by Michael | Mar 12, 2018 | Blog
Wedding day stress is to be expected. Of course, it is. However much you may have prepared, you don’t know what might actually happen … Even if you’re using a wedding planner, you can’t quite be sure.
All you can do, when all is said and done, is to ensure you have prepared carefully. Have you covered most eventualities? If you have, the chances are that everything will go smoothly, and there’s no point you getting uptight.
If something does go wrong, there are people who will bust a gut to sort it out for you.
There’s certainly no point upsetting yourself (and others!) by worrying. It is supposed to be your big day, and you do want to enjoy it. Don’t let what might not even happen spoil it.
Be ready on the day
Assuming you have booked and confirmed your suppliers, there are only a limited number of jobs that need to be done on the day. Let’s assume the bride’s hair, nails, make-up and dressing are under control!
Bride
Final assumption: you will have done a rehearsal (or talked it through) and you (and your retinue) know what you have to do when you process in at the beginning of the ceremony.
Give your Maid of Honour a small emergency kit (needle and thread, paracetomol, cough sweet etc.) to look after.
If you are not staying at the venue, ensure you leave plenty of time to get there (even if you plan to arrive late!). (More on this subject presently.)
Groom
Apart from looking elegant, your sole duty, probably, is to bring the rings and hand them to your Best Man.
You need to arrive early – mainly to ensure (probably, in collaboration with your civil celebrant) that everything is ready for the ceremony, and (with the groom) for the reception.
I had booked a taxi a week before my wedding and reconfirmed the night before. It still never showed up, and I had to book another one with immediate effect. Because I had booked the original minicab for a rather ridiculous hour, it wasn’t an issue. However, that was stress I could have done without!
Best Man/Maid of Honour
Both need to arrive punctually for their respective functions.
The Maid of Honour normally has to reassure and organise the bride.
The Best Man may have the rings already, or may have to remember to get them! Once at the venue, he needs to check in with the venue’s wedding planner (if there is one). The groom may well be early too, and may need a smile and an arm round his shoulder. Of course, the groom may ask you for certain errands. Do them with good grace.
The civil celebrant (if used) should be arriving very early too, so he/she will check that everything is in place for the ceremony. You may be kept in the loop, or not. Likewise, with the reception arrangements.
Stress-free!
So the key to a successful ceremony is preparation, first of all. Then it’s usually a case of responding calmly and positively to a mishap.
Odds on, the mishap is not a disaster (although, I admit, one ceremony I conducted was rather interfered with by a [small] fire!). People rally round, and most of your guests accept that things do happen beyond our control.
So what seems awful to you, may be a passing inconvenience to your guests.
The good news is that the majority of mishaps are not even noticed. And actually, a mishap is the exception, certainly not the rule.
So, what are you worrying about?!
For more advice or suggestions, contact Michael.
by Michael | Nov 21, 2017 | Blog
Oh, no! The groom turns up without a ring. The hotel is making a barbecue, but the kitchen goes up in flames. The bride is late – very late – for the wedding and can’t be traced.
These are all things that have happened in my experience as a civil wedding celebrant, and I have come to know that I must “always expect the unexpected”.
Resolving the issues
Perhaps you’d care to know the outcome of those situations?
The groom had left the ring in his hotel room. Fortunately, the hotel was a short drive away, and he had arrived early. He managed to retrieve the ring and return before his bride (who was fashionably late) arrived. Not the best of starts to a wedding, though.
The fire meant that we were unable to use the interior of the House until the Fire Brigade had cleared it. They came quite quickly, but, as it was a Grade One listed building, the checks took for ever. I was about to suggest an outdoor ceremony (despite the large number of guests and lack of public address system outside), but we got the ‘go–ahead’ just in time.
The bride was known for her punctuality, but was half an hour late on a very hot day. After about twenty minutes, the Best Man had tried to contact her, but there was no reception (wouldn’t you just know it!). The groom became progressively more agitated – all the more so, when some tactful soul suggested that his bride might be standing him up at the proverbial altar. (Yes, someone really said that!)
Fortunately, not long afterwards, the bride did arrive (the driver had got lost!).
Who’d have expected it?
According to my understanding, I am a civil celebrant, charged with creating ceremonies and conducting them. But I’ve currently been asked to do some rather different jobs, which I hadn’t foreseen.
Firstly, I have been asked to write a Vow Renewal ceremony. Nothing odd about that, you say. But it’ll take place in Australia. Unfortunately, the couple are not thinking of paying for me to go out there (so stingy!!), so I won’t actually be conducting it.
Secondly, I was asked to do some business work, proof-checking profile texts for LinkedIn and the like, and rewriting where necessary.
Thirdly, I have been invited to interview a 90-year-old, then transcribe and edit his reminiscences. Absolutely fascinating (especially the war years), although the transcribing is not quite as exciting.
Finally, I have been asked to start work for a client. Nothing strange about that, you’ll agree. But what is odd is that I don’t recognise the name of the person, and I have no information about where and when the ceremony will be held (and what type of ceremony)! (Not ideal.)
I presume that the potential client spoke to me quite a time ago, and has now decided to go with me. Having nothing more than a name (which rings no bells for me) and an address, to which I have sent an explanatory letter, I am awaiting developments.
Unpredictable it may be, but I’m not complaining. All this flirting with the unexpected makes my job even more wonderful!
by Michael | Jan 3, 2017 | Blog
Let’s face it: who should have the final say about everything when planning a wedding? Is it the bride’s family, who may be bankrolling the affair? Or the professional (if you’re employing one), ie the wedding planner?
It pays to listen to advice – but it must be the bride who takes the ultimate decisions.
If that’s you, this is what you will need to consider.
Organisation
You must list what needs to be done – and by what time. You can buy a wedding book, or create one with a ring binder, say. Ensure you record names and contact details of suppliers.
You could do worse than download (forgive the plug!) my free “Wedding Countdown Checklist” (click here), and you’ll be well on the way.
Bridesmaids
You need to get on with this early in the process. Choose your maid (or matron) of honour; her main job will be to organise the bridesmaids and support you both emotionally and practically.
As for the bridesmaids themselves, you want people you can count on, so choose carefully.
Don’t forget you’ll later want to show your gratitude to them. It could be a gift presented at the reception or a lunch before the wedding.
Dress and Accessories
It’s also worth starting this process early (you ought to have placed your orders six or more months before the wedding). Your dress is the first priority. Then look for (if appropriate) veil, gloves, shoes, handbag, jewellery and undergarments. You may want to involve your maid of honour or a parent here.
You’ll need to decide on a hair and make-up stylist early. A good idea is to book a trial run a couple of months in advance of the wedding, as well as the ‘real thing’ on the day.
Other suppliers may book up quickly, so do your homework and act on your findings in good time.
You may want to have your engagement ring cleaned and even book a manicure.
Responsibility
Although, as I suggest, the final decisions will be down to you, there is no need to do everything yourself! Nor is there any sense in it, as burn-out would then be a real possibility.
So why not delegate (gently!)?
Your parents or in-laws may well appreciate being invited to participate. Drawing up the guest list is an obvious communal job. They might want to publish news of your engagement or your wedding in the newspaper. Maybe they can book a band for your reception.
Your bridesmaids may well enjoy being consulted about their dresses.
The groom can prove himself useful. (No, really!) Traditionally, he may take on buying the wedding rings, choosing the ushers and the best man (and their attire) and buying gifts for them. He may organise the registrars, the transport on the day, arrange to pay the celebrant and plan the honeymoon. So he needn’t get off that lightly!
In addition, at the start, you will surely visit the venue together. You may want to set the budget, discuss your ceremony, agree/write your vows, share thoughts on whom to invite and which gifts to put on the wedding list.
Your beloved may have contacts and might be able to help organise the catering, florist, photographer etc.
To sum up
The bottom line is: accept help and advice gracefully ; don’t try and do it all yourself; plan meticulously; be the final arbiter; and relish the whole process!
by Michael | Dec 21, 2015 | Blog
One of the highlights of a wedding reception is – or should be! – the speeches.
A wedding speech is normally offered by the father of the bride, the best man and the groom.
The father’s speech
Although he may well have financed much, or all, of the event, the bride’s father will only be expected to make a short speech. He may make some (flattering!) reference to the groom and his family, but his job is really to thank everyone for coming and to invite them to have a wonderful time.
The Best Man’s speech
The Best Man has unparalleled knowledge of the groom, and will normally use it to great advantage. He will relate (hopefully!) funny anecdotes that indicate some character traits that not everybody may realise – or, even better, that they do all recognise! The speech should last between about five and ten minutes, depending.
The Best Man (and all speech-makers) should steer clear of politics, insults, bad language and religion.
The Groom’s speech
Just as one hopes the Best Man’s speech will shed light on the groom in a witty and entertaining manner, so the Groom has his chance to talk about his new wife. He will also want to thank people who have made the day possible (including the guests), but he will probably want to demonstrate his affection and express his emotions in some way.
Elements
It is vital that the speech is not too long. Ten minutes should be quite enough. It should focus on the bride – what she means to him, possibly how bride and groom met and maybe an anecdote that shows why he chose her. Vitally, it should be sincere.
Of course, the Groom needs to thank everyone who contributed to the wedding (not just financially!). So it will be the parents of the bride, the participants (bridesmaids, ushers, etc.) and the guests. Absent friends may be mentioned here. Without overdoing it, a bit about the Best Man could go in (preferably, including a story about something he and the Groom both got up to once).
Delivery
It’s unwise to rely on memory (especially on such a day), but reading out from a long script can be boring. The Groom should refer to notes, and try and keep eye contact with his audience as much as possible.
However, when talking about his new wife, what attracted him, why he loves her, recounting an interesting/humorous episode together, the Groom can address his remarks directly to her. A compliment is unlikely to be taken amiss (and the guests will love it too!).
It’s important to try and vary delivery, so it is not monotonous.
Speed
A good tip, however much nerves may be jangling, the Groom should take his time, and avoid mumbling or gabbling. He should speak loudly and clearly. People will really want to hear what he has to say, so it’s not good to frustrate and deprive them!
Humour
Starting with a joke is fine. However, the joke must be funny – and not crude or offensive. Rather than telling lame jokes, it may be better to leave them out altogether.
If the groom is determined to tell a joke, it should be directed gently at the best man (NOT at the new in-laws, unless it is definitely appropriate and they will be OK with it! Starting a marriage off on the wrong foot is not advisable…).
I took a great risk at my wedding, because I chose to be quite rude about my new wife. I got away with it (although I am still suffering the fall-out to this day!) because my comments were funny (no, really!), but it’s a dangerous game to play.
Finish
When the Groom has done what he set out to achieve, he should stop while he’s ahead. He can propose a toast to the bridesmaids and/or his wife and then pass the microphone to his Best Man.
Notes to Grooms
- Don’t forget to thank your in-laws if they financed the affair. Thank your father-in-law for his speech (and for producing such a wonderful daughter). Thank everybody on behalf of your wife too. Make mention of guests from afar, or special guests, your in-laws and your own parents. Don’t thank the caterers, florists etc. who have been paid for their services. Try not to spend too long thanking people. However, feel free to thank your celebrant!
- Don’t read out long lists.
- Resist the temptation to get blind drunk before your speech!
- Check beforehand with your Best Man that there’s no clash or excessive overlap/repetition in what you are both going to say in your speeches.
Prepare thoroughly beforehand, remember the tips about delivery, and you will give a wonderful speech that you will enjoy making and your guests will love hearing.
by Michael | Jun 2, 2015 | Blog
In the majority of cases, the bride and her family are the driving force behind the wedding arrangements. In some cases, the groom is invited to share his opinion and, perhaps, rubber-stamp a few details. Many grooms prefer it that way too! But usually, the groom is a mere bystander, totally reliant on the ladies.
However, involving the groom in certain areas, as well as being psychologically tactful, can actually play to his strengths and bring real benefit.
I suggest that he can play a part in the following areas:
Source: www.polkadotbride.com
Clothing – this is a dangerous one, I confess, as a groom’s dress sense is not always impeccable, as my wife will tell anyone willing to listen. However, the groom should be allowed to choose what he (and the ushers) will wear (even if judicious guidance may possibly be volunteered!).
Drinks – probably safer ground here. The groom could be put in charge of the bar menu (as long as he doesn’t sample too enthusiastically – albeit in the interests of science, of course!).
Activities – the groom may have some useful input into activities that you might want to offer at the reception. It could be entertainers, magicians, photo-booths, or whatever.
Theme – you are presumably intending to spend the foreseeable future (and perhaps your whole life) with your partner. Why not see if you can’t work together and come up with a theme for the day? The groom may be surprisingly creative. (Or not.)
Music – this is a very important area at most weddings, both at the ceremony and at the reception. The groom is likely to have his thoughts and wishes about this, and should be part of the decision-making process.
Photography – the groom should be involved in planning discussions with the photographer/videographer. I’m not just talking about poses but also who is going to be snapped/filmed.
Transport – if you are splashing out on a special car to take you to and from the ceremony, perhaps it could be the car of the groom’s dreams?
Basics – Flowers, menus, decoration, dresses – all these are the domain of the bride’s side. However, I think the groom must have a say in the budget, the choice of venue, the guest list and the type of ceremony and celebrant. The areas mentioned above are up for discussion. Unless the groom really chooses to opt out altogether (surely not on the biggest day of his life?), he should be able to play a part in the big decisions. His opinion may not always coincide with the bride’s or her family’s, but it is his wedding too. That said, there may have to be some give and take and (polite) bargaining too!
Based on an idea by Mike Staff of Michigan Wedding Planning & Ideas.
