by Michael | Jun 11, 2018 | Blog
It won’t astonish anybody reading this if I state that marriage costs are steep! However, if you are just drawing up a budget, you may not realise that there are areas where you can cut a few corners.
“Guides for Brides” published the results of a recent survey. 7,500 brides were questioned during 2017, and these are some of the conclusions:
When and how
As you’d probably imagine, most weddings (60%) took place on a Saturday. Friday (at 23%) took the runner-up berth.
You might expect that most people chose to marry in a church (or other religious building). In fact, the majority (65%) chose a civil ceremony, with only 35% opting for full religious. Interestingly, 27.5% chose an unusual location – although I’m not sure what was defined as “unusual”!
Individual Items
Without being exhaustive – for example, this doesn’t take into account hairdressing/make-up, the reception and entertainment or wedding transport as individual items – some major areas of expenditure are as follows:
- the venue – probably one of your major outlays. The average cost of this was £4,450.
- the wedding dress – this could cost around £2,000, with suits coming in at £585.
- the wedding cake: £245
- flowers: £960
- honeymoon: £2,900
Budgeting and Saving
The total average budget, according to this survey, was £16,500. Some 84 guests attended weddings held during the day, and 120 in the evening.
Obviously, these figures only represent a guide. Everybody’s options and requirements are different. The prices will not remain constant.
As I indicated, by no means every expense is covered here. As a civil celebrant, I ought to point out that we have not mentioned registrars or celebrants. Both services need to be paid for! You may choose to employ a wedding planner, and they don’t come cheap.
So, by all means use this information as a starting point, but do your homework thoroughly. There are a variety of ways to reduce costs. Venues have wildly fluctuating prices, and they do not all offer the same facilities. You might hold your wedding in your garden rather than booking a venue at all.
You can choose to marry during the day – that is usually cheaper. The same applies if you avoid the most popular days (Saturday and Friday). You may prefer a buffet to silver service (or cater yourself), and that may save some expense. Offer a cash bar after providing a drink with canapés and a bottle of wine or two for the table to share. Omit canapés altogether, if you want!
You can be quite creative – and still offer a wonderful experience.
So now you’ve got some ideas, plan carefully. Then let yourself loose on those suppliers and go for the ceremony that YOU want. And if you need any more advice, just let me know!
by Michael | Apr 24, 2018 | Blog
I like a wedding as much as the next man or woman – and I should: I’m a civil celebrant. But there are certain ingredients that can contribute to making a wedding very forgettable (or, sometimes, for the wrong reasons, unforgettable!). So forgive me, if I moan a bit now!
Location
I have been honoured to have been invited to present at some very distinguished and beautiful venues.
But I write as an Englishman. It may not be such fun – especially in our winter – attending a wedding at a mill in a remote spot. The Satnav can’t find it, and it has rained so much in the preceding days that the muddy access lane is only navigable for a 4 x 4. Which I don’t possess.
Socialising
As a guest, it’s not unusual to find yourself thrown together at the service or during the reception with people you would not normally choose to meet. The conversation often dries up after each person has responded to the inevitable “How do you know the bride/groom?”.
Or, possibly worse, you get stuck with the person who won’t stop talking.
On the other hand, what if the seating arrangements throw you up next to somebody you already know and whose company is embarrassing – an old flame, perhaps?
I’ve had complete strangers whip out their phones and show me pictures of relatives I have no desire to meet. People have expressed right-wing sentiments that Gengis Khan would have hesitated to utter, and I have had to nod politely. I’ve come across some awful bores. And, of course, talking to me might have been the last thing my dinner neighbours would have chosen.
It’s a lottery.
Dancing and music
I can’t be the only person in the world who cringes when it comes to the dancing, can I?
It’s bad enough watching the mother and groom (say) dance, but when it’s the public’s turn, I confess that I really don’t want to. It’s likely to be hot in the hall, so that might serve as an excuse for not getting to my feet. But let’s be honest: my sense of rhythm is not impressive, and if I do dance, I spend my time assuming everybody is sniggering about me. Possibly paranoia, but that’s how I feel.
And then, if I have actually found somebody I want to talk to, I can’t do it because the music is too loud.
When I think about it, I’m not sure if I should be encouraging people to have weddings!
Anybody agree?
Moan over.
by Michael | Apr 17, 2018 | Blog
So your mind is on your approaching big day? The wedding ceremony is crucial (but you will be in safe hands with your civil celebrant).
However, once that part is over, what happens next?
Don’t fret! If you have hired a toastmaster, they will advise you. As should your (or the venue’s) Event Planner. However, you’ve arrived at my blog and I can offer you a guide to put your mind at ease.
Arrival
You may form part of a receiving line to greet the guests. It will normally consist of the bride’s parents (the hosts), the groom’s parents, bride, groom and, if desired, attendants (in that order). (If it’s a smaller reception, it might just be you.)
This can take quite a time, and it may be preferable to dispense with this – PROVIDED that you (and, possibly, your parents) circulate during the meal. Remember, everybody will want to congratulate you!
The Meal
At a sit-down reception, the bridal party occupy the top table. Traditionally, they should be (from left to right as viewed by the guests): chief bridesmaid, groom’s father, bride’s mother, groom & bride, bride’s father, groom’s mother and best man.
There ought to be a table-plan and/or place-cards for guests. Obviously, ensure there are enough chairs available for all!
Thank you
If it’s not too formal, or a buffet, you and your new spouse will circulate, as I’ve suggested, briefly thanking guests for coming. You return to the table for the cake-cutting, speeches and toasts.
Cutting the cake
The bride places her hand over the groom’s and together they cut the cake. (It may be worth cutting it in advance, if the icing is very hard!) Someone else will cut the cake up and distribute it to everybody. (You may want to send some pieces to absent friends, so reserve these.) You traditionally keep the top tier (for the christening of the first child).
Speeches and Toasts
Ideally, they will not be too long! Incidentally, I can offer some tips on presenting (please see my blog: https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/delivering-a-wedding-speech/) .
The bride’s father will toast the couple; the groom replies on behalf of himself and the bride (thanking the bride’s parents for the wedding, the guests for attending and for their presents and toasting the bridesmaids); the best man replies on behalf of the bridesmaids and reads out any messages from absent friends.
At the end
You normally leave first (announced by the best man).
Job done!!
by Michael | Oct 2, 2017 | Blog
I’m sure I don’t need to point out that weddings these days can be extremely expensive! We can easily be talking £20,000 +. Cutting wedding costs sounds a wonderful idea, but how practical is it?
Of course, much depends on what your budget is. In addition to the sheer quantity of suppliers you may want to hire, be aware that some put their prices up as soon as they know it’s a wedding!
Are there any short cuts you can take (apart from, say, looking for a second-hand wedding dress on e-Bay?!)?
It’s not easy to be draconian. And you don’t want to spoil your wedding either for yourselves or for your guests.
Incidentally, cutting down on the guest list is a good way to cut costs!
Maybe you decide not to bother with a limo, but you do want to be sure of punctual and comfortable rides on the day.
Bargaining with suppliers is sometimes a possibility. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, here are some other suggestions.
Time of day
Even if you’re choosing the Dorchester or equivalent for your reception, you might be able to get a better deal, if you hold your ceremony at lunchtime, rather than in the evening.
Date
Another good way of saving money (not just with the venue) is to marry out of season. Suppliers want work year round, and they can be faced with yawning gaps between October and May. Therefore, they may look sympathetically at (or even spontaneously offer) a reduced rate. If you’re a good haggler, you may even manage to improve on these!
Note that reductions should not be expected at certain festivals, especially Christmas and Valentine’s Day.
Using flowers that are in season is another way to cut costs.
And consider weekdays (although that may have issues for employed guests). That’s normally cheaper.
Catering
There are ways of reducing this major cost. Although it would have to be well-organised, a buffet will be cheaper than a silver-service meal. Fewer staff are likely to be involved, so costs should be less.
You may well offer canapés and drinks. Prosecco is increasingly accepted in place of champagne, and this normally works out considerably cheaper.
You should provide a generous amount of wine and soft drinks to accompany the meal. Once that is over, I would suggest operating a cash bar. (It’s worth preparing guests for this when the invitation is sent out!)
Cup cakes, rather than a wedding cake, can be another acceptable way to save money.
Decor
Whether or not you have a theme, this is an important area. If you are holding a small affair, you may feel able to DIY. Be absolutely sure that you know what you’re doing, and get prepared well in advance!
Otherwise, discuss costs with your supplier at the outset, and ensure you are in control.
Entertainment
Of course, the scale and cost of this aspect will be down to you. It is worth getting referrals from people you know before you book anybody, and do ensure you understand their Ts & Cs.
Planners and Celebrants
If you decide to use a planner, it will obviously cost you more – but consider the peace of mind she will give you! Similarly, don’t cut corners with your celebrant. Ensure you see testimonials and speak to your supplier beforehand so that you have confidence in them on the day. You do want to feel at ease with the person who will marry you!
Your wedding is – or should be! – the most important day of your life. You want to get it right. Yes, you pay for what you get, but, as you can see, there are some ways to cut a few corners successfully, without compromising on quality.
by Michael | Oct 25, 2016 | Blog
Are same-sex ceremonies actually so different from heterosexual ones?
They share the same obstacles and challenges – and rewards.
You may relish the process of preparing for your big day – or you may struggle with it. With the right preparations – however you may be celebrating it – your big day should be a delight, bursting with love, benevolence and happiness.
Sure, there are a few differences of detail, but the principles are the same or similar.
So let’s talk about weddings.
Challenges
- There can be nothing more challenging than your family! If they oppose your marriage, you can be in deep water, especially if they try to pressurise you.
- Choosing and obtaining the right suppliers is important, but can be difficult.
- Sorting out the invitations and venue can also be an interesting task!
Solutions
Let’s take a look at these, and see how we can deal with them.
Family
It may be that your family refuse to accept or recognise your partner. If you are closely attached to your family (they may even be paying for your wedding!), you may not want to make waves.
However, it is not they who will be living with your partner, but you! The ceremony is about you, not them. The bottom line is that it is your wedding and your big day. It is unfair for them to impose their choices upon you. Especially, for such an important event.
Of course, you should invite them to meet and get to know your partner, preferably informally. If the charm offensive doesn’t work, then think about asking your officiant to have a word. If it’s a religious ceremony, and your priest is already well-known to the family, then he may well start from a position of respect and can help smooth over the problems.
The ceremony itself may prove a sticking-point. You may not be allowed a religious service in a church, say. However, all is not lost because a civil celebrant can conduct a religious service all the same. Or a part-religious one. Or, indeed, a non-religious one. And because a civil ceremony is not formally structured, you can have your choice of participants, as well as readings, rituals and music.
You may be able to explain to, or show, the disapproving relative(s) that the service will in fact be spiritual, memorable and delightful. Better still, you may be able to invite them to read something (even of their choice!) at the event. That way, you can show how much you value them.
Suppliers
There’s nothing out of the ordinary to be said here, as your sexual orientation shouldn’t enter into it. You are likely to need catering, photography, flowers, a celebrant, a cake, maybe a limousine, entertainment (a magician, a DJ, a photo-booth etc.). There have been some recent, notorious cases of suppliers refusing to serve same-sex couples, but you can only feel pity for such intolerant people. Move on. There are plenty of others who will serve you excellently.
You need to take your time and do your research. Recommendation, websites, personal visits are all better than taking pot luck with Google. I have more advice on this subject in a blog: https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/how-to-avoid-wedding-rip-offs/
Venue
I have also written on this topic (please see https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/the-venue-of-your-dreams/), but here too you need to get in early, do your research and ensure, if possible, that you visit. The visit will allow you to get a feel for the atmosphere of the place. Crucially, you’ll be able to ask the event co-ordinator questions.
The jury is out on this one, but it may be worth checking that the venue has no problems with gay ceremonies.
The guests
The guest-list and (potential) table-plan is almost always a sticky issue for any wedding. Your budget must be adhered to and, most importantly, you and your partner must be in harmony over this. Ideally, so will your families (especially if they are bankrolling the event!). You may need to be very diplomatic …
Conclusion
So, in general, a same-sex and a heterosexual ceremony will differ very little. The officiant will need to check with the couple about the terms he/she will be using. Will it be “bride and bride” or “groom and groom”, and will the couple at the end be announced as “Mr & Mr X” or “Mrs and Mrs Y”? The wording of some of the readings may have to be changed, but, otherwise, a same-sex ceremony is basically the same as a heterosexual one.
Absolutely nobody needs to be put off from arranging a same-sex ceremony!
