by Michael | Mar 7, 2017 | Blog
How do you keep everyone happy?!
I remember, from my days as a teacher, that, as soon as you had more than one child in the classroom, you had to accept the fact: you now had a mixed-ability class.
When faced with 30 pupils, say, do you aim at satisfying the needs of the cleverest ones, the weakest, or those in the middle? How can you please all of them even part of the time?
Such a dilemma is not unique to the classroom.
Let’s consider a wedding.
Religion
As soon as religion enters the mix, you are faced with questions. If it’s a wedding, should you opt for a full, religious service? Will that really be what the couple and their family want?
What about a secular or humanist service? No religion at all? You can bet that somebody is not going to like that.
You could go for a partly-religious ceremony. However, that runs the risk of not satisfying anybody at all (although it may depend how the service is constructed and presented).
Source: Philippa Gedge photography
Compromise
As with a lot of the wedding planning, give-and-take is necessary. You’ll probably be struggling over the invitations already, so you may well be getting proficient at compromising.
Parameters
Given that you are highly unlikely to be able to keep everybody sweet, should you aim for the majority; should you placate parents; should you go your own way?
The first option risks being a bit wishy-washy. A mixed-faith service has got to be compiled and presented very professionally for it to work.
As for parents, even if they are financing the whole event, they should understand that it is still the fiances’ big day. That should be the bottom line. There’s nothing wrong with the couple including a religious element or two by way of compromise, but the ceremony should not be High Church (or equivalent), if the couple don’t want it.
As a civil celebrant, I have experience of one parent (only the one) who steamrollered the whole wedding – to the extent, that she threatened to boycott the event (and take quite a number of her relatives with her), if her choice was not respected over the couple’s. It takes all sorts …
If you decide to go your own way on your big day, you should be able to do so with a clear conscience. But if it is possible to include something that may placate those of different convictions, then it would be a nice gesture to do so.
The Best of all Worlds
I recently conducted a handfasting for a lovely couple. That was what Karl wanted; Martina had wanted a church wedding. They decided they would compromise (an encouraging start for a lifetime together!).
After the traditional church service, everybody moved to a wonderful barn for the handfasting, which I was to lead. The ceremony was nature-based, and required a few explanations for most guests.
The handfasting
We charged the circle (or space) before asking Air, Fire, Water and Earth to bless the couple. We drew down God and Goddess before blessing the couple with divine qualities. The actual handfasting (knotting together the couple’s wrists) took place before the pair (in the Quaich, or loving cup ceremony) drank to their past, present and future happiness, before we concluded in a more traditional way.
To judge by the comments and atmosphere, the ceremony was really well-received and presumably didn’t offend anybody. Whether or not we managed to keep absolutely everybody happy, I can’t say, but I think we may have come close to achieving the impossible!
That’s the beauty of celebrant-led weddings: the couple have the choice to create their ideal ceremony. I think that’s wonderful.
by Michael | Feb 27, 2017 | Blog
This is my third and final review of luxury London venues for your wedding/vow renewal. I rather wish it wasn’t coming to an end – reviewing these establishments wasn’t much of a hardship, in truth!
[Please note that my disclaimers (from my previous articles) still apply.]
The Rosewood
The Rosewood in High Holborn could hardly be more central and convenient. The signage was so discreet that I wasn’t sure which of the doors led to the Reception!
However, once in, I was very impressed by the appearance. Only three years old, at the time of writing, the hotel looked well cared-for. It was spacious, elegant and classy (without being snooty).
I’d love to have included my photos, but something went amiss. At least, here’s one picture (from the website), and that will give you a feel for the place.
Source: rosewoodhotels.com Rosewood London
Service is very important, clearly, and anyone who books a wedding here will be well looked-after. The ballroom, which includes a PA system, can take 280 people, and its foyer around 240. There is also a “living room” (capacity c. 30) and dining room (c. 20). Both the latter could be ideal for a smaller event, such as a Vow Renewal.
The Rosewood have recommended suppliers and would organise whatever is required. But as quite a number of weddings here are Jewish, outside kosher catering is brought in. You can arrange most other suppliers yourself – florists, for example.
Stylish and professional, the Rosewood will not be cheap, but you will surely get what you pay for here.
The Lanesborough
The Hotel is in a remarkable location. It is situated on Hyde Park Corner (literally), in a beautifully restored 18th century building that was once a hospital (now St George’s, Tooting).
It is flexible, as far as meeting the needs of its clients is concerned, and has a variety of rooms suitable for weddings or vow renewals of differing sizes.
I believe the hotel’s reputation speaks for itself – the decor is glorious and I appreciated the friendly attentiveness of the staff, who clearly aim at keeping the customer happy. They are only too pleased to help.
The Goring
Perhaps surprisingly for Central London, The Goring is still a family-run hotel (and has been for over a century). It has been much frequented by royalty, so the decor is opulent and the service discreet, but thoroughly attentive. The Goring is the only hotel in the world to be granted a Royal Warrant by HM The Queen for Hospitality Services.
There are two rooms suitable for holding a ceremony and reception: The Drawing Room and The Garden Room. They are both intimate and intensely tasteful. The Garden Room has its own private sunken terrace, which leads to the unexpectedly large and attractive private garden, with its own private terrace, which is a lovely feature.
The Drawing Room at Night
The hotel, full of lovely chandeliers and tasteful decor, oozes class, yet does so without pretension. For enquiries, please email privatedining@thegoring.com
The Garden Room at the Goring
by Michael | Feb 20, 2017 | Blog
My good friend, Louisa Coulthurst, of Urban Bridesmaid Photography, has been kind enough to submit a blog this week. She’s a great person to tell you how to secure brilliant photography for your big day.
Take it away, Louisa!
Before booking the wedding venue
When checking out potential wedding venues, talk to the venue about their photography policy rules and the restriction it may have on your ceremony. For instance, some churches and some registrars do not allow photography of the ceremony, and some churches only allow photography from the back or side of the aisle. Another issue to consider: if you have a two-venue wedding (separate ceremony and reception locations) and you want to go to the local park to grab some photographs, a lot of parks now (royal borough or otherwise) require a photography permit which can cost up to £80.
Another thing to note if you are planning a winter wedding is the timing of your wedding ceremony; your ceremony could finish by the time it is dark. In this case if you are wanting/planning to have outdoor group shots, you may wish to have them before the ceremony or jiggle the time of the ceremony.
Once you have booked your wedding venue and your wedding date is set, start looking for your wedding photographer. The reasoning behind this that often wedding photographers get booked up quite far in advance, especially on key summer dates (such as in the school summer holidays July/August)
Wedding Photography Budget
A rough rule of thumb is that you should aim to allocate roughly 10% of your overall wedding budget to spend on a wedding photographer. Whilst this might not be practical or even feasible for some couples, in all cases try to get THE BEST PHOTOGRAPHY you can for your budget when choosing a wedding photographer. After all, the photographs, along with your spouse and wedding rings will be the only lasting memories from the big day! Products such as albums can be purchased after the wedding day, but you can’t go back and redo the day!
Meeting the wedding photographer in person
You have searched the internet, checked photographers’ websites and Instagram, seen some Facebook ads and shortlisted a few wedding photographers whose work you love. You have contacted them and – result – they are free on your wedding date, so what next? The next stage is to arrange a meeting with a few of them. This is to see their work in person and see how it looks printed in an album. You can also see a couple of whole weddings (start to finish) as delivered to the client to judge if their work is consistent throughout the whole day. How does the photographer deal with dark venues, bad weather? Are there only a few great shots and the rest blah? It is also to get a feel about their personality – after all, they will be round you all day and you want to find someone who you feel comfortable around, as it will reflect in the photos. You might want a photographer who is very discreet and you hardly notice they are there, for instance.
Booking the Photographer
Once you have met with a few photographers, you should have a clearer picture of whom you would like to book.
Make sure that the paperwork (contracts) is all in order, note when the final payment is due and when you will receive your photographs and what format (e.g. high resolution images on a USB). Sign the contract and pay the booking fee to confirm your wedding date with the photographer.
On Your Wedding Day
Relax and enjoy the day and let your wedding photographer do their magic!
Group Shots
If you would like to have a few group shots with your family, please indicate this to your wedding photographer beforehand and draw up a list. Group shots do not have to take hours – every guests’ nightmare! To speed up the process of group shots, make a list of a maximum of 6 essential groups (immediate family/friends). As a guide, each grouping takes about 3-5 minutes to set up (getting family into position) and execute (not counting the photographer taking two or three of the same grouping in case of any of the group blinks). And if you don’t want group shots at all- don’t have them! Hire a photographer who is skilled at capturing candid moments! Also don’t forget to take some couple alone shots, as this is the time that gets squeezed the most.
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Louisa is a South East London based wedding photographer. Couples have been choosing Urban Bridesmaid Photography for Louisa’s unobtrusive wedding photography style and attention to detail. As a photographer who will observe and capture the day as it happens, whilst staying in the background, Louisa is able to take photographs which are not dull or boring, capturing bride, groom and guests looking natural and at ease!
Company Name: Urban Bridesmaid Photography
Website address: www.urbanbridesmaid.com
Phone: 07956 531 508
Instagram: www.instagram.com/urbanbridesmaid
I’m sure you’ve enjoyed Louisa’s article and found it useful. I’ll be back next week, but, if you want some more guest blogs, then let me know (and I won’t be offended!). I’ve got another one lined up for March …
by Michael | Feb 14, 2017 | Blog
Valentine’s Day – well, it’s all about romance, isn’t it?
Visions of romantic, candle-lit dinners. Scores of love-struck Romeos on their knees proposing marriage to their beloved. It’s a magical time.
It’s a wonderful time for chocolate-makers, florists and restaurateurs too, that’s for sure! And maybe for civil celebrants?! But is it so great, for the wannabe fiancé?
By mistake I published my Valentine’s Day blog a week early (did you read it?!). Consequently, I’ve been forced to think of something else for this week! I’ve come up with a fable (well, a true story, actually).
Proposals
I wondered how many people do choose this day to propose to their intended.
Long ago, in the mists of time, I got down on bended knee in front of my bewildered girl-friend and asked her to marry me. A little to my surprise, she accepted me, and more than 18 years have elapsed since then. But, despite the result, things hadn’t gone as I had planned.
A salutary tale
I had been working in Italy, and had arranged that my girl-friend should join me in Rome. We would spend a few days together sightseeing (she thought she’d be shopping – her first surprise!).
We had been together for a year and a half, and this would be my chance to propose to her. But what if she were to say no?
I had originally chosen the Piazza Navona on the second evening for my proposal. When we got there, it was atmospheric, but crowded and busy, and it didn’t seem right.
How would the remaining days of the holiday be, if I were rejected then? No, better put it off to the last night. Yes, that was it. Wait as long as possible.
The next day, we travelled outside Rome to the Villa d’Este, in Tivoli. The gardens are spectacular, terraced, with fabulous fountains at every turn. We had chosen a beautiful morning and, for some reason, had the place almost to ourselves. (Apart from stray cats.)
As I knew I wouldn’t be proposing for a day or two, I was relaxed, and before I knew what was happening, I had done the deed. Quite easy, actually!
The right answer was vouchsafed, and I would be walking on air for the rest of our stay and, indeed, for long afterwards.
The moral of the story
So what is the point of my confession?
I would advise anybody planning to propose to take on board what I learned.
You don’t have to pre-plan when to propose – and, if you’re nervous like me, it is better to let the moment happen. If you pre-determine the moment, you will get uptight. It may spoil your dinner, or holiday, or whatever. You may even miss the opportunity altogether.
Trust that the opportunity will arise.
By all means, propose marriage on Valentine’s Day – just, don’t do it because it’s Valentine’s Day!
by Michael | Feb 7, 2017 | Blog
Ever considered a Valentine’s Day wedding?
Unfortunately, 14th February is on a Wednesday in 2018, so that may not seem the ideal day for you. However, a weekday wedding is perfectly feasible, so don’t rule it out.
History
Valentine’s Day has been around since Roman times (496 AD) and was celebrated with an exchange of hand-written love notes or cards in as early as the 1400s.
Its appeal as a wedding day is undeniable.
Modern day tips
If you choose to celebrate your wedding on Valentine’s Day, here are eight tips that you might interest you.
The Ceremony
If your officiant is a civil celebrant, you can write (or get him/her to help you write) your story as part of your wedding ceremony. By “story”, I mean how you met or what attracted – and still attracts – you to each other. This will help personalise the ceremony, and guests will love it!
Colour theme
You probably don’t need to agonise, as red or pink are traditionally the colours for Valentine’s Day.
Decor
A nice idea is to display in the lounge area photos of family members (whether living or not) on their wedding day. If there’s a fireplace, it would be great if it were lit. Otherwise, you may be able to give the illusion of a lit fireplace by using candles.
A dinner illuminated by candles can produce a wonderful effect (health & safety being duly observed, of course!). Sequined or silky table linens will make the candles shine even brighter.
Flowers
Roses must be a given. However, amaryllis can be effective too.
Drinks
You might be able to work with your caterers or venue and agree on a signature cocktail. This could have red garnishes (using cherries, strawberries or raspberries).
Music
You’d probably choose a love song for your first dance anyway. However, on their reply slip to the invitation, you could also have asked each guest to fill in what their first dance music was (or what “their” song is). Put these on the playlist, and thus make your guests feel included.
Cake
Valentine’s Day is a day to indulge. You want a special cake. A modern heart pattern embossed into white fondant may be striking. Or you can choose a cake with a red filling.
Take-home gift
Maybe that’s not all you would give, but what about starting with a packet of Love Hearts?
Your celebrant can help make this special day even more special. Ask them to suggest some romantic rituals that might fit the bill.
You really can combine the traditional and modern into an unforgettable ceremony. A Valentine’s Day wedding can be a really exciting option.
by Michael | Jan 30, 2017 | Blog
Who said wedding vows can’t be funny?
What should the tone of the vows be?
I have absolutely nothing against people who deliver traditional wedding vows. Or who write their own, solemn ones. I do respect them. Vows are highly significant. They are normally carefully chosen and delivered in the presence of a crowd of people who really matter to the couple.
As a civil celebrant, I’ve heard (and helped with) quite a few in my time.
But injecting a bit of humour and personality into those vows can work and may be absolutely appropriate. Not least, if the couple have got a rich sense of humour.
How do you do it?
I’m afraid there’s no template to follow. Nor is there a right or a wrong scenario. What you can do is to write a series of promises that contain a little humour.
One way to do this is to throw a funny line in among some serious or unfunny promises.
You can also deliver your line humorously. Maybe there can be a reference to a failing of your loved one that will be recognised by your partner and, possibly, a good number of guests! You may want to mention something about your (or your loved one’s) character.
That doesn’t mean to say that it should be all about humour and there’s no point making trivial promises. It’s not meant to be a stand-up routine. You shouldn’t force the humour. Don’t be aggressive or disrespectful.
Mention a thing if it is true (and genuinely funny). If your partner is arachnophobic, a vow such as “I promise to save you from any spider that crosses our threshold” will resonate among your guests!
A few thoughts
It goes without saying that you and your partner must both be willing and happy to write your own vows!
Before putting pen to paper, think about what makes your relationship tick.
Then write a few lines, leave your work for a day or two, come back to it and redraft, if needs be. You may need to do this a few times. When you are happy with it, practise reading it aloud. (If you’re really nervous, your celebrant will read it for you, but it’s normally better to do it yourself.)
Starting model
Personalising your vows is all about originality. If you need a starting point, here is a kind of template. By all means, use it but ADAPT IT for your own circumstances.
Use your partner’s first name first, and then say the following:
- I promise to [eg, always be at your side] – maybe 3 things
- I promise to be [your rock] – maybe 3 things
- I promise [to take your advice occasionally] –2/3 funny things
- I promise not to [check e-mails while we’re eating together] –2/3 funny things
- I promise to [love you unreservedly] – 1 or 2 serious things
Have fun with it!
