Whose Wedding is it, anyway?

May 11, 2018
OCD bride

Sadly, couples are not always free to marry as they please. Very often they encounter opposition from their family. I know one mother who threatened to boycott the wedding (taking her whole family with her) because the couple had not opted for her chosen celebrant! It makes one wonder whose wedding it actually is.

The most common reason for opposing the wedding is disapproval of the new spouse. Perhaps he/she is not of the “correct” social class or colour. Maybe it’s a question of his/her sexuality. The truth may well be disguised, with a pretext such as “he/she isn’t worthy of you” or “they won’t be able to support you.”

The guest list

All weddings face the inevitable question: whom do you invite? It’s a tough one to answer at the best of times. You will probably start with close family and friends, but what if your closest relatives oppose your union?

Do you still include them?

Rejecting the rejectors

Do you decide to leave them out and just opt for your friends and (supportive) relations? After all, do you want negative people at your big day? They might bring the mood down – and, at worst, cause trouble.

Certainly, you’ll think twice before inviting people openly hostile to your union. On the bright side, they might decline and at least you’ll have gained kudos by having extended the olive branch!

Another olive branch

Another benefit that could accrue from inviting disapproving relatives is that they might, despite their own prejudices, attend and actually enjoy your tasteful and personalised ceremony. Wouldn’t that be something if you were able to ‘convert’ them and retain – even develop – a relationship with them?!

For many of us, there is the bond of love that unites us with our families. We may not always like our relations, but to upset and potentially do without them for the rest of our lives is not always desirable. Giving them a chance to stay connected with you  (even loosely) is worth the effort.

If the worst comes to the worst, at least you’ll know you tried. And if it brings you together, couldn’t that be precious?

Come what may, your wedding will be a commemoration of love, with promises for the future. It’s not the day to heal rifts, but it may be the pathway to do so, and that is something which should be embraced.