Last week I spoke about how I fell into celebrancy.
After training, I eased my way into leading funerals, but avoided the more cheerful ceremonies. This was frankly because I was scared. That doesn’t make much sense, I know. Why should a wedding be more scary than a funeral?
That, however, was the fact of the matter, and I didn’t market that side actively.
But eventually, my website was picked up and my first celebration ceremony enquiry came in. It was from a young lady whose parents were holding a garden party in eight days’ time. The father had come through critical illness and they were celebrating his return to health. Unbeknown to the mother, they also wanted a Ring Blessing, as he had fallen ill during the wedding and they had been unable to finish the ceremony. Would I conduct this ceremony?
I had never done a Ring Blessing before, of course. I only had eight days to get it together. Because it was to be a secret from the mother, I could not contact the family with a draft for them to approve. (The only guidance they could offer was that it should not be religious.)
More to the point, I was not really available!
As I explained when the daughter rang, I was literally on my doorstep with wife and son and suitcases, about to go off for a week’s holiday in Germany. I therefore gave her the details of another celebrant, who might be able to help. I said I would check emails as best I could while I was away, just in case, but basically I was unavailable.
No emails came though while I was away or even on the Friday when we returned. So I had dodged that bullet, as I thought!
On the Saturday, I went out for the morning. When I came back, my wife said, “They’ve rung and they want you for tonight!” She had noted the time and address, and I was committed!
So I spent the afternoon planning what I thought I should include and set off for Enfield. I arrived almost an hour early, so sat in the car. The advantage of getting this “gig” so late was that I had not had time to get nervous.
Until then. I would not care to repeat that hour or so!
When I went in, I apologised for interrupting the party and introduced myself to the 40 or so people present. We then had our Ring Blessing ceremony, which took about 10 minutes, after which I headed off home again.
The ceremony seemed to be well received – not least, by the mother who cried tears of joy.
I had broken my duck and would happily lead other happy ceremonies in the future. (That’s not to say that I don’t have occasional attacks of nerves, but I know I’ve got what it takes!)
So if you’re contemplating a ceremony of some kind, feel free to invite me to make your big day special!
It may somehow have escaped your notice, but it’s World Celebrants Week this week.
I’d like to tell you why I became an independent Civil Celebrant ten years ago, if I may.
I certainly had no plan to become one – in fact, I had never heard of such a thing!
In 2010 and 2011, I was doing a lot of self-improvement, but otherwise in a rut. I was in network marketing, selling lovely natural health products that made a difference. That was rewarding, but not rewarding financially, so I was drifting.
One day I attended a networking event, and chanced on my first-ever celebrant. When he told me a bit about his work, my ears pricked up. I was particularly impressed when he pointed out that he could enable people to have the ceremony they actually wanted on their big day. Wow! Why shouldn’t they have their special day as they wanted?! It made such good sense.
And I could help them achieve that!
I took his business card and rang him up a couple of days later with questions. Satisfied, I realised I was hooked and I decided to commit. Off I went into deepest Oxfordshire for a weekend’s residential training for my Diploma in Wedding Celebrancy.
While on the course, we had to prepare and deliver (fictional) wedding addresses in front of the group. When I did mine, several people said I had a good voice for funerals. Well, I wasn’t quite sure how to take that, but I guessed it was OK. So I enrolled for my Diploma in Funeral Celebrancy a couple of months later.
Joining the AOIC (a trade association with high standards) was the final link, and I was ready to be let loose on the world!
Interestingly, perhaps, I put myself forward to take my first funeral fairly quickly, and it went OK. For no good reason, I was more frightened about taking a wedding, and only put myself forward minimally. However, after a few months, my website was picked up and an enquiry came in.
That’s quite a story. I’ll tell you about it next time, so watch this space!
Planning your wedding can be fun and really exciting. You’re working together with your loved one (well, usually!) and you’ve got a wonderful target in mind. You can watch the elements gradually coming together and your vision becoming a reality.
That doesn’t mean to say that it‘s simple!
You’ll have to do a lot of thinking (for starters, what budget are you setting?) and be prepared to compromise.
Considerations
You’ll need to weigh up the ceremony you’ll be having. Do you want religion in it at all? If partially, which elements? Do you want a traditional ceremony, a partly wacky one, or a woo-woo one?
How much professional help are you going to go for, or what will you arrange yourselves?
Then, there’s the entertainment and catering (which are not really my remit).
The guest list is a potential minefield. How many people will you invite? Who will you leave off the list?!
You may have to consider a whole raft of suppliers. These could include:
If a supplier comes with a recommendation, you are more likely to opt for them. Choosing your Civil Celebrant is no exception.
Confidence
You need to feel confident in your supplier, especially in a field which you have little experience of. Let’s face it (Elizabeth Taylor and Zsa Zsa Gabor aside), few non-professionals have much experience of weddings.
Ideally, you will know someone (and trust their opinion) who has used a civil celebrant. Or you will have seen the celebrant in action. However, that is not that usual, so you need a plan B.
Look at the celebrant’s website and especially the review page. There you can see what the celebrant can do for you. You can also judge if they are likely to be professional and how amenable and friendly they may be.
Once chosen, arrange a call with them. (There’s nothing to stop you doing this with a couple of celebrants, so you can compare offerings.) I suggest making a list of questions that matter to you. You’ll need to know how the civil celebrant operates, their Ts & Cs as well as the cost and what is – and is not – included.
One thing to balance is how willing the celebrant appears to be to give advice against their readiness to listen to your vision and to go with it.
The Process
Not all civil celebrants are the same, obviously, but they are all likely to offer to prepare a draft service and send it to you for your approval. There is likely to be an exchange of emails before satisfaction is achieved, and your input should always be respected.
Once everything has been approved, there may be a rehearsal (depending on the complexity of the ceremony), but the celebrant should arrive on the day an hour or so in advance. Just in case.
The Offering
The details offered by civil celebrants will differ widely. Some may favour an Elvis-style wedding! Others may go for spiritual, pagan elements (this could include handfasting). Still others, may want religious elements (but probably not the whole hog), especially in a mixed-faith ceremony. Then some choose to have a fairly conventional service.
Components of the ceremony that may be chosen include rituals, readings and readers, music, the couple’s story, the vows and the rings; tone and wording can be selected too, so the atmosphere can be broadly light-hearted and informal, if desired.
Hopefully, the civil celebrant never forgets that this is YOUR day and that YOU (not they) should be in the spotlight. Their job on the day is to facilitate proceedings, building the right sort of atmosphere and delivering a fabulous ceremony that will long be remembered.
If you’d like me to help you craft such an occasion, please contact me.
For those who need it, I’ll explain the title presently.
May I tell you why I’ve been rather quiet on the social media front – and even missed doing my blog last week?
Well, there have been a few health issues, although they seem to be under control now. But waiting around in hospitals takes up the time and energy. I have been lucky that I could still work and did not have to refuse any funerals.
There was a more pleasureable reason for my quietness.
We are so glad that, apart from three nights in Essex last year, we managed to get away this summer for the first time in three years.
We made two short trips.
Jersey
The first was something of a mixed blessing. We had been booked to fly to Lisbon for 6 days, but, due to the COVID restrictions, we reluctantly decided to cancel. Our son (probably partly with a view to having the house to himself!) persuaded us to go away anyway, given that we had booked the time off. As a result, we organised a last-minute stay on Jersey.
Although it was only for three nights, it felt like a real getaway, because we used airports. (Better still, there was no lost luggage and not even any delays!) I had never been to Jersey before (only Guernsey, to conduct a wedding), and I was charmed. The weather helped – beautiful, warm but with a nice breeze. We didn’t pack anything for wet weather – how often can you do that?!
We had some friends on the island. It was lovely to see them again and they treated us very well. They showed us round and fed us. We also took an organised coach tour. The roads are so narrow! The scenery was spectacular and the time passed quickly. I need to point out that we also found the food plentiful and delicious.
Bath
Our other trip was to Bath, to see Rob Brydon on tour, which was hugely entertaining. We also had the chance to wander (again in perfect weather) through Bath and appreciate it at our own pace. We then took the train to Cardiff for three nights.
Cardiff and around
We found the Welsh really friendly and helpful. However, Cardiff appears to be a building site, and it was also gearing up for an annual event that meant several attractions were closed. Nonetheless, we enjoyed the castle and took a wonderful day trip, full of historic treats, by minibus that went as far as the stunning Brecon Beacons.
I was not aware how glorious the scenery round there could be, and now I understand why the Welsh are so proud of Wales!
A different sort of trip (courtesy of one of Isobel’s friends) was to Barry Island. That was a “Gavin and Stacey” pilgrimage (another nod to Rob Brydon!), and, although the beach front was pretty, we didn’t really feel safe, so the stay was brief.
Incidentally, do you recognise the title of this blog? “Gavin & Stacey” aficionados will!
Well, we were really grateful to have had the chance to take two mini-holidays. We were lucky that they turned out so well (not just the weather). We are looking forward to our next break, whenever and wherever that may be!
