by Michael | Apr 8, 2019 | Blog
A lot of people are choosing to marry later than what was once the norm. The young at heart are stepping into younger people’s shoes!
Reasons for Marrying later
Quite often, the more mature are marrying later for financial or career reasons. Or the couple may want to put off having a family.
Then there are the returnees. They’ve been married before, and, for various reasons, are starting again.
One or both of them may be divorcees. Alternatively, they may have lost their first spouse.
Next, there are those who are afraid of taking such a big step. They don’t want to risk marrying until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting.
Gay couples in a
civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to
marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Should the ceremony
be different?
A church wedding (if permitted) will be the same for an 18- or a 58-year-old. The same can be said for a register office ceremony. These are basically standard ceremonies.
If you’re looking for a tailor-made ceremony, then go for a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony
suggestions
By the nature of the
thing, no two civil ceremonies are likely to be the same, so it is impossible
to be prescriptive.
Nevertheless, when approached by couples who are young at heart, I still have the preliminary chat and establish what elements (if any) they have in mind. I make suggestions and then, over time, send over drafts for them to approve.
The areas I am likely
to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- Why shouldn’t older couples enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice)? They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but maturer pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the marriage. A good celebrant will be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some
rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature
couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can be whatever the couple want, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples. I like this anonymous passage (for couples who are very young at heart!), and I conclude with it:
“The question is
asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping
hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more
beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more
beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing
their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped;
their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and
tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful
thing than young love. Old love.’
For some ideas, please have a look at my YouTube channel (and subscribe!): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wWfxIZw0VpZLbHrJAbV6A?view_as=subscriber
by Michael | Jul 5, 2016 | Blog
It’s not unusual for couples to be entering a second marriage. As a celebrant, I delight in seeing more mature people so obviously in love and glowing with joy.
Being that bit older can often mean that the couple has freedom to choose how they want to mark their big occasion. They may be of independent means – and, of course, their parents may not have the influence on decisions that they once had – indeed, they may not even be around any more. So the couple can do it “their way”, and that’s brilliant!
However, a more challenging aspect may be how (or if) to involve any children that may be on the scene.
The children’s ages will be a deciding factor, as will personality, and personal choices.
If you want to involve them actively, I’d suggest any (or all) of the following – aimed primarily, but not exclusively, at teenage children:
- Involve them in the planning
Your children will probably appreciate being consulted and involved, particularly when it comes to the reception. They may have surprisingly good ideas about a children’s table, their menus, entertainment and music.
They might even emerge onto the dance floor at the reception, if a few of their favourite songs have been included.
- Involve them practically
More artistic children may be able to create décor either for the ceremony or for the reception (serviette folding, name cards, banners, etc.).
Musical ones – very musical children – may be able to sing or play something either at the ceremony or at the reception. (Just beware of being too self-indulgent : inviting little Johnny, who’s only had four hours’ lessons, to play Sibelius’s violin concerto is asking for a lot of restlessness among the guests [beyond the initial “aaah, bless”].)
Some may be able to read a text of some sort (although they may need instruction on reading in public).
Children may be part of the procession/recession, although again instruction from, say, the celebrant may be wise.
Do give each of the children a role, and, unless it is unavoidable, don’t leave anyone out.
- Invitations
If it fits in with your budget, maybe you can let your child invite a best friend. That way, they won’t feel isolated in an adult world, but can enjoy empathetic company.
- The Ceremony
Apart from processing, a child can be an usher (possibly, with a specific role, such as directing people to their places, or collecting and guarding the presents). A child can give away the mother, or can be the ring-bearer (but choose that child with care!).
Children can also be part of a ritual.
- Unity Rituals
Among possible rituals, one example is the Unity Candle ritual. Each child is provided with a taper and (health and safety permitting!) they all use these to light the Unity Candle together with the bride and groom. The symbolism is strong and affecting.
An alternative is for them to make vows to their new step-parents (who could reciprocate).
- Make the children feel special
Again, age will be a determinant, but an older child could propose a toast at the reception.
Dancing with the step-parents can be a lovely touch (but arrange this with both parties well in advance!).
Children can be a boon or a challenge at such an event. Make a positive out of their presence!
As the children (like it or not!) are joining a new family, it makes a lot of sense to include them wherever possible. If you start bonding with them in early days, that has got to make sense, hasn’t it?
by Michael | Apr 5, 2016 | Blog
People tend to marry later than they used to. There are many reasons for this, but, come what may, the bride and groom are likely to be more mature nowadays.
Reasons for marrying later
Quite often, late marriage is for financial or career reasons. Maybe the couple want to put off having a family. Or, of course, either or both may be divorcees or widows/widowers, returning for another stab. Other people believe they shouldn’t marry until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting or they simply lack confidence.
Gay couples in a civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Things to remember
There will obviously be no basic difference between a wedding for youngsters and one for oldsters.
For a full religious ceremony (provided it’s permitted), you have the usual options of church/synagogue, etc., and for a secular ceremony there is the register office (which guarantees the compulsory legal words).
For a less standard – personalised – ceremony (that would be additional to the registrars’ service), you have the option of a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony suggestions
The beauty of civil ceremonies is that you can incorporate elements of your choice that reflect your personalities and beliefs, so each service will be unique.
That means that there are no ‘hard and fast’ rules; merely, suggestions. However, as with all my clients, I would expect to have a preliminary discovery conversation. Assuming we feel happy to work together, I send over drafts for approval.
The service
The areas I am likely to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- There is no reason why older couples can’t enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice). They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but older pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the ceremony.
A good celebrant ought be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can (should!) fit in with the couple’s desires, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples.
One thing is for sure: a wedding for the more mature may be every bit as beautiful and meaningful as one for a young couple – sometimes, even more so!
If you are looking for guidance and help, then please feel free to arrange a complimentary chat with me.
