by Michael | Oct 14, 2019 | Blog
I was recently interviewed by a newspaper reporter. Fame at last, I hear you say! However, she was a trainee, and was merely getting in some practice!
However, she asked three questions in particular which seemed worth repeating, so I’ll answer them again in today’s blog.
What is a civil celebrant?
A civil celebrant works with the client to create a totally personalised ceremony, which they then conduct. This could be a wedding, vow renewal, handfasting, naming ceremony, or whatever is required.
Depending on
the type of celebrant, the ceremony can be religious, part-religious or
non-religious.
The celebrant is not normally obliged to produce a standard ceremony. It can be personalised and, thus, unique.
Note that a celebrant-led wedding does not have legal validity in England & Wales (at present), so registrars are still required.
Why are civil ceremonies becoming
increasingly popular?
Probably
because not everyone wants a full religious service. At the other extreme, a
Register Office ceremony is fairly standardised and, of course, completely
secular.
For those who want a hint of religion only, what the civil celebrant offers is ideal.
There are
some (Catholic divorcees, for example) who might welcome a full religious
service and are denied it by the Church, so they can go to a (non-humanist)
civil celebrant.
Others are happy with a secular ceremony, but want something unique (which the Register Office doesn’t offer).
Tell us about some of your unique
experiences and ceremonies
I’ve conducted over 150 ceremonies, and most stick in the mind (usually for good!).
I think two ceremonies are particularly memorable, though.
Firstly, I conducted a September wedding in Cyprus. This involved me reading a couple of paragraphs in Russian (I have a Modern Languages degree, so this wasn’t the hardship it may appear!). The venue was a 5-star hotel, full of flowers, overlooking the sea. A ravishing setting.
However, I also remember the bride. It is understandable that she wanted perfection on her big day, but she came across – at least! – as OCD. Before she employed me, she interviewed me (and sent her parents a recording of me reading Russian). She consistently made unreasonable demands on her groom, humiliating him even in front of suppliers. (If I had been him, I wouldn’t have married her!)
However, she
came up smelling of roses on the day, and it was a fabulous event.
My other favourite was a contrasting occasion. This was also in the open air, much lower-budget, during a very wet January near Salisbury (Old Sarum). The groom was half-Jewish and the bride pagan, and elements of both religions were combined in the service.
Apart from
the setting and the intrinsic interest of the mixed-faith rituals, the weather
was notable. The night before, I had driven through torrential rain for a
couple of hours to reach my hotel. When I drove back after the ceremony, I had
to pass through a severe thunderstorm.
On the morning itself, I arrived early to set up. Unfortunately, the couple were marrying at the Register Office in Salisbury and got caught in a terrible traffic jam, delaying them the best part of an hour. I therefore had to stay on the hilltop for a couple of hours unprotected, at the mercy of the elements. Amazingly, it was quite mild and even stayed dry!
After my moment in the spotlight, I guess it’s just a matter of time before that call comes in from “The Times”!
by Michael | Aug 12, 2019 | Blog
It’s normally a joyous moment when a child is born. The birth has huge significance. Not only for the baby but also for the family. New life has entered the world. Hopefully, the new arrival is healthy. It’s surely worth celebrating.
Officially, you have to register the birth; this may be done at the hospital or at the Register Office within 42 days. That’s the formal bit. It’s just signing a bit of paper. Not very exciting.
So what about celebrating?
What not to do!
In many cases, a major celebration straight after the birth is not appropriate. The mother (and, of course, the baby) might be unwell; sleep might easily be a major issue, and the parents are undergoing full-time lessons on how to look after their child. The last thing anybody needs is the stress of organising a shindig (although a drink with a few close friends or relatives might be desirable).
What to do, if you’re religious
For practising
Jews, for example, there may be circumcision for a boy, which normally takes
place about 8 days after birth. That can be an excuse for some sort of party.
Devout Christians
will arrange a baptism or similar ceremony with their local church. They may
follow that with a party.
What you might do, if you’re not
If you’re not into religion big-time, you may look for another option. Did you know that a civil celebrant can compile and conduct a bespoke naming (or blessing) ceremony? This needn’t be over-long. It can include some religious readings – or else, purely spiritual – and can involve parents and also people of your choosing. The readings can be chosen by you, if you want. There might be something ceremonial too, like rose petal strewing, which can make the event stand out even more.
There are ways (such as using a Unity Candle) that the family at large can be involved, so no one needs to feel left out.
You can hold the ceremony in your house, in the garden, in a hotel, or wherever you choose. You can also hold it whenever you want – there is no prescriptive time-frame.
There really is a lot of choice, and that’s the point. You don’t have to put up with either full religious or else nothing at all; the celebrant-led ceremony is a really viable alternative.
Ask your local celebrant for more information!
by Michael | Apr 16, 2018 | Blog
A lot of people ask me how I got into this profession. Most of them hadn’t heard of a civil celebrant before meeting me. In truth, I hadn’t heard the name either up until about six years ago.
So I had certainly never intended to become a civil celebrant!
Fate moves in mysterious ways.
Actually, if it hadn’t been for 400 prostitutes, I would never have known about the profession!
You may be feeling confused at this stage. But don’t get me wrong, please. Although I am still an active man, swimming is my main sporting activity!
So what’s this got to do with the prostitutes?
I had gone to a networking meeting, which featured a speaker. I didn’t know the title, which involved “400 prostitutes”. I just turned up. Well, I might have known the title, but had always planned to attend, you understand …!
Apparently, the speaker had considerable experience with prostitutes. He had made a fortune many years back by selling answering machines to a niche market nobody had tapped before: prostitutes!
After the presentation, I had a chat with him. It was an innocent chat, by the way! It turned out that he was a celebrant.
He told me that he helped people who wanted a ceremony that was bespoke – not formulaic. He worked with them to construct a ceremony that would mean the most to them (and, hopefully, their guests). It could be religious, semi-religious, non-religious – anything. It could be held anywhere – perhaps a licensed religious building, a hotel, a beach or a mountain top.
The ceremonies would be religious, or not, or partly so. They ranged from weddings, same-sex, vow renewals, baby-naming to handfastings. [No, I didn’t know what handfastings were at the time, either!]
Anyway, as I listened, I got drawn in. This was something different, this was exciting, this was something I could do well. I do engage with individuals – I listen well, write well and present well – the three major skills required! Here was something that would enable me to make a difference to others.
When could I start?!
Well, I trained late in 2012, and was sufficiently enthused that I then trained to become a funeral celebrant. Since then, I have conducted well over 100 ceremonies of different kinds – even one in Cyprus!
Who’d have thought that 400 prostitutes would have made such a difference in my life!
by Michael | Aug 22, 2017 | Blog
If the title has brought you here and you’re expecting practical advice about choosing your wedding venue, you may be disappointed!
It’s not the practicalities that I want to address in this piece, but imagination.
So if you want to learn about how to deal with venues, you may be better advised to read this article
Otherwise, stay here. This may indeed help you choose a venue, but I want to take you with me in dreams – and who knows where that may lead!
Why hold a ceremony at all?
Of course, a ceremony should mark a person’s particular milestone (be it, birthday, wedding, naming, vow renewal, or whatever). It’s an opportunity for others to take time out and show that the person in the spotlight really means a lot to them.
It’s an opportunity for the host/hostess to invite the people who truly matter to them to be present at a significant time in their life.
I don’t see the point, then, in holding a dull, unexceptional ceremony. You might as well have one that’s outstanding and memorable. Now, as a civil celebrant, part of my work is to make your ceremony unique. I can certainly contribute!
However, another component that is important to making the event stand out is the venue.
A gamble?
A wonderful setting for a handfasting!Those of you who have been with me over several years may remember a handfasting I did on Old Sarum, an Iron Age fort overlooking Salisbury. It was January, the site was totally exposed, and it was one of the wettest winters on record. I was up there (including preparation time) for over two hours; the guests for some fifty minutes. What if it had rained the way it did as I drove there a few hours previously? Or as it did, accompanied by thunder and lightning, when I drove back? The ceremony could have been a disaster! A complete wash-out!
As it was, we had a mild day for January and even a few minutes of sunshine. The atmosphere of the ruins and location and, indeed, the skies, was something quite special, and I don’t believe any of those there will ever forget that ceremony!
It was a gamble well worth taking!
Magic
Money has to enter into it, naturally, but, if you can stretch to it, there are some remarkable venues available. I’m going to speak about just one, but you don’t need to keep your imagination bound. A pod on the London Eye can be hired; a ceremony can be held for you at Stonehenge (or Old Sarum); what about under the sea, on a beach, in a forest, up a mountain or beside a canal?
Any of these may have an atmosphere like nowhere else, and fit with your personality and passions.
I was recently asked to conduct a wedding at Castle Goring, near Worthing. I had never heard of the castle, and, as it turned out, because the signposting was very poor, I nearly missed the place altogether!
However, what a treat it was! Set amid quiet, beautiful grounds, it looked like a castle should.
Moreover, our ceremony was to take place outdoors (and the sun shone!). The setting proved to be fabulous. I can vouch that the interior was magnificent too.
If I’m honest, I think I did a very good job that day – but thanks to the setting and ambiance, I could hardly go wrong!
Advice
So visit a few venues, with a list of questions. Of course, the ‘boring bits’ need to be addressed, but what matters most about your visit is what your heart is telling you. If you know it’s the right place, then don’t hesitate!
For any help with venues, or anything connected with the ceremony, please contact me!
by Michael | Apr 18, 2017 | Blog
The time may come when you want to commemorate a big event in your life (or in that of someone close to you). You will probably be marking a milestone birthday or anniversary, wedding, naming, or even a funeral. It’s going to be very important to you that the event is conducted appropriately. In fact, it’s got to be perfect.
And why wouldn’t it be?
Obstacles
Here’s why. Any one of these reasons (plus others) may get in the way:
- Somebody insists that everything is done their way only
- Money concerns
- Differences of opinions about the amount of religious elements to be included
- The relevant people can’t agree on the size of the gathering
- Or the venue
- Or what rituals, if any, are to be included
- Or who participates in the ceremony
- The date
And so it goes on!
Solutions
In most cases, give and take may be necessary.
If you feel somebody is trying to hi-jack the arrangements, try and have a talk with them. Explain that others are involved too and would like to participate as well. You’re grateful for what they are doing, but it would be appreciated if the load were shared around a bit. Not everyone will listen to reason, I know, but many people will (if approached the right way).
If money is the issue, there are ways round it. These can range from a reduced guest list or choosing a different venue to arranging your function out of season and, even, in the morning or early afternoon. You may also be able to use your bargaining powers to knock suppliers’ prices down a bit.
If religion is causing problems, you might be able to suggest a secular ceremony with various religious elements included. This could keep everybody reasonably happy.
As for the rituals (if any) and involvement of family and/or friends, you will need someone to co-ordinate the ceremony. This is where a civil celebrant can come in.
Help is at Hand
Your civil celebrant will work together with you by offering ideas and guidance. He can suggest options and, if you explain where you need help, will be delighted to point a way forward.
Although he may not be ordained, he will be able to offer the religious elements, if that’s what you want. He will be happy to include whoever you want to be involved, and offer you some wonderful and apt readings.
Every word of the ceremony that you eventually put together will be agreed by you. There’ll be no unpleasant surprises on the day!
It may take a little ability to compromise, but that end goal of a perfect ceremony will still be accessible. It will be so worth the effort!
