by Michael | Apr 20, 2016 | Blog
It’s Spring, so the Summer Solstice is approaching. It’s a fantastic time to consider a solstice handfasting.
“A what?” I hear some of you say. “That does sound ‘unusual’!”
Allow me to elaborate.
If you don’t know, I am assuming that you are not a Druid or pagan, and if you are, please understand that I am writing this for the uninitiated. There are, however, different kinds of handfastings, so there’s no single answer to the question.
Example of a handfasting
Remember when Kate and Prince William got married about five years ago? Although it was a religious C of E ceremony, there was an element of handfasting in there when the couple took each other’s hands, which were covered by a ribbon.
It was a lovely simple ritual.
Now if you take that one step further and bind the two hands together, you have a handfasting.
Incidentally, this gives rise to the expression “tying the knot” and also “bonds of holy matrimony”.
Origins
This ceremony probably originated in Celtic times; however, it flourished in Europe until the mid 1700s. Up till then, few unions were sanctified in a religious building like a church. Rather, they were celebrated by a simple handfasting ceremony in which the two partners joined hands over the village anvil, in the fields or in the groves of trees. Today, we build upon this tradition.
The basics
The couple link and cross hands (normally right hand to right, and left to left) to form an infinity circle, symbolising the entirety of the universe as represented in their relationship. Then, with a cord or ribbon (or ribbons), the wrists are tied and knotted, in a lovers’ knot, to the accompaniment of a suitable text, to symbolise the joining together of the two people in lives and spirits.
The cords are then removed, normally by the couple – occasionally, with difficulty! – with the knots still in place. They will take the cord away with them and, ideally, it will remind them of their vows, should they hit a rocky patch.
Where does this happen?
Again, it depends, but many people prefer a quiet, open-air historic site that may be considered to be spiritual and preferably pagan – such as standing stones.
What about Stonehenge?
A civil celebrant, such as myself, can conduct a handfasting wedding or vow renewal in the Inner Circle at Stonehenge (normally around dawn or dusk), but this needs to be booked months in advance (and the Druids will have priority at the solstice). However, places like Avebury, Old Sarum or the Rollright Stones are wonderful and might serve the purpose every bit as well.
Michael raring to go at the Rollright Stones
I’m booked for a Stonehenge handfasting this June, but do have a chat (07931 538487) and see if we can sort something very special out for you for another time!
by Michael | Apr 12, 2016 | Blog
As a civil celebrant, I note that mixed marriage has become increasingly common nowadays. It may be between couples whose beliefs encompass different strands of the same religion (eg Anglican and Roman Catholic) or believers of totally different faiths (I was recently honoured to be asked to perform a ceremony for a Jewess marrying a Muslim).
Source: Philippa Gedge photography
And then there are even less conventional combinations (in the picture below, I conducted a pagan handfasting, incorporating a number of Jewish elements).
Problems
On one occasion, I had been booked to conduct a ceremony for a practising (Reform) Jew and a practising Anglican. I was to be working together with a Reverend to create the appropriate service for the pair. Unfortunately, one set of grandparents were strict Jews and threatened to boycott the ceremony, unless an ordained rabbi (which I am not) led that part of the wedding.
It was certainly a dilemma for the couple.
Decisions
Who was in the right? Should the couple not be allowed to do what they want and believe in? Especially on their big day. Or should they respect and please family?
Of course, there is no doubt what my feelings about the matter are. However, there are two sides to any argument.
On the one hand …
As both of them actively follow their own religion, they do need to seriously consider how they will bring up any eventual children up. Circumcision may be just one of the decisions they will have to agree on. What about religion school, if any?
Once they have dealt with such problems, there are still those grandparents to contend with. The pair won’t choose to offend them, naturally. They should show respect. But whose wishes should actually prevail?
… on the other
Surely this has got to be the couple’s (joint) decision? They are adults and It is their lives, after all. They certainly won’t want to be insincere and uncomfortable on arguably the biggest day of their lives.
If reasoning with objectors doesn’t work, it might be possible to compromise (though difficult to do in this circumstance) or make it up with them in some way. Maybe invite them to participate or assure them that you will spend festivals like Passover together with them, and that you want them to play a full part in the life of any offspring.
It may even be that the ceremony is so sincere and beautiful that the objectors come round of their own accord.
Wouldn’t that be something?
Please contact me for a (non-obligation) chat, if you are contemplating a mixed marriage (or if anyone you know is) .
by Michael | Mar 29, 2016 | Blog
At my last handfasting wedding, I was delighted by the guests’ reaction to the ritual. Of course, I had explained what it was all about, but the warmth and spirituality of the occasion obviously was a great success.
However, most people don’t know what a handfasting is. I therefore hope it will be helpful if I say a few words about it. It forms a central part in pagan ceremonies, but is often chosen as an “add-on” in a traditional wedding.
It may be something you yourself would like to consider.
History
Handfastings began as a marriage rite in the Middle Ages. When peasants married, they might have been unable to afford a clergyman’s fee to hear their vows or, indeed, a ring to signify their love. The ritual of handfasting became a popular alternative.
A cord was wrapped round the wrists of the couple and left on them until their union was consummated. It would usually be kept as a tangible reminder and proof of their commitment and love.
It has given us the expression “tying the knot”.
Present-day Ceremony
Nowadays, the cord symbolises the pair’s commitment and mutual love. Here’s a suggested order of service that may include a handfasting, although it will, of course, be different for a full pagan ceremony.
- Walking down the aisle, to be given away by the father
- Officiant welcome
- Meaning of love (possibly from a religious slant, if that’s wanted)
- Here, or after the Handfasting, or at both times, a song or a reading/poem
- Handfasting
- Possibly, a Unity Candle or Sand Ceremony or Chalice ritual
- Exchange of Rings/Vows
- Jumping the Broom (not actually pagan, but deriving from wedding ceremonies conducted by slaves in the American South), now used to symbolise sweeping in the new as a new home is created
- Concluding words
Details would be up for discussion, but that might be a starting draft.
Thoughts
Possibly my favourite handfasting was part-pagan, part-Jewish with rituals from both sides. For this ceremony too, I explained the symbolism for those unfamiliar with the other’s practices, so everyone could understand and feel included.
It was a totally unique occasion – absolutely perfect for the couple and – clearly – for the guests too.
If you want to add extra sparkle and personality to your big day, you could do worse than try a handfasting. Your civil celebrant will be only too pleased to tell you more.
by Michael | Feb 8, 2016 | Blog
You may have seen my recent blog about sample wedding and handfasting ceremonies. (Thanks for showing up again, then!) I promised also to show you some typical ceremonies that I might offer for Vow Renewals and Funerals. I shall be true to my word, as I hope you’d expect.
I’m a Civil Celebrant, so I create and conduct tailor-made ceremonies. That means that there’s no such thing as “typical”, actually. And I’m not now taking into account whether you want religious or humanist, or something in between! Nonetheless, I trust this will give you at least a flavour of what you might expect.
Vow Renewals
RING BLESSING
Rings are symbolic of the completed bond. The ring is without a beginning or end the ring goes on forever.
Circles of life, circles of love, these rings are given and received as a token of continuous never- ending love and devotion. They are an outward symbol of your inward promise that each of you have made to one another.
D., take C.’s hand… touch the ring that you have given to your Bride as the lasting symbol of your love.
Repeat after me, D: C., with this ring, I promise to continue to grow with you, to build our love, to speak openly and honestly, to listen to you, and to love and cherish you now and forever. This ring serves as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity.
C., take D.’s hand… touch the ring that you have given to your Groom as the lasting symbol of your love.
Repeat after me, C.: D., with this ring, I promise to continue to grow with you, to build our love, to speak openly and honestly, to listen to you, and to love and cherish you now and forever. This ring serves as the pledge of my love and as the symbol of our unity.
UNITY CANDLE
“This Unity Candle is a symbol of the marriage, representing the two becoming one
Having recited their vows, the couple will now light each of the individual candles and jointly light the Unity Candle as a symbol of their recommitment to each other.
As C. and D. light the Unity Candle from their individual candles, they combine their own flames into one. As each candle may light another without diminishing its own light, so may two join together without diminishing each other. Marriage is a partnership where each may give of themselves, without losing that which makes each one unique.”
Funerals
Introductory
(Name’s) earthly journey has ended (too soon) and yet we know that all that lives must die. Nothing prepares us for days like today because we are never ready to lose someone we love.
Grief is ultimately the price we pay for love. You know that the light of the most distant star continues to reach the earth long after the star itself has gone out, so (name’s) light and love will continue to shine in your hearts. This light never goes out because love lives in our hearts and love never dies.
Reading
But although we mourn a life that has ended prematurely, we are mourning a full life. Wherever a life finishes, there it is complete. Its value lies not in its length but in the use that is made of it. A person may live into extreme old age, and yet have lived very little. It was Abraham Lincoln who said “It’s not the years in your life that count, but the life in your years.” There was certainly plenty of life in (name’s) years and we only have to look around this chapel to see the impact that he/she had on so many people.
And it’s important that our recollections of him/her, even today, are not unduly coloured by the deep sadness we feel at this time. Of course we shall grieve, of course we can’t avoid the sense of injustice, that one we cared about should have been snatched from us. But we owe it to (name’s) memory and everything he/she meant to us to honour and celebrate his/her life, to focus on the positive reminiscences, to recapture some of those things that made him/her the unique and special person he/she was, and to smile as we remember him/her. The character, humour and individuality that were so much a feature of (name’s) life will live on in the memories of friends and family much longer than the acute sadness we are feeling at his/her passing.
Poem
Vanished Stars
There are stars up above,
So far away we only see their light
Long, long after the star itself is gone.
And so it is with people that we loved –
Their memories keep shining ever brightly
Though their time with us is done.
But the stars that light up the darkest night,
These are the lights that guide us.
As we live our days, these are the ways we remember.
Hannah Senesh
So just an idea, perhaps, of what we can put together for you. If you would like to find out more, please contact me on 07931 538487 or at celebrant@vowsthatwow.co.uk. I look forward to being able to help you further.
by Michael | Feb 3, 2016 | Blog
As a civil celebrant, I am sometimes asked by potential clients for sample ceremonies. What sort of prayers and readings might I suggest?
That’s a sort of “how long is a piece of string?” question, because I only offer my clients ideas and guidance – I don’t dictate. Each ceremony is therefore different from any other I conduct. Indeed, I have an in-depth conversation before I even start putting the metaphorical pen to paper.
Some ceremonies may be religious, others spiritual, or purely secular. So there’s absolutely no “typical” reading.
However, what I will therefore offer now is a couple of readings that I have used in the past, and they will give you some sort of an idea of what could go into a ceremony.
This time, I’ll look at weddings and handfastings; another time, vow renewals and funerals.
Weddings
The Welcome
Love is a miraculous gift, and a wedding is a celebration of that gift. We have come here today to celebrate this gift of love, and to add our best wishes and blessings to the words that shall unite AB and CD in the bonds of marriage.
What you promise to each other today must be renewed again tomorrow and every day that follows.
At the end of this ceremony, you will be husband and wife. Still, you must decide each and every day to commit yourselves to one another. Make such a decision, and keep on making it, for the most important thing in life is to love and to be loved.
Reading
Listen to these words of wisdom on how to create a successful marriage from a little book entitled The Art of Marriage.
The little things are the big things.
It is never being too old to hold hands.
It is remembering to say I love you at least once a day.
It is never going to sleep angry.
It is at no time taking the other for granted;
the courtship should not end with the honeymoon, It should continue through all the years.
It is having a mutual sense of values and common objectives; it is facing the world together.
It is forming a circle of love that gathers in the whole family.
It is doing things for each other, not in the attitude of duty or sacrifice, but in the spirit of joy.
It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways.
It is not expecting the husband to wear a halo or the wife to have the wings of an angel.
It is not looking for perfection in each other.
It is cultivating patience, understanding, and a sense of humour.
It is having the capacity to forgive and forget.
It is giving each other an atmosphere in which each can grow.
It is finding room for the things of the spirit.
It is the common search for the good and the beautiful.
It is the establishing of a relationship in which the independence is equal, the dependence is mutual, and the obligation is reciprocal.
And finally, it is not only marrying the right partner, it is being the right partner.
Apache Blessing
Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be a shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be a companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. Go now to your dwelling place to enter the days of your togetherness. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion, and may your days together be good and long upon the earth.
Don’t you just love this blessing?!
Handfasting
The actual handfasting
The lover’s knot, or knot of destiny, will now be tied by Divine Power in the name of Love. (Celebrant ties hands). With this cord, I bind you to the vows that you each have made. As your hands are bound together now, so your lives and spirits are joined in a union of joy, love, trust, and mutual support. This bond I draw between you: That though you are parted in mind or in body, there will be a call in the core of you, one to the other, to which no one else will answer. By the secrets of earth and water this bond woven–unbreakable, irrevocable; by the law that created fire and wind this call is set in you, in life and beyond life.
A., repeat after me…By seed and root…by bud and stem…by leaf and flower and fruit…by life and love…in the name of God…I, A., take thee, B., to my hand, my heart and my spirit.
B., repeat after me… By seed and root…by bud and stem…by leaf and flower and fruit…by life and love…in the name of God…I, B., take thee, A., to my hand, my heart and my spirit.
Celebrant: With this binding I tie you, heart to heart, together as one. B. & A., together repeat after me…Heart to thee…soul to thee…body to thee…forever and always…and so it is! With this knot you are joined in sacred union. May God smile upon you, and bless you with love, happiness, peace, health, and prosperity.
Perhaps this will give you a flavour of what our ceremony might be like. If you’d like a chat and want to find out more, please give me a call (07931 538487), without obligation. I look forward to hearing from you.
