There’s nothing wrong with wedding-day nerves. Totally natural, if you ask me.
After all, your wedding should be the biggest day of your life. Together with your loved one, you’ll be centre-stage.
Adrenalin can often enhance performance, although, to be fair, your role is not actually demanding. Your celebrant will guide you through the ceremony, and your Best Man (or equivalent) or Toastmaster can facilitate the celebrations. Mainly, you have to do what you’re told and enjoy yourself!
However, you need to control your jitters so they don’t ruin your day.
Perhaps I can alleviate things for you.
Root Cause
You may well suffer most because you’re uncertain about how things may pan out. There’s always that “what if …?” question lurking.
Solutions
The most important solution is to ensure you are confident about your suppliers. Of course, nobody can guarantee that nothing will ever go wrong, but you minimise those risks by choosing reliable suppliers. These will be professionals, and will also have experience of dealing with the odd challenge.
However, professional they may seem, it won’t do any harm to reconfirm everything with them a few days before the event. Good for your peace of mind.
On the eve, be prepared. Make sure you have ready whatever is needed – rings, vows, goblet, repair kit, etc.
Allow plenty of time to arrive. You don’t want to get stuck, fuming in a traffic jam.
At the event, relax! Even if things may go wrong, you have two advantages. Firstly, you should be surrounded by professionals, so they can sort out the issue. Secondly, people understand that hitches happen despite the best planning. They’re on your side and will be tolerant and forgiving.
If you have a phobia about the whole thing, it might be wise to employ another professional to help you deal with it. I can recommend Isobel at intherighthands.co.uk
If all else fails, don’t get tanked up on alcohol (certainly, not till after the ceremony!). And if you need to step out and take a few deep breaths, this may calm you down sufficiently.
But if you’re looking for an empathetic professional civil celebrant who can put you at your ease before and during your big day, please have a chat with me!
Although micro-weddings can sometimes be the cheapest option, the accumulation of expenses associated with a wedding can seem relentless.
Why the expense?
Some suppliers sense ‘easy pickings’ when a couple approaches them. Prices can be raised just because it’s for a wedding. These vendors may sense an opportunity to exploit excited, bemused, inexperienced people. The couple may not know what is a fair price or what to expect from a supplier. They may simply stop at the first enquiry.
These suppliers can include venues, dressmakers, caterers, florists, make-up artists, celebrants (yes, even some celebrants!), photographers, planners, entertainment arrangers, vehicle hire – anyone and everyone! But don’t be alarmed – the vast majority are honest!
Justification
Of course, suppliers with integrity will still be charging for what they do. And some do a very great deal. Bear in mind that much of what wedding suppliers provide happens behind the scenes.
For example, as a celebrant, I don’t just turn up early on the day, deliver the ceremony and then go home. There is a massive amount of liaison and work beforehand to ensure that the ceremony is perfect on the day, and fully reflects the couple’s personalities and beliefs.
Depending on your budget and desires, a wedding may seem expensive. Your expectations matter. If you want specialists, then it’s fair that you will be paying to benefit from their unique training, experience and expertise.
Saving
There are ways to reduce costs without sacrificing quality. You can get married Monday to Thursday and/or in the morning or afternoon. That should get you cheaper rates. Avoid peak times (Bank Holidays and summer in particular). Choose flowers that will be in season. Have a cash bar. Only supply a limited amount of alcohol (a surprising amount gets wasted anyway). Be creative!
It’s certainly an important part of the buying process to shop around. The cheapest supplier may well not be the best (although the dearest doesn’t have to be, either!). You need to feel confident that the suppliers you choose will deliver what they claim. Although their testimonials are a useful guide, you probably need to go with your heart. Again, from a celebrant perspective, I would not want to be married by an officiant I didn’t feel comfortable with.
With judicious ‘homework’, you might be surprised at what good value your wedding turns out to be!
No. I know it’s not Halloween, but this is all about nightmare scenarios!
The following have happened at (or before) weddings that I was officiating at:
A fire
The groom forgot the ring
The bride’s car got lost
A staircase collapsed
A photographer fell over backwards
The Best Man arrived two hours late because of a job interview
Of course, there’s virtually no limit on what might go wrong. Usually, nothing does, and, if something does go awry, most people don’t even notice!
That won’t stop most brides and their team worrying, though.
Solutions
You can use a wedding planner. You pay them to take the burden off your shoulders. And experienced ones are good at improvising solutions. It doesn’t have to cost that much, either. They offer packages, so you can hire a planner for the day only, if that’s all you want.
But what if you’re doing it yourself?
You have to prepare properly. Do your homework before booking professional suppliers (celebrants, venue, florists, DJs, photographers, make-up artists, caterers, the bridal car, and so on). Make sure you ring round the week before the wedding and confirm they do have your reservation on their books!
Good for your peace of mind, at the very least – and suppliers are human too!
If something does go wrong, don’t panic. Your team will rally round. If the problem is major, guests will show tolerance. Some may tut a bit, but most will understand. Nobody complained when our service was delayed because of a fire!
So relax and enjoy your big day, secure in the knowledge that you have prepared well and have a fine team on side. Don’t look at the dark side and assume the worst. Relax and everything will flow sweetly. You’ll have an unforgettable day – and for the right reasons!
There seems to be an upturn of interest in weddings now, as the year wends its weary way to a welcome close.
Naturally, a lot of people are looking at micro-weddings. However, there may still be a need for other suppliers.
Suppliers
If couples want a personalised ceremony, a civil celebrant can still do a brilliant job.
I’d be delighted to explain how, if you contact me.
Planners
I have recently been talking to a number of wedding planners. Most are facing the predictable problems of postponements and even cancellations.
People are ready to use the professional services of a wedding planner, if their wedding is likely to be big or compex, but does it make sense to do so for a smaller-scale event?
Disadvantages
If you engage a supplier like a wedding planner, of course it will set you back. However, not to the extent that you might expect.
Advantages
A planner often offers packages. You don’t necessarily have to engage them for months ahead of the big day. Some can offer the wedding day only, if that suits. Ask them what they offer.
Moreover, if you use the full service, the chances are that you can ultimately save money. That is because they will have a wide network of recommended venues and suppliers, and can negotiate the best prices. So you should be able to access the highest-calibre options available.
Planners can use their experience to deal with issues, so they make your wedding (and the run-up) stress-free. That’s worth a lot!
Finally, but not insignificantly, planners can save you time. You may have a hectic work – and/or social – schedule, and the planner can serve as a sort of PA, which can be extremely valuable.
So don’t avoid the wedding planner because it seems a waste of money. You may gain a lot more than you bargained for, by using one.
Find out more at www.ukawp.com.
To discuss this – or how a civil celebrant can help you – have a chat with Michael.
Planning your wedding is likely to be challenging at the best of times. And these cannot be said to be the best of times!
However, it is an exciting and rewarding process. But what if you have no real idea where to begin?
So here’s some guidance that may set you off in the right direction.
Initial Steps
As no couple does things exactly the same way as any other, I will confine myself to general suggestions.
At all events, you’ll probably need to consider the following very early on:
How are you going to arrange the planning? Will you hire a professional, will you entrust it to a friend or relative, or will you handle it yourself?
Decide on your budget. Make a list of suppliers you may need and guests you are likely to invite.
Choose a date. That can be complex. You may have a particular date in mind (a year on from your engagement; your late grandmother’s birthday, for example). But the date may be a Bank Holiday, so it can be more expensive to hire suppliers. It may be the wrong day of the week (some days are more expensive than others). Do your research.
First suppliers
Assuming you know the month (if not, day) of the wedding, the most important people to contact next are:
The Register Office
The wedding venue
Caterers, if relevant
The Register Office will need at least a month’s notice (because of the banns) and you need to book the registrars. (You need to appear in the Office – by appointment – with two witnesses, as a minimum. Pre-COVID, as an alternative, the registrars would come to your venue – subject to certain conditions. Watch this space.)
The wedding venue can be a religious building (Anglicans, Jews and Quakers can currently host the whole ceremony (without the need actively to involve the registrars). If your ceremony is in a secular building (a restaurant, hotel, castle etc.), the officiant can be a civil celebrant.
Book your caterers well in advance. Do your homework, and make sure you feel confident with your choices.
The second tranche
You may need to book the entertainment quite early. The same may apply to other suppliers – you can be looking at photographers, florists, celebrants, as well as limousines, hair and make-up artists, dress and suit-makers, and the like.
Hopefully, this can suffice for starters. If you want more advice, just contact me.
A great guide (OK, I wrote it!) is “Your Wedding Guide”, available on Amazon. It takes you right through this process in much more detail – and is very reasonably priced!
