So you’re engaged!

So you’re engaged!

The proposal is over and done with. You’re engaged! What an exciting time! Congratulations!

Of course, this is a wonderful period. You’re walking on air.  But maybe I can bring you down to earth just a little. There are some questions you need to consider.

Are you going to name the day now? What sort of ceremony will you have? What about the reception? Where will it be? Who will you invite?

And so it goes on …

That’s reality, I’m afraid!

First things first

If you’re opting for a full-religious ceremony, then your church/synagogue/mosque etc. will give you the information you will need.

If you’re not so sure you want to go down this route, then it’s worth reading on. Because you do have choices.

Options

There’s a register office wedding. That covers the legal bits. However, the ceremony is, frankly, not particularly special. The service (apart from the names used) will be the same from one couple to the next. You can feel part of a ‘conveyor-belt’.

Better than this is what a civil celebrant offers. He will create and conduct a tailor-made ceremony for you. You’ll still need to go to the register office with two witnesses to get the legal bits done before the civil ceremony. (This can happen the morning before, or a couple of days before.)

If you prefer, and you’re using a licensed premises, the registrars can be booked. They’ll come along, and, as soon as they have legally married you, you can proceed with the (celebrant-led) ceremony of your choice.

Advantages

One advantage of a civil ceremony is that you can have a service that is as religious – or not – as you want. Or – and this is great for people who are not marrying someone of the same faith – you can have a mixed religious ceremony. So, for example, I’ve been able to marry a Jew and a Christian, a Jewess and a Muslim and even a half-Jew and a pagan. We’ve been able to incorporate elements from both cultures each time, so everyone was happy.

The full-religious and, indeed, the Register Office, ceremonies follow a set pattern. However, with a (bespoke) celebrant-led ceremony, you can set your individual stamp on the proceedings.

Following a chat with your celebrant, who can suggest to you what is possible and guide you, you can work out a ceremony that reflects your personalities and beliefs, and will be everything you want it to be.

That means you have input into, and editorial control over, everything. You decide on the texts/poems/reading, reciting of vows, who actually participates, music, rituals etc. That’s what I mean by “tailor-made”. The ceremony will be unique: unforgettable for you and your guests; relevant and meaningful.

I can gladly give you more information. Just call or e-mail. This can be an excellent starting point for you, now that you’re engaged. Let me help you successfully tread the exhilarating road that leads to marriage.

 

 

Wedding obstacles

Wedding obstacles

Weddings aren’t always easy. There can be obstacles, some unexpected, others predictable. It’s how you face and overcome them that matters.

I started thinking like this when on holiday for a few days. We were delving well within the Arctic Circle. The Swedish village we stayed in (Karesuando) had a lovely church (pictured here). So the locals have a viable venue for a wedding (as long as they want a religious ceremony).

But when would be a good time and how would you organise the reception? The main thing to consider would surely be the weather. In February, the time of our visit, the temperature would typically descend to minus 15, and, of course, there was sure to be a metre or more of snow on the ground.

If you choose the summer, there is plenty of daylight. However, we learned that mosquitoes are a major problem. (I mean ‘major’ – apparently, you can’t go out without full netting.)

So when would be the best season for your big day?

There are an issue or two to surmount in Lapland.

Most people, who dwell in less severe climes, have other obstacles to overcome. (Not to overlook the fact that for an outdoor wedding in, say, the UK, the weather issue remains very much to the fore).

For some, the obstacles may be a matter of convenience: can the ceremony and reception be held at the same venue? For others, the primary concern will be balancing the budget. For others again, it may be a question of “Whom do we invite – and whom do we leave out?”

Of course, there’s no definitive answer to any of these, as each will depend on the couple and particular circumstances. I would advise devoting plenty of time, once the budget has been set, to the guest list. (I genuinely forgot to include an elderly aunt at my own wedding, and the fall-out was not insignificant!)

Then there’s the ceremony itself. Will it be conventional or, maybe, unique? Who is going to make the final decision here – the couple or the families?

Is it going to be church?

Is it going to be part-religious – so you can have a civil celebrant conducting a personalised ceremony for you, once the registrars have done the legal bit?

Or perhaps you’ll marry legally at a Register Office, and then hold the ceremony of your dreams in the venue of your dreams. To all intents and purposes, this will be your actual wedding. Again, your civil celebrant will be able to offer you ideas and guidance.

Usually, wedding obstacles are not insurmountable. Often, advice and compromise are sufficient. I’ve helped out quite a number of couples now with mixed-faith issues.

Can I help you too?

Imagine …!

Imagine …!

Just imagine for a moment …

What if a full religious wedding doesn’t rock your boat?

What if the secular, standard, certificate-signing at a Register Office doesn’t excite you either?

But what if you could go to the Register Office in the morning or the day before in your jeans, with a couple of witnesses?What if you signed the marriage certificate and then enjoyed a wonderful, joyous ceremony in the afternoon with all your guests?

Because you can.

With the help of a celebrant.

As long as the legal bit is still carried out, there’s nothing to stop you holding the ceremony you actually want – at the venue you want.

The Ceremony

One of the beauties about a celebrant-led wedding is that he or she will help you (as much or as little as you want!) to build your own ceremony. So if you want a religious component (even taken from various cultural sources), or a mixture, you can put it in; if you want spiritual elements, just go for it; poems and texts are absolutely OK. With some give and take, this way you can please yourselves AND keep your parents happy!

As well as the readings, you decide on the music. You also have the last word on the choreography (who walks or stands where), readers, the wording, and delivery, of the vows. Don’t worry, if that sounds off-putting. Your celebrant will be pleased to advise and make helpful suggestions. This process, usually conducted by e-mail, can go on over the course of several months.

Ritual

You will be able to incorporate any rituals and little touches that would not previously have been possible, if you so wish. For example, drink from a loving cup, burn a Unity Candle or have a handfasting (an ancient Celtic betrothal ritual).

Conclusion

In short, this is YOUR day, and your celebrant, who will of course conduct the ceremony for you, will do everything to ensure that the day is unforgettable, meaningful and what YOU want.

You only have to imagine (and get in touch!)!

Wedding Ceremony Guide

Wedding Ceremony Guide

Your wedding ceremony should be the most important day of your life. Of course, you want to get it right. But what does it mean, to “get it right”?

There’s a lot of choices out there – possibly, more than you realise.

Religious, or not?

In many cases, the first decision you make together is whether or not you want a full religious ceremony. If not, do you want the other extreme? Of course, you can have a fully secular one, but maybe you prefer a mixture?

Anglican

If your choice is a Church of England ceremony, it’s easier if it’s your local church, but you can choose another one. Normally, the Vicar will be able to take you through everything. There’s no need to visit a Register Office either, as everything can be done in one ceremony. The cost of this starts at £456.

Church of Scotland

Church of Scotland ceremonies can take place anywhere and at any time (as long as your minister is in agreement). You don’t need to be a Scottish resident – but you do need to give between 15 days and three months’ notice at the Register Office.

Roman Catholic

You’ll need to take your baptism and confirmation certificates along to your priest at least six months before you wish to marry. If one of you hasn’t been baptised, your priest’s permission will be needed. You’ll be expected to attend marriage preparation classes, and to attend Mass for six weeks before your wedding day. Additionally, you need to go to your local Register Office to give notice and obtain your marriage licence.

Jewish

You will need to apply to the religious authorities and to the local Register Office. A religious ceremony will normally take place in a synagogue, but the rabbi may agree to conduct it elsewhere.

Secular

If you’re certain you want no religion, then you can opt for a humanist wedding. This will not be recognised in law, so you will still need to attend a Register Office ceremony beforehand. You can hold the humanist wedding wherever you wish, and can write your own vows and hire a humanist celebrant.

Just remember, that in a humanist ceremony, there should be no mention at all of God or even religious references, so if that’s a bit too extreme, you may want to consider a civil ceremony.

 

Civil Ceremony

Like the humanist wedding, a civil wedding has no legal validity. It is simply a ceremony that is put together specially, usually by a professional civil celebrant. It should create a fabulous atmosphere and may well reflect the personalities and beliefs of the couple.

You can hold this wherever you like. If it’s in a property licensed for marriages, the registrars can be booked to come out (at an extra charge) and conduct the legal ceremony there. The civil ceremony can follow on straight afterwards. Otherwise, if not in licensed premises, you both need to go to the Register Office beforehand, with two witnesses. (This costs £35.)

Register Office

In addition to the celebrant charge, you will have to pay the registrars for the legal words to be pronounced. To organise this in the first case, go to the local Register Office to give notice. (If you’re not marrying locally, you’ll have to contact that particular Register Office to ensure they have somebody available on your chosen day.)

You’ll need ID, proof of address and nationality, any previous marriage documents and details of your venue. Once issued, the notice will be displayed for 15 days before you can legally marry. Your marriage licence is valid for a year.

You can find your civil celebrant via recommendation, Google – or at this website!

So I hope you see that there are other routes open to you than full religious or humanist. As long as the legal words are said and witnessed properly, everything else can be as original and personalised as you choose. You really can have the day of your dreams!

 

Mixed-faith Marriage

Mixed-faith Marriage

Wedding bells are ringing. Or are they?!

A Muslim and Jewess want to marry. A Christian and a Jew are very much in love.  A Pagan and Russian Orthodox want to tie the knot.

A mixed-faith marriage is a bit special, is it not?

Having conducted a number of fabulous mixed-faith marriages in the last years. I’d answer with a resounding“yes”.

Photos courtesy of Philippa Gedge Photography

Not so simple!

Well, not everyone might be as enthusiastic as me!

What if the couple want a religious (or even, part-religious) wedding? How will they manage, if their church/synagogue/mosque/temple/you name it refuses to recognise their union?

The obvious answer is a civil ceremony. There are two kinds, so you have a choice.

Register Office Service

The register office service contains the necessary wording to make the marriage legal, so it is indispensable. Unfortunately, the ceremony itself is (reasonably enough) standard and somewhat impersonal. More to the point, it has to be totally secular. There may be no reference whatsoever to religion or even use of religious vocabulary.

So this solution, though worthy in its way, may not meet the needs of most mixed-faith couples.

Civil Ceremony

Another choice is to use a civil celebrant. As a celebrant-led ceremony does not encompass the legalities, it would have to be in addition to the registrars’ service.

As for venue, you would have two options. If your venue is licensed for marriages, the registrars will come there, perform their service and leave. At which point the civil celebrant can begin your personalised ceremony.

Alternatively, you can marry at the register office (by appointment), with two witnesses, and proceed (that day or a following one that you select) to the venue of your choosing, be it indoors or outdoors. Then you can celebrate your bespoke service absolutely as you would wish.

Advantages

The beauty of a civil ceremony is that you can incorporate your ideas and desires into the ceremony. It’s your big day, after all. So why shouldn’t you have full input? And if you are short of ideas, let your celebrant offer suggestions.

Your celebrant may well not be ordained, but he/she will still be able to include religious elements. These might be readings, music or ceremonial items. The most beautiful thing is that both partners’ religions can be honoured in this way.

Perhaps you know a mixed-faith couple who are planning their wedding, but are not happy about the options open to them. If so, please send them my way, and I’ll be delighted to have a non-obligation chat with them. That way, they may still end up with the ceremony of their dreams!

How cool would that be?!