Mixed-faith ceremonies do have the potential to become a minefield, if you are not careful. But relax! There are ways of ensuring that all goes well.
The right attitude is paramount. Disagreements may well arise, so accept that. What matters is how you confront and deal with them. It helps if you are certain in your mind what matters. It also helps if you can show patience, tolerance and are willing to compromise.
It should be pointed out, by the way, that my remarks apply to other ceremonies too, not least Vow Renewals and Namings.
Clarity
You will need to think deeply about your ceremony. Do you and your partner want religious elements? Why? Are you under pressure to include these, or are they your own choice? If including religious elements, how heavily-weighted should this be, and how equal the split?
You and your partner will need to be in broad agreement in these instances.
Compromise
Once you have clarity, you may need to seek a compromise. Remember that this is your day, so you should not be bullied into a position that does not sit comfortably with you. Just because your parents are bankrolling your affair doesn’t mean that your wishes are ignored or overruled.
This doesn’t mean that you have to take an entrenched position. You may be able to offer olive branches. For example, by way of religious element, your father might like to bless you both.
That could be very special for him and confine the religiosity so that everyone is happy.
Just don’t sweep a conflict under the carpet. It pays to resolve the issue before it festers.
Advice
Once, as a couple, you have agreed your vision, your celebrant may well be able to advise you how to carry it out. How much do you include, and what elements go best?
Other things to discuss would be what precisely to include, who (if anyone) participates actively in the service, the tone of the ceremony and how traditional it should be.
Remember, it’s ultimately your decision. Your ceremony can be mostly (or wholly) spiritual, traditional, light-hearted, or religious. It’s down to you, ultimately. I have helped a lot of couples through such issues, so please feel free to arrange a chat with me.
photo: philippa gedge