End-of-year Musings

End-of-year Musings

In my blog this time last year, I looked forward to 2021 with optimism. Perhaps I was a little naive, but at least it has not been the write-off 2020 mostly was.

Personally, although our son had to isolate with COVID, his attack was not severe – and he didn’t pass it on to us, for which we are grateful. I have had to undergo a couple of (unrelated) medical investigations, but it seems as if there is nothing to worry about there, Otherwise, our health has been good.

We got to celebrate our son’s achievement a few months back: he saved the life of a potential suicide. He got quite a bit of press coverage, but he saw it as “all in a day’s work”. We were dead proud of him, as you’d expect!

We did manage a holiday – although two nights in Essex is not everybody’s idea of an exotic trip! However, we greatly enjoyed it and appreciated the chance for a break, brief as the trip was. We might even return next year …

Work-wise, my celebrations business has been slow to take off after lockdown was relaxed last July. I did enjoy three autumn weddings, but there’s not a lot in my diary for 2022 or beyond, which surprises me a little. But normally, January sees a rush of bookings, so I am not downhearted. As I write, I have been booked for a Spring elopement, which should be amazing.

Funerals have been forthcoming, as you might expect. In fact, I have never done so many in one year (over 50). I’m so glad I’ve been able to make a difference to so many people at such a difficult time. Without wishing ill on anybody, I hope that that momentum continues, and that I can still make a real contribution.

If you’ve been following me during this year (or before), then I’d sincerely like to thank you and ask you to keep up the habit! Please rejoin me at my next blog (in January).

Meanwhile, may I wish you and those close to you all the very best for the festive season, and a very happy, prosperous and healthy New Year.

See you in January!

Expectations

Expectations

There’s no ignoring it. We’ve had Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Christmas is looming and a new year is beckoning.

It’s been difficult to plan weddings or celebratory events, never knowing when the next lockdown might be imposed. In fact, it’s turned out to have been plain sailing since July, but who was to know?

So, can we look forward to the future with any confidence? Dare we be positive about 2022?

Obviously, my guess is as good as yours. I suspect that, although there may be renewed restrictions in the coming few months, Spring and Summer may shine a green light for unrestricted ceremonies. But don’t hold me to account, if I’m wrong!

With alll the uncertainty, should we put plans on the back burner?

Definitely not, in my opinion. We can’t – and mustn’t – go on indefinitely with life on hold. We’re social animals and need to escape isolation.

So don’t put off planning for happy, life-cycle events. As humans, we do have to mark such occasions. Don’t ignore big birthdays, weddings, vow renewals, anniversaries ending -5 or -0, namings, or other such events.

It doesn’t have to be a traditional, large-scale ceremony. You may opt for a micro-event. You may well check terms and conditions and cancellation clauses more carefully than usual with your suppliers. But still go for it.

Of course, it is still a gamble. So it may be wise to arrange something that can be adapted at fairly short notice. That probably entails liaising with your venue (if you’re booking one at all) and/or suppliers, and checking how flexible they are.

Take precautions, by all means, but you certainly don’t want to regret missing out due to fear.

If you are thinking of organising something a bit special, then please have a chat with me.

Why I love Funerals

Why I love Funerals

People can’t understand why I am passionate about funerals.

Weddings, OK, but funerals …???

The key reason is that I get a lot of satisfaction helping people when they are (often) at their lowest ebb. I come in, usually as an outsider, and give them information they will need, answer questions they may have and offer them a listening ear.

I give them reassurance.

I show that putting together a funeral service is not so hard, and the results can be very satisfying to all concerned.

I am privileged to hear things some of the rest of the family may not have heard before. For the week or so between being given the contact details and the funeral, I build up a bond between the next-of-kin and myself.

When I conduct the ceremony, I often receive heartfelt thanks afterwards, which is very rewarding. You can’t beat things like, “Uncle Dave would have loved that” or “I really enjoyed the service”.

Less significant perhaps, but I appreciate the variety of the work. No two families’ stories are the same. I meet some lovely people. I get a kick out of being there for folk who are often confused, angry, grieving or bewildered. The personal touch is very important – even if more of it is done remotely these days.

On a trivial note, I guess, I also enjoy relationships I have made with funeral directors and their teams, and with crematorium staff. And I do get the chance to visit some lovely cemeteries that I would never otherwise see.

I conclude, as I began, with an autumnal scene from Gunnersbury Cemetery.

Perhaps now you’ll get some sort of an idea why I love my job!

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I remember Weddings!

I remember Weddings!

It must have been so hard for brides and grooms to have to face uncertainty about their wedding arrangements. Over months and even years.

Should they marry, but postpone the celebrations, perhaps till the first anniversary?

Do they just marry, and skip the celebrations altogether?

Do they marry, but celebrate (with no more than thirty guests)?

Do they put off the wedding altogether and wait for certainty? (But what’s “certain”?)

How do you book venues and suppliers and invite guests under such circumstances?

As a celebrant, I have really missed celebratory events. Since I am trained to compile and conduct funerals too, I have been kept reasonably busy over the last 18 months. Funerals are something I love doing, and, although my finances have still taken a hit, I am grateful that I’ve been able to work through lockdown.

However, I love the celebratory events, and I have not done one for almost two years. You will probably therefore get an idea how pleased I was to be back in harness last weekend.

The couple were delightful. They had chosen a golf club, Blacknest, in Surrey, which evidently takes its weddings very seriously. There was a huge marquee for the catering, tepees (including a big bridal one), a gazebo where the ceremony would take place with rows of benches in front, portaloos, and a shaded area. Not to mention, a table-tennis table and croquet equipment.

It was a glorious day (though very warm indeed), and the guests’ mood was bright, encouraging and supportive. The procession had been choreographed perfectly to fit the music, and the bride was uncharacteristically punctual!

Highlights of the ceremony? The bride’s brother read out a lengthy but witty and amusing poem about the couple. The couple had both prepared their vows (which the other had never seen or heard before), which was a very emotional section. The guests were asked to commit to lifetime friendship and support for the couple, which they readily agreed to. The “first kiss” as a married couple – always popular!

Then there were drinks on the grass, followed by eating, and a festival atmosphere.

There’s no doubt about it: the couple loved it, and so did the guests – and it was great for me to get back where I belong!

Out of the Ordinary

Out of the Ordinary

People choose to work with a celebrant because they want their ceremony to stand out. Not run-of-the-mill, but memorable, unique and unforgettable.

So the extraordinary may just be an ordinary part of my job.

On the negative side, I rang a bride a couple of days before the wedding to check all was well. She asked me if the groom hadn’t rung me. No, he hadn’t.

It turns out that the wedding was off, after the groom had been caught in bed with another woman a few days before the big day!

I don’t know how extraordinary that is, in reality, but it’s my only wedding cancelled for such reasons.

One other instance of a potentially unsuccessful marriage came when I was having a Skype call with a bride. Ordinarily, I have such a call with the couple, but not this time. However, I saw a male figure hovering in the background and asked if that was the groom. Indeed, it was.

“Why don’t you invite him to take part in our conversation?” I asked. “No, this is MY wedding – he’ll do what I say.”

I didn’t work with her, and I only hope the groom got out of it too, as soon as he could!

To be more positive, I’ve been part of some absolutely fabulous ceremonies. The outdoors ones are often more stunning (although the weather can play a major part!). However, the simple joy and love shown by some couples, indoors or out, have been incomparable.

One of the most impressive ceremonies I have conducted was a wedding in Cyprus in a 5-star hotel in the hills overlooking the sea. There were flowers everywhere, people from all over the world, and an unparalleled atmosphere.

Much simpler, but also unforgettable, was the pagan marrying a half-Jew in the open air (in an Iron Age fort) one January! A fabulous mix of cultures – and the rain even held off!

If you’re looking to mark a life-cycle event, such as a wedding, vow renewal, anniversary, naming or handfasting, then consider a chat with me. I can help make your ceremony unique, unforgettable and absolutely extraordinary!