by Michael | Apr 17, 2023 | Blog
The majority of people I come into contact with may have heard of “handfasting”, but don’t know what it is. They certainly don’t know how or why they can be part of a handfasting ceremony, and how it can enhance their event.
History
Its origins are pagan. No, there’s nothing sinister about paganism, by the way. It is nature-related (and nothing and nobody gets harmed!).
The idea of handfastings is medieval. It was a way for peasants (mostly), who were (almost by definition) too poor to afford to hire a clergyman, to be able to afford a marriage rite.
A cord was wrapped round the couple’s wrists until their union was consummated. Then they would keep it as a token of their love and commitment.
Up-to-date versions
As we look at modern times, the symbolism has remained the same. One difference, however, is that there are now essentially two types of handfasting.
One is a small (but significant) part of a wider ceremony; the other is one of the most important elements of an entire service.
It’s up to you how you are bound together. You can use a cord or ribbon, usually at least a metre in length, so it can be tied successfully. It can have several “heads”. Colours can be single or a variety. Choice can be based on personal preference or on what is considered auspicious for the couple. There are different ways to tie the cord/ribbon. I usually prefer an (eternity) figure-of-eight.
A Full Service
Although there is more than one way to put together a full service, you can agree what goes in with your celebrant beforehand.
There is likely to be the following, though:
Sanctifying the Circle
The circle symbolises the womb of Mother Earth and the idea is to make the ceremony site a holy place.
Elemental Blessings
Blessings in the four principal directions – these enable us to appreciate how the four elements help us on our journey.
Loving Cup
The couple may use their favourite drink quaffed from a loving cup (or “quaich”). This symbolises drinking in the promises or vows the couple has made.
The Handfasting
This is the symbolic binding of the hands. We get the terms “tying the knot” and “bonds of holy matrimony” from this. This act may only last a minute.
Jumping the Broom
This is another old custom, which is probably derived from American slave weddings. (For some people, it is therefore somewhat controversial.) It symbolises the creation of a new home together.
What a handfasting can add
The act of handfasting and the words that accompany it can be very beautiful. Moreover, the ritual stands out by its uniqueness and also the interplay and visible reactions of the couple.
The connection to nature is also highly significant.
Whatever the reason for including a handfasting, you are welcome to discuss it with me. Just give me a call.
by Michael | Apr 4, 2023 | Blog
A ceremony such as a wedding is major. It comes with stress. You are centre-stage. Its
success matters to you.
You also want to enjoy it, so you need to de-stress.
By the way, I am not saying that a little bit of adrenaline on the day isn’t natural. It’s
even quite beneficial. But it mustn’t be excessive, otherwise it can spoil the occasion for you.
One of the ways you can de-stress is by starting preparations in good time, and forming a
sound support team. That doesn’t just mean well-intentioned family members, but
professional suppliers too.
You and your intended need to be on the same page. You need to agree your budget and decide
on what is indispensable (eg officiant!).
Then you can start getting active. If you can put together a good, professional team, then
that will take the pressure off so much during the run-in and on the big day itself.
Preparation
I urge building a professional team, rather than relying on the goodwill of family and/or
friends. If something does go wrong, it may be beyond the ability or experience
of your family and friends to put it right. A professional may well be able to
sort it out quickly and painlessly.
Moreover, if something does go wrong with an ‘amateur’ ceremony, you may be tempted to blame
the friend or family-member whose mistake or oversight it was. That could be
the end of a long-running friendship.
If you are choosing a team of professionals, do consider personal recommendation (although
bear in mind that not everyone’s tastes and opinions will be the same!). It
usually pays to consult the supplier’s website. Have a look at what they offer
(or do not!) and see the testimonials.
Then make direct contact with them. Preferably, meet them in person (with a list of
questions). See if you like them (which is not to be under-estimated) and
whether they seem to be receptive to your ideas for the ceremony.
If you’re happy with their Ts & Cs, only then worry about their price. It’s worth
paying for peace of mind.
Book your suppliers as early as possible, so they have time to source what they need and
prepare efficiently.
Attitude
With the best will in the world, and even with the best team of professionals around you,
things can go wrong. Although literally anything could actually go amiss, in practice it
rarely does (particularly if you are well-prepared and surrounded by that great
team).
There’s no point cataloguing the possible mishaps that might just befall you. If you are
well-prepared, you have minimised the risks. If something does go wrong, you
also have the professionals around you who can resolve it.
What do you gain by worrying? Apart from putting others on edge, you spoil your own
enjoyment of proceedings, and that’s not the idea, is it?
And sometimes your own attitude will reflect on events and you may seem to manifest what
actually happens.
So, prepare well, rely on your team, and enjoy a de-stressed ceremony.
For a professional take on your ceremony, please have a chat with me.
Photo: www.lyndseygoddard.com
by Michael | Mar 28, 2023 | Blog
Well, of course, you need to define what you consider luxury.
Cons
There aren’t really too many cons, in truth. The bottom line is that you can have a ceremony without a celebrant. If it’s a wedding, you can go down the Church or Register Office routes. They cover everything.
If a ceremony doesn’t need official documentation, technically anybody can conduct the ceremony. So you can ask a friend or relative to do so.
Therefore, technically, using a celebrant is indeed a luxury.
Pros
To despatch the second objection first, if you’re not using a professional celebrant, you may not get the ceremony you are hoping for. It may be difficult to design a suitable service without the guidance and ideas of a celebrant. Moreover, a celebrant knows how to present in public, and will do a lovely job. They will enhance the ceremony.
The first objection is a matter of choice.
You can opt for a religious ceremony (Church). You get the standard service and you know what you’re getting. It won’t be personalised, but that’s fine for some people.
The Register Office service is also standardised. It won’t really be personalised and, in contrast to the religious ceremony, it will be totally secular. You can’t mention God at all, for example. Most Registrars haven’t been trained to present with panache, so the service, which lasts about a quarter of an hour, is rarely particularly special. However, some couples are content with this.
Of course, until such time as the law changes (which should happen this summer), you need to use one of the two above options to comply with the law.
So, in that respect, using a civil celebrant would almost be duplication.
However, the professional services of a celebrant normally include the following:
- The chance to discuss your vision of your ceremony and build a unique service
- Advice and ideas based on (possibly) years of experience
- Respect for your input
- Numerous conversations/emails and drafts to get the order of service just right
- Help with the choreography of a big event
- A trained public speaker
- Professional pride and passion
One of my USPs is that I offer knowledge of languages (French, German, Russian, ability to read Hebrew and Czech), which has proved useful and popular.
Costs
Some celebrants’ package will cost over £1,000. Some will ask half that. (As I write, I’m somewhere in between.)
I would love the chance to make a real difference to your special day.Do contact me for a non-obligation chat.
People who use me are convinced that I am not a luxury!
Evidence
Let me finish with a quote from just one of my happy couples:
“From our first meeting with Michael we came away feeling very confident we would like to use him for our ceremony. His calming yet assertive demeanour put us at ease and we knew he would blend and adapt to what we had planned very well. Michael injected some fantastic ideas along with some beautiful readings and on the day there wasn’t a dry eye in the room. The whole process was very fluid and professional but always with a smile. We couldn’t recommend him enough.”
photo: Matt Penberthy
by Michael | Mar 21, 2023 | Blog
There seems to be increasing demand for Vow Renewals. They were popular before COVID (as so many things were), but there are compelling reasons to consider them again.
Timing
Whereas you are welcome to mark a major life event with a Vow Renewal on (or near) the exact date of the anniversary, there is no compulsion to do so. You can actually hold a Vow Renewal when it suits you – even just for the sake of it.
Venue
Another of the beauties of a Vow Renewal is that it can be held wherever you want. There is no compulsion to hold it in a licensed venue or a Register Office or in a church, like a wedding. You are free to be indoors or out, and exercise your imagination, as you please. Your back garden might work, or a local hotel. Equally, a venue that fits in with your passion (on a steam locomotive?!) can be arranged.
I remember a canal-side Vow Renewal, which was most successful.
Demands
There is no legal paperwork involved and there is no obligatory content to the ceremony. The tone can be formal or informal (or something in between). As I have said, the venue and timing are down to you, so you are free to plan (usually together with your civil celebrant) exactly how you want the ceremony and day to run.
Do you want to light a Unity Candle? Do you want family members to participate actively (lighting a candle with you, reading a special text etc.)? Do you want any religious elements? Any prayers?
Excuses!
Why bother with a Vow Renewal at all?
Suggested reasons might include:
- Marking your wedding anniversary, especially if it’s a special year (maybe ending -0 or -5)
- Your circumstances may have changed since your wedding (eg new children or you’ve come through serious ill health)
- You want to welcome step-children into the family
- Your wedding vows have been superseded over time
- You want an excuse to bring friends and relatives together for a celebration
- You may want to proclaim your mutual love publicly (especially if your marriage has come through rocky times)
How to Organise it
As with any major life-cycle event, you discuss it with your other half and, probably, with your civil celebrant. Together, you put together a marvellous ceremony and wonderful day (or night!).
You pick and arrange your venue (and celebrant!), organise the reception, and send out invitations etc. No hassle!
I’d love to play a part in your ceremony. Just call or email me! You’ll be glad you did.
by Michael | Mar 13, 2023 | Blog
Sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. Luckily for me, I have only experienced a few examples of this, but not everything has always gone entirely smoothly!
Of course, I have been at the receiving end of rudeness, or shall we say, thoughtlessness. People can get very worked up in the run-in to a major event. When this has occurred, however, I have found that the perpetrator has been quick to apologise and smooth the waters.
In two cases (I hope there isn’t a trend here!), the mother of one of the pair took exception to me. In the first case, that was because her estranged husband had appointed me, so that was never going to suit her. I didn’t even find out what upset the other mother!
I didn’t appreciate the couple who approved my ‘script’ shortly before the ceremony. On the day, however, they neglected to tell me that they changed the Best Man. So, when I called him up by the name they had given me, nobody moved! I had to get us out of that one!
Sometimes the bad behaviour is between the couple themselves. On one occasion, I was privy (as were several other people) to the Bridezilla yelling at the groom, who had done absolutely nothing wrong. She made his life a misery in the run-up, but was charm personified at the wedding itself.
Then there was the couple who seemed very much in love, but the groom was caught in flagrante about a week before the wedding, so that wedding was not to be..
Even worse, arguably, was the couple who did marry. Just before they left on honeymoon, the bride discovered that her husband had been ‘seeing’ one woman every week for 15 years and another woman on the alternate week. That was not all we learned about him, but that was enough!
Finally, I did not take to the bride who chose to discuss the wedding ceremony arrangements with me. Nothing so wrong with that, you will say? But when I asked her to include her husband-to-be in the arrangements, she refused point-blank. “This is my wedding; he’ll do what I tell him”.
The vast majority of the people I deal with are charming and delightful, but there is the odd exception …!
For a civilised chat about your big day, please contact me.
by Michael | Mar 7, 2023 | Blog
I’m often asked for help with choosing wedding readings. It’s a tricky one indeed! You have to factor in individual preferences, the tone of the ceremony, length of reading (and proficiency of the reader!), and the message (if any).
So the piece can be partly – or wholly – humorous, depending on the desired atmosphere. You may have a particular reading (or even a shared one) that means a lot to you. I would recommend that it doesn’t last much longer than a minute (guests can get restless!), especially if the reader is inexperienced or has a voice that needs amplification. (Of course, the celebrant can read it, if that’s what you want.) If the text carries a message, it’s best that it is not too complex (people’s concentration spans are limited, remember!).
One reading I was introduced to quite recently was the following one. It was well-presented and was obviously suitable for a dog-friendly couple.
See what you think!
“How Falling in Love is like Owning a Dog” by Taylor Mali,
On cold winter nights, love is warm.
It lies between you and lives and breathes
and makes funny noises.
Love wakes you up all hours of the night with its needs.
It needs to be fed so it will grow and stay healthy.
Love doesn’t like being left alone for long.
But come home and love is always happy to see you.
It may break a few things accidentally in its passion for life,
but you can never be mad at love for long.
Is love good all the time? No! No!
Love can be bad. Bad, love, bad! Very bad love.
Love makes messes.
Love leaves you little surprises here and there.
Love needs lots of cleaning up after.
Sometimes you just want to get love fixed.
Sometimes you want to roll up a piece of newspaper
and swat love on the nose,
not so much to cause pain,
just to let love know, “Don’t you ever do that again!”
Sometimes love just wants to go out for a nice long walk.
Because love loves exercise. It will run you around the block
and leave you panting, breathless. Pull you in different directions
at once, or wind itself around and around you
until you’re all wound up and you cannot move.
But love makes you meet people wherever you go.
People who have nothing in common but love
stop and talk to each other on the street.
Throw things away and love will bring them back,
again, and again, and again.
But most of all, love needs love, lots of it.
And in return, love loves you and never stops.
For any further suggestions or simply to discuss ceremony plans, please have a chat with me.
