by Michael | Sep 20, 2016 | Blog
When you’re preparing for a major life-cycle event, there are crucial decisions to be made. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a wedding, vow renewal, naming ceremony or even a funeral; you’re going to want to get it right.
Getting it right will depend on your choices as well as your budget. This is a mighty subject, so I propose to limit myself to weddings today.
Crucial decisions will, of course, vary from couple to couple. For some, flowers will be absolutely essential as a component of the wedding; others may see them as a desirable extra. People will normally want photographers/videographers, and these need to be chosen carefully (see my blog on this).
The most important decisions will surely revolve around the ceremony and the reception.
Ceremony
Will you have a full religious wedding in a religious building? The ceremony may well include the legal bits, which can be handy. But logistically, you’ll have to consider how you – and the guests – get from the church (or whatever) to the reception.
What if you don’t want a full religious service? Or even a part-religious one?
There are options, such as using a civil celebrant like myself. I can conduct a unique, tailor-made ceremony for a couple, with as much or as little religion or ritual etc. as they want. They will still need to have been legally married by the registrars beforehand (either at the Register Office or immediately before, at the same premises as the bespoke ceremony).
You may need to consider also how formal you want the ceremony to be, how many participants to involve (ushers, bridesmaids, Best Man/Woman etc.), the music, the decorations and so on. Do you plan to write your own vows?
Venue
Go and visit a number of possible venues, once you’ve had a look at their websites. There’s no substitute for getting a feel for the place (your gut feeling is so important here). You will also want to come equipped with a list of questions. If the event planner isn’t very helpful, does it make much sense to choose that venue?
Reception
Depending on what you want and can afford, you will have to look at who you invite and what sort of seating plan you go with. Are you having a sit-down meal or a buffet? Will there be canapés etc? When choosing a caterer, do ask to sample some of what they can offer.
Will there be gaps in the proceedings that might need an entertainer? Or a toastmaster? Will you want a disco? Might you provide a quiet area? What about children?
Have you thought about speeches?
Useful help
As you will have seen from this overview, there are many, many issues to address. A professional wedding planner will ease you through this (at a cost, of course). If you start early enough, the issues should not overwhelm you, but maybe I can offer you some welcome help?
I have written a book on this very subject: “Your Wedding Guide”. For less than £5, you can buy it on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/2e9RcqS
Alternatively, if you contact me with your e-mail address, I shall be delighted to e-mail you my free Wedding Countdown Checklist, which will suggest important tasks you need to do and time-frames for completing them.
I look forward to being of service to you!
by Michael | Dec 10, 2015 | Blog
A wedding jigsaw seems an apt description of the process. Putting a wedding together is all about how the various elements meld.
Naturally, there are many factors that make up a successful wedding. As a civil celebrant, my specialism lies in the ceremony itself, but I get to see and experience other aspects too. So here are a few rather random – but no less valuable – thoughts that may help to make a difference to your big day.
The Bride’s appearance
As a middle-aged male, I don’t pretend to be an expert in this particular field. However, everybody seems to focus on the dress, make-up and hair. One area that tends to be overlooked is the skin. Without radiant skin, the cosmetics won’t be effective.
As for the dress, I’d only say that it should fit the occasion (ie stylish, if it’s a formal occasion).
I’ll stand aside now, and let others give their (probably much sager) opinions!
Flowers
I would always advise hiring a professional. Go with their advice about seasonal displays. They will also look after the flowers – wilting flowers at a ceremony are so disappointing.
Photography
Whether you want the occasion recorded by video or still camera, you can save money by asking a friend to do the job. Just bear in mind that there are down sides to this. Firstly, your friend may well miss out on much of the celebrating and socialising. Then, if he is not a professional, he might stuff up, and there are no second chances at weddings! And, of course, if you don’t like his work, a long-standing friendship could be put at risk.
I think a professional is advisable, though a major added expense. Provided you choose wisely, the outlay will feel justified, once you see the results.
Celebrant
You need someone who knows what they are doing, that you can relate to and trust. Again, I have often written about choosing a good celebrant, but the importance of doing your homework can’t be overestimated. After all, you want the ceremony to be perfect. I would be more than willing to advise you further.
The Reception
Table plans can be the devil to draw up, but are actually very welcome for guests. A big do can be quite disorientating and a little direction will not go amiss. If you mix people up a bit (judiciously!), they can have a lovely time making new acquaintances. Resist any mischievous streak you may have and try not to settle old scores!)
Children
I have recently written about children at weddings. If you invite them, make sure they are occupied as much as possible. If they can participate in the ceremony, so much the better. At the reception, give them their own table (in the same room), with appropriate food and activities.
A miscellany, maybe, but I hope this was helpful and gave you a few things to think about when fitting the pieces together.
Featured image source: belleamour.co.uk
by Michael | May 5, 2015 | Blog
Just how easy is planning a wedding ceremony?
Well, OK, six steps may be over-simplifying it a bit, but the principles I’m about to suggest will be a great starting-point.
Bear in mind that not everybody will want the same thing for their wedding, so these comments may be of varying importance or relevance to people with different budgets, of different religions (or none), or with different ideas of scale, etc.
So here goes:
- Whether or not you will marry in (say) church or in a civil ceremony, you will need to give official notice of your intentions. Consult with your priest or local register office to get the legal low-down, but, as with all your preparations, allow plenty of time for this.
- You will need to book your venue well in advance. If you are choosing a civil ceremony, do go and visit the venue, so you can see if it fits in with your dreams.
- The reception may be in a different venue, but, either way, go along and book it earlier rather than later. Start thinking also about who to invite and, eventually, about seating plans, if any.
- Book your civil celebrant well in advance (they get booked up too). Meet them first (or, at least, Skype them), because you’ll want to be sure there’s going to be rapport between you. After all, you’ll have to work quite closely with them. You’ll need to decide on the type and tone of service you’ll be having. (Obviously, there’s much less freedom here if you’re having either a full religious service or else a register office ceremony.) If you’re having a civil ceremony, you’ll want to discuss the content, so that it can be personalised for you. Finally, make sure you are happy with the Ts and Cs before making your final decision (as with all your suppliers). An excellent place to start looking is at www.vowsthatwow.co.uk – well, I would say that!
- Start thinking about the music you want to include. (Again, your celebrant should be able to advise you.) Consider the sound system and also any musicians you may want to use.
- Start booking your other suppliers. These may include florists, a toastmaster, photographers/videographers, cake-makers, caterer, dress or suit supplier, post-ceremony entertainer, hair/beauty treatment, guest accommodation, etc.
If you want a concise, easy-to-follow (and modestly-priced) guide that will take you virtually every inch of the way, then have a look at my recently-published “Your Wedding Guide”.
by Michael | Mar 17, 2015 | Blog
Divorce is not necessarily the only cause of a marriage break-up. One other I could name is death. But whatever the reason for the break-up, it can be difficult to gee oneself up for a second wedding.
Certainly, many people who remarry choose to go for a smaller affair than the first.
One big ‘plus’
A huge advantage about a second wedding is that it can be fun!
There is no reason now why there should be the stress of family pressure. Your second marriage is exclusively about you. You are mature, consenting adults – maybe with your own children and homes. This ceremony is all about your commitment to each other (although sharing the celebrations with others is very much a part of it too).
The good news is, then, that you don’t have to follow other people’s rules. You can do what you want.
That means that clothing, guests, venue, celebrant, reception are all up to you.
Clothing
There is no obligation to wear – or avoid – any particular clothing. If a second-time bride wants to wear white, why shouldn’t she? (Even if she wore it the first time around.) A full-length gown is lovely, but why not a shorter dress in a different colour or colours? Formal or informal? It’s down to you.
Guests
It is almost unthinkable, but you can actually invite only the people you want. You can have a huge affair or fly off somewhere with just a couple of friends. You might have a small reception for closest family and friends. There is no need to break the bank, if you do not want to.
Ceremony
If you want a creative, personalised ceremony, then have a chat to a Civil Celebrant. You will get good ideas and will be able to put together a ceremony that reflects your personality and will be really special.
There’s plenty of information at https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/civil-weddings/.
Venue
Depending on your religion’s take on remarriage, the religious option may be for you; you may want only a quiet (if uninspiring) register office wedding.
Many people these days choose a hotel or restaurant, but there’s nothing to stop you using a back garden, museum, hot-air balloon or wherever your imagination takes you. (Do get permission first!)
It can be a casual affair or as formal as you choose. But remember: whatever you go for, the wedding will need to be legally recognised, of course.
Reception
Again, the scale and budget of the affair will dictate what sort of reception you will choose. You might like to read my comments on receptions in a recent blog:http://wp.me/p5qOOT-w7 .
Wedding gifts
You can come up with a wedding list, but you may – especially if you are combining two homes – already have virtually everything you need. You can, however, invite guests to contribute money to a charity of your choice.
I hope these suggestions will be useful to you – whichever number marriage you are embarking on! You will learn from any past mistakes and enjoy precisely the wedding that you want. Good luck with it!
by Michael | Nov 4, 2014 | Blog
A lot of people assume that a wedding should take place in the afternoon or, possibly, evening.
That makes some sense. It gives people living at quite a distance from the venue a chance to leave home at a respectable hour and not arrive too drained. Then they have the option of staying locally overnight after the festivities.
“I’m Getting Married in the Morning!”
But supposing it wasn’t that way round? What if guests stayed overnight before a morning ceremony and so were nice and fresh for it? True, they would have to watch what they drank, if driving back later that day, but it would not be ridiculous.
Another great reason for having the event in the morning is that it is normally considerably cheaper.
As there will be less competition at that time, the venue hire ought to cost less and you can probably get pay-per-plate items for a lot less than you would later in the day.
And remember, cheaper doesn’t have to mean worse.
The Ceremony
You should have no trouble getting the registrars to do their bit for you in the morning, and the same should certainly apply for the civil celebrant. It won’t affect the cost, but it will work every bit as well.
The Reception
Food
If you’re offering brunch, that means you can have breakfast and lunch items, which can add variety (without costing too much). You can offer a Full English (with vegetarian alternatives), but also, possibly, steaks, even salads, and waffles or the like.
Drink
Some people may not want to drink alcohol in the morning, so teas, coffees, mineral water, lemonade and fruit juice should be on offer. However, some people will definitely want a celebratory alcoholic drink or two, and some champagne may well be appreciated.
Revelry
It may be a (late) morning reception, but you can still have music and dancing (and certainly speeches – if you include those under the heading of ‘revelry’!). The entertainment may well be a little more subdued than you might expect at an evening gathering, but no less enjoyable for that!
There should also be a cake (people love the photo of the couple cutting the cake – and often enjoy the cake itself, of course!). Sweet stuff is sometimes less appreciated in the morning than later, but don’t expect too much for the doggy bag!
In conclusion
A brunch wedding can be as formal or informal as you like. That goes for the ceremony as well as the reception. For the festivities you can have food stations, or a regular sit-down four-course meal. You can have fine china, table service, flowers, entertainment for kids, and so on.
The joy is that the choice is yours, and for what should be considerably less expense, a morning wedding can be every bit as memorable and enjoyable as an afternoon one.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
