by Michael | Jan 16, 2018 | Blog
Just imagine for a moment …
What if a full religious wedding doesn’t rock your boat?
What if the secular, standard, certificate-signing at a Register Office doesn’t excite you either?
But what if you could go to the Register Office in the morning or the day before in your jeans, with a couple of witnesses?What if you signed the marriage certificate and then enjoyed a wonderful, joyous ceremony in the afternoon with all your guests?
Because you can.
With the help of a celebrant.
As long as the legal bit is still carried out, there’s nothing to stop you holding the ceremony you actually want – at the venue you want.
The Ceremony
One of the beauties about a celebrant-led wedding is that he or she will help you (as much or as little as you want!) to build your own ceremony. So if you want a religious component (even taken from various cultural sources), or a mixture, you can put it in; if you want spiritual elements, just go for it; poems and texts are absolutely OK. With some give and take, this way you can please yourselves AND keep your parents happy!
As well as the readings, you decide on the music. You also have the last word on the choreography (who walks or stands where), readers, the wording, and delivery, of the vows. Don’t worry, if that sounds off-putting. Your celebrant will be pleased to advise and make helpful suggestions. This process, usually conducted by e-mail, can go on over the course of several months.
Ritual
You will be able to incorporate any rituals and little touches that would not previously have been possible, if you so wish. For example, drink from a loving cup, burn a Unity Candle or have a handfasting (an ancient Celtic betrothal ritual).
Conclusion
In short, this is YOUR day, and your celebrant, who will of course conduct the ceremony for you, will do everything to ensure that the day is unforgettable, meaningful and what YOU want.
You only have to imagine (and get in touch!)!
by Michael | Dec 12, 2017 | Blog
With the snow coming down unseasonably hard in Harrow as I write, my thoughts turn to wedding weather. Not unreasonably, I suppose.
The weather can make such a difference …
So what arrangements can you make, if inclement weather looks like ruining your big day?
Clearly, it will make a difference whether your ceremony will be held outdoors, or not. The amount of warning you may have about dodgy weather may also play a part. If it’s a freak storm, you may be taken completely by surprise.
One wedding I took was meant to have begun at 5.30 (when it was very sunny and warm). Unfortunately, it couldn’t actually begin till 7.00 p.m., and the rain bucketed down. Nobody could have foreseen that.
All we could do was to borrow a parasol, so that at least the couple were protected!
Eventualities
If you’re using the garden of a private venue, say, there may be the possibility of going inside. The owners will appreciate maximum warning, of course, and there may be problems of space etc. Your guests will accept a little discomfort in the circumstances!
Should you (or, rather, the venue) be providing chairs, it may be possible to get the venue staff to dry them off just before everyone arrives (although that doesn’t solve the problem of continuous rain!).
If there isn’t that option, you simply have to grin and bear it. It will help a little bit, if your celebrant can add a bit of humour to the proceedings, but it may not be as fun as you would hope. However, with sufficient warning, you may be able to prepare umbrellas for your guests (and for the couple!). And once you’re wet, you’re wet …!
Maybe you know that it’s likely to be really muddy. Then you might want to warn people by e-mail (or even do so in the original invitation, especially if it’s a winter wedding). High heels may not be a great idea. A venue might be able to lay down some matting, or whatever, for the ceremony area.
If it’s freezing, unless you can lay on some hot water bottles, you will have to rely on people being sensible enough to come prepared.
For an outdoor winter wedding, it makes sense that, when you prepare the service with your celebrant, you aim at a reasonably brief ceremony. Another factor is that wind may make it very hard to hear what is going on. I did a Vow Renewal at Stonehenge last year. It was wonderful, but I was glad that it was a only a small ceremony, as the incessant wind presented real challenges to my vocal cords!
Good weather!
I ought to mention fine weather weddings (even in this country!). Especially if it’s a hot spell, organise shade, if you can – and water – for guests at outdoor weddings. Parasols may be a possibility.
Attitudes
Every wedding has its professional moaners, however beautiful and faultless it may be. Accept it! But realise that the vast majority of people will NOT blame you for the rain, snow, wind or sun, and will actually take Acts of God in their stride. Do what you can to mitigate stormy weather, and enjoy what you can.
At the very least, it may be a day that you and your guests never forget!
by Michael | Dec 5, 2017 | Blog
Planning to write your own wedding vows? You might be OK with the prospect, but most people doubt they can do it. Worse still, how about delivering the finished product?
It’s very challenging to compose something that will be read publicly. Even more so, if it’s you who will be delivering it.
Cheer up! There are tips you can follow that will help you.
One simple option is to hire a professional to do it for you. Peace of mind in an instant!
The “how”
A civil celebrant is used to public speaking. He conducts weddings, funerals, vow renewals and other ceremonies on a regular basis. Sometimes, the guests number fewer than 10; often, there are more than 100 of them. A good civil celebrant will deliver the texts clearly, beautifully and movingly.
In order to put together the text, the civil celebrant will work with the relevant person(s), normally starting with a home visit. Asking questions and listening intently, the celebrant will draw up a picture of the person being honoured. Once he has sufficient information, he will go away and create a special ceremony.
This will be e-mailed to the client, who can request changes (normally, up till 24 hours before the ceremony). Once the order of service is settled, the client will have seen the final version, and approved every word.
Vows
If vows are to be written, it is lovely if they reflect the couple’s personalities and beliefs. The best people to do that are the couple themselves, of course! However, a celebrant can suggest ideas, offer guidance, so the couple can write something unique. If needs be, he can even do the job for the couple.
Vows can be traditional or modern. They want to be sincere and achievable. They can be solemn, but also funny. Moreover, don’t think that they have to go on too long! Half a minute each may well be all it takes.
Presentation
There are various choices available to you, when delivering your vows.
You can memorise what you want to say. If you’re an experienced public speaker, you might choose this option. Otherwise, I don’t recommend it. You will have nerves to contend with, and, indeed, you may not project your words loudly and clearly. If you are not heard, that would be a huge shame.
Secondly, you can read your words. In that case, in order not to lose the sincerity of the moment, use a 3 x 5 card with bullet points. Try not to read from it too much, though, so your eyes can meet your beloved’s! (That means plenty of practice beforehand, so you know what you’re wanting to say!) There’s also the question of keeping and holding the card, which may be an issue, particularly for the bride!
Thirdly, the celebrant can read your vows, ending by asking if you agree, and all you have to do is to say “yes” or “I do” (hopefully!).
Finally, the celebrant can read phrases out which you each repeat. That way, the guests can hear the vows, even if you’re mumbling them. Moreover, you and your beloved can say the words to each other with eye contact, and that is surely the way to go.
For examples of vows, or help and advice, feel free to ask me. I can be found at 07931 538487 or at celebrant@vowsthatwow.co.uk
by Michael | Oct 10, 2017 | Blog
The idea of life-time funeral eulogies doesn’t, at first sight, make a lot of sense. Why would you have a eulogy when still alive? What’s the point?
A good turn
You may not care much what happens at your funeral. Once you’re dead, that’s probably it. Let your family work out what they want to include and exclude, can’t they?
However, for the next-of-kin, quite a lot has to happen – normally, in a fairly short length of time (about 10 days). This includes the legal bits (obtaining the medical certificate and then registering the death). It probably also includes organising the funeral itself and the reception or wake.
Then, ordinary life still has to go on. And, more significantly, the next-of-kin may well be in a state of shock – it could be grief, anger, bewilderment, depression, resentment – and that makes the whole process more traumatic and difficult.
What if the deceased (or the family) had already planned the funeral service – or, at least, the eulogy? Then there would be no doubts about how religious the service should be, or who should participate. This would resolve awkward questions – and avoid disagreements and arguments at such a difficult time.
If all this were already settled, what a good turn that would prove to be for the next-of-kin!
Control
One other reason why I, as a civil celebrant, sometimes get asked to write a lifetime funeral is because the client is very definite about what they want for the big day. Religion is a huge factor in this – they may absolutely reject the idea of mentioning God, or they want a jolly celebration of life with their own choice of music, say, or readings.
If I get asked to write a lifetime eulogy, then the client can be in control of what goes in – and what is omitted! This way, the facts are almost guaranteed to be right (though sometimes a little nuanced!), and an appropriate picture is painted. The tone can be chosen and any rituals specified. The venue can also be specified.
It has to be noted that what you choose is not legally enforceable. You can leave instructions with the will, but these may not be opened in time. Your wishes may be ignored. It is best to inform next-of-kin of your wishes (and leave a copy with them). It’s even better if you discuss all this with them first, so they are ‘on side’ when the time comes!
Added benefit
When I started out as a funeral celebrant, I decided to write a eulogy about myself, by way of practice. What I discovered was that it was a useful exercise for another reason.
By writing out what I had achieved in my life, I was forced to consider more deeply what I had always taken for granted.
I have always had some problems with self-esteem. By actually describing what I had done in my life, I came to realise that I had done a few things that I had good reason to be proud of. That really helped my self-development.
I would therefore recommend to anyone that they go through this process. They can do it themselves, or invite a civil celebrant to ask the necessary questions and put it together for them.
It may well help their self-esteem, but it may also prove to be a benefit for their next-of-kin and, of course, ensure that what they want to emerge from their life is what is revealed publicly.
For advice on any of the above issues, Michael would be delighted to help.
Top picture: Aaron Burden
by Michael | Aug 22, 2017 | Blog
If the title has brought you here and you’re expecting practical advice about choosing your wedding venue, you may be disappointed!
It’s not the practicalities that I want to address in this piece, but imagination.
So if you want to learn about how to deal with venues, you may be better advised to read this article
Otherwise, stay here. This may indeed help you choose a venue, but I want to take you with me in dreams – and who knows where that may lead!
Why hold a ceremony at all?
Of course, a ceremony should mark a person’s particular milestone (be it, birthday, wedding, naming, vow renewal, or whatever). It’s an opportunity for others to take time out and show that the person in the spotlight really means a lot to them.
It’s an opportunity for the host/hostess to invite the people who truly matter to them to be present at a significant time in their life.
I don’t see the point, then, in holding a dull, unexceptional ceremony. You might as well have one that’s outstanding and memorable. Now, as a civil celebrant, part of my work is to make your ceremony unique. I can certainly contribute!
However, another component that is important to making the event stand out is the venue.
A gamble?
A wonderful setting for a handfasting!Those of you who have been with me over several years may remember a handfasting I did on Old Sarum, an Iron Age fort overlooking Salisbury. It was January, the site was totally exposed, and it was one of the wettest winters on record. I was up there (including preparation time) for over two hours; the guests for some fifty minutes. What if it had rained the way it did as I drove there a few hours previously? Or as it did, accompanied by thunder and lightning, when I drove back? The ceremony could have been a disaster! A complete wash-out!
As it was, we had a mild day for January and even a few minutes of sunshine. The atmosphere of the ruins and location and, indeed, the skies, was something quite special, and I don’t believe any of those there will ever forget that ceremony!
It was a gamble well worth taking!
Magic
Money has to enter into it, naturally, but, if you can stretch to it, there are some remarkable venues available. I’m going to speak about just one, but you don’t need to keep your imagination bound. A pod on the London Eye can be hired; a ceremony can be held for you at Stonehenge (or Old Sarum); what about under the sea, on a beach, in a forest, up a mountain or beside a canal?
Any of these may have an atmosphere like nowhere else, and fit with your personality and passions.
I was recently asked to conduct a wedding at Castle Goring, near Worthing. I had never heard of the castle, and, as it turned out, because the signposting was very poor, I nearly missed the place altogether!
However, what a treat it was! Set amid quiet, beautiful grounds, it looked like a castle should.
Moreover, our ceremony was to take place outdoors (and the sun shone!). The setting proved to be fabulous. I can vouch that the interior was magnificent too.
If I’m honest, I think I did a very good job that day – but thanks to the setting and ambiance, I could hardly go wrong!
Advice
So visit a few venues, with a list of questions. Of course, the ‘boring bits’ need to be addressed, but what matters most about your visit is what your heart is telling you. If you know it’s the right place, then don’t hesitate!
For any help with venues, or anything connected with the ceremony, please contact me!
