by Michael | Jul 28, 2020 | Blog
It is well-known that working with animals or children can be to court disaster.
As a civil celebrant, I am exposed to such risk almost all the time!
Regular readers of my posts may recall the wedding when a dog took a starring role.
Upstaged by a Canine
One couple wanted their dog, Blue, involved. The plan was that he would be the ring-bearer. However, his appetite was notorious, so it was deemed safer for him to be appointed “page-dog” instead. As he arrived, escorting the bride in, he suddenly broke free, sprinted up to the front and made a huge fuss of his owner, the groom. Lots of mutual love and affection in evidence. Of course, Blue ruined the bride’s entrance and stole the show – but nobody really minded!
Children
I won’t even tell you how many times screaming infants – even at a funeral – have disturbed ceremonies. Somehow we get through it.
Other issues can be less predictable.
At a naming ceremony, a 12-year-old boy stood up to read one of the poems I had suggested. (This had been agreed in advance with the family.) What nobody had thought to tell me was that this boy was highly dyslexic. I could have picked a much simpler poem, had I known, or e-mailed it to him in advance, so he could practise.
Nonetheless, the boy showed remarkable courage and perseverance, but he did totally massacre the reading!
On another occasion – a big wedding – the couple were fairly unhelpful (throughout), but they’d told me the name of the ring-bearer and knew I was to call him up. However, I wasn’t introduced to him and failed to locate him beforehand among the 200 guests.
By chance, I did spot a boy, Alexis, (aged about 6), beautifully dressed up, carrying a velvet cushion. I asked him whether he was the ring-bearer. He didn’t know. He only knew that he didn’t have any rings and didn’t know what the cushion was for.
The ceremony began. Once we reached the rings section, I invited up the person named on my script. Nobody moved. No response, even when I repeated the summons. The couple beside me didn’t react. On the spur of the moment, I called out Alexis’ name, and he duly arrived – complete with cushion and both rings! Success!
Dumb animals
I have seen pictures of releases of doves and of butterflies. I am not fully sure about these, as I don’t know if inadvertent cruelty might be involved in using them. In principle, I think working with animals or birds of prey is probably OK, and can add some real character and charm to an occasion.
However, the risk of something going wrong is quite high!
The only time so far that I have worked with an animal, it was a bird. To be precise, Dusk, a barn owl. Her role was to fly up to the bride (from behind the unwitting guests) as soon as I placed a large leather glove over her wrist. Dusk would carry a small bag containing the rings. Once this had been removed, the falconer would dangle a piece of raw chicken and off would fly Dusk.
We did have a rehearsal on the eve, and it went like clockwork.
We took precautions, though. On the day, in my pocket was an extra bag with rings, just in case, but Dusk seemed to enjoy herself and behaved impeccably!
As the falconer said, these are actually wild birds, so their behaviour cannot be guaranteed, but I would happily work with Dusk again.
Even though she did upstage me!
Venue
I do like the fact that people have the choice to personalise their wedding (or ceremony) in whatever way they wish. It doesn’t have to include animals, birds or children, of course. The type of venue may make the ceremony stand out sufficiently.
Rituals
There are some lovely rituals you can include that will make your wedding really different. A handfasting is just one example. Other possibilities include Unity Candles, a Sand Ceremony, the Loving Cup, and more. Your civil celebrant can explain these or suggest others.
Personalising the ceremony
Other ways of ensuring a tailor-made ceremony might encompass the choice of music and also readings. You can include the couple’s “story” or make use of selected participants (such as Blue!). Or even put in something unusual. Mid-ceremony, if the couple have drunk from the Loving Cup, everybody could be served some drink (if it can be done logistically) and then rise to drink a toast to the couple.
So there are many features you can incorporate or amend to make your big day really stand out. If you need ideas, your celebrant should be able to help you, but the important thing is to do what YOU want to do!
Photo: Matt Penberthy
by Michael | Jul 21, 2020 | Blog
When I say “when?”, I mean the time of day or season. This is not a marriage guidance column. Let’s get that straight from the outset.
And we’re not talking about religious weddings that won’t take place on a Sunday, if Christian, or a Saturday, if Jewish. And so on.
Register Office
To marry at a Register Office, you need to make an appointment and go down (with two witnesses) on a working day.
By arrangement, the registrars will come out to certain venues, provided certain criteria are met and extra fees are paid. This will often include weekends.
Such weddings have to take place between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.
At the time of writing, however, registrars may not be coming out.
Alternative Ceremonies
You can hold any other ceremony when you want (within reason). Obviously, you have to respect opening times and conditions of any venue you use. You might book a hotel, castle or stone circle.
Avoid High Season
Public holidays are an expensive time to arrange your event. Staff have to be paid extra. You also have to consider that certain times may be difficult for your guests.
Theoretically, you could marry on Christmas Day, but remember that guests might want to spend such a day with their family. Moreover, public transport would be minimal, at best, and costs would escalate, as staff would be paid overtime rates or be difficult to source.
Bear in mind that summers are always popular with people booking holidays, so get your invitations in quick! Summers don’t guarantee good weather, but the chances are reasonable that your big day will be sunny. Summer is therefore a popular time to book weddings, and prices tend to reflect that!
You can sometimes wangle a reduction, if you hold the event in the morning or afternoon.
Another expensive date is Valentine’s Day.
Finally, Fridays and, especially, Saturdays are likely to be most expensive (most popular, again). Remember, though, that if you book another, cheaper day, and it’s a destination wedding, it culd force people to take a long time off work.
Summing up
You may need to do your due diligence, but there is quite a lot of flexibility, when it comes to choosing when you marry.
Take the above remarks into consideration. But, most important, remember that it is your big day, so your wishes are paramount.
by Michael | Jul 13, 2020 | Blog
Mixed-faith ceremonies had seemed to be getting more popular – until Coronavirus struck. Since March, I’ve had far fewer enquiries (and pre-booked ceremonies have almost all been postponed).
However, eventually people are going to want to marry once more, even if the ceremony and/or reception may be affected by restrictions.
That’s one issue – the other can be the cross-cultural question.
Challenges
If you opt for a mixed-faith ceremony, there is much to consider. You and your partner have to decide what proportion of religious elements you will be including in your ceremony. And whether the share will be equally distributed. And what will you choose?
What about your families? Do they approve? If not, can you get them on side?
They may appreciate it, if you include a prayer or ritual that means a lot to them. Or if you invite them to participate in the service. The father can still walk the bride down the aisle (even if the aisle isn’t actually in a religious building).
It can be difficult, if your relatives’ views don’t correspond to yours (especially if they are footing much of the bill!). The bottom line is that it is your wedding, and you should not be bullied into complying with other people’s wishes. (But it’s still better to seek compromise!)
Your celebrant will be able to advise you, but start thinking about these issues before talking to him.
Indeed, you will also need to discuss with your partner the role religion will play in your later lives. More importantly, if children are a possibility, how will you bring them up?
Advantages
Learning about your partner’s customs and traditions will help you create a meaningful wedding ceremony – and guide you in your future spiritual life together.
You will be able to work with your celebrant to agree on a service that is in accordance with your beliefs and desires. You can then include customs and traditional rituals from either religion, as you choose.
As a couple, you can also select readings relevant to you and which underline your mutual love and willingness to make a commitment to each other. These personalised readings can lift the occasion far above the mundane. The sincerity and joy of a personalised ceremony will shine through and contribute to your guests’ delight, as well as to your own.
Compromise
A middle path can possibly be reached in this way: suggest to your parents that grandchildren will be taught about their religious background (even if you may not actively practise). Offer visits at certain religious holidays, and let your parents know that they will be able – and welcome – to play a part in their grandchildren’s lives.
You can only do so much, but – whatever the outcome – you’ll be glad you did all you could. Just imagine how a beautiful mixed-faith wedding may actually bring the families together and pave the way to harmony!
Isn’t that worth a little discomfort?
Michael has conducted many mixed-faith ceremonies, and will be glad to chat to you about how he can help you.
by Michael | May 15, 2020 | Blog
The
extraordinary is part and parcel of the work of a celebrant.
What do you
do when the bride simply doesn’t show up at the wedding and there’s no functioning
wifi or phone?
How do you
draw up a ceremony for a (surprise) wedding proposal that you will have to
observe in secret?
What do you
say, when you’re asked to conduct a naturist ceremony?
Do you agree
to work with someone who is obviously a potential Bridezilla?
Can you draw
up a ceremony for a half-Jew marrying a pagan?
As a wedding
celebrant, I have had to deal with these issues, and more. They give a flavour
of the range of desires of clients – (well, potential clients, as I didn’t work
with all of them) – that I may deal with.
I’ve also –
tragically – had to deal with a marriage break-up the day following the
wedding, but that’s another story.
The beauty of
what I offer is that the client has freedom to choose exactly what they want
for their big day. They may be open to advice and guidance from me; they may
have a very clear vision of what they wish for.
Usually, at
the preliminary meeting, we have a chance to see if we’d be comfortable working
together and start exploring the possibilities. Do they want religion? Yes?
Then, how much? Who will be participating in the ceremony? Will any rituals be
included? What sort of tone is going to fit?
Once the
enquiry turns into a booking, I e-mail a draft as soon as possible. This is for
the clients’ approval. If they don’t like something, it goes out! They may
suggest readings themselves – usually, these will be included automatically, as
I always bear in mind that it’s the clients’ day. (That doesn’t mean that I
haven’t occasionally advised against a certain reading or practice!)
By the end of
the process (and the draft may need several partial rewrites), the client
should find that they’re left with the ceremony of their dreams – every word of
which they will have approved.
So,
extraordinary as their requests may sometimes be, I can normally take them in
my stride. There’s certainly never a dull moment in my job!
by Michael | Mar 13, 2020 | Blog
I’m delighted to invite another expert to write for me this week! It’s Emma Miller from vowtobechic.com, and she’s got some sage advice for grooms.
Your wedding day is coming up, and you have a few jobs to get done to keep your bride-to-be happy. One of your primary chores is going to get the tuxedos for you and your groomsmen.
As you get ready to choose your attire, you want to consider a few style tips that are going to be essential to your wardrobe. You may want to bring a few of your groomsmen along with you unless, of course, they have the exact sense of style as you do. Or, none at all.
You need some style tips that can help you hit a home run on your wedding day with your bride and everyone else in attendance.
Have a look below.
- Lose the Belt
On your wedding day, you don’t want to be stuck fiddling with a belt all day long. Therefore, lose the belt completely. Many style articles, speak about how it is much better to find a tailor to make sure your pants fit perfectly. You will find tips on whether a belt is necessary and whether you are better off doing without.
When you get married, fashion tips suggest that you should do away with the belt. While the tailor is getting your pants fitted properly, have them remove the belt loops. You won’t be needing them.
2. Tie it
Whether you are going with a bowtie or necktie, make sure you know how to tie it. One major faux pas of getting dressed for a wedding is wearing a pre-tied or clip-on tie or bowtie. You check out an article here to help you determine if you are going to go with a tie or bowtie.
Make sure whatever you choose to wear on your wedding day that you learn how to tie it so that you don’t have a pre tied look or the clip-on look that will seriously discredit your attire.
3. Accessorize Accordingly
Choosing accessories is a difficult choice when you are the groom. You want to make an impact, but you also want to make sure what you wear is going to “fit in.” If you want for both you and your groomsmen to match in accessories, you can find some ideas here https://www.groomsmengiftsource.com/ that will be ideal for the groomsmen gift.
If you are the one to provide the accessories, then you don’t need to worry about everyone choosing their own and looking mismatched. Just make sure to choose something that goes with your tuxedo and wedding theme. Plain silver or gold is a good choice.
4.Shoes
Like most things, when it comes to fashion, you may not have thought much about your shoes. Shoes are an important thing to think about because whether you know it or not, they make or break an outfit. Therefore, don’t wait until the day before the wedding to go pick out shoes.
You need to pick the right shoes for your wedding, and it can be a chore because you need to pick good shoes that are comfortable. Keep in mind that you have to wear those shoes all day long. Make sure they are comfortable and well broken in.
5. Be You
Your wedding isn’t the day to try out new hair color, hair cut or anything else of a such. You don’t want to debut a new you, and you want to be the best you. There are some excellent wedding hair tips for the grooms that you may want to keep in mind.
The most important thing to be aware of is that you should just be you. Don’t be outlandish, don’t be exotic or try new things. The best foot you can put forward is the one that makes you who you are.
6. Consider your Options
A common trend for brides is to have a different dress or alter their wedding dress for the reception. You have that option too. As a groom, consider how you want to be presented or feel at the reception. You want to be comfortable. If the bride changes up for the party, you should too.
You can find some great clothing options for the reception that you can choose from. Talk to your bride. Find out what she is doing and follow suit, literally. You will feel much more comfortable at your reception if you have a plan.
When it comes to your wedding, you want to be sure that you are ready and look your best. Follow these fashion tips to help you look your best on your wedding day and avoid any faux pas that you might otherwise have not thought about.
