by Michael | Oct 19, 2020 | Blog
You usually know what benefits you will gain from a purchase. £2 may get you a newspaper. £50 may fill your car with petrol. It’s easy enough to assess the value of these purchases.
Differing sales results
Sometimes, the relationship is not so clear. What if you buy a house for half a million pounds? You’re paying for a lot of things – the structure itself, its atmosphere, the location and facilities. These are not necessarily going to be the same from house to house. And buyers are not all going to be attracted by the same things.
Service Providers
Similarly, if you buy a service, it may not be immediately clear what you are buying into. What does a concierge offer you? You’ll probably need to read the website or ask a few questions before you buy into that.
Clearly, you want to know that your particular needs will be met.
Choosing a niche service
If you go for something that isn’t mainstream, you’ve really got to check that the supplier can actually deliver what you’re looking for.
Civil Celebrants
Most people don’t know what a civil celebrant offers. To make it more difficult, no two celebrants will offer absolutely identical services. This is because their personality, their style, their delivery, etc. will be personal.
I know somebody who is comfortable doing a “Las Vegas style” wedding. I’m not. So when I was asked to do one, I was happy to pass the client on to him.
So how does this help you ensure that you are going to get results and value from your celebrant?
What all celebrants should offer
Most celebrants will begin with a consultation. This is a chance for you to ask questions and see if the celebrant is someone you want to work with. Are they pleasant? Do they seem to care about your vision? Do they have a sense of humour? Do they seem flexible? How dependable might they be?
If you hadn’t already, you definitely should have a picture of your ceremony in your mind after talking to the celebrant.
If you don’t feel comfortable with them, then you’re not going to enjoy having them around on potentially the biggest day of your lives, so you should bow out.
If you do want to work with them, ask for the Ts & Cs. Do read them through (boring as they might be!). It’s not that the celebrant is likely to fleece you; it’s just safer to avoid assumptions.
You may want to talk to two or three celebrants so you can make comparisons.
Price should only be an issue, if your budget depends on this supplier. (Maybe you could make a saving elsewhere to accommodate the best celebrant. Quality is so important in such an event, and it’s not a good idea skimping.)
How to make your Decision
When choosing your celebrant, you should consult their website, look at FAQs, read a few reviews and look at the photos. This won’t necessarily tell the whole story, but it will give you a guide. You can then proceed to a face-to-face call (these days, more likely to be online, of course) and ask those questions.
Is your celebrant experienced? Do they project themselves well? Are they passionate about what they do? Do they listen to your ideas, or impose their own?
What USPs do they have? I read Hebrew and speak several European languages. That might be something especially relevant to you.
Answering such questions will help enormously.
Do feel free to approach me for a non-obligation chat!
Photo: www.elwoodphotography.co.uk
by Michael | Sep 14, 2020 | Blog
Where you marry is not something to take for granted. If atmosphere is important to you, you’re going to select your venue with care. That applies to the venue of your wedding service and to the reception venue (if they are different).
When I married my good lady back in the sands of time, we attended the local register office, which was far from attractive! Knowing that, we had booked alternative venues for the other parts of the occasion. Those choices mattered to us.
The obvious choices
If you go down the full religious route, you’ll use your religious building. It’s simple enough.
It’s almost as simple if you’re having a Register Office wedding. You make an appointment to attend the office, with two witnesses. A quarter of an hour later, it’s all over. (Incidentally, pre-COVID, Registrars would come out to some venues – though at quite a price!)
Another choice
You don’t have to be bound by those two alternatives. You can opt for the civil celebrant route, and then it’s a different ball-game.
This doesn’t negate the Registrars. You still have to get legally married first. That means making an appointment before the ceremony (as above).
The difference is that now you can also have your personalised ceremony – in the venue of your dreams.
And that means almost anywhere! It could be in your back garden or (with permission, of course) in a field next to a canal, up the Shard, at Stonehenge, by the seaside, in the Savoy Hotel, in a hot-air balloon – well, you get the picture! Do bear in mind dear old social distancing!
Advice
If you’re arranging the ceremony yourself, you’ll need a celebrant, and probably suppliers such as florists, photographers, make-up artists, caterers, etc.
You may want to hire a wedding planner. For the extra cost, you get peace of mind. Depending on the package you agree, every detail can be organised and overseen for you.
Regardless, you need to get permission/pay for the venue you may be using.
All this should be arranged well in advance – generally, at least a year ahead, as some of the suppliers get booked up quite early. Maybe even earlier in the new world we’re living in.
With all suppliers, try and get first-hand reports from people who have used them. This may be word-of-mouth or website reviews, but speaking to them directly is important. You can ask your questions and get a feel for the supplier’s attitude.
Practicalities
Remember good old health and safety – especially if you’re organising everything yourself. (No trailing wires; ensure there are sufficient toilets; check signposting, observe social distancing etc. etc.)
The bottom line is that you really can choose where (and how) to mark your big day. Of course, if you need any advice on the ceremony, just contact your friendly neighbourhood celebrant!
by Michael | Jul 28, 2020 | Blog
It is well-known that working with animals or children can be to court disaster.
As a civil celebrant, I am exposed to such risk almost all the time!
Regular readers of my posts may recall the wedding when a dog took a starring role.
Upstaged by a Canine
One couple wanted their dog, Blue, involved. The plan was that he would be the ring-bearer. However, his appetite was notorious, so it was deemed safer for him to be appointed “page-dog” instead. As he arrived, escorting the bride in, he suddenly broke free, sprinted up to the front and made a huge fuss of his owner, the groom. Lots of mutual love and affection in evidence. Of course, Blue ruined the bride’s entrance and stole the show – but nobody really minded!
Children
I won’t even tell you how many times screaming infants – even at a funeral – have disturbed ceremonies. Somehow we get through it.
Other issues can be less predictable.
At a naming ceremony, a 12-year-old boy stood up to read one of the poems I had suggested. (This had been agreed in advance with the family.) What nobody had thought to tell me was that this boy was highly dyslexic. I could have picked a much simpler poem, had I known, or e-mailed it to him in advance, so he could practise.
Nonetheless, the boy showed remarkable courage and perseverance, but he did totally massacre the reading!
On another occasion – a big wedding – the couple were fairly unhelpful (throughout), but they’d told me the name of the ring-bearer and knew I was to call him up. However, I wasn’t introduced to him and failed to locate him beforehand among the 200 guests.
By chance, I did spot a boy, Alexis, (aged about 6), beautifully dressed up, carrying a velvet cushion. I asked him whether he was the ring-bearer. He didn’t know. He only knew that he didn’t have any rings and didn’t know what the cushion was for.
The ceremony began. Once we reached the rings section, I invited up the person named on my script. Nobody moved. No response, even when I repeated the summons. The couple beside me didn’t react. On the spur of the moment, I called out Alexis’ name, and he duly arrived – complete with cushion and both rings! Success!
Dumb animals
I have seen pictures of releases of doves and of butterflies. I am not fully sure about these, as I don’t know if inadvertent cruelty might be involved in using them. In principle, I think working with animals or birds of prey is probably OK, and can add some real character and charm to an occasion.
However, the risk of something going wrong is quite high!
The only time so far that I have worked with an animal, it was a bird. To be precise, Dusk, a barn owl. Her role was to fly up to the bride (from behind the unwitting guests) as soon as I placed a large leather glove over her wrist. Dusk would carry a small bag containing the rings. Once this had been removed, the falconer would dangle a piece of raw chicken and off would fly Dusk.
We did have a rehearsal on the eve, and it went like clockwork.
We took precautions, though. On the day, in my pocket was an extra bag with rings, just in case, but Dusk seemed to enjoy herself and behaved impeccably!
As the falconer said, these are actually wild birds, so their behaviour cannot be guaranteed, but I would happily work with Dusk again.
Even though she did upstage me!
Venue
I do like the fact that people have the choice to personalise their wedding (or ceremony) in whatever way they wish. It doesn’t have to include animals, birds or children, of course. The type of venue may make the ceremony stand out sufficiently.
Rituals
There are some lovely rituals you can include that will make your wedding really different. A handfasting is just one example. Other possibilities include Unity Candles, a Sand Ceremony, the Loving Cup, and more. Your civil celebrant can explain these or suggest others.
Personalising the ceremony
Other ways of ensuring a tailor-made ceremony might encompass the choice of music and also readings. You can include the couple’s “story” or make use of selected participants (such as Blue!). Or even put in something unusual. Mid-ceremony, if the couple have drunk from the Loving Cup, everybody could be served some drink (if it can be done logistically) and then rise to drink a toast to the couple.
So there are many features you can incorporate or amend to make your big day really stand out. If you need ideas, your celebrant should be able to help you, but the important thing is to do what YOU want to do!
Photo: Matt Penberthy
by Michael | Jun 15, 2020 | Blog
Far be it from me to jinx anything, but things are slowly moving back towards (the new) normal here. A long way to go, but signs are hopeful.
Of course, one of the last areas to recover is going to be the wedding industry. Almost by definition, they involve sizeable numbers of people coming together and personal contact. How do you manage “social distance” under these circumstances?
Some people have been responding by arranging a streamed ceremony. Although nobody can persuade me that the atmosphere matches the excitement of an offline wedding, I accept that it will satisfy some. Indeed, for those who, for whatever reason, cannot, or will not, wait, this can be a good substitute.
Marking such a big day on a computer screen does not float everybody’s boat, though.
So if an online ceremony does not appeal, should you start planning for an offline wedding?
I don’t claim to be representative in the wedding industry. I can only talk about my experience, including chats with others in the profession. It seems that enquiries are coming through, and the trickle appears to be turning into a gentle flow now.
Many people were originally attracted by the idea of marrying in 2020, and that has had to go out of the window, in most cases. It’s risky to opt for Autumn or Winter events this year, as the pandemic may possibly return. So couples are looking at Summer 2021 or even beyond.
There is pressure to get in quickly, because there may soon be a stampede for the “best” times and venues. On the other hand, who’s to say there won’t be a second wave of Coronavirus?
Couples have always been wise to invest in wedding insurance. That could well be a lot more expensive now – or difficult to source – but the peace of mind it can offer may be worth it.
You should also check suppliers’ terms before you book. As a celebrant, I am probably typical in that I ask for a deposit (non-refundable after 14 days), but don’t charge the balance until 30 days before the event. If you ask me to reschedule, I’ll do it, if I can, at no extra cost. If I can’t, you only get charged for the work I may have already done on your service – so you can cancel without penalty.
Most suppliers will show some flexibility, but just make sure you know where you stand with them.
I don’t have a crystal ball, but I think that people will still want a wedding. Many events may be smaller than they used to be and not necessarily the same, but they can still be memorable and special.
Feel free to have a chat with me to find out to achieve this.
by Michael | May 6, 2020 | Blog
It’s not that easy to come up with a useful or informative blog every week. Even less so under Lockdown. Hardly anything is happening in the world of weddings. Still less in the world of Vow Renewals and Namings. But so much seems to be happening in the world of funerals that it’s impossible to keep up!
So, rather than tell you what you already know or something that is already out of date, here is a bit about me and how I found myself in the world of celebrancy.
Background
I came from a lower middle-class Ealing home, and was pretty conventional till my mid 40s. To summarise incisively, I was a teacher for 25 years, but was to lose my mojo. In fact, I definitely experienced a mid-life crisis, and went through a pretty unpleasant couple of years.
However, unexpectedly, this became a time for personal development. I went into network marketing (health and wellness). I loved the products and that I could help others in quite surprising ways, but the money wasn’t to be earned there (to prosper you need to build teams, and I wasn’t great at that). So I lost a lot of money – yet I have never completely stopped this work.
On the other hand, network marketing demands personal study and growth. I read self-help books, attended workshops and even took on a coach. I began to change, quite without realising it.
When the opportunity for something quite different arose three or so years later, I was ready for it (at least, subconsciously).
The Damascene moment
I met a civil celebrant at a business networking meeting. Having never heard of such a job, I asked him what it entailed. His enthusiasm was infectious, and I was almost hooked. I rang him soon afterwards with a few questions – one of which was “how do I train?” Decision made.
So I trained. I plunged into a profession that I might have dismissed earlier. After all, as far as I had been concerned, a wedding was either a full religious or a secular Register Office ceremony. Surely people shouldn’t be encouraged to choose how their big day should be marked?!
I had been used (by and large) to teaching and presenting. That was largely a one-way process (the way I did it!). My new profession would encourage me to go beneath the surface. I had to help people make their own (informed) choices. It would involve listening to people and understanding their vision by asking the right questions. I would have to guide and advise them, working together with them to achieve their dream. The icing on the cake would be attending beautiful venues to conduct a wonderful ceremony and sharing in their delight.
Seven years down the line, I am still in love with my profession. As I have worked at my delivery, business results have become better – but that was until Coronavirus. Now crystal-ball-gazing is impossible and I may have to rebuild my business from the bottom up.
However, I am optimistic. The work will be out there – after all, why shouldn’t people mark their big day as they would wish? I intend to continue to be available and to deliver an excellent service.
I shall be delighted to deliver dreams as before.
