7 tips to get your children on your side

Survival guide:  when your child is participating in a ceremony

Major public ceremonies can be very stressful for parents and children. Obviously, I can only generalise (as each event, let alone each child, is different), but here are a few words of advice that may be of benefit for an occasion when your child is actually participating.

 

  1. Try and keep the changes of routine to a minimum. The occasion may involve a fair bit of travel and even hotels, but do what you can to keep mealtimes and sleep close to what she is used to.
  2. Bring favourite toys to provide comfort and, to avoid boredom, books etc. for the ceremony, according to age.
  3. Feed her healthy foods (and definitely not sugar or fizzy drinks shortly before the ceremony). Make sure sensible drinks (preferably not carbonated or very sweet) are on hand.
  4. Your cherub may well be nervous about his role in front of a lot of strangers. A rehearsal is often beneficial. If you can arrange it in the room or hall itself, then so much the better. If he can practise with props that he may need for the ceremony, better still. Take him through everything slowly, clearly and, most of all, patiently.
  5. Be relaxed – if you are uptight, you will definitely communicate this to your child, and his performance will suffer. Smile a lot and encourage her!
  6. If only one of your children is participating, make sure you show appreciation to the other(s) and make them feel valued.
  7. If your child refuses point-blank to participate, it may be best to go with the flow, accept it and warn the adults concerned. Don’t encourage a scene by forcing him to participate after all or by having a go at your child for letting everyone down.

Most guests will be tolerant of any slip-ups committed by your child, and most will be full of congratulations afterwards, even if not all will have gone strictly to plan! So relax!

If you enjoy the occasion, then your child almost certainly will too. Give plenty of praise where possible, and have a lovely time.

Remember: things are rarely as bad as you think they’re going to be!

Married Couples – the new minority in Britain

I was interested by this blog in the ‘Daily Telegraph’ of 12.12.12 by Cristina Odone. I’d be interested to know if anyone has any thoughts on the matter?

Married couples: the new minority in 2012 Britain

Britons fall out of love with marriage

I belong to a minority. No, not because I’m an immigrant, or a Catholic, though I am both of those things. I belong to the newest minority to emerge from the 2011 census: married couples. Only ten years ago, married people constituted the majority of the population; today, under 50 per cent of Britons are married. Most, are now single, or cohabiting, or divorced.

Why? Marriage is difficult and challenges the one value that our establishment holds dearest of all: individualism. Everyone repeats the mantra that we must be free to be ourselves, stand on our own two feet, and indulge ourselves because “you’re worth it”. Me myself and I are the supreme trinity in our culture.

No wonder marriage, with its emphasis on inter-dependence rather than independence, and its prizing of communal goals rather than individual ambitions, runs against the grain.

It doesn’t help that the government doesn’t prize marriage either: tax breaks for married couples were promised but never delivered.  

So, why not turn our back on marriage and dump it, like we’ve dumped the Olivetti typewriter or the Kodak instamatic?

One good reason is children. One tragic statistic that cropped up recently on the Today programme is that four million children in Britain grow up without contact with their father. They have no idea what it feels like to have a masculine role model, see their dad’s eyes fill with pride at something they’ve done well, or even feel a dad’s arm around their shoulder.

Given that state schools, especially at primary level, have so few male teachers, is it any wonder that gang members claim that the first father figure   they come across is in prison?

But even those children who keep in touch with their dad in a cohabiting household do statistically less well than children of married couples: they are more likely to end up in jail, or on drugs, and in trouble at school.

I can understand why marriage seems such unappealing to so many raised on the idea of putting themselves first. But being number one when you are all alone is not great, either.