by Michael | Sep 20, 2016 | Blog
When you’re preparing for a major life-cycle event, there are crucial decisions to be made. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a wedding, vow renewal, naming ceremony or even a funeral; you’re going to want to get it right.
Getting it right will depend on your choices as well as your budget. This is a mighty subject, so I propose to limit myself to weddings today.
Crucial decisions will, of course, vary from couple to couple. For some, flowers will be absolutely essential as a component of the wedding; others may see them as a desirable extra. People will normally want photographers/videographers, and these need to be chosen carefully (see my blog on this).
The most important decisions will surely revolve around the ceremony and the reception.
Ceremony
Will you have a full religious wedding in a religious building? The ceremony may well include the legal bits, which can be handy. But logistically, you’ll have to consider how you – and the guests – get from the church (or whatever) to the reception.
What if you don’t want a full religious service? Or even a part-religious one?
There are options, such as using a civil celebrant like myself. I can conduct a unique, tailor-made ceremony for a couple, with as much or as little religion or ritual etc. as they want. They will still need to have been legally married by the registrars beforehand (either at the Register Office or immediately before, at the same premises as the bespoke ceremony).
You may need to consider also how formal you want the ceremony to be, how many participants to involve (ushers, bridesmaids, Best Man/Woman etc.), the music, the decorations and so on. Do you plan to write your own vows?
Venue
Go and visit a number of possible venues, once you’ve had a look at their websites. There’s no substitute for getting a feel for the place (your gut feeling is so important here). You will also want to come equipped with a list of questions. If the event planner isn’t very helpful, does it make much sense to choose that venue?
Reception
Depending on what you want and can afford, you will have to look at who you invite and what sort of seating plan you go with. Are you having a sit-down meal or a buffet? Will there be canapés etc? When choosing a caterer, do ask to sample some of what they can offer.
Will there be gaps in the proceedings that might need an entertainer? Or a toastmaster? Will you want a disco? Might you provide a quiet area? What about children?
Have you thought about speeches?
Useful help
As you will have seen from this overview, there are many, many issues to address. A professional wedding planner will ease you through this (at a cost, of course). If you start early enough, the issues should not overwhelm you, but maybe I can offer you some welcome help?
I have written a book on this very subject: “Your Wedding Guide”. For less than £5, you can buy it on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/2e9RcqS
Alternatively, if you contact me with your e-mail address, I shall be delighted to e-mail you my free Wedding Countdown Checklist, which will suggest important tasks you need to do and time-frames for completing them.
I look forward to being of service to you!
by Michael | May 24, 2016 | Blog
So you’re planning a major event – a wedding or vow renewal, perhaps? Where do you want to hold it? At home? In church? At a hotel? In town or in the country? Or at a venue that’s a little more wacky?
Of course, budget is going to enter into it, as will your personal preferences. Maybe you just want a modest family affair, with a few select friends. Or maybe money is no object for this (hopefully!) once-in-a-lifetime occasion.
So forgive me for not being prescriptive, but at least I can give you a few ideas and set your creative juices flowing.
Practicalities
Before letting your imagination take wing, bear in mind the following:
- Venues tend to get booked about a year beforehand
- Ensure you visit your venue, have a good look (does the atmosphere delight you?) and ask the event planner lots of questions (are the answers what you want to hear?)
- What is the transport situation of the venue (if you’re having a church service first, how easy will it be to get to the venue and park?)
- If the venue is outdoors, make sure you get permission, and be prepared for the unpredictable!
Conventional ideas
There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing a conventional venue – why seek out complexity and potential problems? You can still make the day unique, for example, with a wonderful civil ceremony.
A back garden can make a lovely setting (beware health and safety issues and have a Plan B, in case of inclement weather). There will be extra stress, if you are handling the catering yourselves, but that is another subject!
Many people choose a hotel or restaurant. (If it’s a restaurant, make sure you have the place to yourselves, especially if you’re having speeches etc.) The registrars will come in , if it’s a licensed venue. If not (then you will have been down to the register office already), you can have a tailor-made civil ceremony/blessing etc. at the venue afterwards. This should be no problem, as long as you arrange it in good time.
More Creative ideas
The world is potentially your oyster, but when you get inspiration, don’t be blinded by excitement! If you like the idea of getting married on the seashore, sit down first and think about things such as transport, weather, refreshments and access. You don’t have to curb your enthusiasm too much, but you don’t want to be facing up to regrets at a later stage.
If you’re looking for ideas in the UK, you may choose something that fits in with your hobbies. I officiated at one ceremony at the Basingstoke Canal Centre. It might not have been everybody’s choice, but it was just perfect for the particular couple.
Stately homes and castles may all provide unforgettable settings (at a price!), and then there are places like a pod on the London Eye, or at an attraction such as a zoo or aquarium, or museum. You might be able to arrange a special bus or train.
Outdoors, there’s plenty to choose from: what about the inner circle at Stonehenge or an iron age fort like Old Sarum? Perhaps you fancy a forest clearing, a mountain top or something more exotic, like abseiling down Ben Nevis? (I’m not sure you can do that, but it’s just a thought!)
So before taking wing, plant your feet on the ground! Do consider the practicalities BEFORE jumping headlong into what appears a wonderful, novel, unique adventure.
Be prepared to be guided by professionals (event planners, civil celebrants, etc.), but then go where your fancy takes you and really have the day of your dreams!
by Michael | Apr 26, 2016 | Blog
We all know that your wedding day is supposed to be a happy day – indeed, the happiest of days. But what if things go wrong? What if you make a fool of yourself? What if something gets forgotten? Few people avoid wedding day stress.
One key step
You can make it far more bearable with good preparation. If you have organised things well in advance (or maybe you have employed a wedding planner to do this), then you should be able to enjoy the day without worrying about last-minute details.
Just to depress you, I’d like to point out that, of course, almost anything CAN go wrong. Your car may not collect you on time, it may break down, tremendous traffic – or weather – may hold you up. The venue may have a power cut.
And that’s merely the beginning of the list!
Attitude
You can fear the worst – or anticipate the best. Rather than become totally paranoid, accept that there are certain things you cannot legislate for – but that are highly unlikely to happen. You can spoil the whole day by worrying about something that just isn’t going to happen.
Preparation
That’s not to say that you should be casual or negligent. You are most likely to be safest, if you employ good professionals – whether caterers, celebrants, florists, photographers, event planners or others.
If you have to deliver a speech, there are things you can do to prevent this from becoming a ghastly experience. I really can’t do better than refer you to a couple of blogs I have written on this subject.
Checking
It’s worth checking with your suppliers a day or two in advance that everything you have stipulated is in hand and that they know when and where they are expected.
The venue should have a planner who will cover this, but if you have the chance to arrive early, make a visual check of the room(s) . Can you spot anything potentially dangerous, like trailing wires? Is anything missing? Is there enough of whatever you will need?
On the day
It is natural and almost goes without saying that you will be nervous. Whether bride, groom, parent, best man etc., you will have at least a moment in the spotlight as centre of attention. Chances are, you are unused to the limelight.
A bit of adrenalin won’t harm you. And you do know that everybody will be on your side, willing you on.
A good strategy
Best to practise this well in advance, and on the day this will be a great calming exercise: take a few moments out to sit and concentrate on your breathing. Aim to slow it down, but don’t breathe too deeply – after all, it’s not a great idea to pass out!
A less good strategy
Alcohol is the answer to all problems. Well, no, it isn’t, although, for some, a small amount may settle a few nerves. Getting drunk (“to forget”) is a big mistake and may increase stress (often for other people!).
Phobia
If, despite my suggestions, you fear that it will all prove too much for you, then I recommend EFT (or “tapping”), which can be remarkably effective in dealing with extreme cases. Isobel has many years of experience in helping to create confidence in any situation. Reach her at www.intherighthands.co.uk.
If you simply want a bit of reassurance and guidance, then please contact me. I take pride in putting people at their ease on their big day.
by Michael | Dec 8, 2015 | Blog
Asking you to beware that destination wedding may sound a bit melodramatic, but don’t be put off. As my last blog ought to have suggested, I have nothing against a destination wedding! In fact, I spoke about how wonderful it can be, provided you have the right civil celebrant.
However, there can be a few other things to look out for, if the wedding is to be the success that you are dreaming of.
Guests
A lot of thought is going to have to go into deciding whom you invite. I can’t advise you on that, as it obviously has to be your decision, but you will need to weigh up who absolutely has to be there (it may be the best man, parents, or whoever) and how you get them there.
Depending on where you are holding the ceremony, you will have to think about other people’s budgets (unless you’re lucky enough to be able to treat them to flights and/or accommodation).
Venue
I suggest a few considerations here (remarks which might equally apply to non-destination wedding venues too).
- If you are having a theme, will the venue be suitable?
- Is the venue licensed for civil ceremonies (or will you actually be marrying in a register office before you depart, say)?
- Don’t forget to check if the area is big enough (yet not too big) for your party – and whether you will need to hire any equipment (audio, seating, cutlery, etc.)
- Is there an in-house wedding co-ordinator – and will she be there on the day?
- Can the catering arrangements all be sorted satisfactorily? Will vegetarian or gluten-free options be wanted – or even possible? Can there be a cake?
- Does your package include menus, place cards, centerpieces, etc.?
Accommodation
It is probably simpler, if you stay in the hotel where the ceremony will take place. If not, ensure you organise transportation well in advance. At all events, try and do your homework before booking.
If you have guests arriving after you, ensure they know how to reach the venue from the airport/port.
Make sure you check their requirements before booking them in for at least bed and breakfast.
Before the wedding
The last thing you want is to be ill on your wedding day. Therefore:
- Avoid over-indulging in alcohol, especially the day before the ceremony
- Be conservative about what and how much you eat, especially on the eve of the wedding
- Don’t spend too long in the sun
- Ensure you keep well-hydrated (with bottled, still water, preferably)
A Wedding Blessing?
What about those people you didn’t invite or who couldn’t join you in your exotic location?
A lovely possibility would be to hire a room in a restaurant or hotel near your home back in the UK, and hold a bespoke wedding blessing ceremony just for your friends and family. A civil celebrant could compile and conduct a beautiful, meaningful short service for you.
Your guests would love having the chance to witness and participate in what is (to all intents and purposes) your marriage, and would appreciate the photo-opportunities. Knowing the legal bit is long over and done with, you would simply relax and enjoy the whole event.
That way, everybody can be happy!
by Michael | Aug 11, 2015 | Blog
Where to have your wedding? The location is obviously one of the first things that couples want to arrange. For one thing, the more popular venues may be booked up a year or more in advance. Secondly, the atmosphere of the wedding can largely be dictated by the sort of venue chosen, so it’s not a decision to be taken lightly.
First considerations
Obvious things to consider are your budget. How much money do you want to devote to this? If you choose a less usual date or time of day, you may be able to secure the venue at a better price. Obviously, you will need estimates, possibly from several venues, before you commit.
The size of the venue is clearly important – you don’t want the wedding party engulfed in a huge area, but you certainly don’t want to be squashed together for the ceremony or reception. A preliminary visit, together with the events planner, is essential. Be prepared to ask lots of questions and be absolutely clear what the price actually includes.
Would you be intimidated by a castle setting, say, or do you want to push the boat out and go up the Shard or hire a Stately Home? Would something more homely suit?
And go with your gut. Is this a place where you feel you can be really happy?
Logistics
The next question is: are you going to want to have your reception at the same location as your ceremony? If not, you’ll need to think about the logistics. Will the party drive from the wedding venue to the reception? What about non-drivers? How long should you allow for this? Will your reception be spoilt, if it takes longer than you think to reach the venue? Is parking going to be an issue?
Unconventional Ceremonies
Naturally, the type of wedding you want will also dictate where you have it. If you are planning a handfasting wedding, then you’re probably going to have it in a field or at an Iron Age fort, for example. You’ll need to get permission from the landowner and you’ll have to decide what sort of reception you hold, if any – and where.
If you want a secular wedding, then the registrars have to be involved for the legal bit. If you want them to come out to a location of your choosing, it will have to have solid walls, for example (ie a marquee won’t do). So do your homework here.
If you don’t want a full religious service (eg church, synagogue, etc) but you want more than the routine register office ceremony, you can have the best of all worlds with a civil celebrant-led ceremony. Then you can have the service that you want in the location of your choice.
Civil Celebrant limitations
I am often asked what limits my availability, as regards location. Well, I can’t conduct a service in a C of E church, but that’s about it. Any other location – from hotels and restaurants to the Stonehenge inner circle, to a mountain top, a canalside, a back garden or underwater ( think creative!) – all these are technically available for wedding ceremonies.
Personal availablity
I live in Harrow, so I tend to work mostly in London, Herts. and Bucks., but I have conducted other ceremonies in Salisbury, Andover, Worthing , Epsom and the like. I guess that I haven’t been further afield because travel expenses inflate the fee. However, I was invited to conduct a wedding blessing in Ibiza last year – unfortunately, to my great regret, I had a clash of dates.
If you’re not planning to have your celebration in the South of England, don’t let it deter you from asking me for a quote. I’d love to help make your big day really special, wherever you choose. I can be surprisingly flexible!
