The Real Value of a Civil Celebrant

The Real Value of a Civil Celebrant

There’s a lot of confusion about what a civil celebrant offers and, indeed, why you should use one. I’d like to clear things up now.

This does add to the mix, but we are awaiting a possible change in the law, due to be promulgated in July 2023. This could allow civil celebrants to conduct weddings that would be legally recognised. But for the moment we have to wait and see, so I shall proceed using the facts currently in place.

A lot of people mistake a civil celebrant for a registrar. Currently, couples have to be married by the registrars (or in certain religious venues such as C of E churches). This can be in the Register Office (with two witnesses) or at a licensed venue (but rules have changed somewhat for these recently).

The registrars are civil servants who are not necessarily trained in presenting professionally. They often conduct a standardised service that lasts around a quarter of an hour. It is purely secular (God – or even religious motifs – may not be mentioned).

You may wonder why it’s worth having a celebrant-led ceremony too, if you have to have a registrar-led one (even if the latter may not be very special).

The big advantage for many couples is that they want their wedding to be the biggest day of their lives. They may have a vision for the ceremony that the registrars simply cannot offer. A civil celebrant is independent and can therefore fulfil most needs. So you can have the ceremony of your dreams (in the place of your dreams).

The celebrant can provide religious elements (or none). You can include rituals that you want and involve the participants that you want. You may choose to mention “absent friends”. Do you want to write and recite your own vows? Not an issue. You can personalise the ceremony with your story (how you met, for example). The tone can be flexible (a mix of solemnity and humour, for example).

The point is that, with a civil celebrant, you can be sure of having a unique, personalised ceremony on your special day.

Michael would be glad to have a (non-obligation) call with you to discuss how he can help realise your vision.

Photo: Matt Penberthy

The Value of a Civil Celebrant

The Value of a Civil Celebrant

Most people don’t really know what a civil celebrant can offer or why they should investigate using one.

A fallacy is that a celebrant is the same as a registrar. Although a proposal to change things so a celebrant’s ceremony can be legal too is going through parliament at present, the roles are still separate.

A registrar is a civil servant, who is employed by the government to ensure that all the legal bits are carried out to make each marriage valid. Their ceremony normally takes a quarter of an hour or so, and is standardised. So each couple gets more or less the same as the one before, or the next one. What’s more, the service may not contain a single religious word or even mention God.

Given that the registrar’s ceremony is mandatory, why should you bother with a celebrant ceremony too?

The fact that the celebrant is independent is worth a great deal. It means that, once you have been legally married (by the registrar), you are free to have the ceremony of your dreams in the place of your dreams.

If you want some religious items, you can do so; if you want to write your own vows, you are welcome to; if you want a mention of absent friends, not an issue; if you want to talk about how the two of you met – or what is keeping you together – then that’s great!

You can have a mix of solemnity and humour. You can have a unique ceremony, maybe including a ritual or two (such as the Loving Cup or a handfasting), and you can tailor your ceremony so that others can participate.

In short, the ceremony can reflect your personalities and beliefs, and be everything you want it to be.

But only with a celebrant.

Of course, there are many celebrants out there, and each has their own USP. So you need to speak to, if not meet, one or two (eliminating some, once you’ve looked at their websites).

Online reviews are a good starting point. Then you can see if the celebrant is likely to understand and run with your vision of the ceremony.

Your budget is not as important as feeling the person is right for you. (You can usually tinker a bit and save some money elsewhere, if the celebrant is a bit dearer than you had planned.)

As well as showing professionalism, albeit in a likeable way, the celebrant should have great presentation skills.

They should be able to create a wonderful personalised ceremony that is beautifully delivered on the day. They need to be able to work hand-in-hand with you to achieve this.

Michael would be glad to have a (non-obligation) call with you to discuss how he can help guide you to your dream ceremony.

Photo: Soody Ahmed

Wedding Update

Wedding Update

Who’d plan a major event at this time?

Off-putting as it may be – with regulations changing almost by the day and often ambiguous – people have not been deterred from arranging life-cycle events.

Although some have cancelled their wedding, most have been rearranging them.

The Latest Changes

You will probably have noted that weddings are now permissible again (obviously, subject to social distancing etc.). However, this good news is diluted by other realities.

Apparently, there is a serious shortage of registrars, so this is causing further delays. A number of people are therefore turning to civil celebrants so that they can at least have the service. They then book the legal ceremony at the register office whenever that is possible.

Another cause of delay is the venues. These have to consider risk assessments and may need to make major structural changes.

Assuming all is COVID-secure, here (based on the government’s guidelines this week) are some things you need to bear in mind for your wedding (in no particular order):

Important Considerations

The conditions I’m about to mention currently seem to extend only to full religious or register office services. There is no clarity about celebrant-led ceremonies. Probably, the same rstrictions apply.

Services should be kept as short as possible.

Religions may need to adapt traditional practice (eg avoiding processions).

Numbers attending receptions should not exceed 30 people. Social distancing should be observed between different households.

There can be no food or drink during a service, unless required for solemnisation.

If rings are to be exchanged, hands should be washed before and after. Rings are to be handled by as few people as possible.

If an infant is involved, it should be held by its parent/guardian or household member.

Noise (singing, shouting, playing music etc.) should be kept to a minimum. Spoken responses likewise.

Avoid instruments that are blown into. If singing/chanting is required, only one person should do this. Recordings should be used, not communal singing.

So there is – cautious – progress!

If you’d like to discuss working with a civil celebrant, then I’d love to have a chat with you.

Wedding Choices

Wedding Choices

To many people, a wedding needs to be either fully religious or else secular (held in the register office). Well, those won’t float everybody’s boat.

Fortunately, you do have wedding choices. One is to opt for a civil celebrant .

Lots of people don’t know that civil celebrants even exist, so here are some Qs & As that should be beneficial.

Can a celebrant marry me legally?

The short answer, according to current English legislation, is no. However, there are two workable options to allow you to marry legally and also to enjoy the ceremony that you actually want.

1)      you can have registrars in attendance (provided the venue has the appropriate licence); when they’ve done the legal bit, they leave and the celebrant can take over and deliver your bespoke ceremony.

2)      you can marry legally (with 2 witnesses) at the Register Office the morning or day(s) before the ceremony. The celebrant can then conduct what to all intents and purposes is a full wedding or a wedding blessing ceremony (in the venue of your choice). That way, everything is covered.

Correen & Steve Farnborough Canal Centre

What’s the difference between the Registrar’s and Celebrant’s ceremony?

The short answer is personalisation.

A registrar will follow a script. Their ceremony must contain no religious references. The time-slot is limited (there is usually a ‘conveyor-belt’ system in operation). You won’t normally have met the registrar who will be conducting your wedding.

Certain words have to be said (to make the marriage legal).

None of the above applies to a civil celebrant.  The celebrant offers personal and bespoke service. You can choose what goes into – or is left out at-  your ceremony. You also have freedom of choice of venue and even hour.

Would it be a humanist service?

It depends on the celebrant. A humanist, like the registrar, is not permitted to offer any religious content. I am not a humanist, but I can conduct secular services. I tailor the service absolutely according to your beliefs and wishes. I have conducted a wonderful handfasting wedding, which was a fusion of paganism and Judaism!

How are celebrants overseen?

Many celebrants belong to a body that has strict codes of ethics (I belong to the AOIC, for example). These normally ensure that standards are being adhered to, although, in my experience, celebrants  are professional, competent and trustworthy.

What about fees?

These will vary between celebrants and, obviously, need to take into account travel, possibly, board and lodging, and any unusual accessories requested.

The amount of work that will go into creating and performing a ceremony will depend on the type of ceremony required, so there’s no hard-and-fast rule. Personally, I usually give clients a firm quotation after our initial chat.

My fees include plenty of contact with clients and as many revisions to the script as we need. Naturally, I conduct the service too. There are details of what is included on my website (www.vowsthatwow.co.uk) and I always send a clear summary in my Ts & Cs, once I have had the introductory chat with my clients.

What restrictions are there to the ceremony?

Beyond what I have already mentioned (especially on the legal side), as long as your requirements are within the realms of decency and reason, you can have what you want at your wedding.

  • If you want to dance down the aisle or wear Superman outfits, you can!
  • You can get married where you want (within reason) – that includes outdoors, of course, and could be in a hot-air balloon, say
  • Your ceremony can include your choice of music, readings, rituals and participants

The idea is that I work together with you towards your big day. The ceremony should reflect your personality and be fun (where appropriate), meaningful and memorable.

That’s where a good celebrant comes in …

Please contact me for a chat.

 

Featured image: www.lyndseygoddard.com

What do you mean by a “Personalised Wedding”?

What do you mean by a “Personalised Wedding”?

Most people assume that a wedding is either a religious affair (which involves following the regular marriage service liturgy) or a register office ceremony (following a standard non-religious script). Both are standardised and scarcely, if at all, personalised.

By the way, I have nothing at all against religious weddings. That’s how my wife and I married, and it was exactly what we wanted.

Register office ceremonies may be all that certain people want, and I’m fine with that.

Another option

But what if religion isn’t really your thing? What if you’re ‘marrying out’ and your church won’t let you have a full service? What if you don’t want the formulaic ceremony of the register office, but want something bespoke?

Then, of course, the civil celebrant can offer you something special that can tick all your boxes.

But it isn’t legal, is it?

According to current legislation, every wedding needs to be legally registered (which is where a registrar comes in).

If you want a personalised ceremony, this needn’t be a problem. Just  go down to the register office (at a pre-arranged time) with two witnesses, get legally married and then have the wedding ceremony that YOU want  in front of your guests at a place YOU choose.

If you’re marrying in a licensed venue, you can be a little creative – why not have the registrar’s part done first (even in a different room!) before enjoying the festive part in front of all your guests, relaxed and joyous?

So what’s “personalised” about it?

By definition, no two personalised weddings will be the same! However, this is how the finished product may be arrived at.

After an initial chat of maybe an hour, the civil celebrant will have given you a few ideas, explored your wishes and learnt a bit about you and your story.

“Breaking the Glass” ritual

Depending on what you choose, you can include readings that reflect your personal beliefs (prayers, poems, prose) and control who reads and who participates. Any procession and/or recessional, music, rituals – all can be chosen by you to make a memorable and meaningful ceremony for YOU – and your guests.

Your wedding is probably the biggest, most significant day of your life, so surely it makes sense for you to be able to choose how, where and with whom you celebrate it!

Ask Michael for more information.

 

Photos courtesy of www.lyndseygoddard.com