of venue you
have in mind. There will be some guests that won’t turn up; be wise to
calculate accordingly. There will always be some guests that you will miss out
on inviting to your wedding. This might seem hard, but it is absolutely crucial
to provide the best to the ones you are inviting. You don’t want to invite all
the guests you have in mind and not be able to cater to them appropriately.
Understand that guests need to be attended and fed, which takes both effort and
resources.
7.
Pick a date:
You might want to get married on a date
that holds some sentimental value to you. See if it coincides with any other
popular wedding date. Check if you’re going to get married on a weekday or a
weekend.
8.
Book your venue & an
officiant:
Once your dates are finalised, do not delay
in booking your venue. Chances are, there are many others in line wanting to
get married on that day at the same place.
There can be fun ways of getting married.
Book an officiant of your choice, based on your religious beliefs. You can save
money by getting your family members or closest friends to perform your wedding,
but the quality of their performance will not be guaranteed.
There will be many other tasks that will
eventually need attention. However, they will all fall into place if they are
planned in advance.
Author Bio:
Bronte Price is Australia’s First Certified civil celebrant in Melbourne and the co-founder of The Equality Network that helps wedding suppliers create a better wedding experience for LGBTI couples. He is also a member of GLOBE (Gay and Lesbian Organization for Business and Enterprise) that empowers the LGBT community. His stand on ‘marriage equality’ and ‘love has no boundaries’ is unparalleled. Apart from that, he enjoys volunteering as a newsreader at Joy 94.9, spends time in his organic backyard vegetable garden and goes on walks with his fiancée Clint and their four-legged fur baby – Bingo.
Image: Robin Higgins, Pixabay
by Michael | May 1, 2019 | Blog
So you’ve decided to go with a civil celebrant. How are you going to choose yours?
Maybe it will be instinct. Or you’ll go by price – either the cheapest or, perhaps, the most expensive celebrant. Or you may look for ‘value for money’. Possibly, you’ve seen (or a friend has) the celebrant in action already.
Given
how important the occasion is – it’s a unique ceremony, after all – those are
not the safest guides to making the best choice, although they each have some
validity.
You
need to do some homework.
Other considerations
Firstly,
is the celebrant available on your
chosen day? (If not, would you consider moving the date, to accommodate him/her?)
Does
the celebrant belong to an association
or fellowship? That will normally mean that he/she is regulated by a code of
conduct, is fully insured and could come up with a substitute, if ill health or
infirmity strike. AOIC is one example of a reputable association.
What
about the celebrant’s attitude? Will
they listen to your concerns? Will they respect your ideas? Obviously, this is
something to get a feeling for when you have a preliminary conversation. A
celebrant is likely to have lots of experience, so their input is something
worth considering, but the thing to remember is that this is your do.
Does
the celebrant have access to suitable equipment?
As well as a computer, a reliable car might be important, as could the right
attire.
Experience is extremely
valuable. The experienced celebrant is likely to have evolved good listening
and writing skills, and be able to present beautifully. He is also liable to
react suitably, if something goes wrong.
Fees are very often the deciding factor. Do you really want to save money, but potentially come up with a disappointing celebrant? Paying more can buy better quality. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to employ somebody just because they are the most expensive!
You
can get an idea of value from testimonials, the time the celebrant is prepared
to spend with you and in composing, as you create your unique ceremony. Your
celebrant’s presentation skills will count for a lot too.
What sort of personality is desirable? This will depend on you. When you talk with your celebrant, you can decide whether they will fit the bill. Some will be extroverted and happily do an Elvis-style wedding. Others may flourish at less showy affairs.
What
is the celebrant’s reputation? If
you look at the testimonials or can get first-hand feedback, you should get
quite a good picture.
Most celebrants are willing to travel. I am not the only celebrant to have conducted ceremonies abroad. My fees obviously increase to reflect the time I am giving up. If I’m travelling within this country, I normally allow (excessive) time so that I arrive at a venue at least one hour (and sometimes more) before the ceremony start-time.
Conclusion
It
pays to speak to two or three celebrants before deciding. Be prepared to ask
plenty of questions. See how amenable and professional they may be, and whether
you feel a bond with them. Either meet them or speak to them on Whatsapp or
Skype (so you can see them face-to-face). Are they someone you would like to be
married by? Do they have a nice voice and presentation skills?
It’s
your special day. If you feel confident in the celebrant and you are keen to
work with them, you probably have the right team member. It may be worth paying
a little bit more to secure them.
It’s a one-off day. It’s worth choosing and investing wisely. If your chosen celebrant fulfils the considerations listed above, then the money question may become irrelevant.
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photo: www.lyndseygoddard.com
