by Michael | Apr 5, 2016 | Blog
People tend to marry later than they used to. There are many reasons for this, but, come what may, the bride and groom are likely to be more mature nowadays.
Reasons for marrying later
Quite often, late marriage is for financial or career reasons. Maybe the couple want to put off having a family. Or, of course, either or both may be divorcees or widows/widowers, returning for another stab. Other people believe they shouldn’t marry until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting or they simply lack confidence.
Gay couples in a civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Things to remember
There will obviously be no basic difference between a wedding for youngsters and one for oldsters.
For a full religious ceremony (provided it’s permitted), you have the usual options of church/synagogue, etc., and for a secular ceremony there is the register office (which guarantees the compulsory legal words).
For a less standard – personalised – ceremony (that would be additional to the registrars’ service), you have the option of a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony suggestions
The beauty of civil ceremonies is that you can incorporate elements of your choice that reflect your personalities and beliefs, so each service will be unique.
That means that there are no ‘hard and fast’ rules; merely, suggestions. However, as with all my clients, I would expect to have a preliminary discovery conversation. Assuming we feel happy to work together, I send over drafts for approval.
The service
The areas I am likely to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- There is no reason why older couples can’t enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice). They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but older pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the ceremony.
A good celebrant ought be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can (should!) fit in with the couple’s desires, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples.
One thing is for sure: a wedding for the more mature may be every bit as beautiful and meaningful as one for a young couple – sometimes, even more so!
If you are looking for guidance and help, then please feel free to arrange a complimentary chat with me.
by Michael | Mar 8, 2016 | Blog
Many people seem to believe that a successful marriage is largely in the lap of the gods.
Well, that’s a pretty complacent attitude, if you ask me, although there are always going to be unexpected occurrences that will impact upon your marriage.
As a civil celebrant, I specialise in bringing people together on their big day, rather than keeping them together afterwards. However, I am convinced that you can be pro-active about your marriage. Consider (and act upon!) the following factors, as these may make a real difference.
What men crave
No, not (just) that …!
Research has shown that subtle indications of love and esteem are very powerful – notably (though not exclusively) for men. They appreciate kind words and compliments and non-sexual touch, such as hand-holding.
This is still valuable for women, but they tend to receive these tokens from other people they come across in day-to-day life; men don’t.
Communication
Communication is vital for a successful marriage. It is important to talk about your relationship – but also about other things altogether. Examples might include an anecdote before you knew each other, a recent film or a personal plan for the future.
It is dangerous if the marriage becomes too predictable. When routine rules the roost, people stop appreciating each other.
Getting out of a rut
My wife and I (happily married for 17 years, with a lovely teenage son) recently started going out for weekly pub quizzes. (A routine, because it’s weekly, I accept – but it’s something new and brings us together with other people, and we actively look forward to it.)
I understand that novelty increases dopamine in the brain and this can help sustain feelings of romantic love. (I won’t go into our marital experiences here, though!)
Appreciating your partner
Talking up your other half – rather than dwelling on the negative elements – is vital for the success of your relationship. There will be times when you may have to speak out critically, but your partner probably means well. Wherever possible, giving your partner credit for what they have achieved is going to reap benefits.
Regular sex – provided that both of you want it – is important. It helps you to feel connected and, of course, the chemicals released give pleasure.
I hope you can see that there really are things you can do to influence your marriage positively, and I suspect you will enjoy trying most of them out!
by Michael | Dec 30, 2015 | Blog
Most of us would agree that preparing for a wedding should have a government health warning attached! So how can marriage be good for your health? Surely that start to married life must be one of the most stressful things you’re going to encounter.
Until you have children. Or your marriage hits the rocks. Or someone close to you dies. Get the picture?
Well, I don’t suppose you’ll believe it, but, according to recent research, marriage may actually benefit your health.
[And that refers to women, as well as to men, by the way!]
A surprising fact
Studies have shown that people who are widowed, divorced/separated or unmarried are likely to die earlier than married people.
So why should this be?
Possible Explanations
There can be no single reason, and there may also be some very particular reasons – thus a rich couple may live longer simply because they are able to afford better health provision.
Wealth
Talking of wealth, you can justifiably claim that the acquisition of wealth may well entail great stress (depending on how you acquire it!), but the reverse is also true: if both of you are earning a reasonable income, you are likely to be more relaxed and at ease. After all, finances are a major cause of stress. There is evidence that suggests that married men are likely to earn 40% more money than single men and security is a great stress-reliever.
Employment
Job security is another factor – and the fact that you are married can indicate trustworthiness and security to your employer, which can improve your prospects – and put you ahead of otherwise comparable competition at a job interview.
Health and Safety
As far as health is concerned, being part of a committed married couple reduces your risk of contracting sexually-transmitted diseases.
Couples tend to watch out for each other’s health and can often identify potential problems before they become serious. They may also encourage (nag?!) the other to have a “minor” issue checked out.
Married couples also appear to be less likely to get involved in potentially violent disputes between others. Moreover, single/divorced women are far more likely to be victims of violence than married women. Likewise, unmarried men are also at greater risk of violent crime than married men.
Solitude and Intimacy
According to evidence that must surely be a little anecdotal (!), considerably more married couples engage in sex each week as opposed to single or cohabiting individuals. This has health benefits (not just because exercise is praiseworthy), as sex releases endorphins that improve mood and can reduce stress (and encourage more of the same).
Mental issues
Various studies indicate that married men or women are far less likely to commit suicide than their single counterparts, and the same goes for indulging in alcohol and illegal drugs. In fact, an international study has found that married people are likely to be significantly happier than unmarried ones. (I don’t know how they quantify happiness, but these studies appear to have been carried out scientifically.)
Conclusion
Of course, there are unsuccessful marriages (the divorce rate alone indicates that) and, as I have said, some of the so-called evidence seems hard to demonstrate as hard fact, but there is enough here to convince me that I am doing the right thing as a civil celebrant by helping people get married! I gather that there are some massive fringe benefits for my couples!
by Michael | Dec 30, 2015 | Blog
A morning wedding?!!
A lot of people assume that a wedding should take place in the afternoon or, possibly, evening.
That makes some sense. It gives people living at quite a distance from the venue a chance to leave home at a respectable hour and not arrive too drained. Then they have the option of staying locally overnight after the festivities.
“I’m Getting Married in the Morning!”
But supposing it wasn’t that way round? What if guests stayed overnight before a morning ceremony and so were nice and fresh for it? True, they would have to watch what they drank, if driving back later that day, but it would not be ridiculous.
Another great reason for having the event in the morning is that it is normally considerably cheaper.
As there will be less competition at that time, the venue hire ought to cost less and you can probably get pay-per-plate items for a lot less than you would later in the day.
And remember, cheaper doesn’t have to mean worse.
The Ceremony
You should have no trouble getting the registrars to do their bit for you in the morning, and the same should certainly apply for the civil celebrant. It won’t affect the cost, but it will work every bit as well.
The Reception
Food
If you’re offering brunch, that means you can have breakfast and lunch items, which can add variety (without costing too much). You can offer a Full English (with vegetarian alternatives), but also, possibly, steaks, even salads, and waffles or the like.
Drink
Some people may not want to drink alcohol in the morning, so teas, coffees, mineral water, lemonade and fruit juice should be on offer. However, some people will definitely want a celebratory alcoholic drink or two, and some champagne may well be appreciated.
Revelry
It may be a (late) morning reception, but you can still have music and dancing (and certainly speeches – if the latter can be included under the heading of ‘revelry’!). The entertainment may well be a little more subdued than you might expect at an evening gathering, but no less enjoyable for that!
There should also be a cake (people love the photo of the couple cutting the cake – and often enjoy the cake itself, of course!). Sweet stuff is sometimes less appreciated in the morning than later, but don’t be surprised if you won’t be taking much away afterwards in the doggy bag!
In conclusion
A brunch wedding can be as formal or informal as you like. That goes for the ceremony as well as the reception. For the festivities you can provide food stations, or a regular sit-down four-course meal. You can have fine china, table service, flowers, entertainment for kids, and so on.
The joy is that the choice is yours, and for what should be considerably less expense, a morning wedding can be every bit as memorable and enjoyable as an afternoon one.
by Michael | Dec 15, 2015 | Blog
Did you know the following six marriage facts?
- For centuries, marriage was considered a means for improving your wealth or status. A well-chosen marriage could preserve your power, gain you land and produce heirs for you. Love had nothing to do with it (until around the 17th century). In fact, love was often seen as an obstacle to an “advantageous” marriage. It only became at all common for people to marry for love from the late 18th That was because, after the Industrial Revolution, people could earn enough money to afford to go against their parents’ choice of spouse.
- The first known marriages (as in documented events) date back to around 2,000 BC, in Mesopotamia (modern-day Iraq).
- Wearing a white dress on your wedding day only became popular in the West in the mid-1800s, after Queen Victoria wore white to marry Prince Albert. This tradition is not universal, however, as it is common for the bride to wear red in countries such as India and China, because that is considered to be a lucky colour.
- Some 5,000 weddings a year take place in Gretna Green. This is a Scottish village, just over the border from England, which became popular for runaway weddings after a 1753 Act made marriage in England and Wales more regulated. Consequently, people started to go north, where the rules were much freer.Nowadays, Gretna Green is more of a romantic notion, but still highly popular.
- The longest marriage on record is that between Daniel and Susan Bakeman, who were married in New York City in 1772, and stayed together over 91 years.
- Apparently, more than a third of marriages these days begin online. Studies suggest that online couples tend to have longer, arguably happier, marriages.
Who’d have thought it?
