by Michael | Nov 26, 2018 | Blog
You may never even have considered renewing your vows, but one of the beauties of such a ceremony (as opposed to a wedding, say) is that you have real choice. There are some wonderful venues out there.
Depending on your budget, you can hold a vast, lavish affair for a hundred or more in a plush hotel. Alternatively, you might prefer a modest ceremony in your back garden for close family and friends.
A wedding may require a church service or a registrar ceremony; the planning (ceremony and reception) may involve family; you may have to organise any, or all, of: venues, catering, flowers, photographers, evening entertainment – all the trimmings.
For a Vow Renewal, you invite who you want, and prepare the ceremony that you want, at the place that you want. (This may be with the help of a civil celebrant, but not necessarily.) The size and scope will be down to you.
To give you some idea of what you can have, I’d like to look at three Vow Renewals that I recently played a part in.
Three Differing Examples
A London hotel
One was fairly conventional (and that’s in no way a criticism!). It took place in a lovely Mayfair hotel, the Washington, before a couple of dozen guests. The room was opulent, but not overstated; there was a slide-show in the background, and the ceremony featured a moving, piece of music sung by a wonderful soprano.
The attention to detail by the staff was excellent, and we enjoyed a reception in the same room after the service. Though quite formal, it was a real feel-good affair.
Messing About on the … Canal
Another couple were mad about barges, so Basingstoke Canal Centre made perfect sense for their venue.
The hire costs were negligible, as we used a secluded area in a wood with a tree trunk as a table, and benches made from trees, so the atmosphere was lovely. Dress was informal. The only expense (apart from refreshments, which the couple brought with them) was to hire a yurt for the reception (and for the ceremony, in case of rain). Again, we were only a couple of dozen chosen people.
Stonehenge
Finally, how about a handfasting ceremony at Stonehenge? How atmospheric is that?
Actually, the atmosphere was different to what we expected, as it was Midsummer Day, and, uniquely, the site was free to visit. There was no chance to book the inner circle, so we shared the occasion with the public. In fact, we were actually part of quite a crowd – even though our party consisted only of the couple, a photographer, and myself. (Not to mention, Druids!)
A very special event indeed.
Other ideas
As a Londoner, I could suggest venues like the Shangri-la Hotel, up the Shard, or The Ritz or Savoy. At the other end of the scale – and be aware that you need permission – you could hold your ceremony on a bridge over the Thames or in Green Park.
What about booking the London Aquarium or the nearby London Eye?
Just the tip of the iceberg.
So be imaginative and relish a once-in-a-lifetime celebration!
Contact Michael for help, advice and guidance.
by Michael | Oct 1, 2018 | Blog
Let me get one thing straight at once. My title is ambiguous. I’m not necessarily talking about renewing your vows a second or third time (although you’re welcome to). I actually mean that this is a continuation of last week’s blog which had the same title (but no “again”!).
Well, that’s cleared that up! Or, more likely, it has just muddied the waters …!
Anyway, last week’s blog covered why you should consider renewing your vows. Hopefully, it convinced you at least to think about it.
So this time, let’s look at how you may choose to mark it.
Dispelling some Fallacies
At first glance, you may assume that a vow renewal is something like a wedding ceremony. After all, they’re logically connected!
One massive difference between the two ceremonies is this: in order to renew your vows, you do NOT need a legal ceremony. This ceremony is purely optional, so the registrars do not come into it.
The second difference is that you do not have to do what anybody else wants! When you married, you probably had to take into account the wishes – even demands – of your parents. Or even of other people. You may have had to take on elements that you’d have preferred to omit. You may not really have agreed with the religious elements that were (or were not) included. The venue may not have been where you’d really have wanted to hold your ceremony. You may have had a less than free hand in choosing the guests.
And the list may go on.
What you must understand
Your vow renewal is YOUR big day. You organise it yourself. You pay for it. You can choose everything about it.
It can be a small affair. Or it can be bigger than your wedding. It can be wherever you like. I have celebrated a lovely vow renewal alongside a canal, because barging was the couple’s passion. Indoors, outdoors – it’s up to you.
You can choose how much you spend. It is entirely your call how much and what you offer your guests by way of refreshment, or entertainment.
Making the ceremony memorable
The final area of choice is the ceremony itself.
Hopefully, you will choose a civil celebrant like myself to work with! In that case, you have guidance and advice on tap. You work as a team, so you’ll have plenty of input. The end result is your dream ceremony.
You may choose to repeat your marriage vows. However, you may prefer to write new ones. (Your celebrant will be able to help you.) You may want your rings to be blessed.
You have the option of inviting friends and/or family members to participate. You can have as spiritual a ceremony as you choose. You may incorporate rituals of your choice. The tone can be informal, if that’s what you want. You approve all the readings before the big day.
Not forgetting that you will also have chosen the venue and the reception.
Now, doesn’t that sound attractive?
For any help with this ceremony, don’t hesitate to give Michael a call.
by Michael | Jul 9, 2018 | Blog
Weddings and public speaking go together. And stage-fright is often an (unwelcome) part of the process.
In fact, according to statistics, many people fear delivering a speech more than they fear death!
The likelihood is that you will be called upon to write and deliver a speech at least some time in your life. It may be for a business presentation or else for a family event. It could be in front of a handful of people or before a whole crowd. However, it is a skill that is well worth mastering.
My story
Only a few years ago, I needed persuasion before I would even enter a room to network. After a while, I became more comfortable. Then I was persuaded to give a 10-15 minute presentation about my business in front of 18 people. That was a step too far! I was so nervous that I gestured wildly and shattered a glass of water. I became memorable, but not at all for the right reasons!
Now, I willingly and confidently address small crowds (I haven’t got to the 1000s stage, but I hope that may happen). Recently, I was put in front of 200 guests at the Savoy, and it wasn’t an issue. Indeed, as a civil celebrant, my success depends, at least in part, on my presentation skills.
I’d therefore like to pass on knowledge and tips that I have acquired, so that the potential ordeal of public speaking can become much more palatable.
Focus
I am going to concentrate here on celebratory-type ceremonies. Essentially, we will need to focus on content and delivery. Here are some thoughts as a starting-point.
Tips
- It is better to be brief than over-long – your audience may be hot, tired, hungry
- If you can deliver humour successfully, do so; if not, keep those jokes to a minimum!
- Avoid too many “in-references” – at a wedding half the guests may not know anything about one of the newly-weds, so in-jokes can fall very flat and exclude whole groups
- Use a script or, better still, numbered 3 x 5″ cards. (Only very accomplished, experienced speakers can deliver off the cuff). Rehearse so that you can deliver your speech with only occasional reference to your notes. Eye contact with your audience is very important, if you are to engage with them
- There may be a good sound system, but ensure you can be heard loudly and clearly – you can help that by not burying your head in your notes and by speaking s-l-o-w-l-y ( a lot slower than you may expect!)
- Avoid saying anything controversial, whether about personalities in the room or about politics – the idea of the proceedings is to create a wonderful atmosphere, not to score points!
- Use anecdotes, but ones that fit in and are relevant. Avoid meandering ‘shaggy dog’ stories that may lose your audience. If you are not good at crafting a good story, maybe you can get someone to help you
- Delivery should be slower, rather than faster, and do not be afraid of a silence, if appropriate. Try not to address one area of the room only, but make everyone feel included
If you need any more advice, then there are professional presenters out there who can help. And I would be happy to help too.
Remember that it is a privilege to be asked to give a speech, so be grateful. Remember your audience at all times. Oh, and, however nervous you may be, save the alcohol for afterwards!
Enjoy the occasion.
by Michael | Jun 18, 2018 | Blog
OK, I’m think Vow Renewals are a delight. But why, actually, should anyone even consider renewing their vows?
Well, I’m a civil celebrant, so I have to conduct them and happen to love them. However, that response may not help you if you’re seeking justification!
I therefore suggest these (hopefully, more compelling!) reasons.
Why renew vows?
34% of marriages end in divorce and 33% of them end before 10 years, so there’s every reason to celebrate staying together. People often look at 10, 15, or other multiples of 5 years as good times to celebrate.
You don’t need to renew your marriage just because there’s a five or zero at the end of your anniversary. Renewing your vows can mark significant moments in your lives. These could be the birth of a baby, or coming out the other side of a difficult marital patch or illness. Maybe family and friends missed the original wedding because it took place abroad.
What is a Vow Renewal ceremony?
Of course, the ceremony is a public declaration of love between two people. It can be in front of 200 people, or it can be a tiny, informal affair for just a handful of guests. The venue can be virtually anywhere and you have total control over how big – or small – any reception may be.
The Vow Renewal ceremonies I conduct tend to be modest, but very beautiful. There may be religious content or not, or a mixture. When putting the ceremony together, I suggest readings and poems (and, where required, prayers) that are spiritual, meaningful and memorable. All are subject to the clients’ wishes.
Vows
A focal point is usually the vows themselves. These can be written by the couple, and are often very moving. I always offer guidance on writing these, as many people find the prospect daunting. If they prefer it, I can suggest vows for them.
Quite often, people want their rings blessed, which is another moving part of the ceremony.
Check list
You’ll need to consider the following when planning your Vow Renewal:
- Venue: you don’t need to be restricted (except by budget and legality!). So you can have the ceremony in your garden, at the top of the London Eye, in a luxurious hotel, in a park or on a bridge. Or maybe at the place where you originally tied the knot.
- Invitations: you can invite whoever you want to participate in the ceremony. Maybe you have children – why not ask them to take part? The size of the guest-list is entirely down to you.
- Dress: again, up to you (although make sure you communicate your preferences to your celebrant and guests, to avoid potential embarrassment!)
- Music: you may want to use the music that you heard at your wedding; you may want a relative (preferably with a great voice!) to do a solo; you may want to play a tune that means something very special to you both; you may want nothing – again, the choice is all yours.
- Photographer: you’ll want to capture the moment for posterity, so give some thought to hiring a good photographer (see my dedicated blog )
- Catering: even if you’re having a modest ceremony, some champagne (or equivalent) and a snack go will down well afterwards.
- Other possibilities, like a reception, may be taken into consideration too.
The Beauty of Freedom
The joy of renewing your vows is that you have such freedom to arrange the ceremony as you want. You can tell the world that you love your spouse and your spouse loves you. You don’t have to wait fifty years – you can do it when you’re ready. You can spend as much or as little as you want. You can involve whoever you want. It’s such a happy event.
I hope I’ve managed to convince you!
I would love to help you. Just phone or e-mail me.
by Michael | Apr 24, 2018 | Blog
You know how conversations go in unexpected directions? I thought an acquaintance of mine had merely been on holiday. Actually, she had gone on a cruise. While at sea, the captain performed a lovely vow renewal ceremony, for herself and her husband.
Why hadn’t she thought of using me?! I had to forgive her because she wasn’t aware that I could have conducted such a ceremony. (Mea culpa …)
I wonder if the smart naval uniform might have had something to do with it too?!
I asked what had made them opt for the ceremony. They were celebrating 13 years together, and renewing their vows “just seemed like a good idea at the time”. And why not?
Not quite the naval uniform, though …!
So why bother renewing your vows?
- You may, like my acquaintance, be in a secure relationship, and want to mark it publicly.
- Perhaps you want to celebrate an unorthodox number (such as a 13th anniversary); commemorating a significant milestone (ending in a 5 or 0) makes sense too.
- You may originally have eloped or had a small wedding, and would now like to share your delight with your friends/family.
- Maybe your wedding didn’t meet expectations for some reason (poor weather, an argument, disappointing service) and you want to make up for it.
- You’ve come through a rough time (infidelity, illness, financial difficulties) and want to affirm to the world that you are sticking by (and with) each other.
- You want to strengthen your relationship by a public reaffirmation.
What you won’t need
Because a vow renewal is not a wedding, you won’t have to worry about any of these:
- Rings
- Hen party/stag do
- Wedding list (no, come on, you don’t need any more presents!)
- Stuffy rituals (you can organise what you want, if you have a civil celebrant)
- Venue (you can do this almost anywhere)
- A reception (unless you choose otherwise)
Organising a vow renewal is simple enough.All you have to do is fix a time, place and a date, invite some friends and choose an officiant – oh, and look forward to a wonderful, meaningful day!
