by Michael | May 24, 2016 | Blog
So you’re planning a major event – a wedding or vow renewal, perhaps? Where do you want to hold it? At home? In church? At a hotel? In town or in the country? Or at a venue that’s a little more wacky?
Of course, budget is going to enter into it, as will your personal preferences. Maybe you just want a modest family affair, with a few select friends. Or maybe money is no object for this (hopefully!) once-in-a-lifetime occasion.
So forgive me for not being prescriptive, but at least I can give you a few ideas and set your creative juices flowing.
Practicalities
Before letting your imagination take wing, bear in mind the following:
- Venues tend to get booked about a year beforehand
- Ensure you visit your venue, have a good look (does the atmosphere delight you?) and ask the event planner lots of questions (are the answers what you want to hear?)
- What is the transport situation of the venue (if you’re having a church service first, how easy will it be to get to the venue and park?)
- If the venue is outdoors, make sure you get permission, and be prepared for the unpredictable!
Conventional ideas
There is absolutely nothing wrong with choosing a conventional venue – why seek out complexity and potential problems? You can still make the day unique, for example, with a wonderful civil ceremony.
A back garden can make a lovely setting (beware health and safety issues and have a Plan B, in case of inclement weather). There will be extra stress, if you are handling the catering yourselves, but that is another subject!
Many people choose a hotel or restaurant. (If it’s a restaurant, make sure you have the place to yourselves, especially if you’re having speeches etc.) The registrars will come in , if it’s a licensed venue. If not (then you will have been down to the register office already), you can have a tailor-made civil ceremony/blessing etc. at the venue afterwards. This should be no problem, as long as you arrange it in good time.
More Creative ideas
The world is potentially your oyster, but when you get inspiration, don’t be blinded by excitement! If you like the idea of getting married on the seashore, sit down first and think about things such as transport, weather, refreshments and access. You don’t have to curb your enthusiasm too much, but you don’t want to be facing up to regrets at a later stage.
If you’re looking for ideas in the UK, you may choose something that fits in with your hobbies. I officiated at one ceremony at the Basingstoke Canal Centre. It might not have been everybody’s choice, but it was just perfect for the particular couple.
Stately homes and castles may all provide unforgettable settings (at a price!), and then there are places like a pod on the London Eye, or at an attraction such as a zoo or aquarium, or museum. You might be able to arrange a special bus or train.
Outdoors, there’s plenty to choose from: what about the inner circle at Stonehenge or an iron age fort like Old Sarum? Perhaps you fancy a forest clearing, a mountain top or something more exotic, like abseiling down Ben Nevis? (I’m not sure you can do that, but it’s just a thought!)
So before taking wing, plant your feet on the ground! Do consider the practicalities BEFORE jumping headlong into what appears a wonderful, novel, unique adventure.
Be prepared to be guided by professionals (event planners, civil celebrants, etc.), but then go where your fancy takes you and really have the day of your dreams!
by Michael | May 23, 2016 | Blog
The best that can usually be said about a death is that “it was a release” or “X had a wonderful death”. (One example of the latter in my experience was a nonagenarian who died on the beach in Tenerife by the side of his girl-friend!)
Be that as it may, a funeral is normally a time when you expect the family and friends to rally round. Mind you, as a civil celebrant, I’ve known some exceptions.
In one case, one sister decided not to forward my draft funeral to her brother (so that he would have no input)! In another instance, one brother simply vetoed whatever his siblings proposed. (We only got that funeral approved the afternoon before the ceremony!) And one son never even showed up to his mother’s funeral (as he had seen the will and knew he would be inheriting …!)
However, in the vast majority of cases, there is a sympathetic coming-together of folk. Sometimes people come from a very long way to show solidarity.
If it’s not to be a set religious ceremony, the closest kin of the deceased are normally invited to contribute to the planning of the service. The civil celebrant can explain what is required and offer guidance, especially as the family member(s) may be feeling very vulnerable and confused (although there is a wide range of emotions they may be experiencing).
A lot of people find discussing the eulogy surprisingly enjoyable. It’s certainly an outlet for releasing a few feelings, and not everything that is mentioned needs to be included in the final reckoning. However, trawling up those stories and memories can be very therapeutic.
The service itself is likely to be a difficult time for many people (and shows of emotion – or lack of it – can often take people by surprise). However, there is usually comfort to be found from being surrounded by sympathetic relatives and friends.
![DSCF0126[2]](https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2016/01/DSCF01262.jpg)
A reception (or even a wake) is common, and that can take various forms. It may just be some sandwiches and drinks (whether alcoholic or otherwise); however, there may be mementos of the deceased (often photo albums and the like). The deceased will be a good starting-point for conversation (so everybody has one thing in common, at least). Once the channels of communication are open, the reception can turn into a genuine social event.
Circumstances dictate that some deaths are far harder to accept than others, but those who attend a funeral often find that the whole occasion has been cathartic – and , in a way, even enjoyable.
So, much good frequently comes from what is a sad rite of passage.
by Michael | May 18, 2016 | Blog
I don’t suppose it takes much crystal-ball-gazing to guess that your next celebration is your birthday!
Happy Birthday!
If it is, how do you plan to mark the occasion? Off down the pub? Throw a party? A special outing? A restaurant meal out together with family or friends, or both?
What if it’s a “big” birthday, though? Ever thought of adding an extra dimension to the affair? (And if it’s not your birthday and you’re having a peek out of curiosity, you may consider adapting the following and organising this as a surprise!).
If you’ve decided on an event with guests, then why not book a civil celebrant? With your input, he can come up with the right words, maybe a blessing (which may or may not be religious) and perhaps a short summary of your life and achievements. It need last 5-10 minutes only, and could end, say, with a toast being proposed. It would be something very special and memorable.
Note that if you are organising this at a restaurant or hotel, you need to check practicalities (especially if you’re sharing the room with the public!).
Happy Anniversary!
Anniversary celebrations are catching on these days. There are lots of reasons to have these. Just a few examples would be:
- to mark an anniversary ending in -5 or -0
- to renew vows (because circumstances may have changed)
- to announce to the world that you’ve successfully come through a difficult period
Whatever the reason, your celebrant can help you mark the occasion in a way that reflects your personalities. The ceremony may last 10-25 minutes (or whatever you choose), and can include religious components, if you want these, also music, readings (secular or otherwise), reciting of vows (new or old) and rituals (such as both of you lighting a Unity Candle – even in conjunction with your children).
So whether someone is planning a surprise or whether you’re choosing this for yourself, your civil celebrant can work with you to create a tailor-made ceremony of your dreams, and will conduct it for you memorably and professionally.
So how about a ceremony that is personal and maybe a little bit unconventional?
by Michael | May 10, 2016 | Blog
Celebrating a big event? A wedding, vow renewal or naming ceremony, perhaps? Did you realise that it doesn’t have to be conventional? Or even religious?
But can it be a quirky ceremony?
The answer to that last question is a resounding “yes”! If it’s your day (and surely it is), then you don’t have to be beholden to what other people think or expect.
That certainly doesn’t mean you should be tasteless or offensive – but you can be different. There is huge scope for creativity. It doesn’t take so much effort to come up with a memorable, meaningful and beautiful ceremony. And for all the help you will need, a civil celebrant can be there, with ideas and guidance. They are professionals and can really point you in the right direction.
So what do we mean by “quirky”?
The venue can be anywhere (subject to permission and possible payment!). Why not hold a ceremony at Stonehenge or some other ancient monument? What about the top of the Shard in London? Or perhaps a hot-air balloon fits the bill? A museum? Your back garden? Let your imagination soar!
Rituals
Part of the ceremony can be something a little offbeat. You’ve probably read about handfastings in my blogs (eg https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/handfasting-whats-that/). That might appeal.
A ritual that brings a smile to a wedding is “Jumping the Broom”. The couple together jump over a besom (accompanied by appropriate words) to symbolise sweeping in the new.
The Unity Sand option is lovely. Both partners simultaneously pour sand in the colour of their individual choice into one larger bottle, so that the colours merge, just as their lives will.
Readings & Music
The content of the ceremony is ‘up for grabs’ too. The tone is up to you. There is no compulsion to include heavy, serious readings, if you don’t want them. Why not have a humorous poem or text, or even a few?
Choose your readers, if you want.
Similarly, while there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a serious, classical piece played, your tastes may actually be rather different. So by all means let the music reflect these.
Your story, your vows
Personally, I welcome the opportunity to make ceremonies that I conduct as personal as possible. I believe the guests enjoy and appreciate this a lot too.
One feature I like to include, therefore, is what I call the couple’s “story”. In the case of a wedding, it might be how they met, adversity they had to overcome, and what attracted them to each other. The couple might write and declare their vows. For a Vow Renewal, maybe the couple would rewrite their vows, or prepare something about key moments in their relationship.
Although I’m always there to guide and advise, I think it’s best if the couple actually write this part themselves, if possible.
Funerals
It may surprise some readers to know that a funeral can be a quirky ceremony too!
In the same way as for celebratory occasions, you can introduce personal elements (often these would be personal to the deceased). At the time of writing, my latest funeral ended with everybody smiling and swaying, as we played out with the deceased’s favourite trad jazz band tune!
There are many ways to individualise a funeral. It can be a simple thing like a particular memento of the deceased displayed by the coffin. Again, your funeral celebrant will be glad to advise.
So I hope you now see that there’s nothing wrong with individualising your ceremonies – indeed, this can often add a tremendous amount to the proceedings.
by Michael | Feb 3, 2016 | Blog
As a civil celebrant, I am sometimes asked by potential clients for sample ceremonies. What sort of prayers and readings might I suggest?
That’s a sort of “how long is a piece of string?” question, because I only offer my clients ideas and guidance – I don’t dictate. Each ceremony is therefore different from any other I conduct. Indeed, I have an in-depth conversation before I even start putting the metaphorical pen to paper.
Some ceremonies may be religious, others spiritual, or purely secular. So there’s absolutely no “typical” reading.
However, what I will therefore offer now is a couple of readings that I have used in the past, and they will give you some sort of an idea of what could go into a ceremony.
This time, I’ll look at weddings and handfastings; another time, vow renewals and funerals.
Weddings
The Welcome
Love is a miraculous gift, and a wedding is a celebration of that gift. We have come here today to celebrate this gift of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words that shall unite AB and CD in the bonds of marriage.
What you promise to each other today must be renewed again tomorrow and every day that follows.
At the end of this ceremony, you will be husband and wife. Still, you must decide each and every day to commit yourselves to one another. Make such a decision, and keep on making it, for the most important thing in life is to love and to be loved.
Reading
Listen to these words of wisdom on how to create a successful marriage from a little book entitled The Art of Marriage.
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say I love you at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, It should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives; it is facing the world together.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating patience, understanding, and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is the common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is the establishing of a relationship in which the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual, and the obligation is reciprocal.
And finally, it is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Apache Blessing
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be a shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to enter the days of your togetherness. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion, and may your days together be good and long upon the earth.
Don’t you just love this blessing?!
Handfasting
The actual handfasting
The lover’s knot, or knot of destiny, will now be tied by Divine Power in the name of Love. (Celebrant ties hands). With this cord, I bind you to the vows that you each have made. As your hands are bound together now, so your lives and spirits are joined in a union of joy, love, trust, and mutual support. This bond I draw between you: That though you are parted in mind or in body, there will be a call in the core of you, one to the other, to which no one else will answer. By the secrets of earth and water this bond woven–unbreakable, irrevocable; by the law that created fire and wind this call is set in you, in life and beyond life.
A., repeat after me…By seed and root…by bud and stem…by leaf and flower and fruit…by life and love…in the name of God…I, A., take thee, B., to my hand, my heart and my spirit.
B., repeat after me… By seed and root…by bud and stem…by leaf and flower and fruit…by life and love…in the name of God…I, B., take thee, A., to my hand, my heart and my spirit.
Celebrant: With this binding I tie you, heart to heart, together as one. B. & A., together repeat after me…Heart to thee…soul to thee…body to thee…forever and always…and so it is! With this knot you are joined in sacred union. May God smile upon you, and bless you with love, happiness, peace, health, and prosperity.
Perhaps this will give you a flavour of what our ceremony might be like. If you’d like a chat and want to find out more, please give me a call (07931 538487), without obligation. I look forward to hearing from you.
