by Michael | Oct 4, 2021 | Blog
Most people don’t really know what a civil celebrant can offer or why they should investigate using one.
A fallacy is that a celebrant is the same as a registrar. Although a proposal to change things so a celebrant’s ceremony can be legal too is going through parliament at present, the roles are still separate.
A registrar is a civil servant, who is employed by the government to ensure that all the legal bits are carried out to make each marriage valid. Their ceremony normally takes a quarter of an hour or so, and is standardised. So each couple gets more or less the same as the one before, or the next one. What’s more, the service may not contain a single religious word or even mention God.
Given that the registrar’s ceremony is mandatory, why should you bother with a celebrant ceremony too?
The fact that the celebrant is independent is worth a great deal. It means that, once you have been legally married (by the registrar), you are free to have the ceremony of your dreams in the place of your dreams.
If you want some religious items, you can do so; if you want to write your own vows, you are welcome to; if you want a mention of absent friends, not an issue; if you want to talk about how the two of you met – or what is keeping you together – then that’s great!
You can have a mix of solemnity and humour. You can have a unique ceremony, maybe including a ritual or two (such as the Loving Cup or a handfasting), and you can tailor your ceremony so that others can participate.
In short, the ceremony can reflect your personalities and beliefs, and be everything you want it to be.
But only with a celebrant.
Of course, there are many celebrants out there, and each has their own USP. So you need to speak to, if not meet, one or two (eliminating some, once you’ve looked at their websites).
Online reviews are a good starting point. Then you can see if the celebrant is likely to understand and run with your vision of the ceremony.
Your budget is not as important as feeling the person is right for you. (You can usually tinker a bit and save some money elsewhere, if the celebrant is a bit dearer than you had planned.)
As well as showing professionalism, albeit in a likeable way, the celebrant should have great presentation skills.
They should be able to create a wonderful personalised ceremony that is beautifully delivered on the day. They need to be able to work hand-in-hand with you to achieve this.
Michael would be glad to have a (non-obligation) call with you to discuss how he can help guide you to your dream ceremony.
Photo: Soody Ahmed
by Michael | Sep 13, 2021 | Blog
Nowadays, fewer people are choosing a full religious service to mark their marriage. But the Register Office ceremony can be uninspiring, both regarding content and delivery.
That’s why there’s increasing interest in celebrant-led ceremonies.
These specialise in letting their clients choose what they are going to include in their service (and exclude!).
So how can you personalise your ceremony?
Venue
You can choose (as long as you can afford it!) the venue that really hits the mark for you. It may be quirky (like a pod on the London Eye, an aquarium, or an old favourite like a castle or a hotel). It can be outdoors (if you gamble on our climate!) or indoors. It can be grand, modest or somewhere in between.
What you choose will reflect your personalities.
Décor
You can individualise your wedding décor. This may include invitations, signage and seating plans. You can commission this, or do it yourself (given the time and creativity).
Flowers
As well as beautifying things, flowers too will reflect your personalities. They may, or may not, be seasonal, exotic, simple, ravishing, or your own themed colour(s).
The flowers can extend beyond the bridal bouquet to table and room decoration (as in the photo) and even arches.
Dress
These days, you may not choose to wear the traditional clothes. So a bride might shun white, or even a dress. The groom may prefer to dispense with a tie. You can still look original and fetching, and declare your personality.
Ceremony
There are lots of ways to personalise the ceremony itself. You may go for a ritual (what about a handfasting?) or a recital of how the two of you got together and/or why you stayed together! You may want to write your own vows. And so on.
Your civil celebrant should be able to help you with all this, and positively channel your affection, humour and potential emotion.
So the whole service can reflect your personalities and beliefs and be very, very special.
I’d love to be of help to you constructing this. Just contact me!
by Michael | Aug 9, 2021 | Blog
No, no! Not “when you’re totally tanked up with booze”!
What I’m actually referring to is the most advantageous time, day and type of ceremony for you.
Of course, your hands may be tied, depending on the type of ceremony you have in mind and the venue.
Register Office
If you choose to marry at a Register Office, you need to make an appointment and go down (with two witnesses) on a working day.
At the time of writing, most (if not all) registrars conduct the ceremony from their base, rather than attending a licensed venue. (If they come out, there require certain criteria to be met, such as venue specifics and timings. They also charge quite a lot for this service.)
A bill is going through Parliament (slowly!) that may allow certain celebrants to conduct legally-binding weddings, which may obviate the need to involve the registrars.
Which brings me on to your next possible choice.
Less Conventional Ceremonies
If you want a unique, tailor-made service, then, once your marriage has been made legal by the Registrars, you can use an independent celebrant. Such a ceremony can take place at the venue of your choice, be it a hotel, an iron age fort, a canalside, or wherever (subject to permission). It can also take the form of your choice (eg personalised), which is where the celebrant comes in.
When to Marry
As a rule of thumb, you may be able to make savings, if you avoid high season. That may also suit your guests better. If you choose New Year’s Day, there might be problems for those travelling by public transport or indeed for those nursing hangovers!
Valentine’s Day makes sense at one level, but suppliers often raise their prices for such a day.
Summer is popular, but is not always the best bet. Apart from higher prices, weather (as we are seeing this year!) is not guaranteed, and you may be safer booking Spring or Autumn. If you leave it too late and you book for the Summer, you may find that many of your potential guests have already booked their holidays and can’t attend your wedding.
Destination weddings also need considerable notice for most guests.
Savings
It’s often worth discussing possible discounts with your supplier. The worst that can happen is that they refuse!
Possible bargaining levers are holding the wedding out of season (as mentioned), holding it in the morning or afternoon, and choosing a Monday through Thursday.
Conclusion
There’s plenty to think about, then, but I hope that these remarks shed some light, at least. You may need to be flexible and certainly need to do some research, but the results can be so worthwhile.
Never forget that it is your big day, and you should have what you want.
Do speak to me, if I can help you further.
Photo: Victor Shack
by Michael | Jul 27, 2021 | Blog
Love is easy enough when you’re infatuated. That first stage of a relationship is like walking on air. You’ve got no worries and it’s difficult to stop smiling.
At some point after your engagement or even wedding day, that love changes and develops. It may not be so romantic, but it’s different. It can still be great, though. You’ve really got to know your partner (warts and all!). Maybe there’s offspring in the equation too. Now you’re part of a relationship that requires commitment and responsibility. You’re looking after others, and that’s not always easy. You won’t always see eye-to-eye over everything.
The maudlin nature of this blog surfaced when I realised that my wife and I will have been married 22 years, come Wednesday. I still remember the romantic love section of our relationship. That is a lesser part of our relationship nowadays. However, there are compensations.
We still exchange kisses and hugs. We do things for the other person that we might prefer not to do. We laugh at the same things (usually!). We help each other out and are grateful to each other. We ask each other when unsure of things. I do certain tasks (which I’m better at or prefer doing); Isobel does others. We mostly share the burdens.
I can only speak for myself here, but I believe we have built a close, solid relationship. Yes, over the years we have had disagreements (lots!) and rows (occasionally), but I think we enjoy being in each other’s company and feel we’re generally united.
How have we achieved this?
At the outset, Isobel demanded that I let her know if ever she was upsetting me. She told me this should work both ways. I went along with it. It’s been great at defusing any potentially major crisis before it becomes serious.
We respect each other. If one suggests something that appears dubious to the other, we discuss it. Reasonably and calmly in 99% of cases. We aim at least for compromise. We try and please the other, and try to respond appropriately to the other’s change of mood.
Love takes many forms, and building a relationship demands hard work and persistence. When it works, you can’t beat it!
by Michael | Jul 21, 2021 | Blog
It must have been so hard for brides and grooms to have to face uncertainty about their wedding arrangements. Over months and even years.
Should they marry, but postpone the celebrations, perhaps till the first anniversary?
Do they just marry, and skip the celebrations altogether?
Do they marry, but celebrate (with no more than thirty guests)?
Do they put off the wedding altogether and wait for certainty? (But what’s “certain”?)
How do you book venues and suppliers and invite guests under such circumstances?
As a celebrant, I have really missed celebratory events. Since I am trained to compile and conduct funerals too, I have been kept reasonably busy over the last 18 months. Funerals are something I love doing, and, although my finances have still taken a hit, I am grateful that I’ve been able to work through lockdown.
However, I love the celebratory events, and I have not done one for almost two years. You will probably therefore get an idea how pleased I was to be back in harness last weekend.
The couple were delightful. They had chosen a golf club, Blacknest, in Surrey, which evidently takes its weddings very seriously. There was a huge marquee for the catering, tepees (including a big bridal one), a gazebo where the ceremony would take place with rows of benches in front, portaloos, and a shaded area. Not to mention, a table-tennis table and croquet equipment.
It was a glorious day (though very warm indeed), and the guests’ mood was bright, encouraging and supportive. The procession had been choreographed perfectly to fit the music, and the bride was uncharacteristically punctual!
Highlights of the ceremony? The bride’s brother read out a lengthy but witty and amusing poem about the couple. The couple had both prepared their vows (which the other had never seen or heard before), which was a very emotional section. The guests were asked to commit to lifetime friendship and support for the couple, which they readily agreed to. The “first kiss” as a married couple – always popular!
Then there were drinks on the grass, followed by eating, and a festival atmosphere.
There’s no doubt about it: the couple loved it, and so did the guests – and it was great for me to get back where I belong!
