by Michael | Jan 7, 2016 | Blog
Mature marriage is in no way rare these days, even if most people still tend to think of a wedding as a “young person’s thing”.
Why marry when older?
In many cases, people are choosing to put off their wedding longer so that they can enjoy themselves before being encumbered by a family. They may want to establish a business or career, and need to devote their time to this.
Some people believe they shouldn’t marry until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting. They may lack confidence.
Older people are returning to the marriage market for another go. They may be divorcees or widows/widowers.
Gay couples in a civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Should the ceremony be different?
A church wedding (if permitted) and, indeed, a register office ceremony, will be the same for an 18-year-old or for a 58-year-old. They are basically standard ceremonies.
If you’re looking for a bespoke ceremony, you will need a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony suggestions
By the nature of the thing, no two civil ceremonies are likely to be the same, so it is impossible to be prescriptive.
Nevertheless, when approached by more mature couples, I still have the preliminary chat and establish what elements (if any) they have in mind. I make suggestions and then, over time, send them drafts for them to approve.
The areas I am likely to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- There is no reason why older couples can’t enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice). They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but older pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the marriage.
A good celebrant ought be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can be whatever the couple want, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples. I like this anonymous passage (for very mature couples!), and I conclude with it:
“The question is asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped; their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.’
by Michael | Jan 5, 2016 | Blog
Maybe 2016 is the year that you are planning to marry? You want to make it an unforgettable year. You have so much excitement ahead of you. Choices, decisions and expenses are things you’ll have to wrestle with. You’re planning the biggest day of your lives – and that’s really pleasurable – but be aware that this often comes with pressure in its wake.
Pressures
- Your parents may be putting financial or psychological pressure (or both!) on you to have the ceremony that THEY want.
- You may underestimate the timings involved or the things that need to be considered and put in place – the stress can increase as the big day approaches.
- Your suppliers may be a disappointment.
- You may have serious problems selecting your guests without causing offence.
Solutions
There’s no easy answer to point four. All I can suggest is that you carefully calculate your budget and then, in consultation with your intended (it’s essential that you work as a team throughout), decide who needs to be there, as well as whom you want to be there!
In order to reduce stress, start planning early. Do ask me for my “Wedding Countdown Checklist“, which I’ll e-mail to you with my compliments.
If your parents are bankrolling the operation (or even if they’re not, but they’re putting their oar in regularly), don’t let them bulldoze you into doing what you don’t want to do or disapprove of. But you must be the best judge of how to handle them. However, it is your big day and your input deserves to be respected. If they won’t see that, maybe you can offer a compromise (eg “We don’t want a religious ceremony, but we’d be OK with a blessing, if that makes you happy.”).
Finally, you want to be sure of your suppliers.
Referrals are best (though other people’s tastes may not always be the same as yours!). Do have a look at suppliers’ websites and don’t be afraid actually to speak to them before deciding. This applies to most suppliers, such as photographers, florists, civil celebrants, etc.
For the venue, go along and also meet the events organiser. Bring a list of questions, and be sure that you see and love the room where you want to be married or blessed.
Arrange to sample some of your caterers’ output before committing yourself.
Unless you’re planning a full religious service (officiated by your priest), try and get to know your civil celebrant beforehand. You need to feel at ease with and confident in him/her.
Some stress is inevitable, I think, but there are ways of minimising its effects and I hope this advice will help you to have that great year. And that’s my wish for all my readers.
by Michael | Dec 30, 2015 | Blog
A morning wedding?!!
A lot of people assume that a wedding should take place in the afternoon or, possibly, evening.
That makes some sense. It gives people living at quite a distance from the venue a chance to leave home at a respectable hour and not arrive too drained. Then they have the option of staying locally overnight after the festivities.
“I’m Getting Married in the Morning!”
But supposing it wasn’t that way round? What if guests stayed overnight before a morning ceremony and so were nice and fresh for it? True, they would have to watch what they drank, if driving back later that day, but it would not be ridiculous.
Another great reason for having the event in the morning is that it is normally considerably cheaper.
As there will be less competition at that time, the venue hire ought to cost less and you can probably get pay-per-plate items for a lot less than you would later in the day.
And remember, cheaper doesn’t have to mean worse.
The Ceremony
You should have no trouble getting the registrars to do their bit for you in the morning, and the same should certainly apply for the civil celebrant. It won’t affect the cost, but it will work every bit as well.
The Reception
Food
If you’re offering brunch, that means you can have breakfast and lunch items, which can add variety (without costing too much). You can offer a Full English (with vegetarian alternatives), but also, possibly, steaks, even salads, and waffles or the like.
Drink
Some people may not want to drink alcohol in the morning, so teas, coffees, mineral water, lemonade and fruit juice should be on offer. However, some people will definitely want a celebratory alcoholic drink or two, and some champagne may well be appreciated.
Revelry
It may be a (late) morning reception, but you can still have music and dancing (and certainly speeches – if the latter can be included under the heading of ‘revelry’!). The entertainment may well be a little more subdued than you might expect at an evening gathering, but no less enjoyable for that!
There should also be a cake (people love the photo of the couple cutting the cake – and often enjoy the cake itself, of course!). Sweet stuff is sometimes less appreciated in the morning than later, but don’t be surprised if you won’t be taking much away afterwards in the doggy bag!
In conclusion
A brunch wedding can be as formal or informal as you like. That goes for the ceremony as well as the reception. For the festivities you can provide food stations, or a regular sit-down four-course meal. You can have fine china, table service, flowers, entertainment for kids, and so on.
The joy is that the choice is yours, and for what should be considerably less expense, a morning wedding can be every bit as memorable and enjoyable as an afternoon one.
by Michael | Dec 16, 2015 | Blog
Now you’ve decided to consider a vow renewal, how can you save money on it?
The good news about vow renewals is that they tend to be a lot cheaper than weddings! However, nobody wants to spend more than they need to, so here are some suggestions that can lighten the load.
Venue
If you opt for a building or place of worship, you’ll find you’re in competition with people looking for a wedding venue. That means that the need to book early – and prices – will reflect the demand. What about holding the ceremony in your garden? It will take some time and effort to clean it up and prepare it, and a little imagination and expense to decorate it, but it could work very well. (Remember to warn the neighbours, though!)
You might be able to hold your ceremony in a public place like a park – but you may still need permission from the landowner (and there may well be a charge).
Clothing
If you still have the clothes you were married in, why not wheel them out again? You may have changed shape a bit in the intervening years, so do try them on well beforehand. A tailor’s alterations may save you a lot compared to buying a new outfit.
If you do want to buy from new, you may be able to find suitable attire at a good price online, or wait for sales’ season.
There’s nothing to stop you from having a casual ‘do’, so you can use clothes already in your wardrobe.
You could always compromise by buying a couple of items – shoes for her, and a tie for him, say.
Photographer
I always advocate a professional photographer for a wedding, and the same applies for a vow renewal. However, you can often get a cheaper rate, if you find a photographer just starting out. You might be able to enquire from a nearby college whether there are any photography students that they could recommend for you.
You can advertise, of course, although this can add quite a bit to your costs. Craigslist is seen by many photographers.
Food
There’s much to be said for professional caterers, but they do add a lot on to the price. A sit-down meal is complex as well as dear, but, provided you have places to sit, a buffet will work really well. If preparing it yourself, you could ask family and friends to bring a dish. You might be able to buy from wholesale cash and carries, if you’re buying in bulk, and save money that way.
Note that fruit and vegetables that are in season are likely to be cheaper.
Final thought
I haven’t mentioned the civil celebrant, but their ceremonies usually cost a lot less than weddings.
Using this advice, you should be able to plan a lovely ceremony without too much work or expense. As you would with a wedding, make sure you and your partner are in agreement about all the arrangements!
Enjoy!
by Michael | Sep 15, 2015 | Blog
There’s always talk about the high divorce rate, but that doesn’t seem to put people off from contemplating a second marriage. Whether their first marriage had broken down irrevocably or had ended through death, a new life begins with a second marriage.
The Whole ‘Shebang’
For your second marriage, there is nothing to stop you from organising a large-scale affair (assuming you have the funds and will to do so). But you may feel that you’ve ‘done it all before’ and would like a more modest ‘do’, and that’s absolutely fine.
Depending on your circumstances and also choices, a full religious service may not be a practical option, so remember that a civil celebrant will be able to create a wonderful and moving ceremony for you (and it can be as religious, or not, as you want it to be).
Likewise, the venue and reception can – and should – reflect your wishes, as well as your budget.
Little problems
Many remarriages will bring children from the first marriage in tow. This may seem a tricky complication, but, although the age of the children is a factor to be considered, there are ways to turn this to your advantage.
It’s absolutely fine if the children remain on the periphery or keep a low profile. Whatever you choose has to be right.
However, if kids can be involved (positively!), this can enhance the ceremony for all concerned (including the guests).
Possible Solutions: before the big day
Children can be invited to a play a part in the planning and at the event itself. Beforehand, they might be asked for a few choices of music (maybe for the service, but, more likely, for the reception). They might be able to help prepare the table decorations for the reception.
Possible Solutions: the big day
An obvious way to involve children is by employing them as bridesmaids or ushers. They can also take part in the ceremony, either by giving their mum away or even (if trusted sufficiently!) by keeping the rings until the ring blessing.
They can also take part in various rituals. There could be brief mutual vows between themselves and the new step-parents; they could participate in ceremonies like sand-blending or Unity candle-lighting, which beautifully symbolise the coming together of two families.
Possible Solutions: the reception
There are various ways that the children can be made to feel special. They can usher people through to the reception. Older ones might propose a toast at the meal or even, in certain circumstances, deliver a very short speech (but this is fraught with potential dangers, and needs to be entered into with eyes wide open!). I advise looking at my blog about groom’s speeches, which contains some important counsel about speech-making in general.
They could have their own table (and possibly, own menu) and entertainment (glo-sticks, fancy dress, magician etc.)
They might even be invited to dance with their new step-parents, although this should not be insisted upon too much!
It certainly makes sense at every level to include the children. You can get your new life off to a great start by keeping them sweet.
Whether or not there are children to consider, whether or not you have already had a big wedding the first time around, make no mistake: your second marriage is a significant step and deserves to be commemorated in the way that meets your beliefs and wishes.
