by Michael | Mar 15, 2016 | Blog
So what do I know about Best Man speeches? I have given just one in my life, though it proved to be an absolute hoot. It was about twenty years ago now.
As a professional civil celebrant, I often have to help couples write their vows. Wedding speeches, though not actually part of my remit, are a natural extension of this. After all, this falls under the banner of public speaking, which is necessarily one of my areas of expertise.
So I make no apology for confronting this subject. It’s an important one, as so many people are genuinely intimidated by the thought of public speaking. There’s a lot of help on offer about public speaking (you may like to see my blog on this subject), but if you know you have a good speech to give, delivery becomes that bit easier.
How you actually deliver your speech is important, and, again, my blog has sound advice, which needs to be noted, especially for the amateur public speaker. One word of caution from the article that really bears repeating is not to let yourself get sozzled, however nervous you might be!
As for the content, here are some suggestions:
- It’s always good to get people laughing (for the right reasons!), so if you can find a good tag or joke (and tell it well), you’ll be off to a great start.
- Make sure your humorous remarks are in good taste – religion, politics, families, insults are all dangerous areas. Your main subject should be the groom. You’ll want to tell a few stories about him (you can get information from others, but, essentially, this should be about you and your best friend). Try not to waffle or talk too much about people the bride’s family will know nothing about.
- It’s worth mentioning how you first met the groom and why he chose you for the honour. Without being too cruel (it is the groom’s big day, after all), take the mickey out of him! Humour (with empathy) is key.
- Although much of your speech should be humorous, make sure it is personal and real. There should be a serious element too. You are his best mate, so a few sincere compliments are absolutely appropriate. You should acknowledge how honoured you are.
- Mentioning how happy the groom is now and how happy for him you are is important, and even moving. You can address these words directly to the groom for greater effect. You might even be overcome with emotion for a moment, and that is nothing to be ashamed of!
- You will want to finish off presently, preferably with a laugh or two. A suggestion could be fake telegrams. If there are real ones, start with these, but then move on to a couple from, say, the groom’s hamster or from Prince Charles or a TV star.
- This whole speech should normally last between 5 and 10 minutes. You conclude (traditionally) with a toast. This can be funny, if you can manage it.
I accept that writing a speech will take some effort and sweat of the brow, but it is manageable, especially if you can make use of this advice. The rewards are enormous for all concerned, so the labour will be more than worthwhile.
by Michael | Dec 9, 2014 | Blog
Continuing the jolly theme I started last week of dealing with funerals, I promised to discuss eulogies, and I will not let you down!
Of course, there is nothing wrong with asking your celebrant to draw up a eulogy for you. You’ll have to supply the information and probably check and approve the draft , but that’s a good solution – especially if you dread public speaking – and you may well be at your lowest ebb anyway at such a time.
Another possibility is to get a friend or relative, or even several, to deliver tributes. Nobody should be forced into this, but, if they agree, they should be warned to keep the tribute reasonably short (1-2 minutes each, tops), to the point (rambling interminably spoils the moment) and well-delivered (slow and clear).
For anybody planning to do their own speech writing, I hope the following hints will help.
Think about your audience
- Be aware of the fact that there may be issues that would be better left unsaid (family animosities, for example)
- You may well feel mournful, but you can also focus on the uplifting and inspiring. Many people prefer a celebration of life, and a joke need not be seen as inappropriate, although we’re not talking about comedy routines!
- People will want to hear nice things about the deceased, but everybody is human. It may be fine to mention one or two idiosyncrasies about the deceased. However, saying somebody was “a bit difficult at times” or “they could be obstinate on occasion” gets the message across in a better way than saying “he/she was a complete b***”!
A couple of minutes (2-4) is probably enough.
The person
In most cases, you will want to cover the main biographical parts of the deceased’s life (people will be there who know only one side of that life, probably). However, an account like that risks being quite dry. A few well-chosen stories can really (no pun intended) bring the deceased to life.
So aim at covering the qualities of the person, and also something encompassing happy, funny, unusual, even sad events that sum up their life.
The script
It’s worth writing a full script (experienced and confident speakers may get by with notes, and a few can talk fluently impromptu, but I don’t advise this in the majority of cases). You should practise reading it, preferably to someone you know quite well, who can tell you if your words are coming across as you mean.
Start, middle and end
You can leave the beginning till you have written the other parts, but when you do, it’s probably best to start by going straight for the point. It might just be to thank the guests for their support.
You can end with something short by way of conclusion (possibly a phrase addressed directly to the deceased).
Source: northvancouverfuneral.com
Delivery
- Practise reading your eulogy beforehand.
- Stand when giving the eulogy.
- Come dressed appropriately.
- Try and stand still when speaking, and appear as calm as you can.
- Look up periodically at your audience (so they feel involved). Mark your place with a finger as you look away!
- Speak slowly. (You’re bound to be nervous, and we often accelerate under those circumstances.) You project better that way – and also you (and your audience) will have time to think about what you are saying.
Nobody will blame you if you are overcome with emotion. It’s perfectly natural. Give yourself a couple of moments before carrying on. (If you really can’t, and you have a script, then your celebrant can take over.)
To sum up, you don’t have to have a eulogy at all. If you do want one, involve the celebrant, by all means. Alternatively, you can invite people close to the deceased. But if you do it yourself, I hope the advice I offer will be helpful to you.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
