by Michael | Jan 30, 2017 | Blog
Who said wedding vows can’t be funny?
What should the tone of the vows be?
I have absolutely nothing against people who deliver traditional wedding vows. Or who write their own, solemn ones. I do respect them. Vows are highly significant. They are normally carefully chosen and delivered in the presence of a crowd of people who really matter to the couple.
As a civil celebrant, I’ve heard (and helped with) quite a few in my time.
But injecting a bit of humour and personality into those vows can work and may be absolutely appropriate. Not least, if the couple have got a rich sense of humour.
How do you do it?
I’m afraid there’s no template to follow. Nor is there a right or a wrong scenario. What you can do is to write a series of promises that contain a little humour.
One way to do this is to throw a funny line in among some serious or unfunny promises.
You can also deliver your line humorously. Maybe there can be a reference to a failing of your loved one that will be recognised by your partner and, possibly, a good number of guests! You may want to mention something about your (or your loved one’s) character.
That doesn’t mean to say that it should be all about humour and there’s no point making trivial promises. It’s not meant to be a stand-up routine. You shouldn’t force the humour. Don’t be aggressive or disrespectful.
Mention a thing if it is true (and genuinely funny). If your partner is arachnophobic, a vow such as “I promise to save you from any spider that crosses our threshold” will resonate among your guests!
A few thoughts
It goes without saying that you and your partner must both be willing and happy to write your own vows!
Before putting pen to paper, think about what makes your relationship tick.
Then write a few lines, leave your work for a day or two, come back to it and redraft, if needs be. You may need to do this a few times. When you are happy with it, practise reading it aloud. (If you’re really nervous, your celebrant will read it for you, but it’s normally better to do it yourself.)
Starting model
Personalising your vows is all about originality. If you need a starting point, here is a kind of template. By all means, use it but ADAPT IT for your own circumstances.
Use your partner’s first name first, and then say the following:
- I promise to [eg, always be at your side] – maybe 3 things
- I promise to be [your rock] – maybe 3 things
- I promise [to take your advice occasionally] –2/3 funny things
- I promise not to [check e-mails while we’re eating together] –2/3 funny things
- I promise to [love you unreservedly] – 1 or 2 serious things
Have fun with it!
by Michael | Jan 23, 2017 | Blog
After my first piece on the subject, I am continuing my trawl through the luxury London venues (well, someone has to do it!).
I paid a visit to the Ritz Hotel. My expectations were high, I confess.
The reception I received was extremely friendly, although the elegance and opulence of my surroundings took my breath away! I was pleasantly surprised how quiet the building was, despite fronting on to Piccadilly. The decoration of the rooms is stunning, particularly in the part that, though only belonging to the hotel for about 10 years, is actually the oldest.
The Ritz has three relatively informal rooms for smaller gatherings and one that takes about 75. One of the small rooms overlooks the Ritz’s own garden (I didn’t even know they had one!) and Green Park. The rooms cannot be said to be under-stated, and the ceilings are amazing!
My visit certainly didn’t disappoint.
Moving to Knightsbridge, my next port of call was The Berkeley. I’m not sure it actually announced itself with a sign outside, but perhaps it doesn’t need it!
I was immediately struck by the service. Someone is employed to greet everybody entering the hotel and offer them help. As the hotel proved a little labyrinthine, this was welcome!
This hotel too is being refurbished (January – March 2017), although it looked in excellent order to me! It has a ballroom, currently seating 100-180, which will be extended, and will accommodate nearer 220. As a celebrant, I was relieved that a microphone and built-in speakers are available as part of the package.
The hotel has its own recommended suppliers, but, if the client prefers to bring someone in from outside, this is not an issue.
This is a hotel with considerable style.
By contrast, I went a little out of London (Elstree) to visit the Village Club Hotel. This is a very modern building with little of the character of the two others. However, it has its own atmosphere, and modern facilities (and, not least, free parking).
Flexibility is the watchword, seemingly. The ballroom can fit in 180-200 maximum, but divides up, so smaller numbers can be accommodated. There is a terrace outside, which is available. There is also a reception area, as you come in, offering a private bar.
The hotel will provide catering and the like, but, subject to certain conditions, welcomes outside suppliers.
There are also smaller rooms that may suit cosier affairs.
As your ever-obliging civil celebrant, I plan to submit one further review, and I hope to be offering useful service.
by Michael | Jan 16, 2017 | Blog
Wedding bells are ringing. Or are they?!
A Muslim and Jewess want to marry. A Christian and a Jew are very much in love. A Pagan and Russian Orthodox want to tie the knot.
A mixed-faith marriage is a bit special, is it not?
Having conducted a number of fabulous mixed-faith marriages in the last years. I’d answer with a resounding“yes”.
Photos courtesy of Philippa Gedge Photography
Not so simple!
Well, not everyone might be as enthusiastic as me!
What if the couple want a religious (or even, part-religious) wedding? How will they manage, if their church/synagogue/mosque/temple/you name it refuses to recognise their union?
The obvious answer is a civil ceremony. There are two kinds, so you have a choice.
Register Office Service
The register office service contains the necessary wording to make the marriage legal, so it is indispensable. Unfortunately, the ceremony itself is (reasonably enough) standard and somewhat impersonal. More to the point, it has to be totally secular. There may be no reference whatsoever to religion or even use of religious vocabulary.
So this solution, though worthy in its way, may not meet the needs of most mixed-faith couples.
Civil Ceremony
Another choice is to use a civil celebrant. As a celebrant-led ceremony does not encompass the legalities, it would have to be in addition to the registrars’ service.
As for venue, you would have two options. If your venue is licensed for marriages, the registrars will come there, perform their service and leave. At which point the civil celebrant can begin your personalised ceremony.
Alternatively, you can marry at the register office (by appointment), with two witnesses, and proceed (that day or a following one that you select) to the venue of your choosing, be it indoors or outdoors. Then you can celebrate your bespoke service absolutely as you would wish.
Advantages
The beauty of a civil ceremony is that you can incorporate your ideas and desires into the ceremony. It’s your big day, after all. So why shouldn’t you have full input? And if you are short of ideas, let your celebrant offer suggestions.
Your celebrant may well not be ordained, but he/she will still be able to include religious elements. These might be readings, music or ceremonial items. The most beautiful thing is that both partners’ religions can be honoured in this way.
Perhaps you know a mixed-faith couple who are planning their wedding, but are not happy about the options open to them. If so, please send them my way, and I’ll be delighted to have a non-obligation chat with them. That way, they may still end up with the ceremony of their dreams!
How cool would that be?!
by Michael | Jan 10, 2017 | Blog
Do you really have the time and stamina to scout out the luxury London venues for a possible wedding or Vow Renewal? There’s no shortage of choice!
Maybe I can save you some trouble and start you off?
I thought it might be helpful if I visited a few top hotels, saw the ceremony rooms, and reported back on my general impressions. I’ll publish my findings over two or three blogs, possibly on a fortnightly basis.
There will be omissions – not least, from some establishments who refused to return phone calls! But this may give you something to start from, and that’s got to be good.
I have tried to be professional. I hope my comments are useful and impartial. But I think I liked everything I saw to some degree, so if you’re hoping for vicious critiques, read no further!
The Mandarin Oriental (above) has a splendid setting overlooking Hyde Park. It is licensed for weddings (so the registrars will come out there for you). It is flexible, catering for a maximum of 200 guests (with a dance-floor) in the ballroom. There is also a cosy room with a balcony that can accommodate about 30 people.
The downside is that the hotel is currently undergoing major renovations, and these will continue into 2018, although they seemed to be managing the inevitable disruption extremely efficiently. You’d have to ask about this when you visit.
The Four Seasons Park Lane (top of page) is an elegant venue, surprisingly discreet considering that it is virtually on Hyde Park Corner. You can have your ceremony elsewhere and come on for the reception afterwards, but the hotel is licensed for weddings, so you can do everything in the same premises.
The Hamilton Room would be ideal for a Vow Renewal, accommodating 20-30 people, but the ballroom can take 220 people seated.
They have an in-house florist and onsite AV facilities.
The more homely Chiswell Street Dining Rooms can be found close to the Barbican Centre. The venue is a bit different and ideal for a slightly less formal ceremony. 100 people can be seated – or a buffet for up to 200 can be offered. The panelling and decor provide an historic atmosphere. There is a bar area and restaurant, and there are spaces available after the meal for dancing and celebration. If accommodation is required, the premises are actually part of the comfortable and luxurious Montcalm London City Hotel.
I’ll be reviewing some more luxury London venues later this month. I hope this instalment has been of use for now.
A word of advice
Perhaps your curiosity will be piqued and you’ll want to visit a venue. When you go, take a list of questions with you. Don’t hesitate to ask the wedding planner anything that concerns you. After all, you will be paying enough for services the hotel will offer!
You’ve got to feel comfortable with their terms and conditions, and ASK if something is unclear. But the bottom line is that you must also LOVE the atmosphere of the venue, otherwise there’s no point taking it any further.
by Michael | Jan 3, 2017 | Blog
Let’s face it: who should have the final say about everything when planning a wedding? Is it the bride’s family, who may be bankrolling the affair? Or the professional (if you’re employing one), ie the wedding planner?
It pays to listen to advice – but it must be the bride who takes the ultimate decisions.
If that’s you, this is what you will need to consider.
Organisation
You must list what needs to be done – and by what time. You can buy a wedding book, or create one with a ring binder, say. Ensure you record names and contact details of suppliers.
You could do worse than download (forgive the plug!) my free “Wedding Countdown Checklist” (click here), and you’ll be well on the way.
Bridesmaids
You need to get on with this early in the process. Choose your maid (or matron) of honour; her main job will be to organise the bridesmaids and support you both emotionally and practically.
As for the bridesmaids themselves, you want people you can count on, so choose carefully.
Don’t forget you’ll later want to show your gratitude to them. It could be a gift presented at the reception or a lunch before the wedding.
Dress and Accessories
It’s also worth starting this process early (you ought to have placed your orders six or more months before the wedding). Your dress is the first priority. Then look for (if appropriate) veil, gloves, shoes, handbag, jewellery and undergarments. You may want to involve your maid of honour or a parent here.
You’ll need to decide on a hair and make-up stylist early. A good idea is to book a trial run a couple of months in advance of the wedding, as well as the ‘real thing’ on the day.
Other suppliers may book up quickly, so do your homework and act on your findings in good time.
You may want to have your engagement ring cleaned and even book a manicure.
Responsibility
Although, as I suggest, the final decisions will be down to you, there is no need to do everything yourself! Nor is there any sense in it, as burn-out would then be a real possibility.
So why not delegate (gently!)?
Your parents or in-laws may well appreciate being invited to participate. Drawing up the guest list is an obvious communal job. They might want to publish news of your engagement or your wedding in the newspaper. Maybe they can book a band for your reception.
Your bridesmaids may well enjoy being consulted about their dresses.
The groom can prove himself useful. (No, really!) Traditionally, he may take on buying the wedding rings, choosing the ushers and the best man (and their attire) and buying gifts for them. He may organise the registrars, the transport on the day, arrange to pay the celebrant and plan the honeymoon. So he needn’t get off that lightly!
In addition, at the start, you will surely visit the venue together. You may want to set the budget, discuss your ceremony, agree/write your vows, share thoughts on whom to invite and which gifts to put on the wedding list.
Your beloved may have contacts and might be able to help organise the catering, florist, photographer etc.
To sum up
The bottom line is: accept help and advice gracefully ; don’t try and do it all yourself; plan meticulously; be the final arbiter; and relish the whole process!
by Michael | Dec 21, 2016 | Blog
At this time of year, it seems right not to be entirely serious, so I thought a few moments of levity, even about funerals, might be permitted. Unless otherwise stated, they all relate to services I have conducted (with names changed, to protect the not-necessarily innocent!).
Limousine lunacy
Although neither of these was ‘my’ funeral, I was tickled by the idea of the limo that turned up at the wrong address (Shades of “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, and “I’m not dead yet!”)! Then the limo that arrived at the right address, only to find that the whole family were still in bed!
Football Fanatics
At a family visit, I learned that the deceased had been absolutely committed to Chelsea. Supporting them had virtually been his whole life. So, as we put the service together, I suggested “Blue is the Colour”, which is the Chelsea anthem. The family enthusiastically agreed.
On the day, having explained the reason, I asked the guests to open their Order of Service booklets to the page where the words could be found. “Please feel free to join in,” I said, “I certainly won’t, being a Tottenham supporter!”
I’m glad (for reasons that should now be obvious) that I didn’t have to conduct the service of an Arsenal supporter, not least because everyone seemed to be expected to don Arsenal shirts! There’s only so far I’m prepared to go!
Daft Dress
I’ve only actually been asked to wear something special at a funeral once. This was for somebody known by everybody as “Greenie”, so the whole family were going to wear green, and would I do something too, please? Of course, I would.
On the day, I came suitably attired, and looked to see what the others were wearing.
Anything but green! Not one of them had any green!
What was that all about, then?!
Worrying Words
Finally, Steve had decided – and I totally sympathise – that he wanted to save money. There would be no Order of Service, but he’d print up and distribute the words of “Amazing Grace”, which was to be our only hymn. He’d also record it and bring the CD (or whatever) with him.
That should have been fine.
So, at the appointed time, I asked people to rise and join in the singing. Unfortunately, without informing anybody, Steve had changed the recording to Elvis’. Not a problem in itself, but he had failed to check it. It turned out that the version was different and the words mostly did not correspond to those on his songsheet!
Greetings
Not all my funerals are as much fun, of course! And, indeed, they can be poignant and moving too. Things DON’T normally go wrong. But they can have their lighter side, and that’s what I have been sharing with you.
I hope you’ve had a smile, and, however you may mark this season, I wish you all the best for the festivities.
