by Michael | Jan 27, 2020 | Blog
When is it too late to say “Happy New Year”?
Most people
give it till the end of January – so that makes this blog post ‘in date’.
We’ve come off the back of lashings of year and decade celebrations and new year resolutions. (I wonder how many resolutions you still have intact?!)
It’s great that New Year’s Eve gives us an excuse for a celebration. Celebrating – chatting, dancing, singing and laughing – is all very healthy (even if excessive eating and alcohol might be less so!). Even simply looking forward to it can do you good.
So a few weeks ago we were looking forward, but maybe we also looked back. Taking stock enables us to realise where you’ve come from – and where we still might need to go.
If you’re at all philosophically-inclined, you’ll understand that present time and reality don’t really exist. The present never stays – it always moves on. There’s only past and future time that we can measure.
What about
marking an event in 2020? Yes, some more celebrating! Perhaps you have a big
anniversary in the offing. Or perhaps you just want an excuse for a celebration.
Either way, you can get another fix by planning a ‘do’.
Why not celebrate a promotion or a happy family event? You might have completed a year’s marriage (that IS quite an achievement). It could be a birthday ending in -5 or -0. Or else, time and circumstances have invalidated your wedding vows and you want to renew them.
You might mark any of these events with a dinner at home, a few drinks down the pub, a hotel gathering or a party by the canal. But have you thought of making it a bit more special? You could also hire a civil celebrant.
You won’t need to worry about any registrars or red tape. You can have the ceremony you can afford or really want. Choose the venue that appeals to you. Let the celebrant add something extra to the proceedings – possibly, gravitas, possibly humour, or a combination. Theceremony can include religious elements (or none). You may invite people of your choice (family or friends) to participate (eg in a ritual, reading a poem or making music). It can be whatever you want it to be. It doesn’t have to be long.
So let
yourself go! Work together with the celebrant and compile the ceremony of your
dreams!
If this has whetted your appetite at all for a unique, personalised ceremony, then have a non-obligation chat with me and let your imagination take flight!
Photo: mckinley_rodgers.com
by Michael | Jul 22, 2019 | Blog
Apparently, one
of the first concerns of a couple is when they can get married.
By that I mean what day of the week or season they can marry in this country. Not the legal age for marriage.
Full religious
And let’s leave full religious weddings out of the mix. Just to say that Christian weddings will usually not take place on Sundays or Jewish ones on Saturdays. They may be possible on certain festivals, and not on others. Better not to get into all that!
Suffice it to say that your best bet is to approach your minister individually!
Register Office
If you’re
solely marrying at a Register Office, you must make an appointment. The two of
you need to go down, along with two witnesses, for the ceremony. This will
normally be on a working day (except on a Bank Holiday).
By
arrangement, the registrars will come out to certain venues, provided certain
criteria are met and extra fees are paid. This will often include weekends.
Such weddings
have to take place between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.
Alternative Ceremonies
Any other ceremonies can be held at your discretion. If you are using a venue (such as a hotel, castle, stone circle), as long as you meet the venue’s conditions and you pay them (and any other suppliers, not least, the civil celebrant!), you have free choice.
You will
find that a public holiday will be a more expensive time for you, because staff
have to be paid extra. You may also find that certain holidays can cause
problems with guests. You could theoretically hold your wedding on Christmas
Day, but that would create a dilemma for many potential attendees, especially
families. It might also be difficult for venues to recruit staff then, or for
suppliers to come, as there would be no public transport. You might lose out
big time!
If booking
during the summer holidays, give guests plenty of notice (before they book
their holidays!).
Because
Summer is a popular time for weddings, prices can be higher than at
unfashionable times. Similarly, if you book your event for morning or
afternoon, you may be able to get your venue to budge on their price.
Avoid
Valentine’s Day too, if you want to cut costs.
Finally, returning
to the day of the wedding, Friday and, in particular, Saturday tend to be
dearest. Wednesdays, say, may be cheaper, but, if it was a destination wedding,
people would have to take a lot of time off work.
Summing up
There is considerable flexibility (if you do your homework). It is a fallacy that you have to marry at the weekend, although that remains the most popular time.
Take into consideration the issues mentioned above, but feel free to make your own decision. Your big day must be when you want it!
by Michael | Apr 8, 2019 | Blog
A lot of people are choosing to marry later than what was once the norm. The young at heart are stepping into younger people’s shoes!
Reasons for Marrying later
Quite often, the more mature are marrying later for financial or career reasons. Or the couple may want to put off having a family.
Then there are the returnees. They’ve been married before, and, for various reasons, are starting again.
One or both of them may be divorcees. Alternatively, they may have lost their first spouse.
Next, there are those who are afraid of taking such a big step. They don’t want to risk marrying until they are ‘sure’ that the relationship has a good chance of lasting.
Gay couples in a
civil partnership are increasingly looking to convert their legal status to
marriage, and many established pairs are therefore taking advantage.
Should the ceremony
be different?
A church wedding (if permitted) will be the same for an 18- or a 58-year-old. The same can be said for a register office ceremony. These are basically standard ceremonies.
If you’re looking for a tailor-made ceremony, then go for a civil ceremony.
Civil Ceremony
suggestions
By the nature of the
thing, no two civil ceremonies are likely to be the same, so it is impossible
to be prescriptive.
Nevertheless, when approached by couples who are young at heart, I still have the preliminary chat and establish what elements (if any) they have in mind. I make suggestions and then, over time, send over drafts for them to approve.
The areas I am likely
to cover include music, rituals and readings.
- Why shouldn’t older couples enjoy the same sort of music as youngsters (if that’s their choice)? They may choose the same rituals (a Unity Candle is always lovely – but maturer pairs may have families they want to involve, so this ritual can be expanded to include offspring etc.). Either age group may decide to include the offering of a gift, such as a red rose, to their parents during the marriage. A good celebrant will be able to supply suitable suggestions.
Of course, some
rituals (such as ‘jumping the broom’) may be less advisable for more mature
couples!
- There’s no reason why age should prevent couples from writing and/or reciting their vows or having the rings blessed.
- Readings can be whatever the couple want, and many are not age-specific in any way. However, some are suitable for more mature couples. I like this anonymous passage (for couples who are very young at heart!), and I conclude with it:
“The question is
asked: ‘Is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping
hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more
beautiful than young love?’ And the answer is given: ‘Yes, there is a more
beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing
their journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled but still clasped;
their faces are seamed but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and
tired but still strong with love and devotion. Yes, there is a more beautiful
thing than young love. Old love.’
For some ideas, please have a look at my YouTube channel (and subscribe!): https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1wWfxIZw0VpZLbHrJAbV6A?view_as=subscriber
by Michael | Apr 2, 2019 | Blog
Getting down on one knee to propose marriage could hardly be lovelier. It does have its challenges, though. Are you going to broadcast your proposal by flying a banner from a glider? Are you going to keep it really private? What would work best?
Each couple’s relationship will be different, so I prefer not to guarantee that my advice will work every single time! Nonetheless, I offer these five nuggets that you may well find helpful.
Where and how
- Do you want to propose in public or in private? Broadcasting over the tannoy in Wembley Stadium needs planning (and cash!), but what if your beloved says “no”?
Would it be nicer to propose in a public park or somewhere you both love, like a museum? Or somewhere safer?
You may want to propose in a shopping mall or in MacDonald’s; you may choose to do it in your flat over a candlelit dinner. That’s just the tip of the iceberg where proposing marriage is concerned. Your are bounded only by your imagination!
2. The important thing is to make it personal. So if you’re laying out flowers to spell out “Will you marry me?”, use your intended’s favourite flowers or, at least, flowers in her favourite colour.
If the proposal is in a fast-food outlet (!), choose one that is your intended’s favourite, rather than just yours. (And maybe check out with the outlet that it’s OK to do this!)
3. Unless you’re both strongly attached to a particular place that’s not romantic, go for a lovely location. Surely, that’s one of the things you will want to remember in days to come?
I proposed to my then girl friend in the Villa d’Este near Rome one sunny morning when there was hardly anyone else around. I hadn’t planned to do it just then, but when we arrived, I just knew it was right. (And we’re still together some 20 years on!)
It’s amazing how often we still talk about the location.
Practicalities
4. Depending on how discreet you are aiming to be, hire a photographer or videographer. You’re only doing this once (hopefully!), and it is very special; you’re going to want to review the shot(s) in the future, so go the extra mile.
Someone I married went to a lot of trouble to propose to his beloved. Unbeknown to her, he took the whole day off to decorate the flat with all manner of foliage and floating candles. He set up his phone on a tripod to record the event, and waited for his beloved to arrive.
It was a huge success. She burst into tears of joy, and immediately accepted him. Fabulous!
Unfortunately,
he left the phone on standby, so nothing was recorded!
Don’t let that happen to you!
5. Don’t go telling anybody – even friends or family – before the proposal. Firstly, you might be declined. Secondly, if it’s to be a surprise, you can’t be sure that someone will (accidentally or not) blurt it out.
Another client told everybody but his partner the day before, including a relative in Australia. He arranged for a stretch limo to take them to the restaurant where he wanted to propose. The Australian relative rang up on the day. She spoke to the young lady and, forgetting the time difference, asked what she had thought of the limo! The secret was out and, although all worked out well in the end, the surprise was ruined.
So, however you
plan to get down on one knee, give it a little thought (and put yourself in
your partner’s shoes). Make the day memorable (for the right reasons!).
Once you’ve been accepted, the next stage will be to contact me, of course, to put together your personalised wedding!
For information and ideas, please subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAn4A6oqXAHR0Gqhz0_BG-w?view_as=subscriber
by Michael | Mar 25, 2019 | Blog
As a celebrant, I bring people together in matrimony. Why shouldn’t I take an interest to what happens to their relationship afterwards?
Marriage
is not easy. You have to work at it. Couples get stuck in a rut. They may feel
that the other partner is treating them badly or unfairly. There may be
contributory stresses (finance, work, a baby, moving house, the in-laws …).
It’s
easy to get angry, feel let down and sorry for oneself. What is more difficult
is to respond appropriately.
Playing
the fault card will not solve the issue. Fixing it yourself may not be a
long-term solution. Letting the problem continue or even worsen will lead to a
deterioration.
So
have a look at these approaches, and see which is likely to be yours.
Taking
the Blame
You may be the submissive type (or have a stubborn partner) and find it easier to accept the blame for everything. Well, that way you avoid conflict.
Over time, your partner will get used to that and will not take responsibility for what they might be doing wrong. You may also get overruled in both trivial and important matters, and your self-esteem will suffer.
Allocating
the Blame
“It’s all your fault” will lead to long-term bitterness (and self-esteem issues). As partners, you make up a team, and both should help each other when one of you is down and needing support.
Mr
(or Mrs) Fix-it
The spouse that takes it upon themself to fix every issue may not be doing the favour that they think. They are actually suffocating their partner’s personal growth (and that can radiate out beyond the marriage). Dependency is not a healthy habit to acquire.
It
also means there is an imbalance of power.
Apathy
If
you’re not bothered about resolving an issue, perhaps you shouldn’t be in a
relationship at all! Instead of negativity, you can be cheering up your spouse,
asking helpful questions and acting as a sounding-board. Offer support and they
may be able to solve the problem they’ve created.
Fatalism
It’s
easy to think that the fates are conspiring against you, when things go awry.
If you believe you are powerless to affect things, you’ll wonder what’s the
point in trying to struggle against fate.
Focussing
on fears and negativity will depress your partner. You will also be unable to
find solutions. You may even attract more of what brought you down in the first
place.
Working
Together
If the partners listen to each other, they can clarify the issue, offer sympathy and support, and come up with solutions. They can cheer each other up and put the issue into perspective.
Doesn’t that sound like the marriage partner you should strive to be?
First things first, of course, if you’re looking for a bespoke wedding ceremony, then please contact me.
For ideas and advice, please subscribe to my YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAn4A6oqXAHR0Gqhz0_BG-w?view_as=subscriber
