Emotions can run high at ceremonies. Not just at funerals, but also at celebrations. Weddings, fairly obviously, but also at namings, vow renewals – or at any public occasion.
But is it OK to cry in public? And does it make a difference at what sort of occasion you find yourself overcome? And does it make a difference who you are?
I think the brief answer to crying in public is “yes, go ahead”.
When I am preparing a funeral service with the family, they often refuse to participate actively in the service because they feel they won’t be able to hold it together. If they’re not sure, I always reassure them that I can take over from them, if it all gets too much.
But I also point out that it is a funeral. It’s fine and normal to show emotion at such a time. Nobody is going to think badly of you because you are crying at your relative’s or friend’s death.
Of course, if the thought of standing up at the funeral fills you with dread, then I respect that. There’s no gain from putting yourself through all that.
But you shouldn’t be put off just because you think you might cry a bit while you’re up there. And you certainly shouldn’t be unwilling to cry because you’re a “macho” male! It’s healthy for males to cry, so there’s nothing to be gained from appearing “hard”.
There tend to be tears at weddings too, although usually of a different type. It may be parents of the bride (or groom) who are “losing” their child. Most frequently, it’s the bride who breaks down (and the groom, on occasion). This happens most often when the couple have written their vows and are reading them out in public to their partner. This can be very emotional, and it can show!
I believe it’s even OK for me, the celebrant, to cry. I have done so when conducting the funeral of an uncle (understandable!). I also cried at a funeral for a suicide victim, who had left a message to be read out there and then. That wasn’t easy.
But I guess that it’s alright for me to cry too. But it wouldn’t be OK to be totally overcome and unable to lead the service!
So, I think the message is that it’s fine to cry – whoever you are. In fact, it’s healthy to do so.
If I can help out with an event – be it celebration or funeral – just let me know.
photo: Tom Pumford (Unsplash)