by Michael | Jan 14, 2014 | Blog
If you’re not learning things in business every day, something is probably not right. I’m relatively new, so I am at risk of being engulfed! Be that as it may, I’d like to share some of my recent experiences here. Perhaps they may benefit some of my readers, even those with a far wiser head than mine. Even if they are not Independent Civil Celebrants like me!
The Wedding Fair
It was my pleasure to exhibit at the Middlesex & Bucks. Wedding Show at the Bull Hotel, Gerrards Cross on Sunday. The weather was quite welcoming (for much of the day, anyway!) and the venue certainly was. The atmosphere was lovely and the Show well-organised and well-attended. I think most people who came felt it was worthwhile and enjoyable.
I too enjoyed it and made some potentially valuable contacts both in the room and from passing couples.
So what did I learn?
Lessons
- The first thing is not to stay rooted behind your table. If you are not active in ‘grabbing’ people, then some will go past, and they might be the very people who would go love your service, if they only knew about it.
- Be pro-active. Greet the visitor cheerily. Initiating a conversation with strangers is not always easy (tell me about it!), but try things out. “Are you enjoying the show?” seemed a good ice-breaker for me, but two people just said, “Yes, thank you” and rushed on by, so I needed to try other approaches.
- I know these events are tiring, but don’t stay on your chair, especially when people are passing through. And texting hardly gives the right impression!
- Try and avoid leaving your stand untenanted (difficult for me, as I was on my own). A few possible clients came through when it was lunchtime, but several stalls were deserted. I picked up one potential client because I was prepared to stand up and abandon my delicious sandwich!
- Unless it’s really dead, stay to the bitter end. A lot of people were packing away fifteen minutes before the advertised end, but I gained an interested contact in the final five minutes.
- Get to know other businesses in the room. Apart from possible collaboration at a later date, you may be able to help each other. I was next to a flower arranger, who, generously lent me a couple of displays for my (very bare!) table. (In return, I’m looking to buy some product from her.) We now each have the other on our suppliers’ lists.
- If you build up a relationship with your neighbour, they may be able to direct you people you might otherwise miss. A photographer and neighbouring beauty expert regularly passed each other leads – “Oh, now you really must speak to X here.”
- Finally, but crucially, don’t forget to smile. Your goal is to attract people!
I have two more Wedding Fairs to look forward to in February: Harrow Arts Centre on 2nd February and Sir Christopher Wren Hotel, Windsor on 16th February. I intend to profit from the lessons learned. Maybe I’ll see you at one of these? If not, I’ll let you know how I get on!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made life-cycle civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Dec 16, 2013 | Blog
New legislation
It can hardly have escaped general awareness in the UK that single-sex weddings were last week given the go-ahead.
In case you somehow missed it, single-sex weddings in England and Wales will be legal as from 29th March 2014 – in time for the Easter rush in mid-April.
Nick Clegg, Deputy Prime Minister, described this as a “wonderful step forward for equality”, but not everyone was in agreement. The Coalition for Marrriage considered the news as “sad”.
The legislation was bitterly contested along the way, but it secured overwhelming support in both the Commons and the Lords.
Where can these weddings take place?
There are a few Church of England churches (notably, military chapels – though only from June 2014) permitted to host single-sex weddings, but the vast majority will not be allowed to. Registered venues, such as hotels and country houses, will be free to host these, as will Town Halls and registry offices.
Venues already registered for weddings will not need any additional registration process in order to perform same-sex weddings.
Positive reaction
The Secretary of State said: “Marriage is one of our most important institutions, and from March 29 2014 it will be open to everyone, irrespective of whether they fall in love with someone of the same sex or opposite sex.”
Nick Clegg commented: “This is the news many couples have been waiting for.
“After a long and important battle, this is a wonderful step forward for equality. Love is the same, gay or straight, so it’s only right that the civil institution should be the same.
“Next March will be a real moment for celebration as same sex couples finally get the chance to express their love through marriage.”
Benjamin Cohen, the publisher of PinkNews and founder of the Out4Marriage campaign said: “There are many gay couples who have been eagerly awaiting this news and will now be able to plan their wedding.
“The first marriages will, I hope, herald a new age of equality in our country, where all couples, regardless of their sexuality will be treated equally under the law, and eventually in society.”
Next Steps
Those looking to celebrate a single-sex wedding are welcome to contact a celebrant, who can ensure a bespoke, personalized, memorable service.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made life-cycle civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Nov 26, 2013 | Blog
A lot of people are surprised when I tell them that one of my remits is funeral celebrant. “Why would you want to do that?” is the most common reaction. Then they tend to ask “What is that, anyway?”
I’ll try to answer both those questions now, in reverse order.
What does a funeral celebrant do?
It may surprise you to learn that funeral and wedding celebrants have much in common. In both cases, after initial contact is made, there is likely to be a face-to-face visit.
When I am with clients (wedding or funeral), this first meeting is vital so that we can get to know each other and see if we feel we can work together.
The clients need to feel they can trust me, that I can answer their questions and make appropriate suggestions, and have their interests at heart. Our goal is to build a service or ceremony that suits their needs and desires. I want them to like me and to feel confident in my all-round professionalism.
I ask a lot of questions too. Partly, this is to determine the sort of service or ceremony I am to write and conduct and also the sort of readings, music, ‘choreography’, register, language and style desired. Should it be informal or formal, religious, part-religious or non-religious?
Questions also enable me to build up a picture of the person or persons the ceremony is focusing upon for any address I may make on the day.
Once taken on, I write a draft of the service, which can be amended by the client (possibly, several times). The idea is to ensure that it is memorable and unique.
Why would anyone want to be a funeral celebrant?
Obviously, dealing with bereaved people can be difficult. Each client is different, and I have to tailor my visit accordingly. Often, clients are confused and apprehensive, but I can quickly put their mind at rest by answering their questions and explaining the options they have. They have an opportunity to speak about the deceased, which they often enjoy.
Our meeting can be rewarding on both sides, and, hopefully, by the time I have left, we can be sure that we can work together to write a service that will honour the deceased, permit grieving, but also be a celebration of a life. It should also fit in with the beliefs of the deceased and, if possible, the family.
Choosing the readings and writing an eulogy are tasks that are challenging, but often very rewarding. Usually, the client is happy with the service I submit to them (there will be a few minor changes, of course), and every detail – who is reading what, who comes in with the coffin, what music is played when, etc. – is agreed beforehand.
Before the service, I introduce myself to as many of the mourners as possible (having checked with the authorities that all is set up). I take pride in my presentation skills, so conducting the funeral service is not as scary for me as people imagine! I take nothing for granted,though!
After the service, I often have clients and mourners come up and say that they actually ‘enjoyed’ the service and felt it did the bereaved justice, and that he/she would have wanted it like that.
Mission accomplished!
So, you see, there’s a lot about this work to love.
Michael can help plan your funeral service in your lifetime.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made life-cycle ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Aug 20, 2013 | Blog
A wedding planner can ensure peace of mind, doing everything for you (at a cost). You may, however, decide you’d rather not go down that route, so here are a few tips to bear in mind.
I’m going to confine myself to a civil celebrant-led ceremony, rather than discuss a prescribed church service or merely a registry office ceremony. If you want the full church works, then of course your priest will be able to give you all the advice you need. A registry office ceremony may well be brief but will be standardised and not personal.
First things first
Whatever you do, possibly even before you book your venue, you will need to formally give notice (together and in person) of marriage/civil partnership and book the registrar.
Registrar
An excellent plan, if you are having a civil ceremony, and wish to choose a venue that is not actually licensed for weddings, is to go down to the Registry Office (make an appointment first!) the morning or day before, in your ordinary clothes and with two witnesses. At that point you get legally married, but can then enjoy exactly the ceremony you want in the afternoon (free of anxiety). You can even sign a certificate (not legally binding) for that photo-opportunity for your guests!
However, if you are marrying in licensed premises, a registrar will still need to be present (and, therefore, pre-booked).
Venue
It is up to you whether you choose a licensed venue or, for example, the great outdoors, as long as you bear the above paragraph in mind. If you are planning to use private land, ensure you ask permission first!
Preliminaries
It is beyond the scope of this article to go into each element here in depth, but, depending on the scale of your ceremony, some of the things you will need to consider – in good time – are:
- Dress
- Catering
- Guest list
- Invitations
- Flowers
- Seating plan
- Transport
- Order of service booklet
- Entertainment
- Potential accommodation for you and/or guests
- Officiant
And, not least, the content of the wedding service itself.
The Wedding Ceremony
Do you want the traditional bits? Or just some of them? Do you prefer a modern service? Do you want hymns? What music do you want? Who will participate (eg as reader(s))? Who should walk down the aisle? What about including some less orthodox rituals (handfasting, Unity candles, etc.)?
A lot of questions! But these are all things that the civil celebrant should be able to advise you on. They will construct the ceremony with you and you will approve every bit of it along the way, so that you (and, your guests) will enjoy a unique, personalised, tailor-made ceremony.
Like the sound of that? Given time, you can organise all this yourself quite successfully, save money, and still have the memorable, delightful ceremony of your dreams.
by Michael | Aug 13, 2013 | Blog
It’s good to be challenged and to learn. That’s one of the bonuses about being a civil celebrant. No two jobs are ever the same.
Just as I was leaving with my family to go on holiday on Friday two weeks ago, the phone rang. We actually had the front door open, and were literally about to depart with our suitcases for the station. I was tempted to ignore the call, but my wife decided to take it.
It turned out that it was the daughter of a man who had (re)married last year. He had then suffered a massive heart attack and not worked since. His wife, Aretha [not her real name!] had nursed him back to health, as well as earning an income, and, now he was well again, they wanted to have the wedding party they had never had. He is C of E and she is Catholic, so they wanted their new rings blessed, which is where I came in.
The problem was that they were giving me all of eight days’ notice! (I could not work while I was away and I would only be returning late the previous evening, so it would be asking quite a lot to prepare a ceremony properly in the time available.) I explained this to them and said that, if they could not find another celebrant (I passed one name on to them), I would do it for them, provided I had an e-mail waiting for me on my return.
In the event, there was no e-mail, and, as I was free that Saturday, I went out till about 1.30 p.m. When I came back, there was a message for me, asking me to contact the father on his mobile after 2 p.m. The job was on after all!
The plan was to surprise Aretha (who had done so much for the husband in the last year). I normally meet with clients in advance, find out exactly what they are looking for, compile a service, e-mail it across and make any changes requested. This time, all I knew was the background to the ceremony and that they wanted ‘a little religion’.
There is a happy ending to this story. I managed to plan a ceremony (all of seven or eight minutes long!), and it was appropriate to a party, where none of the guests had an inkling about the ring blessing. There was a mixture of serious readings and humour that went down well. Aretha was moved to tears, the guests seemed to enjoy it (it was a new experience for them – AND it was not over-long!), and the family clearly appreciated it. A mad rush, perhaps, but it gave me (and, I trust all present) a feeling of real contentment.
Being a celebrant is never boring – and can be such a delight!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
