by Michael | Sep 11, 2018 | Blog
Divorce isn’t the only reason why a marriage breaks up . It could be due to death. And it’s reasonable that people can find it difficult to gee themselves up for remarriage.
Certainly, many people who marry again go for a smaller affair than the original.
One big ‘plus’
A huge advantage about a second wedding is that it can be much more fun than the first!
Think about it. This time there won’t be the stress of family pressure. You can make your own decisions freely. This marriage is exclusively about the two of you. You are mature, consenting adults – maybe with your own children and homes. Your ceremony is all about your commitment to each other (although sharing the celebrations with others is very much a part of it too).
The good news is, then, that you don’t have to follow other people’s rules. You can do what you want for remarriage.
That means that clothing, guests, venue, celebrant, reception are all up to you.
Clothing
There is no obligation to wear – or avoid – any particular clothing. If a second-time bride wants to wear white, why shouldn’t she? (Even if she wore it the first time around.) A full-length gown is lovely, but why not a shorter dress in a different colour or colours? Formal or informal? It’s down to you.
Guests
First time around, you had to make compromises as to who you invited. Now you can have a huge affair or fly off somewhere with just a couple of friends. You might have a small reception for closest family and friends. There is no need to break the bank, if you do not want to.
Ceremony
If you want a creative, personalised ceremony, then have a chat to a Civil Celebrant. You will get good ideas and will be able to put together a ceremony that reflects your personality and will be really special.
Look at the information at https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/civil-weddings/.
Venue
Depending on your religion’s take on remarriage, the religious option may be for you; alternatively, you may want only a quiet (if uninspiring) register office wedding.
Many people these days choose a hotel or restaurant, but there’s nothing to stop you using a back garden, museum, hot-air balloon or wherever your imagination takes you. (Remember to get permission first!) Your celebrant can explain how it all works.
It can be a casual affair or as formal as you choose. But of course, whatever your options, your wedding will still need to be legally registereed.
Reception
Again, the scale and budget of the affair will dictate what sort of reception you will choose. You might like to read my comments on receptions in a past blog: http://wp.me/p5qOOT-w7 .
Wedding gifts
You may organise a wedding list, but you may – especially if you are combining two homes – already have virtually everything you need. There’s nothing to stop you inviting guests to contribute money to a charity of your choice.
I hope these suggestions will be useful to you – however many marriages you have already experienced! You will learn from any past mistakes and enjoy precisely the wedding that you desire.
Don’t forget to ask your celebrant for help or advice.
by Michael | Aug 6, 2018 | Blog
An innocent invitation
My wife and I were invited to a wedding recently – I am more used to being the Civil Celebrant than a wedding guest, so the boot was on the other foot this time! The first decision was the wedding present. The couple were starting a new home together and had a Wedding List from John Lewis.
So we took a look to see what we could get them.
I had dire images in my mind of ridiculous, extravagant gifts that we could never afford to buy, but fortunately they were requesting a range of items varying from about £25 to a couple of hundred pounds. As long as you got in fairly quickly, you could buy what you wanted without necessarily bankrupting yourself.
A more demanding invitation
But what if they had been requesting the contents of the Bank of England vaults (assuming anything is there)?
What if they had been having the wedding in some tropical paradise?
Would it have had to come down to deciding whether or not to attend because the demands on our pockets were too great ?
We would have been really sorry to have missed that wedding (on a number of counts). Marriage was important to them (as it is to us). Also, our friendship presumably was too.
In this instance, as I’ve have said, we weren’t placed in the dilemma of having to decide whether to attend or not. But what if we had been?
Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea
If your emotions tell you one thing, but your head tells you another, can there be a compromise? Well, I’d say so.
Of course, you could make some excuse about unavailability, which would avoid embarrassing yourself by giving the real reason. That doesn’t help, though, if your heart is set on attending. (Incidentally, if you’re not going to show up, give maximum warning so that someone else could possibly be invited in your stead. And certainly ensure that you don’t leave it so late that the couple are charged for the meal you’ll not be consuming.)
But how about being up front? “I’d love to come to your wedding, but my budget doesn’t stretch that far at the moment. But maybe we can take you out for a lovely dinner [or a show or something equivalent that is affordable] at another date?”
That way, at least you show that you do value their friendship.
Moreover, send them a lovely, personal congratulatory good wishes card, which is a lovely touch.
And going out with them for that meal or show means you’ll be spending quality time with your friends. Not something you can do at a wedding, of course.
So perhaps there is a viable alternative to breaking the bank when it comes to being a wedding guest.
by Michael | Jul 9, 2018 | Blog
Weddings and public speaking go together. And stage-fright is often an (unwelcome) part of the process.
In fact, according to statistics, many people fear delivering a speech more than they fear death!
The likelihood is that you will be called upon to write and deliver a speech at least some time in your life. It may be for a business presentation or else for a family event. It could be in front of a handful of people or before a whole crowd. However, it is a skill that is well worth mastering.
My story
Only a few years ago, I needed persuasion before I would even enter a room to network. After a while, I became more comfortable. Then I was persuaded to give a 10-15 minute presentation about my business in front of 18 people. That was a step too far! I was so nervous that I gestured wildly and shattered a glass of water. I became memorable, but not at all for the right reasons!
Now, I willingly and confidently address small crowds (I haven’t got to the 1000s stage, but I hope that may happen). Recently, I was put in front of 200 guests at the Savoy, and it wasn’t an issue. Indeed, as a civil celebrant, my success depends, at least in part, on my presentation skills.
I’d therefore like to pass on knowledge and tips that I have acquired, so that the potential ordeal of public speaking can become much more palatable.
Focus
I am going to concentrate here on celebratory-type ceremonies. Essentially, we will need to focus on content and delivery. Here are some thoughts as a starting-point.
Tips
- It is better to be brief than over-long – your audience may be hot, tired, hungry
- If you can deliver humour successfully, do so; if not, keep those jokes to a minimum!
- Avoid too many “in-references” – at a wedding half the guests may not know anything about one of the newly-weds, so in-jokes can fall very flat and exclude whole groups
- Use a script or, better still, numbered 3 x 5″ cards. (Only very accomplished, experienced speakers can deliver off the cuff). Rehearse so that you can deliver your speech with only occasional reference to your notes. Eye contact with your audience is very important, if you are to engage with them
- There may be a good sound system, but ensure you can be heard loudly and clearly – you can help that by not burying your head in your notes and by speaking s-l-o-w-l-y ( a lot slower than you may expect!)
- Avoid saying anything controversial, whether about personalities in the room or about politics – the idea of the proceedings is to create a wonderful atmosphere, not to score points!
- Use anecdotes, but ones that fit in and are relevant. Avoid meandering ‘shaggy dog’ stories that may lose your audience. If you are not good at crafting a good story, maybe you can get someone to help you
- Delivery should be slower, rather than faster, and do not be afraid of a silence, if appropriate. Try not to address one area of the room only, but make everyone feel included
If you need any more advice, then there are professional presenters out there who can help. And I would be happy to help too.
Remember that it is a privilege to be asked to give a speech, so be grateful. Remember your audience at all times. Oh, and, however nervous you may be, save the alcohol for afterwards!
Enjoy the occasion.
by Michael | Jun 11, 2018 | Blog
Most of the bride and groom’s big day will go past in a whirl. They will be the centre of attention. It’s wonderful – but they may feel bewildered at times. They – and others, notably family members – may well feel under considerable stress.
Obviously, the main protagonists (at least) should be enjoying themselves. However, all concerned may need to make a special effort to show common sense and good manners.
Patience is a particular virtue at such a time (as is a sense of humour). Not least when it comes to the in-laws (or, indeed, your own family).
As a civil celebrant myself, I have to point out that the celebrant should be able to play a role in smoothing the way much of the time, but not everything will be within their control!
Bride
- Getting drunk is not a good idea! Apart from the unfavourable impression this may make on the new in-laws, you may not be able to fulfil the roles you are undertaking. It’s also worth pointing out that lots of people will be taking photos. You don’t want compromising snaps to haunt you in later life!
- Try and make sure you speak to all your wedding guests (they have come to support you, after all). It may mean you miss out on some of the food and drink, but you should acknowledge that people have put themselves out to be part of your celebrations.
Bridegroom
- Much of the stress in the run-up to the wedding day is borne by the bride. Do what you can, especially on the day, to share the load.
- Be punctual – arrive between 30 and 60 minutes before the ceremony.
- Don’t hide away with your mates; meet and make conversation with your new wife’s friends and even relatives.
- Don’t get rolling drunk! You have a speech to deliver effectively and the comments I aimed at the bride apply to you just as much.
Sometimes, just a little thought and consideration will be all that is needed to avert a melt-down. Then your wedding can be the fabulous event you have been dreaming of.
To gain the reassurance of professional support, talk to Michael about being your celebrant!
by Michael | Jun 11, 2018 | Blog
It won’t astonish anybody reading this if I state that marriage costs are steep! However, if you are just drawing up a budget, you may not realise that there are areas where you can cut a few corners.
“Guides for Brides” published the results of a recent survey. 7,500 brides were questioned during 2017, and these are some of the conclusions:
When and how
As you’d probably imagine, most weddings (60%) took place on a Saturday. Friday (at 23%) took the runner-up berth.
You might expect that most people chose to marry in a church (or other religious building). In fact, the majority (65%) chose a civil ceremony, with only 35% opting for full religious. Interestingly, 27.5% chose an unusual location – although I’m not sure what was defined as “unusual”!
Individual Items
Without being exhaustive – for example, this doesn’t take into account hairdressing/make-up, the reception and entertainment or wedding transport as individual items – some major areas of expenditure are as follows:
- the venue – probably one of your major outlays. The average cost of this was £4,450.
- the wedding dress – this could cost around £2,000, with suits coming in at £585.
- the wedding cake: £245
- flowers: £960
- honeymoon: £2,900
Budgeting and Saving
The total average budget, according to this survey, was £16,500. Some 84 guests attended weddings held during the day, and 120 in the evening.
Obviously, these figures only represent a guide. Everybody’s options and requirements are different. The prices will not remain constant.
As I indicated, by no means every expense is covered here. As a civil celebrant, I ought to point out that we have not mentioned registrars or celebrants. Both services need to be paid for! You may choose to employ a wedding planner, and they don’t come cheap.
So, by all means use this information as a starting point, but do your homework thoroughly. There are a variety of ways to reduce costs. Venues have wildly fluctuating prices, and they do not all offer the same facilities. You might hold your wedding in your garden rather than booking a venue at all.
You can choose to marry during the day – that is usually cheaper. The same applies if you avoid the most popular days (Saturday and Friday). You may prefer a buffet to silver service (or cater yourself), and that may save some expense. Offer a cash bar after providing a drink with canapés and a bottle of wine or two for the table to share. Omit canapés altogether, if you want!
You can be quite creative – and still offer a wonderful experience.
So now you’ve got some ideas, plan carefully. Then let yourself loose on those suppliers and go for the ceremony that YOU want. And if you need any more advice, just let me know!
