by Michael | Mar 27, 2018 | Blog
What do you think about child-free weddings?
Wow! I bet there are some polarised responses to that question!
Child-free weddings will certainly be a matter of opinion. As a celebrant, I’ve had good and bad experiences where children have been concerned. Without getting implicated in controversy, let me make a few observations.
Young children do have the potential to turn solemn moments into a nightmare. Even entire ceremonies. Parents suffer, of course, but so do those around them. With the best will in the world, children ‘s behaviour cannot be taken for granted, whether or not they are ‘on show’.
Naturally, the age of the child will enter into the equation, but here are some tips to make it easier for child, parent and other guests.
Toddlers
It’s good if your child can maintain his natural rhythms. If he likes to sleep at a certain time, make it as easy as possible for him to sleep then, even if it means you have to miss some of the post-ceremony socialising and feasting. If you’re lucky, there may be a quiet room you’ll be able to use.
Formal clothes may be uncomfortable for the child, and she may make that discomfort obvious!
You don’t have to take on the whole burden yourself. Your partner can share in the duties! Or you might rope in relatives or close friends. If a parent is participating in the ceremony, then it’s essential that someone close to the child or baby looks after her. It’s also reassuring for the child to be surrounded (in a crowd) by familiar faces, so have such people seated close by.
It’s probably best to take your child out of the main event, if he is showing signs of strain or fatigue.
Don’t expect to be able to stay till the wee hours. Your child will almost certainly have other ideas!
Youngsters
If the child is older, you may be able to prepare him beforehand. Bribery is permissible! Tempt him with the prospect of a good buffet, if he’s good. Consider offering a book, some paper and crayons or even (muted!) a hand-held electronic device.
Few people will complain if your little one is playing quietly with some toys.
If you are relaxed, you are more likely to find that your child relaxes too, and the dreaded tantrum can be averted.
You may be able to get your child to be a flower-girl or an usher. Explain the role clearly and stress what a privilege she has been given!
With a bit of preparation and thought, the ceremony need not be a nightmare at all. A lot of people will be supportive and understanding, if there are minor lapses. Most will be appreciative of good behaviour and will even express this (which will reinforce your child’s desire to earn praise next time).
It’s not a minefield. Of course, you may prefer not to bring your child – or not to come at all. But, I hope you can see that the risks can be reduced, and the event may pass far more pleasantly than you imagine!
by Michael | Mar 8, 2018 | Blog
Where do you begin, when planning your wedding?
If nothing else, consider these points:
- The budget
Obviously, this is the bottom line. You need to work together with anyone who is helping you here (probably your family?), and decide rationally what you will spend. It’s no good getting carried away with enthusiasm – you need self-discipline.
Big as the occasion may be, you do not want to bankrupt yourselves. And it’s worth pointing out that the amount spent does not guarantee the success of the marriage itself!
The event is (or should be) a ceremony; it should not be an attempt to show off how rich or extravagant you are. Should the reception mean more than the vows?
Good taste and sincerity are more important.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t have a few OTT touches (budget permitting), but these should be a bonus rather than what you are aiming at. There are probably certain elements that you will insist on, and it’s as well to discuss these at the outset, so that they aren’t overlooked later.
The budget will also dictate the ceremony, participants, reception and number of guests to invite, but that is something I cover elsewhere, notably in my book “Your Wedding Guide”.
- Date & location
Naturally, it will be more expensive to schedule your wedding at peak times (such as summer holidays, Christmas or around Valentine’s Day). You may want to avoid major events, such as World Cups and holiday season, when your potential guests may be otherwise engaged.
You’ll need to consider climate too, if you want an outdoor wedding. Or, at least, a Plan B.
The venue should, of course, be where you want it to be, but if it’s in an exotic location, your guests may have to go to a lot of expense and trouble to attend, so keep that in mind.
Make sure you visit the venue, ask questions and ensure that you really want to have your ceremony there.
- Other Suppliers
As soon as you have settled on your budget, start choosing other suppliers that you may need. Like the venue, which may want a year or more advance warning, you should allow plenty of time, in order to secure the supplier of your choice.
Among others, you will need to consider florists, caterers, musicians and, not least, celebrant. Where possible, you should meet with these first, so you can feel confident you have made the right choices. All that takes time, so allow for that.
- Choosing theme and colours
It’s easy to get excited and let your imagination run away with your wallet. Keep your budget in mind, use wedding books and planning guides and whatever resources are available to you.
Do not over-decorate. Make full use of flowers and candles.
Be creative with the colours. These may reflect the bride’s personality. Vivid colours (tastefully combined) can be most effective.
- Vows and music
The vows are one of the most important elements of a marriage. They should be well-planned – and audible. They are a public declaration of your mutual feelings, and should not be under-valued.
Equally, the music should be planned carefully and be clearly audible. Make sure you choose lyrics that you want your guests to hear!
Hopefully, the planning will be a team effort (maybe even the groom will be willing to participate!). If approached in the right way, it can be enjoyable and exciting, and the result will be so worthwhile.
For further advice, please contact Michael.
by Michael | Mar 6, 2018 | Blog
Most people assume that a wedding is either a religious affair (which involves following the regular marriage service liturgy) or a register office ceremony (following a standard non-religious script). Both are standardised and scarcely, if at all, personalised.
By the way, I have nothing at all against religious weddings. That’s how my wife and I married, and it was exactly what we wanted.
Register office ceremonies may be all that certain people want, and I’m fine with that.
Another option
But what if religion isn’t really your thing? What if you’re ‘marrying out’ and your church won’t let you have a full service? What if you don’t want the formulaic ceremony of the register office, but want something bespoke?
Then, of course, the civil celebrant can offer you something special that can tick all your boxes.
But it isn’t legal, is it?
According to current legislation, every wedding needs to be legally registered (which is where a registrar comes in).
If you want a personalised ceremony, this needn’t be a problem. Just go down to the register office (at a pre-arranged time) with two witnesses, get legally married and then have the wedding ceremony that YOU want in front of your guests at a place YOU choose.
If you’re marrying in a licensed venue, you can be a little creative – why not have the registrar’s part done first (even in a different room!) before enjoying the festive part in front of all your guests, relaxed and joyous?
So what’s “personalised” about it?
By definition, no two personalised weddings will be the same! However, this is how the finished product may be arrived at.
After an initial chat of maybe an hour, the civil celebrant will have given you a few ideas, explored your wishes and learnt a bit about you and your story.
“Breaking the Glass” ritual
Depending on what you choose, you can include readings that reflect your personal beliefs (prayers, poems, prose) and control who reads and who participates. Any procession and/or recessional, music, rituals – all can be chosen by you to make a memorable and meaningful ceremony for YOU – and your guests.
Your wedding is probably the biggest, most significant day of your life, so surely it makes sense for you to be able to choose how, where and with whom you celebrate it!
Ask Michael for more information.
Photos courtesy of www.lyndseygoddard.com
by Michael | Mar 6, 2018 | Blog
I don’t know how the arctic spell was for you, but we got away with it relatively easily here in Harrow. Of course, TfL had its issues, but we were able to do most of what we needed to do. Otherwise, we put on an extra layer, turned up the heating and waited for it to pass.
The enforced office time gave me a chance to think about readings for ceremonies. As a civil celebrant, I very occasionally write something new. More frequently, I adapt something to fit the particular circumstances we are marking. It’s not always down to me to source my material. I am working with Jo and Jimmy currently, and I am indebted to them for this suggestion. It’s a lovely piece that was entirely new to me.
It comes from Nicole Kraus’ “The History of Love”. See what you think.
“Once upon a time, there was a boy. He lived in a village that no longer exists, in a house that no longer exists, on the edge of a field that no longer exists, where everything was discovered, and everything was possible. A stick could be a sword, a pebble could be a diamond, a tree, a castle. Once upon a time, there was a boy who lived in a house across the field from a girl who no longer exists. They made up a thousand games. She was queen and he was king. In the autumn light her hair shone like a crown. They collected the world in small handfuls, and when the sky grew dark, they parted with leaves in their hair.
“Once upon a time there was a boy who loved a girl, and her laughter was a question he wanted to spend his whole life answering.”
I’ll keep it short and sweet this week. If you have a favourite reading that could work in a ceremony, I’d love you to send it to me. I’m always open to good ideas.
by Michael | Feb 6, 2018 | Blog
Of course, wedding mishaps never happen … And just who am I trying to kid?!
Whether a professional wedding planner is employed, or whether you’re doing it ‘in-house’, there is plenty of scope for disaster. You simply cannot legislate for everything. Especially children, animals or the weather.
You can prepare all you like, but the one thing you haven’t prepared for will probably occur.
Of course, the key is how to deal with the circumstance. And ignoring it, throwing a tantrum or blaming other people really won’t cut it. It’s calm, decisive action that saves the day.
Should you work with children or animals?
A few mishaps
In my five years officiating weddings and the like, I have, fortunately, not had to deal with situations that were too desperate.
Brain melt-down
At my first wedding, the groom totally forgot the rings! (Inexperienced as I was, I assumed that he would never forget the only thing he needed to bring with him!) When I jokingly asked him about it half an hour before the ceremony started, he went very pale! It was back to the hotel for him (nearby, luckily), and he returned before the bride even came in. (Just!)
Fire
There was a fire in the kitchen of a venue that delayed the start of the ceremony for three quarters of an hour. No point in panicking – there was a nearby (scenic) lake, so I started discussing with the venue planner whether we could move a few chairs across and hold the ceremony there (especially as the weather was beautiful).
As it happened, the fire was extinguished in time for us to return to the interior peacefully.
Last minute change
I did not expect any hitches when I rocked up to conduct a wedding at the Savoy Hotel (photo above) in front of 200 guests. We had had a successful rehearsal a few days previously, and there was a highly competent wedding planner in charge.
What could possibly go wrong?
Apart from a delayed start due to a number of late arrivals, all seemed to be going very smoothly. Except for one thing. Nobody thought to tell me that they had made a change that morning. Instead of Omar, who, according to my script, I was to call up to bring the rings, it was to be Cyrus.
Cyrus was an eight years old, and he came up just before the ceremony started to ask when he should bring up the rings. As he didn’t actually have the rings, and it was too late to ask anybody, I assumed that he had got the wrong end of the stick and I should continue with Plan A.
Of course, when I summoned Omar, nobody showed up. So I saw Cyrus and asked if he were the ring-bearer. Someone had indeed passed him the rings, and he was able to come up and strut his stuff. All was well.
There wasn’t much I could have done or could do about this, but, in the scheme of things, that was quite a minor mishap.
The pits
I suppose the worst mishap in my experience was something that didn’t happen.
I e-mailed the bride a few days before the wedding to check everything was OK. She replied saying that she assumed the groom had let me know, but the wedding was cancelled! (He had been unfaithful – what a thing to do …!)
The worst mishap that did befall me was at a funeral. But I’ll save that for another day, though! Sorry!
If you’re looking for a perfect faultless ceremony, do give me a call! I can’t guarantee that everything will go without a hitch, but I’ll do my level best to make sure there are no mishaps or they are sorted smoothly!
