Wedding-Day Nerves

Wedding-Day Nerves

There’s nothing wrong with wedding-day nerves. Totally natural, if you ask me.

After all, your wedding should be the biggest day of your life. Together with your loved one, you’ll be centre-stage.

Adrenalin can often enhance performance, although, to be fair, your role is not actually demanding. Your celebrant will guide you through the ceremony, and your Best Man (or equivalent) or Toastmaster can facilitate the celebrations. Mainly, you have to do what you’re told and enjoy yourself!

However, you need to control your jitters so they don’t ruin your day.

Perhaps I can alleviate things for you.

Root Cause

You may well suffer most because you’re uncertain about how things may pan out. There’s always that “what if …?” question lurking.

Solutions

The most important solution is to ensure you are confident about your suppliers. Of course, nobody can guarantee that nothing will ever go wrong, but you minimise those risks by choosing reliable suppliers. These will be professionals, and will also have experience of dealing with the odd challenge.

However, professional they may seem, it won’t do any harm to reconfirm everything with them a few days before the event. Good for your peace of mind.

On the eve, be prepared. Make sure you have ready whatever is needed – rings, vows, goblet, repair kit, etc.

Allow plenty of time to arrive. You don’t want to get stuck, fuming in a traffic jam.

At the event, relax! Even if things may go wrong, you have two advantages. Firstly, you should be surrounded by professionals, so they can sort out the issue. Secondly, people understand that hitches happen despite the best planning. They’re on your side and will be tolerant and forgiving.

If you have a phobia about the whole thing, it might be wise to employ another professional to help you deal with it. I can recommend Isobel at intherighthands.co.uk

If all else fails, don’t get tanked up on alcohol (certainly, not till after the ceremony!). And if you need to step out and take a few deep breaths, this may calm you down sufficiently.

But if you’re looking for an empathetic professional civil celebrant who can put you at your ease before and during your big day, please have a chat with me!

Photo: Aiony Haust

Wedding day Jitters?

Who isn’t going to get some wedding day jitters? Even these days, when you might only be allowed a couple of dozen other (socially-distanced) participants.

Adrenalin is good, after all. And let’s be honest: people do survive the experience, and some even thrive.

Of course, not everyone will enjoy the experience.

A few may suffer from near-paralysis, mood-swings, depression and plain despair.

So let’s see if I can alleviate things for you.

Why the nerves?

Jitters often surface because you’re unsure of your role and what will happen. You may also fear what might happen.

To counteract that, work with reliable suppliers, and get as far ahead as you reasonably can. Make sure you reconfirm in good time. All this will go a long way toward calming you on the day.

General remarks

  • Be prepared for your role. Ensure in advance that you understand expectations.
  • Arrive in good time on the day – allowing for traffic delays and the like.
  • Try and be as relaxed as possible. If things go wrong – and small things will – they can often be remedied with a cool head and a dose of goodwill. Most people will be understanding, helpful, supportive and good-humoured at a wedding. They have come to participate in a great day, and will want it to succeed as much as you do.
  • If you are getting stressed, though, stop and take three or four deep breaths and get back in control.
  • Don’t get tanked up on alcohol (well, not until you have completed your particular role!).

 Parents

If the bride’s father is making a speech, the best advice is that it should be short and simple. He can read from a card, if necessary (although preferably not verbatim). His main task is to smile and speak slowly and clearly.

Otherwise, parents’ participation in the ceremony may include walking the bride up the aisle, perhaps, but there will be nothing unexpected or trying. Moreover, the celebrant will be in charge, and can guide you.

The money’s been spent – there’s nothing more you can do. Don’t criticise or fault-find. Relax and enjoy the special day!

Best Man

This role differs enormously from ceremony to ceremony. It usually involves holding and handing over the wedding ring, when requested. A good tip is to put the ring on your little finger until needed – but not to put it over your knuckle!

Your job may entail guiding the groom at every stage; it may even involve being a kind of master-of-ceremonies and photo-shoot organiser.

It will surely involve giving a speech. Keep it clear, decent and and avoid inadvertently excluding people.

 Ushers, bridesmaids etc.

Possibly, not really relevant Post-Covid, but worth a mention.

In most cases, you have been given an honorary position, so you have a limited (but important) role. The bridesmaids are there to support the bride and – to be honest – to look pretty. The ushers will need to help get people in to (and possibly out of) the ceremony venue. There may be other jobs later, but there is no need to be nervous. Smart, punctual and charming are the watchwords here. Enjoy.

Groom

The groom’s job is to remember the ring, turn up early and welcome people as they arrive (which should be enjoyable, as almost everybody will greet you with a big smile – and being nervous isn’t going to help you socialise!).

You don’t have to do much at the ceremony – the celebrant will prompt you. You will have to put the ring on the bride’s finger and you may need to recite the vows. (You can learn them off by heart, but much less stressful would be to use notes or read them from a 3 x 5 card – or even repeat them after the celebrant.)

The ceremony will whizz past and then it’s normally a question of signing the register (not too arduous!), the photos and eventually cutting the cake.

The only thing I have not yet mentioned is your speech. Make sure you thank relevant people (such as the bride’s parents) and it’s appropriate to say how much you love your bride!

Bride

Ordinarily, the bride shows up just a few minutes before or after the official start time. Her job is to be admired, – a beautiful dress and a lovely smile will go far. Sure, she will be the centre of attention, but she will be on a cloud of goodwill, so she needn’t be apprehensive.

Just remember that everybody is rooting for you all, and thousands of people have done what you are doing and survived. Some have even rather enjoyed themselves!

For any further help, let’s have a chat!

Photo: Boram Kim (Unsplash)

The Best Day of your Life?

The Best Day of your Life?

Your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your life. Indeed, it should be happy and care-free.  But things do go wrong. How much will you let that fact play on your mind?

Suppose the car doesn’t come and collect you? What if you make a fool of yourself in front of all those people? Suppose the florist lets you down? What if something gets forgotten? Maybe the kitchens will have a fire. And so on ad infinitum …

It’s so difficult to avoid wedding day stress.

But can you be ready for it? Can you mitigate its effects?

One key step

You can make it far more bearable with good preparation. If you have organised things well in advance (or maybe you have employed a wedding planner to do this), then you should have no need to worry about last-minute details. You can actually enjoy the day.

Just to depress you, I’d like to point out that, of course, almost anything CAN go wrong. Your car may not collect you on time, it may break down, tremendous traffic – or weather – may hold you up. The venue may have a power cut …

And you know that’s merely the beginning of the list!

Attitude

You can fear the worst – or anticipate the best. Rather than become totally paranoid, accept that there are certain things you cannot legislate for – but that are highly unlikely to happen. There’s nothing whatever to be gained by spoiling the whole day by worrying about unforseeable events.

Preparation

That’s not to say that you should be casual or negligent. You are most likely to be safest, if you employ good professionals – whether caterers, celebrants, florists, photographers, event planners or others.

If you have to deliver a speech, there are things you can do to prevent this from becoming a ghastly experience. I really can’t do better than refer you to a couple of blogs I have written on this subject.

Checking

It’s worth checking with your suppliers a day or two in advance that everything you have stipulated is in hand and that they know when and where they are expected.

The venue should have a planner who will cover this, but if you have the chance to arrive early, make a visual check of the room(s) . Can you spot anything potentially dangerous, like trailing wires? Is anything missing?  Is there enough of whatever you will need?

On the day

It is natural and almost goes without saying that you will be nervous. Whether bride, groom, parent, best man etc., you will have at least a moment in the spotlight as centre of attention. Chances are, you are  unused to the limelight.

A bit of adrenalin won’t harm you. And you do know that everybody will be on your side, willing you on.

A good strategy

If you feel like you’re imploding, this may help. Practise this well in advance, just in case. and on the day this will be a great calming exercise: take a few moments out to sit and concentrate on your breathing. Aim to slow it down, but don’t breathe too deeply – after all, it’s not a great idea to pass out!

Simple as that!

A less good strategy

Alcohol is the answer to all problems. Well, no, it isn’t, although, for some, a small amount may settle a few nerves. Getting drunk (“to forget”) is a big mistake and may increase stress (often for other people too!).

Phobia

If, despite my suggestions, you fear that it will all prove too much for you, then I recommend EFT (or “tapping”), which can be remarkably effective in dealing with extreme cases.  Isobel has many years of experience in helping to create confidence in any situation. Reach her at www.intherighthands.co.uk.

If you simply want a bit of reassurance and guidance, then please contact me. I take pride in putting people at their ease on their big day.

The best day of your life really can be just that.

Wedding Day ‘Butterflies’

Wedding day “butterflies” are to be expected. However, they can easily turn into terror.

The bride will be the centre of attention of all the people in her life that matter. The groom will have to speak in public. According to statistics, many people claim they would rather die than engage in public speaking.

Actually, most people involved in a wedding are likely to be afflicted by some sort of attack of wedding day nerves. A bit of adrenalin is good, but more extreme effects can include near-paralysis, mood-swings, depression and plain despair.

That’s less than ideal on a wedding day.

Why the nerves?

Nerves can surface because you fear your role or because you believe everything will go wrong.

One way to reassure yourself is to choose reliable suppliers, do everything as far in advance as is reasonably possible and re-confirm in reasonably good time. If you’ve planned sensibly, there should be no need for pessimism.

As for roles, every ceremony will be different, so there can be no one-size-fits-all approach, but I offer the following nuggets.

General remarks

  • Whatever your job is – whether or not it needs a list – you must have ensured well in advance that you understand what is expected of you. If your tasks involve planning, do check in good time that everything is as ready as possible.
  • Arrive in good time on the day – allowing for traffic delays and the like.
  • Try and be as relaxed as possible. If things go wrong – and small things often will – they can often be remedied thanks to no more than a cool head and goodwill. Most people will be understanding, helpful, supportive and good-humoured at a wedding. They have come to participate in a great day, and will want it to succeed as much as you do.
  • If you are getting stressed, though, stop and take half a dozen deep breaths and get back in control.
  • Alcohol is not a great idea (well, not until you have completed your particular role).

Parents

The bride’s father may have a speech to make, but this only needs to be short and simple. It can be read from a card, if necessary (although preferably not verbatim). Nobody has demanding expectations of him, so he only really needs to smile and speak slowly and clearly, and thank everyone.

Otherwise, parents’ participation in the ceremony may include walking the bride up the aisle, perhaps, but there will be nothing unexpected or trying. Moreover, the celebrant will be in charge then, and can guide you, if needed.

The money’s been spent – there’s nothing more you can do. Don’t criticise or fault-find. Relax and enjoy the special day!

Best Man

This role differs enormously from ceremony to ceremony. It usually involves holding and handing over the wedding ring, when requested. A good tip is to put the ring on your little finger until needed – but don’t put it over your knuckle! Your role may entail guiding the groom at every stage; it may even involve being a kind of master-of-ceremonies and photo-shoot organiser.

It will surely involve giving a speech. May I refer you to a previous blog, which covers this at some length.

Ushers, bridesmaids etc.

In most cases, you have been given an honorary position, so you have a limited (but important) role. The bridesmaids are there to support the bride and – to be honest – to look pretty. The ushers will need to help get people in to (and possibly out of) the ceremony venue. There may be other jobs later, but there is no need to be nervous. Smart, punctual and charming are the watchwords here. Enjoy.

Groom

The groom’s job is to remember the ring, be early and welcome people as they arrive (which should be enjoyable, as almost everybody will greet you with a big smile – and being nervous isn’t going to help you socialise!).

You don’t have to do much at the ceremony – the celebrant will prompt you. You will have to put the ring on the bride’s finger and you may need to recite the vows. (You can learn them off by heart, but much less stressful would be to use notes or read them from a 3 x 5 card – or even repeat them after the celebrant.)

The ceremony will whizz past and then it’s normally a question of signing the register (not too arduous!), the photos and eventually cutting the cake.

The only thing I have not yet mentioned is your speech. So do, please, cast an eye over my blog on the subject.

Bride

Ordinarily, the bride shows up (not late, please!) a few minutes before ‘kick-off’. Her job is to be admired, – a beautiful dress and a lovely smile will go far. Sure, she will be the centre of attention, but she will be on a cloud of goodwill, so she needn’t be apprehensive.

Just remember that everybody is rooting for you all, and thousands of people have done what you are doing and survived. And some have even enjoyed themselves!

Overcoming wedding day nerves

It’s quite well-known that a huge percentage of people consider the prospect of dying preferable to public speaking.

In fact, most people involved in a wedding are likely to be afflicted by some sort of attack of wedding day nerves. A bit of adrenalin is good, but more extreme effects can include near-paralysis, mood-swings, depression and plain despair.

That’s not what anybody wants on a wedding day.

Why the nerves?

Nerves can surface because you fear your role or because you believe everything will go wrong.

One way to reassure yourself is to choose reliable suppliers, do everything as far in advance as is reasonably possible and re-confirm in reasonably good time. If you’ve planned sensibly, there should be no need for pessimism.

As for roles, every ceremony will be different, so there can be no one-size-fits-all approach, but I offer the following nuggets.

General remarks

  • Whatever your job is – whether or not it needs a list – you must have ensured well in advance that you understand what is expectated of you. If your tasks involve planning, do check in good time that everything is as ready as possible.
  • Arrive in good time on the day – allowing for traffic delays and the like.
  • Try and be as relaxed as possible. If things go wrong – and small things often will – they can often be remedied thanks to no more than a cool head and goodwill. Most people will be understanding, helpful, supportive and good-humoured at a wedding. They have come to participate in a great day, and will want it to succeed as much as you do.
  • If you are getting stressed, though, stop and take half a dozen deep breaths and get back in control.
  • Alcohol is not a great idea (well, not until you have completed your particular role).

 

Parents

The bride’s father may have a speech to make, but, as I have advised elsewhere (http://wp.me/p5qOOT-sG), this should be short and simple. It can be read from a card, if necessary (although preferably not verbatim). Nobody has demanding expectations of him, so he only really needs to smile and speak slowly and clearly

Otherwise, parents’ participation in the ceremony may include walking the bride up the aisle, perhaps, but there will be nothing unexpected or trying. Moreover, the celebrant will be in charge then, and can guide you, if needed.

The money’s been spent – there’s nothing more you can do. Don’t criticise or fault-find. Relax and enjoy the special day!

Best Man

This role differs enormously from ceremony to ceremony. It usually involves holding and handing over the wedding ring, when requested. A good tip is to put the ring on your little finger until needed – but don’t put it over your knuckle! Your role may entail guiding the groom at every stage; it may even involve being a kind of master-of-ceremonies and photo-shoot organiser.

It will surely involve giving a speech. May I refer you to a previous blog, which covers this at length: http://wp.me/p5qOOT-sR.

 

Ushers, bridesmaids etc.

In most cases, you have been given an honorary position, so you have a limited (but important) role. The bridesmaids are there to support the bride and – to be honest – to look pretty. The ushers will need to help get people in to (and possibly out of) the ceremony venue. There may be other jobs later, but there is no need to be nervous. Smart, punctual and charming are the watchwords here. Enjoy.

Groom

The groom’s job is to remember the ring, be early and welcome people as they arrive (which should be enjoyable, as almost everybody will greet you with a big smile – and being nervous isn’t going to help you socialise!).

You don’t have to do much at the ceremony – the celebrant will prompt you. You will have to put the ring on the bride’s finger and you may need to recite the vows. (You can learn them off by heart, but much less stressful would be to use notes or read them from a 3 x 5 card – or even repeat them after the celebrant.)

The ceremony will whizz past and then it’s normally a question of signing the register (not too arduous!), the photos and eventually cutting the cake.

The only thing I have not yet mentioned is your speech. Again, I have written about this before in detail elsewhere, so please do have a look: http://wp.me/p5qOOT-sG.

Bride

Ordinarily, the bride shows up (not late, please!) a few minutes before ‘kick-off’. Her job is to be admired, – a beautiful dress and a lovely smile will go far. Sure, she will be the centre of attention, but she will be on a cloud of goodwill, so she needn’t be apprehensive.

Just remember that everybody is rooting for you all, and thousands of people have done what you are doing and survived. Some have even enjoyed themselves!