Wedding planning is a very delicate balancing act. First and foremost, bride and groom must see eye-to-eye. Secondly, other people may well be involved, and their feelings and opinions may not correspond to the couple’s. Thirdly, there is social distancing and all that goes with it to bargain for.
Bride and Groom
In many cases, the bride and bride’s family will be the prime movers in the planning. The groom usually likes the plans run past him, but often doesn’t want deeper involvement.
However, the bride shouldn’t go against his wishes – or behind his back – and risk an altercation on – or after – the wedding day!
Actually, don’t assume that no areas will interest the groom. He will probably want some sort of input into the catering and the venue. Bridesmaids’ dresses may possibly interest him less.
So the bride should try and keep him in the picture. The couple should discuss any issues – amicably! They both need to agree on the venue and officiant.
So let the groom participate in the planning, if he likes. Accept that it may not enthuse him that much, though. Give-and-take may be the order of the day(s).
Of course, others may be playing a part. Do we include bridesmaid, flower-girl, usher, Best Man, parent, and so on, in the planning? How much notice should be paid to their views?
The bottom line is that the wedding is the couple’s affair, so whatever they want ought to count. Even if someone else is bankrolling the affair, it is still the couple’s big day.
However, if they are expecting others to contribute (whether financially or as an active participant), there may need to be some compromise. Consultation is important. Nobody should be forced to go against their wishes or take on a role they’re really unwilling to adopt.
The middle course may be the order of the day. Possibly, somebody who might otherwise be overlooked could be invited to read a poem, say. Perhaps a moody youngster can be put in charge of the wedding presents. A bridesmaid, reluctant to wear a certain dress, can be given a bunch of flowers in recompense.
You don’t need me to point out that it is currently well-nigh impossible to plan for a big, or even, moderate-sized, wedding. If you don’t know how many guests you will be allowed to invite, how can you book the venue, catering, entertainment etc.?
So it may be an idea to marry legally (ie small register office ceremony) as soon as you wish. Then celebrate the ceremony (officiated by your civil celebrant of choice) and reception you really wanted a year down the line (on your first anniversary, say).
Whenever you are able to marry as you want, remember that it is likely to be a team effort.
Most families are willing – and able – to reach a balance, and a wonderful day is had by all.
If you have any thoughts or questions arising from this, feel free to contact me.