Mixed-faith ceremonies

Mixed-faith ceremonies

Hurrah for the rise of mixed-faith ceremonies!

People are beginning to realise that weddings, naming ceremonies, and even funerals, do not have to be confined to either the full religious or the totally secular. There really is a middle ground.

More and more people are marrying outside the church (or synagogue, temple etc.). In 2011, 59.3% of the population considered themselves Christian, which leaves a lot of people who don’t. Moreover, 25.1% professed no religion at all.

 

Did you know…?

Interestingly, only 30% of weddings in 2015 were celebrated in a place of worship. Of the remaining 70% who opted for a civil ceremony, some chose the register office, but most preferred approved premises. The latter mostly meant hotels (42.8%) followed (11.6%) by corporate and event spaces.

So people are voting with their feet, as it were.

Why the rise of part-religious ceremonies?

Of course, a number of churches will not marry a couple if they don’t comply with certain conditions. A divorcee may not marry in a Catholic church. So the only way these people can have a religious (or part- religious) service is to use a civil celebrant.

The same applies for people who may prefer a secular service, but who want to respect the wishes of parents, say. They’d therefore like a few (possibly, minimal!) religious elements.

In a similar way, some couples will choose to include a religious element or two as a gesture to guests who are religiously active.

More commonly, however, people of mixed faith may want to embrace and celebrate both their religions and cultures. A civil ceremony will allow just that.

Mixed-faith

I have been privileged to offer a number of couples the opportunity to pick the elements from two religions that they want to include and share. For example, we have had the bride circle the groom (multiple religions), the groom has stamped on a glass (Jewish) and both have “jumped the broom” or undergone handfasting ceremonies (pagan), and we have drunk from the Loving Cup (a variation of a Christian ritual).

So there are a goodly number of reasons why the trend for civil weddings (and celebrations) is rising.

To find out how I, as a civil celebrant, can help you, please get in touch with me for a non-obligation chat. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Featured image courtesy of Philippa Gedge photography.

Life-or-death Decisions

Life-or-death Decisions

Recently, I wrote about crucial decisions that affected wedding planning. I’d now like to look at life-or-death decisions.

By that I mean decisions relating to death.

It’s an understatement, but when someone dies, it can be an extremely difficult time for those left behind. Obviously, just as relationships differ, so will reactions. Many people will be experiencing emotions such as shock, anger, grief or confusion. It is at just such a time, when they’re at their lowest ebb, that they are expected to deal with the funeral (and, potentially, probate or a contested will, etc).

First Steps

In most cases, help is available. The GP or hospital doctor who signs the death certificate will normally direct you to your next port of call. This is often the Town Hall, where there is more paperwork waiting for you before the death can be registered.

Some Councils (have a look on Google) offer a package that covers everything in one place, and that can make things much easier.

Funeral Directors can normally give advice and guidance.

Funeral

Registering the death is a legal obligation. A lot of people may be surprised to learn that a funeral is not.

Most people will choose to have a funeral. This may be through choice,or  because it’s ‘the done thing’. It may well be in order to achieve closure via a ceremony. You can actually – subject to certain legal regulations – bury your loved one in your garden, if you so choose. The point is that you don’t need to have anything done beyond disposing lawfully of the body.  This may certainly save on Funeral Director fees, which can be really quite high.

Questions

Nonetheless, most will go with a funeral. Of course, you have to decide on a burial (standard or woodland?) or a cremation. The deceased may have left instructions. You may have strong feelings.

How big and grand do you want the funeral to be? What about the wake?

2014-12-04 15.12.34

Fully, partly or not religious?

Another fallacy is that the funeral has to be fully religious. Or else, humanist.

What if the deceased totally rejected religion? What if the surviving family does? What if the deceased was agnostic? What if the family is of mixed religious faiths? In such cases, there is real scope for a civil celebrant.

A civil celebrant will visit the family and discuss the possibilities. They will be able to advise and offer suggestions. They will usually aim to make the service a celebration of life (although it will probably include serious and affecting readings and moments). The service will be tailored to your exact requirements and wishes.

Lots of issues to consider, but, as I’ve suggested, help is at hand.

I acknowledge that this article only scratches the surface of the life-or-death decisions, but I hope it raises questions that you may be glad you have faced.

Mixed Marriage

Mixed Marriage

Mixed marriage is very common these days.

Not everybody can – or wants to – marry in a religious institution. Catholics will not allow divorcees to marry in church; same-sex ceremonies are not permissible in many churches; Christians and Jews, for example, can’t be married in either church or synagogue.

Michelle & MujoPhotos: Philippa Gedge Photography

Of course, Register Offices offer an alternative (for any marriage, a registrar must always be involved to cover the legal requirements), but their services are standardised and limited (though they will suit some people fine, of course). These services must be totally non-religious. Which means that they often do not meet the needs or wishes of the couple or their families. That’s where the (non-humanist) civil celebrant can come in.

The civil celebrant will work with the couple to design the service that fits in with their beliefs. So it may be religious, part-religious or totally secular. It may contain rituals from a variety of religions and/or cultures.

The service will also be exactly as the couple want. So it is up to them what clothes will – or will not – be worn (I have been asked if I’d do a naturist wedding!). The couple can choose readings or poems, and also readers. There can be an address by the celebrant – checked in advance by the couple. They can have the choreography that they want, including the music. In short, absolutely everything can be approved by the couple before the day.

Logistically, there are a couple of decisions to be made.

  1. Should the register office ceremony take place a few hours – or a day or two – in advance? That way, the legal bit is covered by the time the couple come to the ‘real’ wedding ceremony, and they can relax and really enjoy their bespoke ceremony.
  2. Should the civil ceremony or blessing come straight after the legal marriage (at the same venue)? The ring blessing, for example, could be done by the civil celebrant, as could the vows. This way, the registrars could conduct a 10-15 minute ceremony, and the blessing ceremony could take around as long (depending).

The important thing on such a big day is to enjoy a memorable, meaningful ceremony – one which the couple and their guests will remember fondly for months and years to come. By creating a personalised service and conducting it professionally, a good civil celebrant will ensure this.