Happy holidays!

It’s my last blog post before Christmas (yipee!). I therefore want to take the opportunity to wish all my readers happy holidays. (I apologise for the American terminology, but it covers a lot of ground, as Chanukah is still going (just), whilst Christmas is a week away.)

So I hope you have a restful time, and that you enjoy  family time (if that’s on the agenda). At the very least, I hope you find some television that you’ll love and consume a festive feast without too much of a hangover to follow!

On a personal level, this looks set to be the quietest Christmas we have ever known, as family politics means that we will be celebrating on our own this year. We’ll eat and drink well, and I’m sure we’ll find some entertainment (Scrabble or Yahtzee, perhaps?). I’m not too worried, although I usually get thrashed at Scrabble!

As I have no celebrations booked before January and I don’t expect many funerals to happen in Christmas week, I am forced to take some time off, and that’s not entirely unwelcome.

I can do a little planning for my business, of course, and I have some (paid) writing to finish, which will probably take me till the end of December, so I don’t risk getting bored. I even think I may get dragged out for some shopping in the next few days, although I can’t say I relish that…

I wonder if you’ve got rather more ambitious plans than me? It wouldn’t be very hard! But whatever you end up doing, I hope it’s a joyous time for you.

I certainly hope and pray that we all enjoy a happier year. There have been some horrible atrocities in 2017 in the UK and elsewhere. Let’s hope that a little tolerance and understanding spreads across our globe next year. Maybe we can all play a part in achieving that.

Anyway, whatever your religion (if you have one at all), may I simply wish you “happy holidays”.

 

Funny Funerals!

At this time of year, it seems right not to be entirely serious, so I thought a few moments of levity, even about funerals, might be permitted. Unless otherwise stated, they all relate to services I have conducted (with names changed, to protect the not-necessarily innocent!).

Limousine lunacy

Although neither of these was ‘my’ funeral, I was tickled by the idea of the limo that turned up at the wrong address (Shades of “Monty Python & The Holy Grail”, and “I’m not dead yet!”)! Then the limo that arrived at the right address, only to find that the whole family were still in bed!

Football Fanatics

At a family visit, I learned that the deceased had been absolutely committed to Chelsea. Supporting them had virtually been his whole life. So, as we put the service together, I suggested “Blue is the Colour”, which is the Chelsea anthem. The family enthusiastically agreed.

On the day, having explained the reason, I asked the guests to open their Order of Service booklets to the page where the words could be found. “Please feel free to join in,” I said, “I certainly won’t, being a Tottenham supporter!”

I’m glad (for reasons that should now be obvious) that I didn’t have to conduct the service of an Arsenal supporter, not least because everyone seemed to be expected to don Arsenal shirts! There’s only so far I’m prepared to go!

Daft Dress

I’ve only actually been asked to wear something special at a funeral once. This was for somebody known by everybody as “Greenie”, so the whole family were going to wear green, and would I do something too, please? Of course, I would.

On the day, I came suitably attired, and looked to see what the others were wearing.

Anything but green! Not one of them had any green!

What was that all about, then?!

Worrying Words

Finally, Steve had decided – and I totally sympathise – that he wanted to save money. There would be no Order of Service, but he’d print up and distribute the words of “Amazing Grace”, which was to be our only hymn. He’d also record it and bring the CD (or whatever) with him.

That should have been fine.

So, at the appointed time, I asked people to rise and join in the singing. Unfortunately, without informing anybody, Steve had changed the recording to Elvis’. Not a problem in itself, but he had failed to check it. It turned out that the version was different and the words mostly did not correspond to those on his songsheet!

Greetings

Not all my funerals are as much fun, of course! And, indeed, they can be poignant and moving too. Things DON’T normally go wrong. But they can have their lighter side, and that’s what I have been sharing with you.

I hope you’ve had a smile, and, however you may mark this season, I wish you all the best for the festivities.

Mixed-faith ceremonies

Mixed-faith ceremonies

Hurrah for the rise of mixed-faith ceremonies!

People are beginning to realise that weddings, naming ceremonies, and even funerals, do not have to be confined to either the full religious or the totally secular. There really is a middle ground.

More and more people are marrying outside the church (or synagogue, temple etc.). In 2011, 59.3% of the population considered themselves Christian, which leaves a lot of people who don’t. Moreover, 25.1% professed no religion at all.

 

Did you know…?

Interestingly, only 30% of weddings in 2015 were celebrated in a place of worship. Of the remaining 70% who opted for a civil ceremony, some chose the register office, but most preferred approved premises. The latter mostly meant hotels (42.8%) followed (11.6%) by corporate and event spaces.

So people are voting with their feet, as it were.

Why the rise of part-religious ceremonies?

Of course, a number of churches will not marry a couple if they don’t comply with certain conditions. A divorcee may not marry in a Catholic church. So the only way these people can have a religious (or part- religious) service is to use a civil celebrant.

The same applies for people who may prefer a secular service, but who want to respect the wishes of parents, say. They’d therefore like a few (possibly, minimal!) religious elements.

In a similar way, some couples will choose to include a religious element or two as a gesture to guests who are religiously active.

More commonly, however, people of mixed faith may want to embrace and celebrate both their religions and cultures. A civil ceremony will allow just that.

Mixed-faith

I have been privileged to offer a number of couples the opportunity to pick the elements from two religions that they want to include and share. For example, we have had the bride circle the groom (multiple religions), the groom has stamped on a glass (Jewish) and both have “jumped the broom” or undergone handfasting ceremonies (pagan), and we have drunk from the Loving Cup (a variation of a Christian ritual).

So there are a goodly number of reasons why the trend for civil weddings (and celebrations) is rising.

To find out how I, as a civil celebrant, can help you, please get in touch with me for a non-obligation chat. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

Featured image courtesy of Philippa Gedge photography.

Ghoulish Weddings

Not everybody wants a conventional wedding!

I’ve put together, and officiated at, a few unusual ceremonies – atop  an Iron Age fort, a handfasting at Stonehenge, a house blessing , a (colour) green-themed funeral… However, I have not had the pleasure of conducting a ghoulish ceremony!

Of course, with Halloween approaching, my thoughts have turned to things that go bump in the night, the Undead and nasties in general. How about incorporating these into a wedding, say?

Would anyone actually want to adopt a Halloween theme for the biggest day of their life, though?

 

Not everyone, no, but  evidently the answer is “yes”. It happens. Goth weddings are not uncommon. But why on earth (or under the earth?!) would you want to have a ghoulish theme?

A growing number of people nowadays don’t see a wedding as a solemn affair. They want to include humour (to reflect their own personality), their choice of music can be eclectic, to say the least. They want to choose their venue, and that might be quite way-out – under water, in a hot-air balloon, on a mountain top, wherever your imagination might take you.

A lot of people choose themes for their wedding. Often it’s Star Wars or Elvis. It can bring smiles to faces and is a peephole into the couple’s personalities. Why not extend it to the Dark Side, if that’s what turns the couple on?

The important thing to realise is that, when planning a wedding, you are not restricted to a religious church ceremony, say, if you don’t want it. You have a choice. If that choice is a little bit wacky, why shouldn’t it be? (I’ve also seen a bit of wackiness in funerals, so surely that is justified in happier occasions?)

So go with the flow, let your imagination be your guide (but check with your partner first!) and have a simply unforgettable ceremony!

Crucial Decisions

Crucial Decisions

When you’re preparing for a major life-cycle event, there are crucial decisions to be made. It doesn’t matter whether it’s a wedding, vow renewal, naming ceremony or even a funeral; you’re going to want to get it right.

Getting it right will depend on your choices as well as your budget. This is a mighty subject, so I propose to limit myself to weddings today.

Crucial decisions will, of course, vary from couple to couple. For some, flowers will be absolutely essential as a component of the wedding; others may see them as a desirable extra. People will normally want photographers/videographers, and these need to be chosen carefully (see my blog on this).

The most important decisions will surely revolve around the ceremony and the reception.

Ceremony

Will you have a full religious wedding in a religious building? The ceremony may well include the legal bits, which can be handy. But logistically, you’ll have to consider how you – and the guests – get from the church (or whatever) to the reception.

What if you don’t want a full religious service? Or even a part-religious one?

There are options, such as using a civil celebrant like myself. I can conduct a unique, tailor-made ceremony for a couple, with as much or as little religion or ritual etc. as they want. They will still need to have been legally married by the registrars beforehand (either at the Register Office or immediately before, at the same premises as the bespoke ceremony).

You may need to consider also how formal you want the ceremony to be, how many participants to involve (ushers, bridesmaids, Best Man/Woman etc.), the music, the decorations and so on. Do you plan to write your own vows?

Guildhall, Windsor

Venue

Go and visit a number of possible venues, once you’ve had a look at their websites. There’s no substitute for getting a feel for the place (your gut feeling is so important here). You will also want to come equipped with a list of questions. If the event planner isn’t very helpful, does it make much sense to choose that venue?

Reception

Depending on what you want and can afford, you will have to look at who you invite and what sort of seating plan you go with. Are you having a sit-down meal or a buffet? Will there be canapés etc? When choosing a caterer, do ask to sample some of what they can offer.

Will there be gaps in the proceedings that might need an entertainer? Or a toastmaster? Will you want a disco? Might you provide a quiet area? What about children?

Have you thought about speeches?

Useful help

As you will have seen from this overview, there are many, many issues to address. A professional wedding planner will ease you through this (at a cost, of course). If you start early enough, the issues should not overwhelm you, but maybe I can offer you some welcome help?

I have written a book on this very subject: “Your Wedding Guide”. For less than £5, you can buy it on Amazon at: http://amzn.to/2e9RcqS

Alternatively, if you contact me with your e-mail address, I shall be delighted to e-mail you my free Wedding Countdown Checklist, which will suggest important tasks you need to do and time-frames for completing them.

I look forward to being of service to you!