by Michael | Dec 24, 2014 | Blog
It’s vitally important that you enjoy your big day. But if you invite guests, it makes sense that they are kept happy too. Here are a few things that tend to interfere with their pleasure – and you may easily be able to avoid these.
Bad dates
If possible, don’t arrange your wedding during something major like Wimbledon or the World Cup or over Christmas holidays. People often take the whole Christmas period off and go away, so, unless you give a lot of warning, this may not work for them. Similarly, if you don’t give enough notice, guests may have already booked their summer holiday by the time your invitation arrives.
Invitations
Make sure you specify whom you actually wish to invite. Do you really mean for your friends’ 8-year-old child to come too? What about a “plus one”? Then, if there are several events (eg ceremony, drinks reception, meal, disco), make it clear who is invited to which.
Source: transitionvoice.com
Seating plan
An impossible one to perfect, but don’t seat wedding guests too close together. Try and be aware of who it might be unwise to seat near to whom. Resist the temptation to score points off people!
Expense
Cash bars are not popular. To reduce your expenditure, but to keep guests happy, supply a limited selection of wine, beer, champagne, and soft drinks (at the table).
Melt-down or frost
Although you can’t control the climate, you can ensure the experience does not become a deterrent. If the ceremony is outdoors and in hot weather, ensure there is sufficient shade and/or fans and arrange for cold water to be available; blankets could be laid on for the winter.
The food
It’s a nice touch to find out about guests’ allergies or dietary requirements in advance. You obviously need to work with your caterers to ensure there will be sufficient food and that it is of decent quality. You can probably arrange a food-tasting in advance. (If you’re only offering nibbles, then this should be made clear on the invitations).
Children’s menus should not be too exotic, but can be a bit more imaginative than chicken wings.
Timings
Do what you can to ensure that the photographs don’t go on for ever – or the speeches. You can reasonably give instructions about this beforehand.
It is also a good idea to plan things so there are not huge gaps between, say, the ceremony and cocktails, or before the reception. Nobody likes ‘dead time’.
The music
You’ll never please everyone all the time, but music before the dancing should be background level, and not everybody will want to have tub-thumping, ear-splitting music for the dancing. This will apply even more if the majority of guests are more mature.
Interacting
Do try and get round and speak to everybody – table to table is best – even to offer just a short acknowledgement (and it’s better than making people stand in a receiving line).
Don’t forget the thank-you cards either.
As this is my last blog for 2014 – may I thank you for reading and wish you all the very best seasonal greetings. I look forward to being back with you in 2015.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Jul 1, 2014 | Blog
If the title sounds a bit melodramatic, don’t be put off. As my blog last week will suggest (https://vowsthatwow.co.uk/?p=1629), I have nothing against destination weddings! In fact, I spoke about how wonderful they can be, if you have the right civil celebrant.
However, there can be a few other things to look out for, if the wedding is to be the success that you are dreaming of.
Guests
A lot of thought is going to have to go into deciding whom you invite. I can’t advise you on that, as it obviously has to be your decision, but you will need to weigh up who absolutely has to be there (it may be the best man, parents, or whoever) and how you get them there.
Depending on where you are holding the ceremony, you will have to think about other people’s budgets (unless you’re lucky enough to be able to treat them to flights and/or accommodation!).
Venue
I suggest a few considerations here (remarks which might apply to any venue at all).
- If you are having a theme, will the venue be suitable?
- Is the venue licensed for civil ceremonies (or will you actually be marrying in a registry office before you depart, say)?
- Don’t forget to check if the area is big enough (but not too big!) for your party – and whether you will need to hire any equipment (audio, seating, cutlery, etc.)
- Is there an in-house wedding co-ordinator – and will she be there on the day?
- Can the catering arrangements all be sorted satisfactorily? Will vegetarian or gluten-free options be wanted – or even possible? Can there be a cake?
- Does your package include menus, place cards, centerpieces, etc.?
Accommodation
It is probably simpler, if you stay in the hotel where the ceremony will take place. If not, ensure you organise transportation well in advance. At all events, try and do your homework before booking.
If you have guests arriving after you, ensure they know how to reach the venue from the airport/port.
Make sure you check their requirements before booking them for at least bed and breakfast.
Before the wedding
The last thing you want is to be ill on your wedding day. Therefore:
- Avoid over-indulging in alcohol, especially the day before the ceremony
- Be conservative about what and how much you eat, especially the day before the wedding
- Don’t spend too long in the sun
- Ensure you keep well-hydrated (with bottled, still water, preferably)
A Wedding Blessing?
What about those people you didn’t invite or who couldn’t join you in your exotic location?
A lovely possibility would be to hire a room in a restaurant or hotel near your home back in the UK, and hold a bespoke wedding blessing ceremony just for your friends and family. A civil celebrant could compile and conduct a beautiful, meaningful short service for you.
Your guests would love having the chance to witness and participate in what is (to all intents and purposes) your marriage, and would appreciate the photo-opportunities. Knowing the legal bit is long over and done with, you would simply relax and enjoy the whole event.
That way, everybody can be happy!
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
by Michael | Apr 22, 2014 | Blog
In my profession of civil celebrant, I sometimes find myself in “marriage counsellor mode”. But rather than look at putting right what may have gone wrong after marriage, in this blog I look at ways to prevent wedding foul-ups.
Prepare thoroughly
It’s always a difficult path to tread: do you hire a wedding planner or do it yourself? This is a subject I have discussed in my blogs already, but it is something only you can decide on. If it’s a large wedding, there is so much that may be overlooked, so a wedding planner is an obvious choice.
Wedding planners don’t always turn out to be exorbitant and, in the long run, they may even save you money. What they certainly offer, which is invaluable, is peace of mind.
If you’re arranging it all yourself, you have to make a check-list of suppliers you will need. Next comes sourcing them – (first, vet and evaluate them, then be prepared to chase them up.) You need to make plenty of lists (well in advance) and be very careful not to miss anything out.
Be thorough in your research. Are there any local laws or regulations you need to know about – possibly, regarding the marriage licence or the venue’s requirements?
How are you going to organise the reception – and will there be that dreaded seating plan to draw up?
Keep your guests in the loop
Whom to invite is a potential minefield, but, if you have special requirements for your guests (eg theme, wedding list, dress code, unplugged wedding, arrangements for destination wedding, children not wanted, etc.), make sure these are clearly communicated.
Prepare participants
Ensure the best man (if you have one) has the ring(s) and knows what is required. If you have a reader or singer, will they know their cue? Do you need to warn any speech-makers about keeping it brief, and not offending others? Do bridesmaids and ushers know their roles?
On the day
Always allow more time than you need – for applying make-up or getting dressed calmly, traffic hold-ups, co-ordinating with photographers/videographers, or checking room arrangements with the venue.
Quite a lot to bear in mind, I accept. But if you proceed calmly and bear all the above in mind, there should every reason why your wedding day will be a resounding success!
by Michael | Feb 25, 2014 | Blog
Everyone concerned wants an enjoyable and successful wedding, but I know, as a celebrant, that achieving this can sometimes prove to be less than simple. What if you are a wedding guest? Well, you know, you can contribute massively. Here’s how.
RSVP
If everybody leaves it late (or even fails) to respond to the invitation, that will cause enormous problems for those organising all the arrangements. Be one of those who responds as soon as possible.
Participating
If you have the honour of being invited to participate in the ceremony, then do make sure you find out well in advance what the expectations are of your role! You may be expected to attend a rehearsal the day or morning before or wear particular attire. It’s far better to check beforehand than cause ripples and embarrassment on the day.
Tweaking The Invitation
You may want to bring your child(ren), but if there is no mention of them on the invitation, then accept it. (It’s not meant as a snub, but there simply have to be limits on the numbers invited.) Obviously, the same goes for other people you may feel should be invited.
Punctuality
Arrive well (30 minutes?) in advance – and don’t upstage the bride by a tardy, flustered entry. If you have been delayed, then you should simply wait until the end of the ceremony – just don’t interrupt it.
Dress
You will normally be given guidelines in the invitation. Go with what you are asked to wear, even if you might prefer a different style of attire.
At the Ceremony
Ushers should show you to your seat. If that’s not the case, leave the front two rows free for the family and VIPs.
Photography/Filming
There will probably be an official photographer in attendance and his/her photos will matter a lot to the couple. It would be far better if they could show your smiling face rather than an iPhone held in the air. Take photos after the ceremony, by all means, and always respect any requests in this regard in the invitation.
Behaviour
It should go without saying that you ought to drink responsibly afterwards (and especially beforehand!). Likewise, don’t trash the venue or embarrass yourself or the couple by loud or aggressive behaviour.
This is the biggest day in your friends’/relatives’ lives, so be grateful that they have chosen to include you. Enjoy the day – and enhance it for the happy couple. Make them glad they invited you!
by Michael | Feb 18, 2014 | Blog
With just over a month until same-sex weddings can be legally conducted in England & Wales, people are increasingly likely to encounter opposition from their family. It’s therefore important to take a serious look at this issue.
The guest list
All weddings face the inevitable question: whom do you invite? It’s a tough one to answer at the best of times. You will probably start with close family and friends, but what if your closest relatives oppose your union?
Rejecting the rejectors
Do you decide to leave them out and just opt for your friends and (supportive) relations? After all, you’re likely to be spending a huge amount of money on the reception. Why should you have to accommodate people who won’t accept what you’re doing and, at worst, might even turn out to be trouble-makers?
Certainly, you’ll think twice before inviting people openly hostile to your union. On the bright side, they might decline and at least you’ll have gained kudos by having extended the olive branch!
An olive branch
Another advantage that might be gained from inviting disapproving relatives is that they might, despite their own prejudices, attend and actually enjoy a tasteful and personalized ceremony. Wouldn’t that be something if you were able to ‘convert’ them and retain – even develop – a relationship with them?!
For many of us, there is the bond of love that unites us with our families. We may not always like our relations, but to upset and potentially do without them for the rest of our lives is not always at all desirable, in truth. Giving them a chance to stay connected with you (even loosely) is worth the effort.
If the worst comes to the worst, at least you’ll know you tried. And if it brings you together, couldn’t that be precious?
Come what may, your wedding will be a commemoration of love, with promises for the future. It’s not the day to heal rifts, but it may be the pathway to do so, and that is something which should be embraced.
Michael Gordon can help prepare and conduct a tailor-made life-cycle civil ceremony in or around London or, indeed, in Europe.
