by Michael | Dec 8, 2015 | Blog
Asking you to beware that destination wedding may sound a bit melodramatic, but don’t be put off. As my last blog ought to have suggested, I have nothing against a destination wedding! In fact, I spoke about how wonderful it can be, provided you have the right civil celebrant.
However, there can be a few other things to look out for, if the wedding is to be the success that you are dreaming of.
Guests
A lot of thought is going to have to go into deciding whom you invite. I can’t advise you on that, as it obviously has to be your decision, but you will need to weigh up who absolutely has to be there (it may be the best man, parents, or whoever) and how you get them there.
Depending on where you are holding the ceremony, you will have to think about other people’s budgets (unless you’re lucky enough to be able to treat them to flights and/or accommodation).
Venue
I suggest a few considerations here (remarks which might equally apply to non-destination wedding venues too).
- If you are having a theme, will the venue be suitable?
- Is the venue licensed for civil ceremonies (or will you actually be marrying in a register office before you depart, say)?
- Don’t forget to check if the area is big enough (yet not too big) for your party – and whether you will need to hire any equipment (audio, seating, cutlery, etc.)
- Is there an in-house wedding co-ordinator – and will she be there on the day?
- Can the catering arrangements all be sorted satisfactorily? Will vegetarian or gluten-free options be wanted – or even possible? Can there be a cake?
- Does your package include menus, place cards, centerpieces, etc.?
Accommodation
It is probably simpler, if you stay in the hotel where the ceremony will take place. If not, ensure you organise transportation well in advance. At all events, try and do your homework before booking.
If you have guests arriving after you, ensure they know how to reach the venue from the airport/port.
Make sure you check their requirements before booking them in for at least bed and breakfast.
Before the wedding
The last thing you want is to be ill on your wedding day. Therefore:
- Avoid over-indulging in alcohol, especially the day before the ceremony
- Be conservative about what and how much you eat, especially on the eve of the wedding
- Don’t spend too long in the sun
- Ensure you keep well-hydrated (with bottled, still water, preferably)
A Wedding Blessing?
What about those people you didn’t invite or who couldn’t join you in your exotic location?
A lovely possibility would be to hire a room in a restaurant or hotel near your home back in the UK, and hold a bespoke wedding blessing ceremony just for your friends and family. A civil celebrant could compile and conduct a beautiful, meaningful short service for you.
Your guests would love having the chance to witness and participate in what is (to all intents and purposes) your marriage, and would appreciate the photo-opportunities. Knowing the legal bit is long over and done with, you would simply relax and enjoy the whole event.
That way, everybody can be happy!
by Michael | Dec 7, 2015 | Blog
You may have decided on sunnier climes than Britain’s for your wedding. Well, I can’t blame you. A destination wedding is understandably popular nowadays.
Choices
You may decide that you don’t want much or even anything in the way of religious elements. You may want some personal input into your ceremony. You may well want something more meaningful than a registry office wedding.
Then a civil celebrant-led wedding could be for you.
What exactly would be involved?
You’d need someone who can advise you about the legal side.
You’d need someone who can tailor-make the ceremony for you. If you want ritual, you should have it. If you want spiritual elements, then likewise. If you want special music, why on earth not? And why not choose the participants?
A good celebrant will work with you, encouraging you to make the very best choices for your day.
What marks out a good celebrant?
You should check out the celebrant’s website. You may get a feel for his/her personality, especially if there’s a video. As you’ll be working with them quite a bit before the ceremony and certainly on the day, you’ll want to feel comfortable with them.
Don’t commit before having a chat face-to-face, on Skype, or by phone.
Religious or not?
Your celebrant should customise the ceremony so that you can have as much or as little religious component as you choose. There’s nothing to stop you from incorporating elements from different faiths or backgrounds, if you so choose. You should be able to select special readings or music. A good celebrant will be happy to incorporate these and to offer advice. Dress is also down to you – and that can include the celebrant’s attire.
Other important points
A good celebrant must be prepared to co-operate with the photographer/videographer. After all, you are going to want to have the best possible mementos of the occasion.
Another important element is presentation. You therefore need a celebrant who has excellent presentation skills. There may be a PA, but it helps if the celebrant is clearly-spoken and can project their voice. A sense of humour may be invaluable too!
It pays to choose your celebrant with care. Don’t necessarily use a friend, although being able to relate to the celebrant is paramount. Do ensure, as far as you are able, that you go with a competent person, with a pleasant manner, whom you believe will do a professional job.
These remarks will equally apply to choosing a civil celebrant for a British as well as a destination wedding, of course. I plan to make a few remarks about destinations and things to beware of in a future blog, so please watch this space!
by Michael | Dec 4, 2015 | Blog
Before I became a Civil Celebrant, I had assumed that a civil ceremony was pretty much stress-free. It was arranged well in advance, so everybody knew what they were doing. You wouldn’t expect to encounter last-minute ceremonies, would you?
Experience has taught me that this is not always the case!
A last-minute job
Last summer, the family was all ready to go off for a week’s holiday. It was a Friday morning. The suitcases were literally on the doorstep and we were making our way out when the phone rang. I wanted to ignore it, but my wife took it anyway.
Would I be available to lead a ring blessing on Saturday evening (in 8 days)?
I explained my circumstances – I was sorry, but I wouldn’t be in a position to compile something suitable from abroad. I always e-mail out drafts for clients’ approval before I conduct ceremonies, and I am passionate about delivering a professional service. I could make no guarantees in this case.
I therefore gave them contact details of another civil celebrant who might be free, and told them that I’d try and access my e-mails on holiday. If they were still desperate, they could e-mail me and I’d see what I could do on the day itself.
Off we went, and I was able to see my e-mails. Nothing of note. We got back on Friday evening and I immediately checked e-mails again. Not a word.
So the following morning I was free to go out. Returning at lunchtime, there was a message for me. Could I please call them – after 2 p.m.?
It turned out that they did still want my services – with the ceremony due to start in the small matter of five hours!
I guess I wouldn’t be writing this, if there hadn’t been a happy ending!
Suffice it to say that that short phone call gave me an idea (no more than that!) of what was required. I couldn’t send the draft for approval (as it was to be a surprise for the wife, and their e-mail address was shared), and had to take pot luck and write what I judged would be suitable. Fortunately, they loved it and all was well!
The moral
Plan your civil ceremony well in advance and don’t rely on goodwill or chance! Your celebrant will do his best, but you can’t always rely on a happy ending.
by Michael | Nov 30, 2015 | Blog
Mixed marriage is very common these days.
Not everybody can – or wants to – marry in a religious institution. Catholics will not allow divorcees to marry in church; same-sex ceremonies are not permissible in many churches; Christians and Jews, for example, can’t be married in either church or synagogue.
Photos: Philippa Gedge Photography
Of course, Register Offices offer an alternative (for any marriage, a registrar must always be involved to cover the legal requirements), but their services are standardised and limited (though they will suit some people fine, of course). These services must be totally non-religious. Which means that they often do not meet the needs or wishes of the couple or their families. That’s where the (non-humanist) civil celebrant can come in.
The civil celebrant will work with the couple to design the service that fits in with their beliefs. So it may be religious, part-religious or totally secular. It may contain rituals from a variety of religions and/or cultures.
The service will also be exactly as the couple want. So it is up to them what clothes will – or will not – be worn (I have been asked if I’d do a naturist wedding!). The couple can choose readings or poems, and also readers. There can be an address by the celebrant – checked in advance by the couple. They can have the choreography that they want, including the music. In short, absolutely everything can be approved by the couple before the day.
Logistically, there are a couple of decisions to be made.
- Should the register office ceremony take place a few hours – or a day or two – in advance? That way, the legal bit is covered by the time the couple come to the ‘real’ wedding ceremony, and they can relax and really enjoy their bespoke ceremony.
- Should the civil ceremony or blessing come straight after the legal marriage (at the same venue)? The ring blessing, for example, could be done by the civil celebrant, as could the vows. This way, the registrars could conduct a 10-15 minute ceremony, and the blessing ceremony could take around as long (depending).
The important thing on such a big day is to enjoy a memorable, meaningful ceremony – one which the couple and their guests will remember fondly for months and years to come. By creating a personalised service and conducting it professionally, a good civil celebrant will ensure this.
by Michael | Nov 13, 2015 | Blog
About three years ago, I saw a blog by Michael Oliver which made a big impression. He’s not in my line of business. However, the article encapsulates one of the important philosophies of a business like mine. It’s not enough to make assumptions; it’s important to delve a bit deeper and find out how to really render service.
As a conscientious, professional civil celebrant, I like to give value, and listening is one of the most important things I can do, to help my clients have the ceremony of their dreams.
Here it is:
Do You REALLY Understand?
There is a story that a farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups and nailed it to a post on the edge of his yard.
As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls.
He looked down into the eyes of a little boy.
“Mister,” he said, “I want to buy one of your puppies.”
“Well,” said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back off his neck, “These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.”
The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer.
“I’ve got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?”
“Sure,” said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. “Here, Dolly!” he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur.
The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight. As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else stirring inside the doghouse.
Slowly another little ball appeared this one noticeably smaller.
Down the ramp it slid.
Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up….
“I want that one,” the little boy said, pointing to the runt.
The farmer knelt down at the boy’s side and said “Son, you don’t want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would.”
With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers. In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe. Looking back up at the farmer, he said, “You see sir, I don’t run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands.”
The world is full of people who need someone who understands.
Do You Understand?
Do you make the effort to really understand the people you’re talking with… or are you like that well meaning but narrowly focused farmer, thinking conventionally and…
- Assuming your potential customers are looking for the same things as you and for the same reasons… instead of asking and finding out?
- Telling people what they should do, instead of getting the facts first and allowing them to tell YOU what they want?
- Interpreting everything based on your own life’s experiences and point of view, instead of first discovering theirs?
- Qualifying them based on your own rigid and fixed set of criteria, instead of being open to discovering far reaching potential possibilities?
- Judging people based only on what you think you see, instead of no judgment at all?
There is a happy ending to this story…
With tears in his eyes, the farmer reached down and picked up the little pup. Holding it carefully he handed it to the little boy.
“How much?” asked the little boy.
“No charge”, answered the farmer, “There’s no charge for love.”
The farmer was a quick learner!
About the Author
Michael Oliver is an internationally recognized trainer, speaker and author and the founder of Natural Selling, the only sales training program designed to really eliminate rejection and objections. Visit his blog and signup free to get blog updates by email, along with the latest news, free advice, additional resources, and a lot more! Go now to http://michaeloliver.com. While you’re at it, check out and get loads more.http://www.naturalselling.com.
Thank you, Michael, for making me – and perhaps some of my readers – stop and think!
