by Michael | Jul 16, 2013 | Blog
Many people fear delivering a speech more than they fear death! (Apparently, this is a statistical fact!)
The likelihood is that most people will be called upon to write and deliver a speech at least some time in their life. It may be for a business presentation or else for a family event. It may be in front of a handful of people or before a whole crowd.
My credentials
Only a few years ago, before I became a civil celebrant, I was terrified at speaking about my own business in front of a dozen or so people – not any more. I can modestly claim to have brought the house down on two occasions with a wedding speech; I now willingly and confidently address small crowds (I haven’t got to the 1000s stage, but I hope that may happen).
Focus
I am going to concentrate here on wedding/vow renewal-type ceremonies. Content is another matter, but for now I really want to cover delivery.
10 Tips
- It is better to be brief than over-long
- If you can deliver humour successfully, do so; if not, keep those jokes to a minimum!
- Avoid too many “in-references” – at a wedding half the guests may not know anything about one of the newly-weds, so in-jokes can fall very flat – and exclude whole groups
- Use a script (only very accomplished, experienced speakers can deliver off the cuff), but rehearse so that you can make your speech with only occasional reference to your notes. Eye contact is very important
- There may be a good sound system, but ensure you can be heard loudly and clearly – you can help that by not burying your head in your notes and by speaking more s-l-o-w-l-y than you would expect
- Avoid saying anything controversial, whether about the families present or about politics – the idea of the proceedings is to create a wonderful atmosphere, not to score points or secure cheap laughs!
- Use anecdotes, but ones that fit in and are relevant. Avoid meandering ‘shaggy dog’ stories that may lose your audience. Be very sure whether that embarrassing story about the bride will be well-received!
- I stress that delivery should be slower, rather than faster, and do not be afraid of a silence for effect, if appropriate. Try not to address just one area of the room, but make everyone feel included. Smile – at least, at the beginning and end.
- If very nervous, try a few deep breaths and no (or minimal!) alcohol – and remember, the guests will be on your side, and willing you to do well
Remember that it is a privilege to be asked to give a speech, so be grateful. Remember your audience at all times. Oh, and, however nervous you may be, save the alcohol for afterwards!
Enjoy the occasion.
by Michael | Jun 28, 2013 | Blog
I recently came across a lovely, very quaint book published by A & C Black called “Don’ts for Weddings”. You can find plenty of advice on the web about weddings, but what makes this little book stand out is that it is actually a reprint of a manual from 1904.
Some things have remained the same, but, predictably, much has changed over 109 years. I thought it might be entertaining to quote a few paragraphs from the book, to give a flavour of what it contains. You can judge for yourself whether things have changed for the better!
The Engaged Couple
“Don’t make vulgar exhibition of your love: a close clasp of the hand or silent greeting of the eyes will suffice.
“Don’t tyrannise your fiancé. If you order him about and take his submission as your due, rest assured that one day the worm will surely turn.”
“Don’t consider the cosy corners, shady walks, and secluded nooks your monopoly at a house-party. Exercise a little healthful self-control.
“Don’t neglect to go about together as much as possible in tete-a-tete intercourse. Lovers must learn to pass their lives together.”
Texting, e-mails and social media?
“Don’t make a rule of writing to each other at bedtime with all you had not time to say, having parted at only 7 p.m. It may become a tax, and breaking it on either side may cause pain and friction.
“Don’t belittle love-letters when daily or frequent meetings are impossible. They have an important part to play in the course of true love.”
Marry in haste; repent at leisure
“Don’t rush an engagement. Let it be long enough for your love to settle into a more normal state, where you can gain a clearer estimate of your mutual fitness.
“Don’t risk criticism by urging a hasty marriage if you are a lady. Let that come from your fiancé.”
There are some 70 pages of advice. I may offer some more in a future blog, but you might consider obtaining this little guide yourself. Included within it is some excellent counsel – and also some earnest suggestions that now seem very amusing!
If you want rather more modern advice on planning or conducting a wedding, then please contact me.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jun 18, 2013 | Blog
Of course, weddings are an income opportunity. There are a lot of suppliers out there who know that expense is often of (virtually) no concern when it comes to arranging a perfect wedding. Their integrity may not always be of the highest. You need to watch out.
Weddings can cost as much as £20,000, depending on what you have in mind.
With thanks to www.neliprahova.com
If you use a wedding planner, they should let you know from the start what you will be getting for your money; you pay for the service, but you should get peace of mind. It’s often cheaper to do it yourself piecemeal, but then it’s rather harder to keep tabs.
Whatever you choose, it pays to keep your wits about you, and avoid being ‘done’.
Deposits
Because, by its nature, a wedding is usually planned over months, deposits may have to be paid up front. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, do your homework on the supplier before parting with your cash. Do you have any evidence that they are trustworthy? It’s not unknown for companies to take the money and run. Testimonials, while not foolproof, may give you a pointer. Also, how long has the company been trading? If it’s well-established, it probably won’t drop you and run.
Contracts
It does pay to read anything through before you sign (but how many of us do?!) If you’re dealing with a reputable trader, as suggested in the paragraph above, you probably won’t get ripped off. However, it’s no good claiming that you were “unaware” of deadlines, cancellation penalties etc. You must feel happy about the Ts & Cs BEFORE you sign. (If you really can’t handle it, get someone with some legal knowledge to help you be clear what you’re agreeing to.)
The wedding car
More of the same, really. You must look for a reputable company that deals with weddings as a matter of course. If you can get personal recommendations, then follow these. If not, it may pay to visit the limousine company before you make up your mind. At least, that way you’ll know they do exist and probably won’t leave you waiting at the kerb!
With thanks to www.neliprahova.com
Wedding dresses
There are myriad sites on the internet which cater for brides-to-be (and their retinue). Will you be getting quality? Is that discounted dress actually going to look so good on the day? Again, you need to try and be sure that the company is reliable and bona fide. It may be worth dealing with known retailers (even though that peace of mind could work out quite expensive).
The photographer
With thanks to www.neliprahova.com
I have already dealt with this issue to some extent in other blogs, such as:
https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=763 and in Neli Prahova’s blogs for me https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=786 and https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=794
However, let me summarise: you are taking a risk if you get your best friend to take the photos – for such a big event, you want a professional. Before deciding, visit them and look at examples of their work and try and get testimonials for them.
Other ‘vital’ expenses
There are a host of other items that you might decide are worth paying for. Flowers, invitations, cake, decorations, entertainment etc. are all quite normal. Prices for these can be inflated, so it is often good to shop around and compare quotes.
Sometimes, a ‘wedding’ cake will cost much more than a grand alternative that will do every bit as well. Flowers may be cheaper if they are in season at the time. Arrange a wedding in winter. Catering a morning wedding may work out considerably cheaper too. Be creative!
Obviously, what I’m suggesting here may take time to research, so don’t leave your investigations too long. However, a bit of hard work like this may well pay dividends later. Not only could you save money, but, more important, you could ensure a perfect day.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jun 13, 2013 | Blog
Marriage isn’t easy. You have to work at it. You’re not always going to see eye-to-eye. But there are some strategies you can employ to make it easier to succeed.
Domestic chores
Housework has got to be done (unless you’re rich enough or have a robot), but it doesn’t have to be split 50/50. If it is, then there’s the risk of totting up scores, with consequent resentment.
It’s better if each of you chooses areas of competence. Usually in our house, my wife shops, does the school run and cooks; I tend to wash up, do the ironing and mow the lawn. Some weeks I probably do more than my wife; most weeks she does more.
Sex
[Only a short section, I’m afraid!]
It’s not always the way that both of you are ready for sex at the same time. However, if one of you is, the other should make an effort to go along with it (of course, there can be exceptions). It may well be fun and even healthy; at the very least, your partner will not have to suffer frustration.
If this you regularly disagree on this, do discuss it (and, if necessary, seek counselling).
Arguments
Rows are part and parcel of relationships. They are not pleasant, but they do help you to take stock of situations. As long as you can compromise and find suitable solutions, arguments can be healthy and even productive.
Try and respect your partner throughout, but, even though going to bed angry is not generally recommended, sometimes it is better to sleep on it, and then return to the fray refreshed (rather than tired and tetchy), and better able to find an acceptable solution.
Making assumptions
One mistake that can put stress on a marriage is assuming that your partner knows what may be obvious to you. It may be clear to anyone with half a brain that the lawn needs mowing or the dog needs exercising or that you need a kiss; but your partner may have other preoccupations, and if you haven’t communicated what you want, it’s probably not really their fault.
Rewards
Little gestures (such as a hug or suggesting your partner has an evening out with their friends, for example) can be valuable, but are easy to put off. Don’t – a little consideration and appreciation (which is what these things are) go a long way and can help cement a marriage.
Be prepared to make small changes
It can be surprising how beneficial it may be to make relatively small changes that can improve situations. Getting a dishwasher may make quite a difference; organizing a babysitter so you can both have an hour in the pub can constitute a valuable escape; exchanging domestic roles briefly may be refreshing (and help you realise what your partner actually contributes).
So something to think about – which is always worthwhile, if it improves your marriage.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in London, elsewhere in the UK or Europe.
by Michael | Jun 11, 2013 | Blog
Whether you are having a civil ceremony or a traditional one, the marriage proposal is often one of the most fraught and nerve-wracking parts of the whole wedding process.
A lot of people still hanker after tradition (however ‘modern’ their thinking normally). In many cases, they don’t really know what they are expected to do.
The Proposal
Obviously, the engagement ring is an issue (and there’s not a lot of practical advice I can offer, as it’s such a personal thing), but you will actually need to propose.
First ‘minefield’
Do you ask your future father-in-law’s permission?
Certainly, in my case, I felt that my fiancee’s family was fairly traditional, so it made sense to ask. Fortunately it all worked out, but had I been rejected, I guess I could have said that I respected their decision, which they considered to be in their daughter’s best interest. As I lovedher, I would do my best to earn their permission. Perhaps they could suggest how I might do that?
At the very least, I would have been seen to have done ‘the right thing’ in their eyes.
You can ask either parent, of course, or neither. Most progressive parents will appreciate that it is actually the bride’s decision that is crucial.
Another way round this is to ask for the parents’ ‘blessing’ (which shows respect, but leaves the actual decision with the two of you).
Second ‘minefield’
When and where do you pop the question?
I can’t be prescriptive, of course. You may want to propose 30,000 feet up during a sky-dive. You may prefer the snug in your local pub. You may choose a display of dancers in a crowded shopping mall. But I’d advise some planning – though nothing too elaborate. Keep it reasonably simple. (A lot can go wrong with those showy proposals!)
The proposal is a moment to be recalled and recounted many times in the future, so you want something that will bring up fond memories.
Choose something that you are pretty sure will appeal to her (not necessarily what would suit you!). Don’t propose at half-time during a Manchester United match, if she doesn’t like soccer! Instead, maybe there is a special spot that you both love, or an activity you both enjoy.
Atmosphere is important. A quiet picnic may be just the thing. You don’t have to be totally romantic, but it can help.
I decided to propose when we were on holiday – five days in Rome. I did plan to pop the question on the last evening in the wonderful Piazza Navona, but, in truth, was dreading it, and it might have spoiled my holiday (and my bride-to-be’s). On the second day, we went to the Villa D’Este in glorious weather, had the place to ourselves, and it just happened. Down I went on one knee!
It was what I had planned, though certainly not to the last detail.
Again, it’s your choice whether the bended knee proposal is for you. It may also be good to have practised what you are actually going to say. I kept it very simple, and as I’m not an orator, that was probably best. Once my fiancée had recovered from her shock, she was delighted! Mercifully, we could both really enjoy the rest of our holiday then!
The proposal should not be an ordeal. With a little consideration and fore-thought, it can be something you both will always look back upon with pleasure. An unforgettable beginning to an unforgettable new life together.
Michael Gordon can deliver a tailor-made civil ceremony in London or further afield in the UK or Europe.
