Planning your wedding is likely to be challenging at the best of times. And these cannot be said to be the best of times!
However, it is an exciting and rewarding process. But what if you have no real idea where to begin?
So here’s some guidance that may set you off in the right direction.
Initial Steps
As no couple does things exactly the same way as any other, I will confine myself to general suggestions.
At all events, you’ll probably need to consider the following very early on:
How are you going to arrange the planning? Will you hire a professional, will you entrust it to a friend or relative, or will you handle it yourself?
Decide on your budget. Make a list of suppliers you may need and guests you are likely to invite.
Choose a date. That can be complex. You may have a particular date in mind (a year on from your engagement; your late grandmother’s birthday, for example). But the date may be a Bank Holiday, so it can be more expensive to hire suppliers. It may be the wrong day of the week (some days are more expensive than others). Do your research.
First suppliers
Assuming you know the month (if not, day) of the wedding, the most important people to contact next are:
The Register Office
The wedding venue
Caterers, if relevant
The Register Office will need at least a month’s notice (because of the banns) and you need to book the registrars. (You need to appear in the Office – by appointment – with two witnesses, as a minimum. Pre-COVID, as an alternative, the registrars would come to your venue – subject to certain conditions. Watch this space.)
The wedding venue can be a religious building (Anglicans, Jews and Quakers can currently host the whole ceremony (without the need actively to involve the registrars). If your ceremony is in a secular building (a restaurant, hotel, castle etc.), the officiant can be a civil celebrant.
Book your caterers well in advance. Do your homework, and make sure you feel confident with your choices.
The second tranche
You may need to book the entertainment quite early. The same may apply to other suppliers – you can be looking at photographers, florists, celebrants, as well as limousines, hair and make-up artists, dress and suit-makers, and the like.
Hopefully, this can suffice for starters. If you want more advice, just contact me.
A great guide (OK, I wrote it!) is “Your Wedding Guide”, available on Amazon. It takes you right through this process in much more detail – and is very reasonably priced!
One of the most important decisions relating to your wedding concerns the venue. The first thing to realise is that you can’t leave it to the last moment! For one thing, the venue of your choice may well be booked up a year ahead, or even more.
Unless you
already know for sure where you want to be, you will have to do some research.
Starting off
You may be
guided by the experiences of acquaintances. If they liked a place, it doesn’t
mean that you will, but you can visit and see what you think.
You may have
a passion that dictates where you’ll go. One ceremony I conducted was set in
the open air at a Canal Centre (albeit, on dry land!) – the couple were
passionate about longboat holidays, so it made perfect sense.
Otherwise,
you’ll probably start looking at geographical areas that suit you.
The process
You’ll can narrow
the process down by looking at websites. Obviously, that’ll give you some basic
information, but a visit is virtually indispensable. That way, you can get a
feel for the atmosphere and beauty of the place (essential before you make your
decision). You should also make an appointment with the events planner, and
come with a list of questions.
Incidentally,
before you visit, check the venues actually have availability for your intended
date.
The big mistake
When you’re choosing your suppliers – be they florists, civil celebrants, wedding planners, musicians, photographers, or whatever – don’t go for the cheapest! Obviously, you have to respect your budget, that’s a given. But you want to go with a supplier that you feel you can trust and whom you want to work with. That may come at a cost, and you may need to try and make savings somewhere else.
The visit
When you go
to venues, you will need to consider not only the surroundings, but also the
event planner. Hopefully, you will like them and they’ll be sympathetic to your
vision.
Ask them
what you need to know. This may range from capacity to catering, from whether
the whole building is included in the hire to whether the planner will be on
hand on the day, from décor to logistics (like parking or microphones), and so
on.
If you find
a venue you love (not “like”!), go for it. If you need to cut a few corners, you
can often negotiate a discount depending when you hold the event.
It’s cheaper
to book a venue out of (summer) season (or Xmas and Valentine’s Day) and to
avoid Saturdays or Fridays. Afternoon, rather than evening, can be cheaper.
So go to
several venues (with the same questions), and you can compare.
It sounds
like a lot of “homework”, but it’s your big day, and it’s important to get it
right!
Feel free to
call me to discuss any of this further.
I’m delighted to welcome another guest to write for this blog. This time it’s Chloe Walker. She describes herself as:
“a
twenty-something year old, freelance writer who’s focusing on wedding and event
planning. When she isn’t thinking about her very own dream wedding, she
can be found curled up by the fire with her dog, Bruce.”
Enjoy
her thoughts!
Wedding-day amnesia affects a surprising number of newly married couples.
According to a survey from Sony, “More than 1 in 4 [married couples] admit to not remembering their wedding vows”
Many couples say that their special day has become just ‘a big blur’ and that they’ve forgotten all the finer details, even if everything was utterly perfect and the day itself was an emotional and exciting experience.
It’s hardly surprising that this happens. Weddings can be stressful and the day itself can often feel busy and even chaotic, even if you’ve carefully planned every detail and are head over heels in love with your partner.
But there is good
news.
You can prevent wedding amnesia from rearing its ugly head
and allow yourself to cherish the memories for ever. Here are six ways you can
do just that.
1.
Choose the right venue
Your wedding venue can make your wedding memorable for all
the right reasons, or all of the wrong ones. That’s why it’s vitally important
to get it right.
Make sure it feels
like the venue of your dreams and offers everything you hoped it would. Let
your heart guide you when making your decision here- that’s what will truly
make the day feel memorable.
Opt for something that helps the two of you make the most of
your big day and feel special, not something that you feel pressured into
choosing by family or friends.
The venue should also give you the opportunity to relax and
enjoy the venue and surroundings, your guests should feel comfortable and it
should provide a sense of intimacy that helps you form those special memories
that you can share with your grandkids.
Finally, ensure that you have full privacy on your big day
and don’t have to share with anyone else.
Luxury wedding venue, Manor by the Lake say it best; “ The last thing you want is to see random people you don’t know wandering around your venue on your wedding day!”
2. Step away for a moment or two
On your wedding day, make sure that you find time to break
away from the stress and busyness of the occasion and really enjoy the moment.
This will help ensure that your nerves don’t get frazzled
and you have enough energy to make it through the day, and help your brain form
those memories that will last a lifetime.
Stop what you’re doing, close your eyes (if you can) and
take some slow deep breaths. Aim to make your exhales longer than your inhales
to help you feel a deep sense of calm.
As you do this, soak up your beautiful surroundings, your
gorgeous dress and the exciting event as a whole, then go back to enjoy the
celebrations feeling refreshed.
3.
Connect and reflect before you walk down the aisle
Just before the ceremony itself starts, take time to sit and
reflect. Be quiet and sit for five minutes or so. Bring to mind memories from
your relationship so far and soak up the moment.
If you can, sit with your partner, hold hands and enjoy this
sense of deep connection and union before you get married. Doing this will help
you escape from the organisational chaos that has led up to the event and you
can reconnect with your loved one.
4.
Enjoy a short walk after the ceremony
Instead of finishing the ceremony and rushing off for
photographs or to the reception, get outside into nature and take a short walk.
Even 15 minutes will be enough for you to reconnect with your partner and
absorb the exciting fact that you’re now a married couple!
This also provides a great opportunity for your wedding photographer to snap
some beautiful, scenic shots that you can enjoy for the rest of your lives.
5.
Eat together
When you’re trying to talk to everyone and have so much to
do, you might find yourself forgetting to eat at your own reception. Don’t make
this mistake! You’ll only find your stomach grumbling and your stress hormones
going through the roof!
Just take five minutes with your partner, grab a plate and
fill it with as much food as you like. Then sit and enjoy it together,
uninterrupted. You’ll build beautiful memories, feel better and have enough
energy to make it through the day too.
6.
Write it all down
Prevent your wedding day memories fading away by writing
down everything that happened on your special day as soon as you can.
This will create a vivid record of your wedding day that you
can refer back to whenever you want. When you have it down on paper, you’ll
stand a far better chance of remembering those tiny details like conversations,
expressions and events that you loved so much on the day and really bring those
memories back to life.
If you’re not a fan of writing, you can always record your
memories digitally using the voice recorder app on your smartphone. Just be
sure to back it up afterwards for safekeeping.
Final
thoughts
Even though you’ve likely poured months or even years into
planning your wedding, it can all go by in a flash.
That’s why you should do your best to preserve those
memories and cherish them forever.
Choose your dream venue, take moments through the day to
soak it all up and enjoy the occasion. Then you stand a better chance of
avoiding wedding day amnesia and of remembering it all.
We were
lucky with our wedding venue. A year or so before our wedding, my wife and I
were invited to a celebration dinner at the Grim’s Dyke, Old Redding. We fell
in love with the place, and choosing our wedding venue proved to be ‘no contest’.
There are those who may get a helping hand from other people’s recommendations, but most have to start from a blank slate.
That usually
means trawling through websites. Naturally, the pictures are flattering and the
descriptions are tantalising, but don’t rely on those alone.
Contact the wedding planner by phone or (less good) e-mail. You’ll have questions, and they should be able to answer them. If the answers don’t meet your needs or wishes, then go elsewhere.
Questions
However, if possible, make an appointment and pay a visit.
That way,
you’ll meet the planner and get a feel for them. Obviously, you need to know if
the date you want is available.
Are they
going to be with you on the day, or will somebody unknown take over? Does the
planner seem willing to listen to your vision and plans? Do they seem excited?
What will you
get for your money? Does the price seem extortionate? (More on costs later.)
What are the payment terms?
Can the planner recommend a celebrant (if that’s what you want)? Can you see the room(s) you’ll be using?
You will
probably want to discuss refreshments, catering and service, as well as
eventuality-planning (what happens if the weather is bad?).
Decisions
You must follow your head (if you have a strict budget, then you may have to reject the venue), but you must always follow your heart. If you arrive at a venue and both love it (like we did with the Grim’s Dyke), then go for it. Don’t select a place just because you can afford it. This is probably going to be the biggest day of your life, so the venue and atmosphere is very important. You will want to remember the day for the rest of your lives, so the memory will have to be highly positive!
Money
If you feel
that you can’t afford the price, there are some strategies you can try. Why not
suggest hiring the venue Monday-Thursday? Those can be quieter times, and the
planner will be glad to fill the place then.
Equally, if
you go for a date that is outside the peak summer (and Xmas and Valentine’s
Day), you may also be able to negotiate with the planner. Same reasons. And
hiring the place for the afternoon, rather than the evening, may bring down the
price.
If you don’t
ask, you’ll never find out!
So, see what
you can do – you may be able to secure a bargain! At all events, make sure you
both absolutely want to marry there.
“Weddings” and “saving money” are uneasy bedfellows. They seem like paradoxes. After all, weddings often cost thousands, even tens of thousands, of pounds.
So how can “saving money” enter into the equation?
Well, there are a number of ways of cutting down on expenditure. (And I don’t mean reducing the catering to a sausage roll per guest!)
Obviously,
you can control the size of the guest list, the type of venue you use and what
you offer your guests.
Considerations
Venue – an “at-home” event may work out a lot cheaper, although organising everything yourself can be daunting. Bear in mind that, as organiser-in-chief, you may well sacrifice peace of mind, especially on the big day. Some of the considerations will include parking, neighbours, catering, entertainment, speaker system, toilets, serving food and drink, health & safety (beware of trailing wires etc.).
Unlike with a hired venue, you should not need to book a year or so in
advance. Moreover, a home ceremony may win hands down in terms of atmosphere.
If you do hire a venue, choose a time and date that is less popular. That way, you have some bargaining power. So, apart from days like Christmas and Valentine’s Day, winter is likely to be a cheaper time, and afternoons tend to be cheaper than evenings. Your venue will be delighted to accommodate you then!
2. Registrars – unless you choose a full religious ceremony, you will need to book the registrars. Otherwise, you will not be legally married.
One convenient trick (to kill two birds with one stone) is to have the
registrars come to your venue. (Although the legislation may change soon, note
that the venue currently needs to have four solid walls and a roof to be ‘kosher’
for weddings.)
The registrars will charge around £500 (depending on the region) for
attending.
Try this canny money-saving idea: go to the Register Office yourselves (by appointment) with two witnesses before the wedding. This can be hours or even days ahead. You will only have to pay around £100 for the same ceremony you would get at the venue. You will then be legally married and free of that particular worry! So you can go to the venue of your dreams and have the ceremony of your dreams! (A Civil Celebrant can help you with a tailor-made ceremony.)
3. Booze – you can lay on some Prosecco for toasts, which can work out a lot cheaper than champagne, but just as satisfying. if you organise an afternoon reception, people tend to drink less alcohol then, so you may be able to save some money. A couple of bottles of wine per table (plus water and/or juice) should be adequate for the meal. You can operate a cash bar (make this clear to guests on the invitation!) for those who want to continue drinking.
4. Food – there is no need to serve a vast, showy repast. Three courses of decent, well-prepared staple food should do the trick. (Of course, don’t forget to cater for vegetarians and, possibly, children.) And people tend to expect rather lighter meals, if it’s earlier in the day.
5. Catering – you’ll have to decide whether you serve a buffet or have waiter-service. With a buffet, the food still needs to arrive and be replenished, although guests can serve themselves. Then there’s the clearing away and washing up etc. Silver service will cost much more, normally, but can be a lot more convenient.
With all these things, you will need to do some pricing up and comparison. However, thanks to these suggestions, you can take some real strides towards saving money on your wedding.
If I can help you further, please phone or e-mail me.
